Guardian: Memory Mess

By the time I reached the local Post, I was wind-blown and half-frozen. The on-duty Guardian gave me a once over, chewed me out for flying in a thunderstorm, and assigned me a room. The familiar bathhouse and the kitchen with its eternally simmering pot of stew soothed my ruffled feathers in a way the EMBG's eccentricity couldn't.

You made the right choice. A borrowed flannel sleep pants provided just the right level of coziness as I rocked in the guestroom hammock. My denims hung to dry on the pegs beside the door, just as they would have in my home perch. Tomorrow, if the storm's cleared, you can fly back to the Training Post and find out if you passed your exam. I didn't see how I could've failed — I delivered the message, right? But worry plagued me as I drifted off to sleep.

I woke early and dressed quickly. Flatbread, still warm from the pan, was stacked in the kitchen, and I used some to scoop mouthfuls of stew while I ate standing. I had just set my scrubbed bowl in the drying rack when a familiar grey-haired Guardian strode into the kitchen. My mouth went dry and my stomach twisted around the food.

"Memory Guardian Mergen. Good morning." I dried my hands on a bit of towel and stood awkwardly next to the sink.

"Are we being formal, Cairn?" Mergen's voice bordered on icy.

"I… don't know." I searched her face for a hint of where this discussion was going. "Are we?"

After a long pause, she sighed and shook her head.

"No, we are not." She gestured to the low, padded seats in the common area attached to the kitchen. "Have a seat."

I walked over and sat, trying to keep to the edge of the padding, but its cushioning gave beneath me, forcing me to lean back. Mergen picked a spot close by that allowed her a clear view of my every move. Prickles danced across my skin and up my scalp as Mergen cast a bubble shield around the seating area and it clicked that I wasn't getting out of this conversation.

"You left. Knowing you were sealed. After Erebus told you I wished to speak with you both."

I winced and scrambled for an explanation, but when I opened my mouth, Mergen held up a hand to forestall me.

"Erebus already told me he was excessively rude. And the EMBG is more than prepared to deal with guests leaving in haste, as I'm sure you noticed."

My lips quirked at this description of the ushers who'd steered me wordlessly from the tent.

"What I don't know is what happened after you left. You were gone for most of the day, and when you returned, you left again."

"I… I'm…" Fear stilled my tongue, and I swallowed against it. That didn't stop my quartz from burning against my breastbone. This is a Guardian — bones, it's the Memory Guardian! If she wanted you dead, she wouldn't need to leave you out in the rain. "I think something tripped the seal." I bit my lip, stopping myself short of drawing blood.

Mergen's head tipped like a raptor focusing on its prey.

"Something? No." She shook her head. "Not something. But go on."

"I don't remember!" Suddenly dizzy, I dragged my fingers through my hair. "I flew out of the EMBG. Then I was lying in the mud, soaked. Kit showed up — said something vague about not being allowed to come after me sooner, and how she couldn't tell who told her not to."

"That, unfortunately, sounds very much like Kit. Careful questioning might lead to deeper answers, but her brother is unlikely to allow it." Mergen leaned back, tipping her head up to study the ceiling.

I fidgeted in the silence, wishing I dared get up and pace. But the shield was tight to the seats, leaving no room. My heart dropped into my stomach. Mergen shielded us so no one at the Post can hear us. Does that mean she suspects a Flit is involved?

"This… isn't good," Mergen said at length. She drummed her fingers on the cushion. "It's not safe to leave you sealed — clearly. You could have died yesterday, which is not the purpose of a seal. But you know just enough to get yourself in serious trouble."

Just enough about what? I bit my lip against the question; my head said that Mergen wouldn't let the seal knock me out, but my blind trust was falling away like a chick's down.

"There's no help for it." Mergen sat up and her eyes bore into mine. "Your Guardian test was not the usual one, as you might have gathered by now. There are Trade Routes — very dangerous ones — that connect not just here to there, but now to then. They aren't traveled lightly, and I was stunned to find we had assigned you that Route."

My crystal heated at Mergen's words, warning me that the seal was still in place, but the knowledge she gave me spun all the pieces into place; why Erebus hadn't recognized me, why Mergen herself had been so startled at the message. It might even explain what Kit was saying about deep Routes. But that would mean she knows about them, too. I squirmed, but couldn't ask if Mergen knew about Kit's potential knowledge.

"You can't tell anyone about this. Even Erebus wasn't supposed to be told until he stepped up to take my place. And you must not travel those Routes. You'll be able to recognize them now, but they aren't safe. Not for you, and not for time itself."

I nodded slowly. How close did you come to dying on that Route, with your cock-sure knowledge that you wouldn't have been sent on an unsafe Route? A shiver traced my spine.

"Do you swear to not speak a word about this? To stay off the Routes that stray from the now?" Mergen's stare tried to bore into my soul, and I could only smile and nod uneasily while my crystal tried to burn a hole through my chest. "Bones and feathers! I forgot to unseal you."

Mergen's quartz flashed bright enough to show above her shirt's collar, and mine flashed in sympathy. I gasped as the pressure released me and rubbed my chest to soothe the lingering ache.

"I swear I won't speak of this, and I'll stay off the Routes," I repeated fervently. I think I've let death stoop on me enough for a long while.

Mergen closed her eyes, breathing deep and releasing a sigh as she leaned back on the cushion.

"Thank you." She hesitated. "If myself, or another of the head Guardians, brings it up in a shielded space, you can, of course, talk to us."

"Does Erebus know?" I asked. "And Lila?"

"Erebus, yes, and he's also sworn to secrecy." Mergen frowned. "Lila has been avoiding me again. She often does, moody child." With a shrug, she continued, "However, given how she's ignoring everything except her mourning, I very much doubt she noticed anything off about your arrival."

Mourning? My mind raced, and several things — Lila flying away when I tried to talk to her, Erebus's mention of a memorial — fell into focus. But who died?

"She didn't even linger to see if you were whole from the trip." Mergen's lips tightened and her eyes went cold and distant. "That's unacceptable behavior for a Guardian."

Silence fell between us, and I studied Mergen's hard face.

"So," I said after a time. "What now?"

"Hmm?" She focused on me again. "Oh, we'll be heading to the Training Post, on schedule. You, however, will need to wait here for ten days, then take the normal Route back. You've definitely earned your gauntlets." Mergen's head tilted again. "What had you planned to request as your first assignment?"

My heart raced; I'd hoped I'd passed, but it had to be official if the Memory Guardian said it. Your first Post, huh?

"I'd hoped for Ismene Post, actually." The words popped from my mouth before I could censor them. Ismene Post; Erebus's — and Lila's — Home Post.

"Really?" Mergen's brows rose, then her lips quirked. "Why?"

"Well…" I hesitated. None of the trainees have ever taken me seriously. But maybe… "It's the original Training Post. We — our Guild — we started there. And then it was lost, because people were too superstitious or... Well." I flushed. "I want to work with the Out Posters. If we just try, I'm sure we can renew the connections we had with the people there."

"An interesting notion. Dangerous, too." Mergen's eyes seemed to read my soul, and I couldn't help but look away.

"I know. It'd have to be done carefully. But I know we can."

"Perhaps." Mergen's eyes were focused on something much more distant than me again. "We'll have to see what we can do to give you a chance."

A fresh wash of tingles swept over me as Mergen broke the shield and rose to her feet. As she walked away, I slumped further into the chair's padding.

Ten days? Time for a bit of R and R.