Chapter Four
After taking his supper he retired to his bed.His lovely phone on his hands.He was in no moods to chit chat with girls over the social media.He was feeling 'kinder low' as he always said when he couldn't tell what he actually felt.He was still ruminating on the invitation to the party.Was he already anxious?
He first decided to watch some videos on YouTube. He searched about social anxiety. His searches were always surrounded the topic of introversion, shyness, love and anxiety.He played the first video.It was about overcoming social anxiety.But he was not paying much attention.He already knew what the you tuber was gonna say.He had watched hundreds of such videos.They all had different approaches,but they seemed to agree on one basic fact,to avoid social anxiety and shyness,one had to practice interacting with people.It sounded easy while listening to them.But things were really hard on the ground.But to overcome a challenge one must be willing to sacrifice and face the challenge head on.
But how would he explain to the You Tubers that interacting with strangers was the last thing he wanted to hear.Did they know that in the company of strangers his mind always ran at a million miles per hour non stop with no off switch which he could flip to shut down.He would wish to run and disappear but his legs would be frozen with fear.Going out to the world and interact felt more like a battle to him.He was 'scared' of people.Everyone was a threat.He was afraid of people judging his every step. They would think of him as awkward.They would belittle him.They would call him a loser.A weirdo.They would never want to be associated with him.Worst of all,his experience with girls was wanting.This last thought of girls disliking him almost made him hate himself.He once heard that there were some girls who liked shy boys.Well, it made some sense since shy boys are kinder cool and some girls would be okay with it.This was good music to his ears.He was quick to confirm this good news from his consultant,the internet.But as always,he was left doomed.Yeah!It was very true that some girls would fall for some shy guy.But this did not mean a guy who was anxious in social events.A guy whose head was always glued to the ground.A guy who had no self esteem. No self confidence.An indecisive guy.No!Not such kind of a loser.This infor left his broken heart weeping.He kept longing for the day he would be a confident man.A decisive and bold one.Not the indecisive coward he was.
Beneath his blanket he was struggling to sleep.He was struggling with his ever wandering mind.Must it always wander in some unreal universe?Cant it take a break and allow him to sleep?At least for God's sake.It was late in the night and all he wanted was to sleep.
His phone chimed.He was wondering what kind of notification was popping up this late at night.It was a text from Ashley.She had texted him via Whatsapp."Hi Luca💖☺️...purpose to attend for the party sweetie,good night... soft pillows😉,"the text read. His heart almost skipped a beat. Was his mind playing it's usual tricks on him!Was this one of his sweet unrealistic daydreams?He rubbed his eyes.And yeah,he had seen the text right.His face was lively with a smile.He promised her he would attend.His thoughts shifted to her.
He looked at the Display picture she had updated in her profile.She was such a cutie.Flawless skin.The smile was charming and the beauty in her eyes was beyond words.Her lips always glistering from some shiny lip gloss.He loved kissing them.They were sweet like a pineapple.He could never have enough of them.He was yearning to smooching them.
He closed his eyes to sleep,but he could still see the image of an angelic Ashley infront of him.He could not get her out of his mind.He wished he could fall into a deep sleep,and dream about her for eternity.The only possible way to spent a life time with her would only be in a dream.Perhaps!