Abridged Kirito and abridged Asuna are summoned to melromark to be the sword hero and 'spear' hero. They are not amused. Shenanigans ensue. Our favorite sass-lass and our insecurity-hiding badass-by-accident to mess up shield hero's world at first by accident, and then on purpose with sheer spite and absolute insanity as things go way too far, way too fast. You cool with that? Well, they don't care, so be cool with that or Asuna will do violent things to your intestines using her rapier... Which in fact, despite the world's assertions, we all agree is NOT A SPEAR!
Ainz paced his study, the polished obsidian floor reflecting his newly human form. He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous tic he'd developed since his encounter with Kirito and Asuna. The Mockery of Life Homunculus racial class was proving to be more than just a physical transformation.
But his karmic value... It was changing him. Even with the undead curse's emotional suppression dulled, a chilling truth had settled upon him. The world itself recognized him, his guild, and all his NPC companions as fundamentally evil. It was a stain, a mark upon their very souls, a consequence of their actions in Yggdrasil. He couldn't feel the disgust he knew he should feel when he thought about Shalltear's gleeful descriptions of torture. He couldn't even muster pity for the victims of Demiurge's twisted schemes. And the worst part? He knew, with a chilling certainty, that he wouldn't hesitate to kill, even an innocent, if they stood in his way. He stopped pacing, his gaze falling upon two items clutched in his hand. The Mass-Karma Reversal Token (Guildwide) and the Guild Relocation Map Token. Two Choices. Two Difficult choices that he already knew deep down had already been chosen by him in his own subconscious. The Karma Reversal Token was something he couldn't bring himself to use. It would fundamentally alter the NPCs, rewrite their personalities, erase the essence of his friends' creations. The thought filled him with a deep, unsettling unease. It would be a betrayal, a violation of the trust they had placed in him. But remaining in this portion of the world, near those terrifying gods, was not an option. He had to protect Nazarick and his guild's legacy, even if it meant running away and pushing any confrontation with them towards the future. He made his decision. He activated the Guild Relocation Map Token, a relic from a fortune spent in a long-forgotten gacha event in Yggdrasil. A holographic map of the New World shimmered into existence, its surface etched with lines of power, ley lines, and magical nodes. He scanned the map, his gaze settling on a remote mountain range near the Slane Theocracy. With a deep breath, he focused his will, channeling his magic into the token. The air crackled with energy, the room around him blurring as the spell took hold. And then, with a jolt that shook the very foundations of Nazarick, they were gone. The Great Tomb of Nazarick, a monument to his guild's past, vanished from its original location, reappearing in a location in the slane theocracy that was far enough from the Kingdom of Re-estize, and therefore far enough to avoid those two monstrous beings. It was a desperate attempt to escape the consequences of his own existence, but what else could he do? ----- "Hey, Asuna," I called out, my voice echoing across the bustling village square. "You think that asshat whose fief the king reassigned to us will actually try anything? I mean, his family, of course. That guy is probably screaming for his mommy in the king's dungeons by now." I idly watched a group of children chasing a stray dog through the newly paved streets. Carne Village, once a dusty, rundown collection of ramshackle huts, was now a model of efficiency and order. Cobblestone streets, neat rows of well-maintained houses, a centralized water system, and even a rudimentary sewage system – all thanks to a few days of work from my robot army and Asuna's meticulous planning. It was almost too easy. This world, with its primitive technology and its easily manipulated populace, was like a blank canvas, just waiting for us to paint our masterpiece of world domination upon it. But a nagging thought kept intruding on my self-satisfied musings. If all our minds were linked, did being a clone even matter? Sure, we effectively had an extra life for each clone, but beyond that… I shook my head, dismissing the philosophical quandary. Overthinking things was a surefire way to ruin a perfectly good vacation. Asuna, who was overseeing the unloading of a wagon filled with supplies – mostly luxury items we'd requisitioned from the royal palace – shrugged nonchalantly. "I mean, it would be really stupid if they did," she replied, her voice laced with a bored amusement. "The likelihood they have any resources after the king seized them all is pretty unlikely. As– OI! Don't drop the barrel of celes– good wine. The VERY good wine! Get your back into it!" I watched as Asuna, her usual playful demeanor replaced by a flash of genuine anger, berated a hapless worker who had nearly dropped a barrel of wine. Not just any wine, mind you. This was apparently Celestial Wine, it has capitalization apparently. A vintage so rare and valuable that it was said to have been aged for centuries in the cellars of the best winemaking gods. Yui had sent it over from the actual empire, as a little "care package" for her favorite parents. I couldn't help but chuckle. That worker was lucky Asuna hadn't turned him into a fine red mist. Dropping that barrel would have been a capital offense, punishable by- well, let's just say it wouldn't have been pretty. "Easy there, honey," I said, my voice laced with amusement. "It's just wine. Well, really good wine, but still." Asuna turned towards me, her expression softening slightly, even if it still looked like she wanted to tear someone's face off. "You know how much I love good wine, Kirito," she said, her voice a low, terrifying, murmur. "And this stuff… it's practically a national treasure. Dropping it would be a crime against humanity." I laughed, shaking my head. Asuna would definitely turn the idea of a dropped barrel of this kind of wine into a disaster-massacre. ----- Sunlight streamed through the gauzy curtains, painting the room in a warm, golden glow. I stretched, my muscles protesting the unaccustomed softness of the bed. Beside me, Asuna yawned, her hair a tangled mess of auburn silk. We both sat up, our gazes drawn to the charred patch on the floor where the original, medieval-era excuse for a bed had once stood. "Well," I said, a wry grin spreading across my face, "that's one way to get rid of a fire hazard." Asuna snorted, running a hand through her hair. "I still can't believe how uncomfortable and disgusting that thing was. It's like that bed was designed to inflict pain. But yeah, I kind of forgot we did that." We decided to leave the king-sized bed in the room. After all, we could conjure up a new one anytime, anywhere. With a flick of my wrist, I erased the burn mark, restoring the floor to its pristine condition. No need to leave a trace of our divine intervention. We checked out of the inn, leaving a generous tip – a small fortune in this world's currency – for the bewildered staff. As we strolled through the bustling streets of E-Rantel, the aroma of freshly baked bread and roasted meats filled the air. It was a pleasant change from the usual stench of sweat and grime that permeated most medieval cities. We were heading towards the Adventurers Guild, ready to peruse the quest board and see what kind of "challenges" this world had to offer, when a burst of laughter caught our attention. A group of men, their attire suggesting a less-than-savory profession, were huddled in a nearby alleyway, their voices laced with a crude amusement. "—Heard they got a whole shipment of beauties this time," one of them chuckled, his voice a gravelly rasp. "Fresh from the Empire, they say. Those Eight Fingers bastards know how to pick 'em." "Yeah," another man chimed in, his voice a greasy snicker. "Heard they got a real looker this time. A noblewoman, they say. Gonna fetch a pretty penny on the market." Asuna froze, her body stiffening, her eyes narrowing into slits. A wave of cold fury, so intense it made the air crackle around her, emanated from her. I knew that look. It was the look of a predator about to unleash its wrath. Before I could even react, Asuna was gone. A blur of motion, a flicker of silver, and she was standing in the middle of the group, her rapier pointed at the throat of the first man. The men, their laughter dying in their throats, stared at her with wide, terrified eyes. "Tell me everything you know about this 'shipment,'" Asuna demanded, her voice a low, menacing growl. "And I mean everything." She didn't wait for an answer. She plunged her hand into the man's skull, her fingers glowing with an ethereal light. I watched, a mixture of fascination and horror, as she ripped the information from his mind, his screams echoing through the alleyway. She repeated the process with the other men, their minds violated, their memories laid bare. "I'm gonna kill the Cocco Doll motherfucker," Asuna growled, her voice shaking with rage. "Then this world will learn why they call me Slaver-Killer McSexypants." I sighed, shaking my head. "Yes, the nickname I gave you when we killed that Beloukas fellow," I said, my voice laced with a dry amusement. "People totally call you that, and not just me." "Not now, Kirito," Asuna snapped, her attention already focused on a nearby building. She'd identified the location of the slave hideout, a hidden chamber beneath a seemingly innocuous warehouse. "So, you know you could have just yanked the information out psychically," I said, my voice laced with a hint of amusement as I effortlessly kept pace with Asuna. She was practically flying now, leaping from rooftop to rooftop, her movements a blur of motion. "Shoving your hand into their actual brain matter wasn't strictly necessary." "Don't care," Asuna shot back, her voice a cold, hard edge. "Slaver murdering time." She launched herself into the air, soaring towards a dilapidated warehouse at the edge of the city. The building, its windows boarded up, its walls crumbling, looked like it hadn't seen a lick of paint in decades. It was the perfect place for a clandestine operation, a hidden den of iniquity. "Right. Totally," I agreed, my grin widening. "I know these murder-rampages are important to you." Asuna paused mid-air, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "Kirito, stop messing around," she growled, her voice laced with a warning. "We have injustices to un-justify. With death." And with that, she manipulated gravity, her divine power warping the very fabric of reality. She rocketed downwards, a crimson blur aimed directly at the trapdoor that led to the slave brothel. The impact was devastating. The trapdoor shattered, the stone beneath it crumbling into dust. The street itself buckled and caved in, a gaping chasm marking the spot where Asuna had descended. I watched the scene unfold, a mix of admiration and apprehension swirling within me. Asuna's fury was a force of nature, a righteous storm that would consume everything in its path. And those slavers… well, they were about to learn a very harsh lesson. This was going to be messy. Actually, "MY LEG!!!""OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED GHGHGGHGHH—""WE HAVE ALL ERRORED GREATLY!" It already was.