Safe Spaces

There was nothing more painful than becoming your own undoing. Yet even more painful than that was being helpless to pick up the pieces.

Terror was like second nature to me. It was a cruel friend. Bittersweetly familiar, weighing me down like cold tar spilled upon my shoulders. I was the victim of my own powers, surrounded by horrifying scenarios I knew would never exist. Nonetheless, they still irked me.

Terror dragged me to the table, and it sat me beside my own panic.

What they dined on was my heart, and my mind was their delicacy. If terror was a cruel friend, panic was a plague permeating off my skin. Wherever I went it rolled off of me in waves, causing people around me to lose their minds. If I wasn't careful, hysteria would follow my every step, and it led me to be avoided by all the rest of the gods. Well, almost all of them.

"Brother! If you don't come out this instant I swear I will walk in and...and open the blinds!"

It was a harmless threat, one I figured might benefit my shut-in self. However, I made no indication of moving. The bed was safe and comfy, terror and panic were under wraps...did I really have to interact with people today?

Unfortunately, my silence was apparently the last straw for my brother. Suddenly, Phobos barged inside. He gasped at the state of my cluttered room, tsking in rather unsurprising disappointment.

As per usual, I was wrapped up in a mountain of plush blankets and sitting on my bed. In my hands was a book–the third one this morning–with other novels scattered around my junkyard of a room.

"Reading in the dark again? This is why you can't see for shit little brother. Though I suppose the glasses do help distinguish who is who." Phobos raised an eyebrow as he stood at the door, trying his best to glare at me.

We were twin brothers, and spitting images of one another. We shared jet black skin and glowing white hair, iridescent eyes no doubt from our mother's side. Exquisite eyes stared into my own identical pair with concern, and I turned away from Phobos.

We were so similar, yet so different. Phobos was adored, yet I…

"...Why have you come?" I spoke before my thoughts spiraled. I needed control of my emotions to keep my powers at bay. I reached for my glasses, a pair of thick lenses with silver frames on my nightstand.

I regretted wearing them, however, when I could clearly see the mischievous grin on my brother's face.

"You've spent far too long drowning in the fantasies mortals create. You need to live in reality Dei! Tonight there's going to be a party at Zeus' palace–Hera's birthday–and you're coming with me."

Dread was the only word to accurately describe what I immediately felt. I hadn't been out of Ares' palace for any reason other than battle in...forever. Now phobos wanted me to attend a party?

Most of Olympus was buzzing with tension and drama, something my powers could easily escalate. I would be a walking ticking time bomb. Besides, no one would want me there anyway.

I doubted they even remembered my name.

What was wrong with staying in my room? Books were nice, they let me escape to a world where I didn't exist, where problems were solved through the powers of love and friendship, two things I doubted I'd ever experience.

Frowning, I shuffled out of my room and past Phobos. I hoped he'd get the memo and l let the idea go, but my silence only spurred him on.

"Come on Dei! You've been alive for millennia, but I can't think of a single person you call your friend. You're only ever training for war, fighting in one, or reading some stupid love story–" I spun on my heel, raising a finger to silence the god of fear.

"They are not stupid, they're well-written, relaxing stories that aren't always about romance."

"Even that one that was practically fairie po–"

"Another word and I'll rip your head from your shoulders." Phobos only laughed in response, tossing me an apple once we arrived at the kitchen. I caught it with ease, taking an aggressive bite out of it before fixing Phobos with a glare.

"I'm not going. If it's in Zeus' palace that means most of the pantheon will be there… which is a hard pass for me." I didn't say anything more, knowing that Phobos didn't need me to elaborate on why.

Phobos was the god of fear and I was the god of terror and panic. We practically controlled the same emotions, but the key difference was in who and what felt these emotions. When mortals prayed to Phobos he sapped fear from them, giving it to their enemies and ensuring victory. When mortals prayed to me, however, they hardly ever achieved the same result.

Terror and panic had no direction, no way to differentiate friend or foe. They captured every person on the battlefield, leaving them paralyzed in the face of death. Eventually, the mortals gave up on me and turned completely to my brother instead.

After being completely abandoned by those meant to worship me...I became a stain on the family. What good was a god who couldn't properly answer prayers? Worst yet, I couldn't completely stop terror and panic from occasionally rolling off of me in waves and affecting those around me. As a result, no one wanted to come near me, not when it would risk triggering panic attacks and unending terror.

I was a failure, something to be ignored until it slowly faded away. I was lucky Phobos' power could take my own, or else even my brother would avoid me, not that my own kin didn't already.

Suddenly, the door of our home unlocked, and both Phobos and I stiffened. When we heard the clack of high heels against marble floor we both relaxed.

"Baby, you're up! Come and give mama a hug!" Scratch that, no one would come near me save for Phobos...and Aphrodite.

My mother walked into the kitchen, lighting up the area with her ethereal beauty, making a beeline for me. I knew not to protest, opening my arms and letting my mother wrap her arms around my waist.

Sometimes I wondered how I was related to her, with her soft pink hair and captivating green eyes strongly contrasting my own dreary features. I could somewhat see her in Phobos. They both shared the same bubbly personality I was jealous of, but how the hell had I come about?

"Oh Dei baby, did you stay up again? You've got dark circles. Oh honey, why don't you take a little nap? I can make a warm cup of milk if you'd like." Aphrodite fretted over me, reaching up to cup her hands around my face with worry.

She was coddling me like I was a child despite the fact that I stood at least an entire foot taller than her. I was practically bent ninety degrees just to let her examine my face, sheepishly nodding.

"Yes, I'm sorry mother. I'll go to bed early tonight–"

"Nu-uh, not on my watch you won't. Dei is coming with me tonight, we're going to Hera's birthday party!" I shot Phobos a warning look, but there was nothing much you could do to frighten the god of fear.

Aphrodite's eyebrows shot up, and she bounced on the balls of her feet while organizing her groceries.

"Oh! Is that so? That's good for you baby! You've been cooped up in your bedroom for ages, I don't even remember the last time you went out." Aphrodite smiled up at me in delight, the sight making my heart waver a bit. I really didn't want to go, but now that Mother was so excited, how could I say no?

"Ah, yes. I forgot. I'm going to this… party." I said the words with little enthusiasm, inwardly wincing when Aphrodite brightened up. Phobos held back a snicker, snatching a chocolate bar out of Aphrodite's hand before she could put it in the pantry. She shot him a scolding look, but allowed him to have it anyway.

"Hmm, well your father and I will be getting there early to help Hera get ready. You know how grand she likes her celebrations. I'm sure he'll be stressed, keeping Zeus and Hera from ripping each other's heads off." I nodded, knowing perfectly well what she meant.

My father, Ares, didn't acknowledge me at all. I was simply a shadow by his side that didn't speak to him unless it had to do with an upcoming battle. As far as he was concerned, I didn't exist.

Aphrodite was really saying one thing, and one thing alone: Don't run into your father.

"Come to my room in a couple of hours little bro, we need to get you freshened up. If I'm gonna be taking you out, you're going to look the part." Phobos' words brought me out of my gloom.

He gave me a once over, almost as if he was judging my appearance. If not for Aphrodite being there I would have decked the brat right then and there. Instead I simply groaned, rubbing my face in my hands.

Not even ten minutes had gone by since I decided to attend, and already wishing I could go home.