Chapter 64: Futility

Once we were back at the docks, I tried my best to collect myself.

I had taken the time to mark the location at the docks before we joined up with the adventuring party.

Just in case of an emergency, that is.

I could see my hands shaking and I saw Isabella down on her knees with her head between her hands.

She was mumbling something.

"I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry I couldn't save everyone... Please forgive me...make it stop... Please make them stop..." She whimpered.

This kept going for a few minutes while I tried to calm myself... I couldn't stop shaking.

That shadow dragon...that abomination did something to our minds. Never before in our lives had we witnessed such horror...

It was mimicking the voices of our fallen friends and family...even someone like Tyranus. An enemy.

I decided to glance around the docks to see if anyone was around.

It was dark outside and currently, the docks were mostly empty. I didn't see anyone around.

I turned to Isabella who was still whimpering in terror and leaned down to face her.

"Isabella, you need to get ahold of yourself. Please."

She slowly looked up at me with tears streaming down her face.

At her side, Bravery still glowed brightly.

For some reason, it didn't seem to have weakened despite her being terrified...

Perhaps it's because Arvild was, by definition, a coward? Or maybe the sword understood that someone could't be brave all the time.

"M-mizik..." Isabella whimpered as she grabbed onto me. "I'm so sorry! I let everyone die! Please don't hate me! I failed you...I failed everyone! All of our friends and family! They got eaten!"

I started to feel rain droplets on my head and placed a hand on her cheek.

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you, Isabella. But I need you to be strong. Please," I said.

I was still shaking as I spoke to her. Meanwhile the rain began falling harder.

"Mizik...I'm not strong... I've only just been doing this for you. Because I love you. I wanted to help you save the world! But it just feels so hopeless now..." Isabella confessed.

I leaned forward and kissed her.

"You're stronger than you think. That's just the fear talking. Without you, I never would have made it this far," I said.

I wasn't just trying to comfort her. I needed her to move past these thoughts.

Isabella hugged me tightly.

I held her close and stroked her hair as she cried on my chest. I kept telling her that it would be okay...

But I hated myself for lying.

Our world's fate was sealed. We hit an unbreakable wall. Our own mortality.

No matter how much we trained at this point, it didn't matter. Eventually, the Black Ooze would cover the world and completely overwhelm us.

As much as I hated to think about it...it was the truth.

I wanted to give up. There was no reason not to give up.

"Isabella...can I ask you something?" I said.

She slowly looked up at me with curiosity.

"Do you want to retire? Just go somewhere and live happily in the time we have left?" I asked.

"Wha...what about the Black Ooze? What about saving the world?" She asked.

"If you can think of a way to kill that dragon, I'm all ears. Otherwise, there isn't a point..."

Isabella looked away as she pulled back and tried to think.

"I can't think of anything. But maybe if the remaining countries got together, we could try something."

"Do you know how many are left?" I asked.

She shook her head sadly.

"The Source is still stronger. Many times stronger. If we can't even scratch that dragon, what chance do we stand against him? I think it's time to give up," I said.

"But...we can't! We can't just abandon everyone! It feels wrong...it's dirty..."

"I know it is. I don't like the idea myself, but...damn it all! I don't want to die like a dog never knowing what it's like to live peacefully!!!" I said as tears began streaming down my face.

"M-mizik..."

"All I want is to just stop fighting! I want to settle down with the one I love and live in peace! Work a day job, cook dinner, have children... Is that so wrong!? Why us!? Why do we have to throw our lives away!? Why do we have to die at the hands of an unkillable monster!? I...I DON'T WANT TO DIE THAT WAY!!!" I cried.

Isabella held me tightly as I whimpered. I hated myself for it, but I couldn't stop the tears.

"Aria...Maul...Cleo...everyone in Lorelei... They're all gone... Your family, Walter, even Cassandra. They were all eaten! Do you want that, Isabella? We know we can't win... Avernia is doomed. The world is already dead! Can't we just...enjoy the time we have left...?"

"I don't want to abandon everyone...but you're right... Is that selfish...? Is it okay for me to have desires of my own? To be human? I don't want to die to that dragon or even the Source... I...I want to be happy! I want to have a proper honeymoon! I want to live, Mizik!" She cried.

"It's fine! No one has to know! It wouldn't matter anyway, right? If the world is already doomed, then nothing matters anymore! Let's retire, Isabella! I'm through with all of this. I just want to run away with you, get a place to live, work a day job, and be happy."

Like I always wanted... A simple and peaceful life...

"Yes! Let's give up! Who cares!? If we're all going to die anyway, we can do whatever we want! But...where would we go?"

"I don't know, let's just get out of here first. Then we can decide."

After that, we got our armor off and put on our cloaks. Then we began checking the docks.

The rain kept pouring down hard as we walked.

At some point, we saw a steam boat floating at the edge of the port attended by a short man with a beard.

"Excuse me, sir? Is this your ship?" I asked.

"Wazzat? Aye. This is me ship. Can I help ye?" He asked.

"Are you currently about to set sail anywhere?" Isabella asked.

"Aye, we're goin' home. I heard this island was riddled with the plague. It's not worth the trouble of sellin' me stuff 'ere," the man said.

"Where is your home?" I asked.

"Where do ye think? I'm a dwarf. I come from the dwarven country Bekandr. Specifically the capital, Geldekairn," The dwarf said.

"We were wondering if we could pay you transport. We want to leave this place, too," I said.

"Forget it. There's hardly enough room for you two and me crew. Besides, I can't feed ye. It's a long trip from 'ere to Geldekairn," the dwarf said.

"We can feed ourselves. We don't need beds and we don't need a lot of space. Please," I said.

The dwarf considered it for a moment and then shook his head.

"I will not. I don't want to. Ye can't change me mind."

"Mizik, let me talk to him. Maybe I can convince him," Isabella sad.

"Ye might be a beautiful lass, but I will not budge on this."

"Not even for a hundred thousand gold?" Isabella said sweetly.

The dwarf's eyes bulged as he stared at her.

"A...hundred...thousand!?" He said.

"Yes. A hundred thousand each. For both of us. Is that a problem? You might already have too much money, so we can just leave if you really don't want us along... You do seem pretty well off," she said disappointedly. Isabella took my arm and almost pretended to leave.

"Wait! Ye have the money? I can afford to have the both of ye onboard...and for two hundred grand? Aye. Not a problem! Why didn't ye say so in the first place!?" The dwarf said.

I turned to Isabella and she smiled at me.

What would I do without you?

We paid the dwarf and were allowed on board. The ship was somewhat cramped and there were three other dwarves as well. Thankfully, we found a small space in the cargo hold for the two of us.

About an hour after we boarded, we felt the ship start shaking as it set off.

Once the shaking stopped, it felt relatively smooth.

"Thank you, Isabella. Without you, we wouldn't have gotten here," I said.

"It's not a problem. I'm just happy to help at this point. Without you, I'd be dead."

After she spoke, Isabella smiled and hugged me.

"By the way, Mizik, are you okay?" She asked.

No. I'm not.

"Mostly...I think. I'm losing my mind very slowly."

"Do you want to talk about it? I'm here for you, my love."

"I...really loved my family in Lorelei. Hearing their voices again...I just felt something break..." I said.

Isabella gently pulled me close.

"I know. It's okay...don't worry."

"It's not fair... Why did they have to die!? They didn't deserve it! I...I just wanted to see them one last time... Why!? Why couldn't I have even done that!?" I cried.

"But you will see them again. Both of us will. Eventually, we'll die too. And that's okay. As long as we're together, we can get through anything, Mizik. So please, let it all out. Let's enjoy the time we have left."

It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear...but she was right.

I accepted it. This world was doomed.

And eventually, we would all meet again.

I continued crying on Isabella's chest for quite a while. Eventually, I stopped and fell asleep.

* * *

Several days later, I felt beyond refreshed. I had been holding in so much stress and anguish that it was driving me mad.

Both Isabella and I were having nightmares about the shadow dragon on a regular basis. Constantly seeing our 'comrades' getting eaten and warped into monsters.

And of course, the voices...

Those damn voices...

That abomination projected the voices of people we loved.

Even though Cassandra was a terrible human being, I wouldn't have wished such a fate on her.

To be honest, I wouldn't have even wished that on Tyranus. He was a rotten son of a bitch, but Tyranus didn't deserve that. No one did.

Aria, however, was a different story.

She was the second nicest woman I had ever met. Behind Isabella, of course.

She didn't deserve to die so young and definitely didn't deserve to be eaten. None of them did. I swore I would never forget them... They showed me so much love and kindness in my darkest hour and I vowed to return the favor.

It broke my heart that I would never get the chance to make them happy. To help them out and see them again.

But I had come to understand something important in these past couple of years: death was a part of life.

We are born, we live, and we die.

I knew for a fact that there would be a lot more death waiting wherever we went. I needed to mentally prepare myself for it. I decided to try to not get attached to anyone ever again. I would have only Isabella.

It would just be us.

If need be, we could easily work with others and even have aquaintances. But I didn't want to set myself up for more heartbreak.

Isabella agreed.

And furthermore, we also had no idea how much longer we had until the end.

I pulled out my map, but it didn't show anything. It wouldn't update the landscape, unfortunately.

Regardless, the two of us made efforts on the ship to help out whenever we could.

On occasion, we would stop to get food for the lot of us. The dwarves loved my cooking and the captain was even more delighted to have had us tag along.

I was just happy to go fishing and to eat what I caught.

I really loved fish.

We helped clean and I learned a few things about the machinery that the ship operated on. I couldn't help my curiosity.

Nearly a month after we left Hakumo, we saw the great mountain of Skadi. Within it, was the dwarven city of Geldekairn.