Flashback XIV

Western Afghanistan, November 2010

Sheldon's company are on a routine security sweep in the Farah province in aid of friendly forces when a call comes over the radio about a Taliban ambush of civilians a mile away. Sheldon doesn't want to abandon their current mission and he's under no obligation—as heartless as that sounds— he'd rather not risk Marine lives diving headfirst into an ambush.

"Do we go?" Bryant Wiggins asks.

"No, not unless we are called upon. We need to finish this first." Sheldon tells his men. They nod.

It is the company's first official day in Afghanistan, the first of an expected 120 days. Sheldon doesn't know what's going to happen over the next four months but an ambush on their first to him seems like a bad premonition. However, he's learned in war all you can really do is take it one day at a time and try and control what you can. He misses Penny and Charlotte already. He'll not soon forget the going away party he and Penny had just before he shipped out; likewise he won't soon forget the Thanksgiving dinner he, Penny and the group, which included Michael and Valerie shared a week before Thanksgiving. He considers that, the formalisation of their new group dynamic.

After a week of providing security for friendly forces, Sheldon's company is given new orders. They were joining up with Delta members for a joint operation. That was all Sheldon was told by his CO and to report to Major General Benjamin Kennedy for a complete debrief.

When Sheldon entered the general's tent, he was surprised that Frank Anderson was there as was Bradley Atwater now a Brigadier General.

"Gentlemen, we'll begin once Captain Jonathan Moss joins us," General Kennedy told the two assembled Marines.

A few minutes later, Captain Moss joined them, and he saluted at attention, "I apologise for the delay General, Colonel Finley was giving me a last-minute rundown of the situation."

"Good, that's not a problem," General Kennedy told him, he then turns and opens a satellite map, tacking the corners. "All right, gentlemen here's the situation, we have a schoolhouse with 28 female students being held hostage in Herat by Taliban loyalists. Our mission is a hostage rescue. This is significant because among the hostages is the Afghani Finance Minister's daughter," he shows the group her picture, "But this is where the twist is, the schoolhouse is run by a Zeena el- Sharif, she is both head teacher and I suppose the dean of the schoolhouse, she is married to Bishr al-Jafari, a Taliban lieutenant and foot soldier. It is believed that both al-Jafari and el-Sharif have plans to sell the girls to an Iranian sex trafficker sometime within the next 72 hours. At present, we do not have any significant information on their condition, except we do know they are at least being fed—with what is a mystery. The school is guarded by 16-20 visible Taliban foot soldiers, each carrying the standard AK-47. However, satellite images and AWACS intel show that they rotate out every 90 minutes so the exact number of enemy combatants on site is unknown. To make matters worse, the schoolhouse is located in a busy high-commerce area, therefore any direct engagement will cause panic. Therefore this will be a multi-stage operation. We must use concealment so as to not arise suspicion. Obviously, we want no hostage casualties but should that be inevitable, non-life-threatening injuries are preferred. Lieutenants Cooper and Anderson, I realise this will be your first clandestine operation but if you want to back away I'll understand.

Captain Moss will be commanding this mission. Any questions?"

Sheldon looks over the map and sees several potential target areas surrounding the school to engage from. He then asks, "Has a checkpoint or blockade been set up around the city to prevent any potential human smugglers from coming or going within the next 72 hours, General?"

"No, but that might be worth looking into, where would you suggest we place a temporary one?" Gen. Kennedy asks.

Sheldon points to the two main roads leading into the city, "Here and here, General. And potentially I'd be on the lookout for large empty trucks coming in."

Kennedy nods, "I'll place an Army checkpoint there within the hour. Anything else?"

Frank speaks, "Is there a timetable for this operation? Or are we simply holding off the potential transfer?"

Moss tells him, "While this is a multi-stage operation, our goal is to complete it well before the 72- hour window." Frank nods.

"How are we extracting the hostages?" Sheldon asks.

"In FMTVs after medics have done preliminary check-ups on them in there, then onto a makeshift medical base 20 minutes outside of town for a complete health exam then release under guard to their parents or guardians at a predetermined area," Moss told Sheldon, he nods.

"Sir, given the nature of this operation, might I also suggest the use of cross-directional snipers, stationed here, and here," he points to the north of the schoolhouse and to the southwest.

"Why, Lieutenant?" Moss asked, he knew of and respected Sheldon Cooper's prowess on the scope but even he never employed this tactic.

"Well to put it simply, the force multiplier factor of snipers is doubled in this situation in addition to the fish-in-a-barrel effect of firing from multiple angles," Sheldon explained, "Given the adequate hides of the northern and southwestern buildings—this of course is assuming these images are recent and the layout is still as is—" Kennedy nods and tells him they are, Sheldon acknowledges that and continues his explanation, "if we take these positions we can also get better views of the entry and exit points of the main building and survey the hostages from the north while keeping a lookout active on his six."

"That's a good use of snipers," Kennedy acknowledges. "Are there any alarms on the property?" Moss asks.

"Yes, two in fact. Here and here," Kennedy points to a pole on the east wall and to a wall-mounted telephone on a southwestern corner of the main building.

"Is the area known for blackouts?" Moss follows up.

"Prior to the Karzai administration, yes; after, it's still spotty in areas but commerce areas like this one have the luxury of backup generators," Kennedy explains.

Sheldon understood where Capt. Moss was going, "How are the communication lines, though?" He asked the general.

"The phone line infrastructure here is actually pretty decent, but they still rely mainly on VSAT cell towers," Kennedy told the gathered group after looking it up in his dossier.

"I think," Sheldon looks at Moss signalling to him he understands his idea, "we can and should shut off cell service for the area for 30 minutes to an hour, that should render the alarms useless, and should anybody ask we can have VSAT representatives or ourselves impersonating VSAT representatives say it was due to unscheduled maintenance. The point is the quieter the better, right?"

Moss nods and Kennedy and Atwater agree. "Anything else?" Kennedy asks.

Sheldon, Frank, and Moss shake their heads, "No, sir."

"Good, Capt. Moss the operation is yours, Gen. Atwater will be monitoring from base command. Dismissed."

Atwater, Moss, Frank, and Sheldon salute and leave the tent.

Once outside, Gen. Atwater tells his officers before walking off to base command, "Operation commencement is at 1800."

Once the general left, Moss gave both Sheldon and Frank additional information to further inform their respective companies. Frank then excused himself to go prepare, and Sheldon was about to do the same when Moss told him to stay back for a minute.

"Lieutenant, I'm giving you full authority over all sniper units, both Army and Marine. There isn't a more qualified sharpshooter in the military in my opinion and I'm glad you are on our side. Go brief your men and I'll see you at the checkpoint at 1800," Moss tells him and salutes him.

Sheldon salutes back before leaving.

Both Charlie and Echo Company as well as Moss' Delta B Squadron lift off from the base aboard a Boeing CH-47 Chinook helicopter at 1805, they'll touchdown outside of Herat in 45 minutes.

During the journey, Capt. Moss splits the combined units up into three distinct units, Sniper, Comms, and Engagement and under the distinct leadership respectively of Sheldon, Frank, and Moss, himself. Engagement because of breach protocol has the majority of the members. The sniper unit has only six members—Sheldon, Derek Givens as his spotter; an Army sniper team that had Sergeant Peter Adams and Corporal Abel Moore as a sniper/spotter combination, and Army Specialists Henry West and Caleb Middleton who Sheldon selected pre-op as the "door watchers". West and Middleton will be watching the exits for hostiles armed with HK416 assault rifles with silencer attachments rather than traditional sniper rifles. Sheldon is pretty confident with the close- quarters engagement, West and Middleton will be the most effective; able to mostly clear the first wave of hostiles. The comms unit headed by Frank Anderson is responsible for disrupting the communication for the operation and signal extraction, there were a total of six Army and Marine members, including Frank. The engagement unit comprised of the rest of B Squadron and Charlie and Echo Companies, their job was to clear the building and rescue the hostages while the sniper unit kept watch.

Moss ordered a final radio and equipment check. They would be dropped in wearing civilian clothing so as to not raise any alarm bells, their utility uniforms are already at the safe house.

They land on the outskirts of town in civilian clothing, their rifles deconstructed and in their

backpacks; Sheldon just hoped to God he didn't have to use his secondary Glock or if he did he was quick and accurate enough with it. The group look like tourists browsing the local market. A local shopkeeper calls out to them, "Hey Americans, how about you buy some goat meat?" They ignore him and continue to fake browse. They make it to the safe house without much incident apart from the noisy shopkeeper and a group of Afghani children playing in the streets blocking their path momentarily; the group of six children couldn't have been more than seven-years-old, they had their whole lives ahead of them as did the girls in the schoolhouse, that strengthens Sheldon's resolve to get the girls out because thinking about them reminds him of Charlotte—so young, full of life, and innocent.

An hour later, he and Derek were in the eastern-side hide, the one West and Middleton would be occupying. They are surveying the total number of bodies in the compound. Sheldon counts about 16 visible targets, his spotter counts 17—they'll review notes later. They also scout possible areas of engagement for S and E Squads. Two hours later, with the sun fully set and the neighbourhood quiet, Sheldon and Derek switch to the thermal night vision goggles to get a better look at the total number of occupants and check on the potential condition of the hostages. They count 28 bodies seated at desks, two to a desk, some have their head down possibly asleep; their heat signature is the only indication they are still alive. With the hostages accounted for, Sheldon and Derek start a thermal sweep of the building starting from the ground floor; this time they both come up with the same number: 32. That is more than the general originally said occupied the building. They watch for another hour and nobody leaves, Sheldon makes a note to inform Capt. Moss. They monitor the building for another hour before Sheldon tells Derek it's time to leave.

Sheldon and Derek both debrief Capt. Moss once they return, Sheldon tells him the S Squad may be doing a bit more shooting so he advises a secondary semi-automatic rifle instead of the usual handgun. The only problem was the weapons cache they had in the safe house wasn't sufficient enough to supply S Squad, Moss then radios for a weapons drop at their insertion point tomorrow which was granted.

At 0500 the next morning, Sheldon and the rest of the S Squad depart for the insertion point to collect the cache of assault rifles and magazines. They are given four more HK416 assault rifles and several additional clips of munition. Returning to the safe house via a roundabout route, Sheldon and the rest of the Marine members of S Squad take some time to familiarise themselves with their new weapon. An hour later, Frank and C Squad return from rigging the VSAT satellite signals for tonight's operation.

"Goddamn, that took a long time," Frank exclaimed, "I had an easier time putting up my TV satellite dish."

Sheldon chuckles, "Did you know I tried to make a death ray using a broken C-band one and microwave when I was about nine?"

Frank laughed, "Oh really, did it work?"

"No, I didn't have a proper power source, I only had a four-pack of D batteries. If I had a car battery or something more powerful and consistent I probably would've been able to melt chocolate or something," Sheldon chuckled at the absurd ideas he came up with as a child.

Frank and a few others, including Moss laughed. It was good to laugh now since later on, they didn't know what would happen. They may be special forces but ultimately were just human.

An hour before op commencement, Sheldon and S Squad were already in place scouting the schoolhouse using their scopes and once more Sheldon and Derek counted 32 hostiles, which were confirmed by West, Middleton, Adams, and Moore. Sheldon radios confirmation of 32 hostiles in

the building all carrying AK-47s. This was definitely going to be tricky because they could in theory start executing the hostages if they feel trapped and that's a scenario nobody on the team wants.

As the sunsets, Moss radios over to C Squad to cut the electricity to the schoolhouse and the cell tower signal to the area—with additional hostiles he wasn't taking any chances. Once the lights go out in the building, S Squad starts shooting as the hostiles are confused as to why the power was suddenly cut. West and Middleton score several direct kills as they have their suppressed HK416s trained on the schoolhouse's entrance ways. Derek and Moore have scored additional hits in support as Sheldon and Adams take out the eight roof guards with sniper rifles. Once Sheldon and Adams, give Moss the "Roof hostiles down, switching to secondary" message E Squad breach the building splitting into teams of three to cover each floor while the main contingent make for the classroom.

Outside, Sheldon and Derek take out two entering the building with their assault weapons, West and Middleton take out another pair running in from what appears to be a utility shed, and Adams and Moore take out a pair exiting a vehicle from the main road.

Inside, Moss with his main contingent of operators holds off the wave of hostiles by erecting a makeshift barrier from the desks and telling the girls to stay down and behind it. They also erect temporary barriers as cover to shoot behind until the floor sweep is complete. The constant yell of injured or killed enemies tells Moss that S Squad must have taken care of a majority of the first wave, the current wave is unprepared for a firefight but their sheer numbers pose a slight hurdle. After a fairly long engagement, Moss hears over the radio, "All hostiles clear." In the classroom, Moss can count 12 dead bodies, thankfully none are of his men or the hostages. Moss then radios S Squad to come in to help with extraction.

S Squad arrive in minutes and Sheldon asks, "Did you get the ringleaders?"

Moss is unsure, so he radios asking for confirmation of the identity of al-Jafari and el-Sharif. Several minutes pass before a radio message returns negative. "Negative Bravo Leader, no positive ID."

"Fuck!" Moss exclaims he was sure the pair were among the 32 hostiles.

"There are also a dozen and a half more bodies outside," Sheldon told him, "But none of them was female." Then he had an idea, "Which one is the Afghan Finance Minister's daughter?"

"Uh, blue and red hijab," Moss pointed, then watched as the Medal of Honor honouree walked over, bent down, and spoke to an Afghani teenager in German for a few minutes; what was even more surprising was the girl smiled and responded.

"She says al-Jafari and el-Sharif live in a house two blocks directly north of here with a blue and white striped awning."

"Adams, Moore, West, Middleton! Two blocks north of here, look for a house with a blue and white striped awning, that's where al-Jafari and el-Sharif are. Take 'em! Then return to the safe house with their bodies if possible."

The four salute and leave the schoolhouse.

"C Squad, extraction aid requested," Sheldon radios to Frank. "Roger, C Squad inbound. ETA five minutes."

"C Squad is calling in the FMTVs, sir," Sheldon tells Moss. Moss nods, "Good, we should ready the girls for extraction."

"I don't want to overstep, Captain, but given the psychological mindset of the girls over the duration of their captivity, I believe it'd be wise to inform them of our intention and let them follow us rather than herd them into the transport trucks."

Moss agrees, "That's solid thinking, Lieutenant. But unless you know Arabic we're stuck."

Sheldon smiled, "I don't sir, but I do know German and so does the Afghan Finance Minister's daughter Nafisa, she could be our liaison to convince the rest to follow."

"You are welcome to try, Lieutenant," Moss agreed with his junior officer's assessment.

Moss watches in fascination as Cooper goes over to the Afghan Finance Minister's daughter again and they converse in German, after a few minutes the girl is animatedly explaining to her schoolmates in Arabic the situation as Cooper comes over.

Moss is about to ask Cooper what he said when Adams, Moore, West, and Middleton come back in.

"Sir, Mission successful. Hostiles neutralised and positively ID'd. One female and one male, mid- to-late 30s," Adams tells Moss.

"Their bodies?" "Outside sir."

Moss nods as Sheldon informs him their ride is here. He looks over toward the girls, they are slowly starting to stand and form a group behind Nafisa, who apparently has been chosen as their leader.

Nafisa takes a deep breath, and walks over to Sheldon, "Wir sind bereit." He smiles. He turns to Moss, "They're ready to go."

Moss nods, "Cooper, you lead them to the trucks, the rest of us will provide cover."

Boarding the girls takes only a few minutes and all 28 girls are able to fit in one FMTV covered- transport vehicle already staffed with medics, the operators take longer as they remove the dead bodies and place them in the other transport vehicle before hopping in and driving to the medical base. There are two M1151 Enhanced Armament Carriers that make up the convoy's security team.

During the journey, Moss asks Sheldon how he knew the Afghan Finance Minister's daughter knew German.

"From what public knowledge there is about the Afghan Finance Minister that we have access to; his biography said he studied at the University of Zurich and that he lived and worked in Zurich until the Karzai administration tapped him for the post in 2009. Factoring in the finance minister's age and that of the girl, I guessed that she was born in Zurich before moving back to Afghanistan. Given that, I figured it was a safe bet that German was still spoken at home."

Moss chuckled, shaking his head amused, "You are definitely one of a kind, Lieutenant."

They pass the Army checkpoint without incident and continue to the medical base where the girls are given a full medical screening, and food. They would be released to parents and guardians tomorrow.

Sheldon and the rest of those on the mission endure a night's sleep on the ground, but he'd rather endure that than have to tell an anxious parent they couldn't save their child.

Charlotte is laying on her stomach colouring, when she finishes, she picks it up and shows Penny. "Mommy, do you like my picture?"

Penny smiles, "It's very pretty," Penny can see a barn, animals, and grass, "Is this Grandpa's farm?" Charlotte nods. "What animal did you like the most?"

"The horsies!" Charlotte grinned, bearing her baby teeth.

Penny chuckled and gives her daughter a sideways hug, "Me too, honey." "Mommy, does Daddy not like me anymore?"

"What makes you say that?" Penny asked trying her hardest to keep her voice level so as to not alarm her daughter.

Charlotte's lower lip juts out in a slight pout, "'Cause I heawd from Uncle Howie that I was a miwitawy brat."

Penny sighed in relief, "Oh, that just means you are the son or daughter of someone in the military. I was a military brat, so was Daddy."

"But Daddy's not here, he hasn't been for over seven sleeps!" Charlotte holds up seven fingers.

"Come here, honey," Penny leans down and picks up her daughter onto her lap, "Daddy and I love you, okay? He isn't here because he doesn't like you, he isn't here because his job needs to take him away from us, for a while. Understand?"

"What does Daddy do? Is he Santa because it is December…"

Penny laughs, "No button, Daddy's too skinny to be Santa and besides he doesn't have a white beard, right?"

Charlotte nods, "So what does he do?" "He um… he protects people."

"Like Superman?" Charlotte's eyes went wide.

"Well, your Aunt Valerie called him that once when you were a baby, but Daddy can't fly like Superman."

"Then what does he protect?"

"People, people he cares about. You, me, Gramma, Grandpa, Aunt Lisa, Uncle Chuck, Greg, Brian, Grammie, Meemaw, Aunt Missy, Uncle George, Aunt Val, Uncle Mike, Alex."

Charlotte made a face, "Alex poops in his diaper a lot. He's yucky. Why is Daddy protecting him?"

Penny giggled, "Just because he poops in his diaper doesn't mean Daddy shouldn't." "Still…"

"You just miss Daddy, huh?" Penny asked knowingly. Charlotte nods, "Mmm-hmm."

Penny hugs her daughter, kissing the top of her blonde head which today was in pigtails braids, "I know, honey, I miss him too. But you remember what Daddy told you when we saw him leave?"

"Be a good girl for Mommy and when I come back we'll go to Disneyland," Charlotte recited.

Penny mentally rolled her eyes, this adorable little girl who she has no doubt will break more than a few hearts later in life because she is her daughter, but is also definitely Sheldon Cooper's daughter. At just a little over two years old her vocabulary is astonishing. Penny doesn't quite know what subject Charlotte will go all beautiful mind on in school but if her daughter's increasing vocabulary, and increasingly dramatic-like tendencies are any indication—although Penny is pretty sure that's just the Terrible Two's kicking in—she just might be the smartest actress ever. "That's right, and I promise you we're going to have lots of fun," Penny says tickling her daughter suddenly, making her laugh.

A week later, Penny got sick after smelling the grilled tuna sandwiches the caterer brought to the production office. She had to get a co-worker to drive her and Charlotte home, once she was feeling a bit better she called Bernadette and asked if her friend could possibly pick up something for nausea. Bernadette agreed but also went a step further and picked up a pregnancy test.

Arriving at 4A, she gave her friend some over-the-counter meclizine telling her to chew thoroughly. Then pulled out the pregnancy test.

"Bernie, are you?" Penny asked spying the pregnancy test.

The petite blonde vehemently shook her head no, "This is for you," she giggled.

Penny's eyes went wide, "What, I'm not…," she trailed off because Charlotte was in hearing range. "It was just some funky tuna sandwich that made me sick."

"And has that ever happened before?" Bernadette asked pointedly.

"No, except when I was… pregnant… with Charlotte…" Penny completed her sentence slowly, realisation dawning on her. She grabbed the pregnancy test and ran to the bathroom.

"Where'd Mommy go?" Charlotte asked confused.

"Oh she just needed to use the bathroom, sweetheart," Bernadette smiled down at the little girl who looked more and more like Penny by the day. It made her wistful for a child of her own, but she and Howard weren't there yet.

Penny returned a few minutes later.

"Wow, Mommy you were in there a long time! Did you have to go like Alex?" Charlotte asked.

Penny laughed, shaking her head in amusement, "No honey. Mommy just had to do something in there," she patted the top of her daughter's head.

Penny then signalled Bernadette over to the kitchen island, "You were right, it's positive," she whispers, "I suppose mathematically this makes sense because Sheldon and I, umm… you know," she blushed, "quite a bit before he left, I just didn't think it would happen this quick."

"Babies don't really care how long they're made, to be honest. I mean look at that little girl," Bernadette points over to Charlotte on the floor, colouring, "She's making my biological clock tick and I swore to never have kids."

Penny sighed and placed her hand on her still flat stomach, "Yeah…" she says dreamily.

***

Later that night, Penny had put Charlotte to bed and was walking around the apartment in her pyjamas looking at the pictures of her and Sheldon, and of her, Sheldon, and Charlotte, soon there'll be another one. She sighs, a ghost of a smile showing on her face at the thought. She'll make an appointment to confirm her pregnancy tomorrow, but tonight she just wants to think about what the future holds for them; is this baby the last one or are there more coming, where would they live because the apartment definitely wasn't big enough for a family of four, and what Sheldon would say if he knew. She picks up their wedding photo and tears start to well, she puts it down and walks over to his desk pulling out a piece of paper and grabbing a pen. She taps the end of the pen against her chin a few times before she begins to write.

Dear Sheldon,

Charlotte and I miss you, honey. She was asking today about what you do and I went by the script, she then made a face and said and I quote "Alex poops in his diaper a lot. He's yucky. Why is Daddy protecting him?" She is too adorable sometimes, but since she can talk to me like an adult, I know she's definitely half you.

I hope you're safe and not taking too many risks; I've avoided the news since you left

—I learned my lesson during your last deployment to Iraq.

We both really miss you, Sheldon. I miss you now more than ever, I need you now more then ever. I took a test today and guess what, honey? Pretty soon, Charlotte's gonna have a little brother or sister. That's right, baby, a baby is incoming. That's why I need you, I can take care of Charlotte, but Charlotte and a baby? No way. I need my tall, strapping Marine husband to provide reinforcements. Come back to us soon, honey. I love you.

Forever yours, Penny

She signed it and kissed it, before putting it in an envelope, she'll let Charlotte mail it tomorrow and tell her then too.

"Cooper, mail call!"

Sheldon is eating breakfast back at base in Farah when he receives Penny's letter, five days later. This is not the first letter he's received and it appears to not be the last either from his wife. Before meeting Penny, his Meemaw wrote him quite a bit during his initial stay in Afghanistan, he's also kept all of her letters. When he opens his letter from Penny he is stunned.

"What's the matter, Lieutenant? Your wife send you a naughty pic?" Derek Givens joked.

"Ha-ha, very funny Givens, no, she told me she's pregnant," he deadpans, a bit of colour draining from his face while those of Charlie Company sitting with Sheldon congratulate him.

Flashback

September 2003

Penny sighed contentedly as she stepped onto the main quad, she tucked an errant lock of her blonde hair behind her ear. A nice breeze passed by dislodging the previously swept lock, making her tuck her hair behind her ear again.

"Y'know if you don't stop doing that the guys around here are liable to start proposing to you any second now," A voice said from behind her.

Penny turns around and smiles as Valerie comes up and throws her arm over Penny's red Nebraska sweatshirt-clad shoulders. Val has been her best friend since middle school, they do so much together that people often mistake them for sisters. The fact that they kinda look alike doesn't really stop people from making that mistake over and over. Their last year at Central High was supposed to be Penny's crowning achievement year, Kristy Paulsen had graduated the previous year and Penny was absolutely sure after being co-captain to Kristy on the cheer squad for two years she was finally going to be named captain. But nope, the coach named Valerie captain and her co-captain. That began a year-long personal vendetta against her best friend. But it all petered away when Penny suffered the one thing that brings women from all walks of life together, a breakup. She broke up with her long-time boyfriend of nine months Donnie, because she realised just how stupid he was. She wasn't exactly a rocket scientist herself but even she knew that to make biofuel it took a hell of a lot more than just pig poop, water, and a storage silo. So after she broke up with Donnie, it was Valerie who extended the olive branch and Penny took it. They spent the rest of the summer rekindling their friendship and by the time both of them started at UNL in September they were once again two peas in a pod.

"You need to relax, this is college, you are here to learn sure but also to have fun. So repeat after me, 'New year, new Penny.'"

Penny rolled her eyes.

"Come on…" Valerie cajoles.

Heaving a sigh, she reluctantly says, "New year, new Penny." "'I will finally find a man.'"

"I will finally find a man." "'A fun one.'"

"A fun one." "'A hot one.'"

Penny smiles, "A hot one." "'Because I'm hot.'" "Because I'm hot."

Val grins, "Feel better?"

"No, I feel like I was auditioning for a reboot of That Girl."

Val rolls her eyes, "Oh come on Penny, you need to get back on the horse; and when I say horse I don't mean your horse Cinnamon Thunder."

Penny rolls her eyes and looks at her friend unimpressed, "Wow… really? You're gonna go there? So I slept with Donnie after prom, it wasn't even all that great. You know what that was? That was eight minutes of sweaty yowling and awkward pumping with a guy that thought he could make gas from pig doody."

Val laughs, "Exactly, that was high school, there are tons of idiots in high school but here… in college we are surely gonna find you a smart guy."

"Why just me? What about you?" "Moi? I'm already taken."

Penny scoffs, "Never stopped you before."

"Yeah, well I'm trying to stick to a one man, one me philosophy. So here," Val hands her a flyer, it is for a freshman barbecue this weekend on the quad, "There's bound to be at least one guy at this thing that'll catch your eye."

Penny looks over the flyer, "I don't know, Val…"

"Look, just go have a good time, enjoy the first weekend after classes have started and if, if you don't find a guy there, I will personally make it my mission to set you up with the perfect guy before we graduate."

"And what if I just wanna be left alone?"

"What an awful idea. A girl like you should have a good guy by her side, trust me, the Queen Bee knows these things." Valerie smiles.

Penny sighs, "All right, fine. By the way, who are you dating anyway?"

"Oh, he's a Marine. He went to Central too but graduated before we ever started."

"I didn't know you liked older men," Penny chuckled, "Should I warn Professor Carney, about you?" She joked, referring to their math professor who was in his early-60s.

Valerie made a disgusted face and shuddered, "Eww."

Penny came back from the barbecue early, in a sour mood. She was approached by five guys while having her burger and Diet Coke—she purposefully avoided the hot dogs in case some jerk made a dick or giving head joke—and all of them were idiotic. One guy tried to convince her that helium would make both his voice lighter and his dick grow "because that's just science, baby". Another told her that math was a waste of time—personally she never liked math but to call it a waste of time is a step too far—because he had accountants who could do his work for him. The last two guys ragged on her favourite thing in the whole world together, classic Greek lit. She told both of them "to go suck Hades' left nut" and left.

Val was waiting for her best friend outside her dorm room, Penny was lucky enough to score one

of the few single rooms available to freshmen. She felt Penny's bad mood before she saw her, "Didn't go well, huh?"

"Nope," Penny said popping the 'p' and opening the door.

Val sighed, as she stepped in, "Okay, well don't worry it's only the first week, plenty more chances for you to meet Mr. Right."

Penny dropped back onto her bed with a thud looking at her ceiling, "Given the experience I just had, I'm starting to doubt my Mr. Right is even on campus."

Pulling up a chair, Val tells Penny shrugging, "Well, he's gotta be somewhere."

***

At that moment, in Galveston, Texas while fixing up his dad's old truck, Sheldon Cooper sneezes twice.

"Whoo-wee… those were quite the sneezes, Sheldon, you sick?" His brother George Cooper Jr. asks.

Sheldon wiggles his nose and sniffles, "No, but that was strange."

"Ya know what they say when you can't explain a sneeze, right? Somewhere somebody's talking about you."

"I guess," Sheldon shrugs as he continues to take apart the engine manifold. Junior chuckles at his brother's cluelessness.