21 The First Prank

Lily was both ignoring, and unable to ignore James it seemed. After James made the completely misunderstood comment about her being a gold digging homeless woman, Lily would spend half of class glaring at him, but refused to say a single thing to him. She even burned the notes he had thrown at her.

James wanted to cry.

Remus had stopped him from going to Evans and apologizing right away, not because he thought James shouldn't apologize, but in his own words.

"Its impossible for you and Evans to have even a single conversation without it devolving into a screaming match. Think Sirius and Marlene in third year only more life threatening. I'm sure by your second sentence you would have just found a way to make it worse."

James didn't feel like that was entirely fair. They had that one day where they didn't argue, of course Harry had been a buffer between them.

So instead he threw himself into the next big prank. Or really only prank, as they had been lowkey so far that year.

It all came to a head in the morning. The four of them sat at the Gryffindor table, James listening to Frank talk about how to select new talent and spot weaknesses for the team to work on. Sirius was talking to Peter and Remus was "reading a book."

James scanned the Great Hall seeing it full of students and staff, and nudged Remus's shoe with his foot. Remus glanced at James, then looked back down, one finger on the line of text as he pretended to mouth the words, while actually speaking an activation spell and holding his wand under the table with his other hand.

"And George Cloony was alright with the Beater Bat, but he needs some-" Frank cut himself off, blinked, and spoke again. "Darth Vader."

He blinked again.

"Winston Churchhill."

Alice, who was sitting next to him, looked at him worriedly.

"Who is Marilyn Monroe?"

Alice started.

"What are you two doing?" James asked.

"I'm trying to say Morgan Le Fey, but I- See! I can't say his name! Its like Herpo The Foul's name is cursed!"

Noise slowly rose in the Great Hall as more and more people were trying, and failing, to say the correct names.

"Icarus do you know whats happening?" James asked Sirius, doing his best to hold back a grin.

"Midas? What do you think I flew too close to the sun- Oi I didn't say that," Sirius exclaimed in shock.

Peter looked at the two of them.

"Gandi, Jesus, are you two okay? Oh, that's odd."

Remus finally looked up from his book.

"What is happening?" he asked, as if he just noticed all the noise.

"Someone cursed us I think," James said.

"Oh did Binns finally decide to-"

"Oi! You said Velma's name!" Frank accused.

"No, I was trying to say Reginald!" Remus shot back.

"Bloody hell, what is happening?" Sirius said. "And who names their kid Bartholemew?"

"I think someone spiked the pumpkin juice," Remus said looking into his goblet. "Also can someone named Tortuga really- no, can someone named after a star really complain about name choices?"

"Albus Brian Wulfric Percival Dumbledore!" McGonagall yelled, marching down between the tables toward them.

The staff table was also looking down at them, some like Professor Flitwick in amusement, while others like Madam Pince in annoyance. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with glee when McGonagall said his name.

Peter snorted his pumpkin juice onto the table.

"I thought you four had finally grown up? But now I see that you have done nothing-"

"Lady Alice, we didn't do anything!" James said. "We're just as confused as you!"

"Really? Matron Rose?" Sirius said, then frowned. "Maybe people with titles have their name changed with the title as well?"

"Lets test it," Remus said. "Doctor Seuss."

"Detective Holmes," Peter said.

"Lord Barthalomew Antonius Reginald Kingslee The Fourth," Sirius said.

The three of them looked at Sirius oddly before James spoke.

"Lord Moldyshorts."

Those around them looked at James in shock, then burst out laughing, only Professor McGonagall kept her reaction low key, a quick smirk the only sign.

As usual the Marauders were gaining the eyes of everyone across the Great Hall, ready for them to be punished. Some looked on with humor, others annoyance, a few awe, and a specific table held quite a bit of anger. Like stuck up pureblooded bigots didn't know how to laugh or something.

"Professor McGonagall, hey look it worked that time! Mister Miagi, nope gone again. We didn't do this! Come on this is great! Why wouldn't we take credit," Sirius exclaimed, gesturing to the entire hall.

"Yeah, I think whoever did this put it in the juice," Remus said, sniffing the cup then giving the professor a knowing look.

McGonagall's lips thinned.

"You four can't possibly think I believe you had nothing to do with it?" the professor said, taking out her wand and waving it at Remus's cup. She followed that by testing the other cups nearby. "Well indeed there does seem to be something in the cups, I will have to get Dark Lady Morgana and Wily Wonka to check it out-"

The professor stopped mid sentence to take a deep calming breath.

"If I find out you Valkaries, oh Poppy's beard- no!" she took another breath. "If I find out you four were a part of this I will make sure you are picking up ingredients with James Bond for a month!"

"Every day of the month?" Remus asked quietly, so that not even Frank could hear.

Professor McGonagall gave him a withering glare, and he grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry Doctor Manhattan."

They watched her storm away toward Professor Slughorn and Madam Pomfrey.

Quite a few people were laughing, so they let out a bit of the humor they were trying to hide, Frank, Alice and a few others joining in.

"How did you guys do that?" Frank asked. "Crazy cool, did you guys invent the potion yourselves?"

Alice frowned. "Experimental potion making is dangerous, you know?"

"I swear it wasn't us," Sirius said, raising his hands in surrender. "Don't think I'm good enough at potions to make something like this."

"Same," James said, shrugging.

Peter nodded.

"Maybe Snorlack and Evermore made it?" Remus said, looking down the table at Lily and her group.

James could see the warring emotions on Lily's face. On the one hand it was harmless and pretty funny, on the other hand she had no doubt of the culprits despite their sworn innocence. And she was currently mad at one of those culprits. She saw James looking at her and scowled at him.

He waved.

"Heya Evanesence! Wanna go to Atlantis with me?" He called out.

"Not in a million years Mary Poppins!" She growled, grabbing her bookbag and purse and storming out the Great Hall.

Marlene and Dorcas sighed, standing as well and following their friend, dragging Mary with them who was still saying as many names as she could.

"Smooth Porter," Sirius said.

James grimace.

"I'm really not good at the whole getting on her good side thing huh?" He grumbled.

"Nah, don't worry though, just find a bird that you're already on the good side of!"

As they left to go to their classes they stopped to take one of the secret short cuts, falling over and laughing on the dusty ground.

"Ah that was class," Sirius said, slapping the dust off his shoulder. "Pete, you gotta speak up more."

"Its hard to think up names on the spot!"

James grinned.

"That's what made it so much fun. All of them are charmed to speak random names, but we have to pretend to be charmed too!"

Remus nodded, but looked a bit more sympathetic.

"Just do your best, we probably should have made our own lists to memorize just in case, but if you really feel pressured, just skirt around using names and say you accidently said the Dark Lord's name and got scared."

"Okay… Speaking if, James really? Moldyshorts?" Peter said, halfway between fear and awe.

"That's what Harry called him over the summer so he didn't activate the Taboo."

Sirius took Remus's hand and the wolfy boy helped the Black Heir to his feet, then helped the other two as well.

"Sirius, by the way, class act actually saying McGonagall's name. Bet that threw her for a loop," James said.

"Ah, felt right you know? Her calling us Dumbledore already showed it could be staff. Remus, how long till they realize the charm isn't in the pumpkin juice?"

"I'd say at about two hours," Remus said. "There were probably quite a few students that didn't drink out of the goblets at all."

They had spiked the pumpkin juice with a potion used in healer and potion mastery training. It had no effect on a person whatsoever, but would come up in scans as the recipient having digested a potion. Good for when trainee healers were doing training without actually having to give someone a potion with effects.

Slughorn and Poppy would see the real and false ingredients in their detailed spells, but once the symptoms of those ingredients didn't actually affect those in the expected ways they would realize something was up.

The Charm was actually stitched into each person's tie using a combination of runes and jinxes. The materials they used were not super high quality so the spells should wear off by the end of the day.

Even then James had used a Vietnamese spell Harry had taught him to muddy their magical signature. Not infallible, but would hold up to decent scrutiny.

"And that is one of many, my Marauding brothers," Sirius said. "The silent hyenas will strike again."