I Tried to Feel (1)

POV: Blaire

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Blaire

Age: 18

Gender: Female

Species: Homo Sapien

Race: East Slavic

Class: Warrior (Rank F)

Stats: | Affinity:

Strength: 23 | World

Agility: 16 | Rare

Stamina: 12 | Uncommon

Ability Control: 13 | Uncommon

Pressure: ?? | Epic

Skills:

Slash: (Rank F)

Proficiency: 15/100

Pierce: (Rank F)

Proficiency: 18/100

Rhine heart: (Rank D)

Proficiency: 19/100

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Small beads of sand assaulted me as I walked through the desert with my companions. I had taken 9841 steps since we left Zaher's abode.

As the village came into view, I felt a small clash between admiration and hopelessness pour down over me.

I miscalculated my step size. My goal of reaching the village in 10,000 steps was ripped from under me.

The pain from the miscalculation was minor but still present. In that moment, I hated the malleable sand and the gentle, warm winds that threw off my trajectory.

As I locked my facial features in place to hide my disappointment, Gael inched his way closer to me.

Gael spoke with a tinge of excitement in his voice, "Blaire, look!"

I stared at him blankly.

His perception was low. I had already seen the silhouette of the village he was referring to a little while ago.

Despite his shortcomings, I felt that Gael was unique. He always tried to talk to me no matter how little I contributed to his conversations.

He put a hand on my shoulder and pointed with his other. The temperature from his hand felt interesting. It wasn't like Ezra's. Ezra felt a bit more room-temperature. Of course, that just meant that his hand was the same temperature as my body. We were related by blood and shared a lot of genetics so it wasn't that surprising.

However, Gael's was warm.

Gael spoke again, "See! It's the village!"

I looked around as curiosity piqued within me. Not towards the village, but to my companions. Most of the others were just now seeing the village. I felt a calm sense of unity as everyone joined in the realization that I had experienced prior.

My heart lit up as I saw Ezra's piercing blue eyes widen at the sight of the village.

I forced the rising feeling of excitement back down as I bit down on my scarred tongue. I realized that my brother was only at 9642 steps.

He might make it.

He was growing into a stronger person, especially recently. It was only a matter of time before he could look after himself.

Ezra having the ability to look after himself should be celebrated.

However,

I felt utterly haunted by the idea. My core even shook as I considered the possibility.

Ever since the Russo-Ukrainian war claimed the lives of our parents, I had been protecting my little brother. We lived near the border region, which quickly became a realm of nightmares after the start of the conflict.

Ezra and I had been trapped in an underground shelter there for two years before we managed to escape. I shielded him and restricted his movements constantly. The horrors of the outside broke me, and I couldn't let the same happen to him.

When we left, I felt truly happy. I had successfully protected his body and mind. Though, he hated me for the constant surveillance and lockdown, I had accomplished my goal.

My little brother, Ezra, saw close to nothing.

But, I saw-

everything.

I placed more pressure on controlling my face as I methodically placed one foot in front of the other, carefully balancing on the shifting sea of sand.

I thought everything would go back to normal once I arrived in America, and, to some extent, it did. The apocalypse was still two years away, and everybody there seemed to be living life normally. However, I couldn't say the same about myself.

Whenever I lost control over my emotions for even a second, the panic would begin. My voice would crack and break after hours of screaming. The tears would fall ceaselessly, to the point where dehydration symptoms even arose. Eventually, I'd end up just gargling on my own ravaged throat and grinding down my teeth.

This was what I had hid from Ezra for the past four years. The feeling of genuine happiness from my brother's success triumphed over every emotion except for one,

fear.

I had protected him from breaking at the cost of breaking myself. I was the one who needed help now. That was why I didn't mind Gael's chatter. It felt like he was the only one listening sometimes.

I glanced up to see my companions approach a small hill. Ezra's lips were curved upward in a satisfied grin. My heart yet again rose with his feelings of happiness. By instinct, I controlled my face and remained silent.

I needed help.

As I watched the group pass over the hill, I pulled on Gael's shirt.

Gael's dark brown eyes seemed concerned, "Hey, what's up?"

They were simple eyes but seemed to carry many layers. There was a symphony of emotion being displayed. His pupils were shrunken in to express surprise, his gaze shimmered in a way that expressed interest, and they were moist, almost on the verge of tears, showing compassion. I'm sure it wasn't just me. He always made his expressions known with no intent to hide them.

My mind was racing, piecing together small pieces of detail that I hadn't noticed before. Over all of these meticulous details was a gentle, soft blanket that radiated warmth. I felt like a kitten that wanted to knead on its mother's fur.

I anxiously watched as the group passed over the hill until they finally disappeared.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close as I shut my eyes tightly. The warmth immediately drew me further in. I could feel him stiffen in shock, but I just grabbed him tighter.

The sun was already baking us. The warmth I felt had nothing to do with temperature. Images of my mother and father flashed in my mind.

It was, by no means, a normal hug.

If I had to use a single word to describe the embrace, it would be-

painful.

The warmth seemed to rip and tear at me from the inside. It pulled forward terrible memories that I solemnly hoped had disappeared. As the hooks of emotion shredded my walls of defense, my face began to contort. I used all my strength to force it back down. I bit down hard on my tongue until it bled lightly.

I was only half-conscious that my nails were ripping into Gael's arm. He was remaining quite still and avoided contact with my eyes. Even my golden strands of hair seemed hellbent on causing him discomfort as they fell chaotically along his face.

It wasn't a happy embrace. It hurt both of us.

Gael seemed to grunt, "B-blaire, are you okay?"

It felt impossible for the embrace to tighten yet I still managed to somehow pull him closer.

The wave of emotions only continued to build.

I knew the crash was coming. With my last bit of strength, I was able to utter a single word.

"Help."

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POV: Gael

I walked up to the mantis family's home as I rubbed in handfuls of sand in an effort to disguise the nail marks on my arm. A strong sense of worry came over me as I looked back to see Blaire staring at the ground helplessly. I unconsciously avoided her mysterious blue eyes.

I had never felt so conflicted before. My heart was telling me that she was in immense pain, but I couldn't express it in words. She didn't speak much, so the one word that she told me recently had shaken me to my core.

I promise, Blaire. I'll do everything I can to help you.

I gently grabbed her hand and motioned for her to go inside the mantis family's home first. Her eyes remained cast downward as she ducked under the short door.

As I followed her close behind, the sound of excitement and laughter reached my ears. The mantis mother was expelling a heart-wrenching mix of sadness and happiness. Crying and laughing felt too similar in situations like these.

I was surprised to see the male mantis hugging Jeremiah instead of his son.

He bowed deeply, "Toank yoa! Toank yoa! Ai cen never vepay this kainess."

Jeremiah's face reddened. "No, there's no need to thank us. You fed us before and gave us hospitality."

My lips curved upwards at the beautiful sight of a reunited family. Truly, I wished this moment would continue forever.

The male mantis continued his thanks, but, over time, his voice began to warp.

Eventually, the space around me itself began to warp and fold in on itself.

My mind scrambled to figure out what was going on.

I went to scream, but the words wouldn't manifest.

The sickening mixture of reality and fiction seemed to fight against each other as I racked my head to figure out what was going on.

The racing thoughts began to each take their own path in an infinite void, until they disappeared one by one.

No! come back!

The thoughts melted away and left me with complete emptiness.

Everything was being ripped away from me.

I tried to see, but everything was black.

I tried to hear, but the void wouldn't give me the privilege.

Finally, I tried to feel.

My husk of a body felt a soft scraping on the interior of my skull.

My lips rose at the feeling of my old friend.

Everything's going to be alright now.

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Proficiency + 17

Activating Skill: Plot Armor

Proficiency: 39/100

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Mission Complete

Objective: Rescue the Mantis' lovers son

Difficulty: E

Rewards: Food rations (10 days). Floor 1 access key

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Floor 1 access key acquired

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You are being forcibly returned to Floor 1

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