Chapter 52 Feelings

Since KK left, Santichai has received daily text messages from Asnee to see him. Santichai knew he needed to draw a line between himself and Asnee, so he agreed to meet Asnee. He's standing in front of a busy restaurant, and Santichai hesitates to walk in, but he knows Decha is right about one thing. If he's really going to get on with his life, he's going to have to face his fears, and his biggest fear is Asnee. He wiped his sweaty palms beside his trousers and walked into the restaurant. As soon as he entered the restaurant, he saw Asnee sitting on the other side of the glass window.

The waiter asked, "Do you have a reservation?"

Santichai said, "I'm here to meet Mr. Siriporn."

The waiter smiled and said, "Oh, this way please."

Santichai followed the waiter out of the restaurant and into an open space. He pulled the chair back and Santichai sat down.

Santichai clenched his sweaty hands tightly, not daring to look Asnee in the eyes. He didn't say a word, "I... I'm here...what do you want to talk about?"

Asnee said, "I heard you went back to college."

Santichai said, "Frank told you."

Asnee gasped heavily through his nostrils. He said madly, "Frank doesn't need to tell me, it's all over the student group chat."

Santichai said, "That part was just some mischief by other students." He rolled his eyes and looked at Asnee. His heart almost stopped beating when he saw Asnee. Asnee is still as handsome as when they first met. Even though they haven't seen each other up close in a long time, Asnee is still the same. "Is...is that all you want to say?"

Asnee said, "I've been working on a project here for a while, and I don't have a place to live, I want to live in your house."

Santichai said, "Sorry, the house is now occupied by Chirawan and her daughter."

Asnee sat up with his arms on the table and looked at Santichai with his fists clenched. He asked, "Chirawan, the woman who chased you back in high school?"

Santichai looked down at Asnee's fists, "Mmm."

Asnee looked at Santichai and asked, "Where do you live now?"

Santichai said, "At..." He looked at Asnee's fists. "At...Hinata's home."

Asnee gritted his teeth and said frantically, "Don't mention his name in front of me?"

Santichai looked at Asnee and said, "Why?" He sighed. "I believe you know the answer well. I have told Mrs. Siriporn that I give you, my blessing."

Asnee gritted his teeth, "I don't care what my mother says to you, but Chai, you and I have known each other since childhood, you should know in your heart that I really love you, why do you run away from me, and dare to date others." His fist slammed heavily on the table, and the glass of water fell to the ground.

Santichai said, "Asnee...then I'll ask you. Did you feel hurt when you found out that I was dating another man?"

Asnee gritted his teeth, "Do you need to ask?"

Santichai said, "Today, if you want to talk, let's talk." He felt that today might be the day when he would express himself in front of Asnee because in their ten-year relationship, he had never dare to speak his mind once.

Asnee looked at Santichai angrily, "Then go ahead and tell me what your reason is."

Santichai said, "The reason is that we broke up."

Asnee shouted, "I never agreed to break up with you. Do you remember what I told you on our first date...?" he shouted. "You are not allowed to like anyone but me because you're mine!"

Santichai said, "Asnee, it was you who broke up with me. You left me behind and even when I chased after you until my feet were bleeding, you didn't even stop the car. Do you remember when you asked us to get back together? You also promised me, you will not leave me for another person."

Asnee shouted, "I've never left you for anyone!"

Santichai said, "You have left me a long time ago, but I am too blind to realize it. I am too afraid to accept the reality, and the reality is that you were not mine in the first place."

Asnee's anger rose, "You dare talk back even when you are the one who is at fault."

Santichai said, "Why do you only see other people's faults, not your own?"

Asnee grinned, "Did your new boyfriend teach you to talk back?"

Santichai said, "Our problem has nothing to do with him."

Asnee angrily said, "If it wasn't for him... you would never leave me. If it wasn't for him, you would never talk back to me. It's all his fucking fault."

Santichai said, "Have you ever thought that when you date Van, go on a blind date, or impress your friends by bringing other women home to sleep in the bed we share, all of these actions can hurt me? You know how painful it is to pick up the phone to book a hotel room, or walk behind you and watch you flirt and hug another person? Have you ever thought about it? " Revisiting his past always brings tears to his eyes." You know what, after your flight took off, I waited at the airport for two hours, falsely... wish you could get out of that terminal and come home with me." His lips trembled and tears rolled down his cheeks. "Or because you know I have no one else to rely on but you, and you can do whatever you want with me? Or is it because you know I love you so much that no matter what you do, I won't leave you?" He swallowed the anger and fear in his heart. "Have you ever thought that I am a real person and have real feelings; I can feel pain, and my feelings can be hurt by the actions of others?" Then his phone rang, and it was KK who called him, and he didn't answer. He slowly got up from his chair and looked at Asnee.

Listening on the other side of the table, Asnee never knew Santichai felt this way inside. He always thought that if he told Santichai in advance and Santichai agreed, it would be fine. Over the years, he has never thought about Santichai's feelings, his neglect of Santichai, but he did all of that so he could climb the ladder and stand on his own instead of relying on his parents. He did his best to build a future with Santichai while keeping his parents happy.

Santichai remembers the stranger standing at the door saying, 'If you think you can't live without him then walk in there and claim him, but if you don't want to go back and drown yourself into the same sorrow, then walk out that door and begin a new chapter in your life'. It is this encouragement that Santichai needs to cut the last rope that binds him to Asnee.

Asnee said sadly, "Chai...whatever I did in the past, I always ask you before doing things."

Santichai shook his head, "You ask me, what can I say other than agree? If I say no, you'll run out and be gone for weeks at a time, or until I agree. I know you know I can't live without you. I know I'm sick...I'm so sick that I refuse to take advice from others because you're my sickness, but Asnee...that night at that bar...I left my sickness on that floor and started a new chapter in my life. It was the stranger's words that encouraged me to cut the last rope that tied my hand to yours." He wiped his tears. KK's words "Last year, Bell Rose Cafe, seven months ago, Secret Palace" suddenly flooded into his mind. He suddenly felt a burst of happiness, so the stranger standing at the door was KK.

Asnee looked at Santichai, wanted to rush over and pull Santichai into his arms, took three steps forward, but suddenly stopped. He knew that if he and Santichai got back together now, he and Santichai would go back to where they first started. He said, "Chai, trust me... trust me again. What I did in the past was for us to have a better life in the future. I'm almost there, don't leave me at this time."

Santichai said, "Asnee, I have always listened to you in the past, no matter what you want me to do, I will do it obediently, just because you are my lifeline and the only shining light in my dark world... I have no one else but you, so I'm trying my best not to go against your will." His phone continued to ring, a prompt message from KK. "Just because you're holding an umbrella doesn't mean you won't get wet. Goodbye, Asnee." He hurried out of the restaurant and into the street.

Asnee stood up and chased after Santichai.

Santichai stopped at the crosswalk and picked up his phone. He tried his best to hide his crying. He said, "KK...Are you about to land now?"

KK said, "I'm at the airport now, but you're not here to pick me up."

Santichai said, "Mmm...I'm...I'm..."

KK said, "What's wrong? Are you crying?"

Santichai said, "No...I... I'm going to visit Kulap..." Asnee grabbed the phone from Santichai. "Ai Nee..."

Asnee grabbed Santichai's hand and put the phone to his ear. He angrily said, "You... fucking bastard, listen carefully...Ai Chai is mine."

KK said sharply, "You also listen well, he was yours, but now he is mine."