CHAPTER 52: NOW
After waiting for an hour, it was now around four past midday (I was waiting for Aaliyah to bring the car). Thus, I decided to start preparing myself for the night shift as the apartment was boring. I hated watching movies alone. I hated staying in here, as I was already used to having Aaliyah around. Even when she had classes, she would head to her school and then come back here.
So, I started running the shower, took my second bath of the day, and after a few minutes, I was done. My idea for the night was to wear just a pair of khaki beige trousers and a white short-sleeved shirt. The rest of the clothes had piled up dirty; I needed to place them in the washing machine. I was very lazy when it came to cleaning, especially simple things like the house, clothes, and utensils. Thank God, sometimes I was not lazy when it came to cooking; otherwise, I would always eat drive-thru food and delivery.
I knew it was early to prepare, so instead of wearing the expected outfit, I decided to just wear sweatpants and a black T-shirt. At six, I would then wear the right clothes and call Aaliyah if she had not brought the car; to hasten her delivery.
But it was really boring alone in this apartment. It really was.
As I finished putting on my T-shirt, there was a little knock at my door, and then it was opened. I rushed to see who it was. You never know, it might be a thief or something of the sort. Aaliyah came in, and behind her was her stupid partner. Was he even her partner?
I did not even look much at Aaliyah; I looked at the guy with bloodshot eyes. 'Why would Aaliyah bring him here for goodness' sake?' I thought.
"He is leaving," Aaliyah stated, as if addressing him more than me. However, the tone of her voice did not seem like she was speaking to someone she loved. It sounded as if he had come up here without Aaliyah's consent.
"Okay… Goodbye, love," he said, trying to reach out for a hug, but Aaliyah slightly stepped forward from wherever they stood at the door. I was standing on the lawn, resting my head on one of the walls, watching them. There seemed to be no spark between them, which might be an opportunity for me.
After the boy left, I did not care to know his name. Aaliyah locked the door, and passing by where I stood, she made herself comfortable on one of the large sofas and let her hair down into a wavy length. She seemed very tired.
Seeing her this way, I forced myself to walk towards her, sat on the farthest corner opposite where she was, and gently helped her rest on the couch, acting as a pillow for her legs. She had very beautiful legs; slender and very soft. Her toenails were well-manicured. I started massaging her legs a little bit. Being a doctor, I knew the spots of pain and those of relaxation.
After a few minutes of gently massaging her legs, I decided to ask her about the boy.
"Do you love him?" I asked, looking up at her. She had closed her eyes, but I was sure she was not sleeping.
"Can we not talk about this?"
"What do you mean? Elvis told me you have been together for like two years. Were you using me?" I asked, and she now opened her eyes and looked at me. There was something about her eyes whenever she was waking; they were squinted small, and one could tell that she had just opened them.
"I just met him," she stated.
"When?" I asked.
"That day at the party."
"Aaliyah, you slept with him after, I think, two days? Are you even serious?" I was now raging, and my head nerves were tensing. I have no idea why I was getting furious. She was not my girlfriend, after all. But seeing her, knowing that she would somehow leave, I don't know if I was ready to deal with it. I hate to say this, but I was already used to having her around. That's why I always left a lot of money in my drawer, so that she could use it and forget meeting any other man.
"Don't speak to me like Elvis," she stated, and I looked down at her feet. My thumb was nervously tapping on the central part of her left foot.
After breathing in and out, I found the words to say, "Aaliyah, I know I have been a bad person throughout your stay here. I have not been around, and that day's raise of voice... Aaliyah, I promise I am not like that. I am a good person, I am. I do not raise my voice to people. Maybe that is what made you feel like I am impeccable, dishonest, and utterly disrespectful. Aaliyah, please… I…" I wanted to tell her that I liked having her here. I wanted to tell her to leave her boyfriend. I wanted to tell her such things, but I stopped myself.
"You what?" she asked. I had nothing to say other than,
"Can I take you out sometime?" I asked.
"Hayzen, I don't think I can see you again," she started, and I looked at her, I believe, with the softest of my eyes. "You do not give me any attention. You are always working, and if it's not working, every time we are here, it ends up, if not in a fight, with us having some intimate encounter, which actually never happens. For instance, look at us now; we are fighting. What for?"
"We won't fight, I promise," I said.
"Do you think it's that easy? Every evening I come here, leaving my friends out with their boyfriends. Just because I want to see you, maybe believing that you will at least for once, pick another shift for me. However, all I am met with is your thousand dollars on the table, and a quiet room, with a little delivery food, and nothing else. How would you feel if someone did that to you? I text you in the morning, and when is your next reply? Maybe the next day, or even no reply whatsoever. Whatever this is, it's never up to me, it is always up to you. If I want to seek your attention, I can't because you do not feel like it at the moment. Thus, I have to wait, wait when I have classmates who can give me that full day and night…" She finished her talk and rested her head on one of the sofa pillows, still looking at me. It was as if she was fighting the urge to cry. I did not know I was causing her all this pain until now.
"I'm sorry…" was all I could state. I was a douchebag, a man who was never man enough. I have been single for so long that I forgot my duties as a man. However, sometimes when Aaliyah called, I ignored her directly because I feared her being attached to me, but I know the truth was always in me. I feared getting attached to her, and I know, whatever I am feeling right now, is the road to attachment. I was feeling bad, really bad, like I had failed someone with the most and best of intentions for me.
"I will change…" I added. "There have just been a lot of things happening. It has all been super tense. All of that."
"Your ex-girlfriend?" she asked.
"The child we had just passed. I was conducting the surgery…" and right when I said that, a tear escaped my eye, and I brushed it off before Aaliyah could even notice. I couldn't believe I was being vulnerable in front of her. I have never accepted being like this in front of a significant other. It was best to be in front of a man, but with a lady, it felt like she would view me as weak. So, I clenched my jaw, which was now a little hurting, and forced my tears back.
"I'm sorry about that," she stated, "but I wish you had just told me instead of leaving me with all these thoughts."
"Aaliyah, I... I... I am just so alone… so alone. It just seems too hard for me, and if you leave, I don't know… but if you do love him, it is okay. You can still stay in this apartment. You are Elvis's sister after all. It would be bad dating my buddy's sister." I was speaking like a professor pouring knowledge onto his students. I don't know why I was letting her go, but I knew I had to do it, at least. However, the thought of having her with another man was too much for me to handle, but I will force myself onto my own behavior. I will indeed force myself. But the loneliness in this apartment might lead me to doing unthinkable things, like tracking her and looking for her and pretending she is my sister.
"…but that man is not a fit for you…" I added out of the blue, "you need someone who can provide, take you out, embrace you, and apologize when wrong… but when he doesn't give you attention, oh God… I know he will…" I was stumbling over my words. I think I was earning myself points because honestly, everything I was saying was something I was doing. For attention, I had decided on taking morning shifts. I think I will talk with one of the surgeons who always complains about daytime having too much work compared to the night.
"…God! Hayzen…" she stated as she shifted her body position to take a nap.