CHAPTER 19; ARE YOU ALONE?
I emerged from the
restroom few minutes later to see a guy
standing beside Sylvia. I
quickly hid in a place where I
could easily eavesdrop on their
conversation.
"hi" the guy said to Sylvia
"hi" Sylvia responded.
"are you alone?" the guy asked
"no, I'm with someone" Sylvia
responded
"who" he asked
"my boyfriend" she responded
my face curved in a smile
immediately she said that.
I turned and rushed back to
the restroom for her not to
realize I heard what she said.
I came out moment later to see
Sylvia sitting alone. the guy
was no longer standing beside
her. I walked to her and sat on
the seat I was previously
occupying. I kept a calm face
as if nothing happened.
"Christian, what took you so
long? you almost spend the
whole day in there" she said
immediately I sat down.
"I was ..." I paused. I couldn't
find the right word to say.
"let's start leaving. it's late
already." she said
I looked at my phone screen
and realized it was 11:45pm.
"okay, let's start leaving" I said
and stood up immediately.
She stood up also, carried her
bag and we left the place.
we got to a particular spot and
parted to our different home.
I got home exactly 12:35am. I
quickly lay on my bed and
took a deep breath. I have
never stayed out this late
before. the event that
happened at the club flashed
through my mind.
All what Sylvia said about me
was absolutely right. but how
could she have known so
much about me. I need to help
myself to overcome this. I
can't keep behaving this way.
it's very boring. I need to
associate more with people.
Sylvia said I can overcome this
if I start learning now. she
said I shouldn't listen to what I
have in mind. she said I
should do opposite of what
my mind is telling me. maybe
I should start by answering
questions in class without
bothering about the stares I
might be getting. yes I will
start with that.
I could feel my heart pounding
in my chest the moment I
made up my mind to answer
questions in class. I tried to
get some sleep but couldn't.
those discouraging voices kept
sounding in my ears.
'You better don't stand up in
class or you would just
embarrass yourself. do you
know how many eyes would
be staring at you when you
stand up. do you know how
embarrassing it will be if you
fail to answer the question
correctly. what if the lecturer
insults you because you didn't
get the answer right. you
better just sit quietly in class
and listen to the lecture.' that
was the voice speaking to me.
Sylvia had already said that
the voice is not real. it's just
my mind playing tricks on me.
I have to listen to Sylvia and
disregard the voice. I will
answer any question asked in
class and see what happens
next.
my heart was seriously
pounding fast. it's was 2:am
and I still haven't slept. just
because I have decided to
answer questions in class, I
couldn't fall asleep. I was
really nervous.
I kept turning from one side to
the other on my bed. I stayed
awake till 3:am before I slept
off.
I woke up exactly 4:15am. I
didn't get enough sleep. I
stayed awake all through, and
when it was 6:45am, I got
ready for school. I left home
exactly 7:30am.
I got to the class we were
having our first lecture exactly
8:15am. I located an empty seat
at the back and sat down. the
lecturer walked in 5 minutes
later and went straight to the
business of the day. I listened
with keen interest as he
impact knowledge on us. He
asked a question 20 minutes
later. my heart missed a beat
immediately I heard the
question. can I do this? maybe
I should just sit quietly while
others answer the question.
but how can I overcome this if
I can't answer questions in
class. I need to do this.
while I was still contemplating
on whether to answer the
question, someone stood up
from the front seat and
answered the question.
The lecturer walked to the guy
that answered the question
and placed his right hand on
his shoulder.
"you almost got it right, but
you missed the most important
part of the answer" he said to
the guy
The lecturer turned back to
face the class.
"who else can give us a better
explanation?" he asked
I stood up immediately. all
eyes in class turned to my
direction. I tried not to think
of anything else. I only focused
my attention on the lecturer
standing in my front.
"Christian you want to help us
out?" the lecturer asked.
I nodded
"okay then" he said.
I took a deep breath. I started
by speaking slowly and later, I
was speaking courageously.
when I was done, I focused my
attention on the lecturer to see
if he would commend me or
condemn me.
He walked to me and placed a
hand on my shoulder.
"good, good, good. you
answered it just the way I
want it" he said
He turned to the class.
"please give Christian a round
of applause" he said to the
class.
I felt on top of the world as my
course mate gave me a
standing ovation for answering
the lecturer's question.
I slowly sat down and heaved a
sigh of relief.
so what Sylvia said is true.
those thought I always have in
mind, discouraging me from
doing things are not real. I just
have to keep doing things I
wish to do without listening to
any voice.
I was so happy that I could
answer question in class
without being called to answer
it.
when the lecture ended, I
didn't leave the class
immediately as I always do. I
won't listen to that voice
telling me to leave the class
immediately lecture ends . I
have to do the opposite of
what the voice is telling me,
just like Sylvia said. I
remained seated and awaited
what would happen next.
Sylvia walked up to me few
minutes later and sat beside
me.
"wow Christian! you made me
so proud today. thanks for
listening to my advice." she
said with smiles on her face.
The fact that Sylvia was proud
of me made me happier. I will
surely do my best to overcome
this.
"thanks Sylvia. thanks for the
encouragement. you are one in
a million." I said
"you just have to continue this
way. you won't know when
you will be so confident to
speak in public." she said
"thank you very much Sylvia."
I said again.
"it's okay. you have said that
more than ten times already."
I saw Sharon walking towards
us few minutes later. maybe
she was coming to remind me
of the tutorial. she got to us
and stood beside Sylvia.
"hi Sylvia" she greeted
"hi Sharon" Sylvia responded.
she turned to face me
"Christian I hope you are
good?"
"yes I'm good" I responded
"okay, Dr. Mike said you
should see him in his office"
Sharon said
"why, what for?" I asked
confused.
"I don't know" she responded.
"okay, let me go and see him
then" I said
I stood up and walked to Dr.
Mike's office. I kept wondering
what might be the reason why
he wants to see me. I got to
his door and knock.
"yes come in" his voice
sounded from within.
I took a deep breath and
walked into his office. he was
seen sitting behind a table.
neatly arranged files could be
seen on the table. his gaze was
fixed on a file he was holding.
"good morning sir" I greeted
"good morning. please have a
sit" he said without taking his
gaze off the file he was
holding.
I slowly sat down on the seat
opposite him and waited
patiently for what he wants to
say. he dropped the file after
some minutes and turned to
face me.
"Christian" he called
"yes sir" I answered sharply.
"you have been selected to be
among the three students that
would deliver speeches in the
event our department will be
organizing next week. And
your topic of concern will be
on indecent dressing."
my heart paused for 2 seconds
immediately I heard that
statement.
'what!!!! me!!!!!! speech!!!!!' I
nearly screamed.
if this lecturer is saying the
truth, then I'm finished. An
event that would have about 10
thousand attendees!! An event
that would be attended by
important figures. important
figures like the minister of
finance, minister of education
and a host of others would be
present in the event. maybe I
should just collapse for this
lecturer to believe that I'm not
as capable as he thinks.
Is this the way for me to
overcome shyness? definitely
not, because this is way too
much.