- Forgive me mother

*Lorenzo's point of view*

When I was a young boy, perhaps about fourteen or fifteen, I met this older lady. She was from Palermo, same as my grandfather, and was close to our family. Her name was Sofia. My father asked her to check up on me, as I was living on my own – he didn't have the time to do such a ''kind hearted'' thing.

So she went to my apartment two or three times a week, to make sure that I got something to eat. The reason why I'm mentioning this, is because she told me something that still, up to this day, helps me see things clearer.

I was having a rough time, because I didn't want to go to school, and hated everything about it. The teachers, my classmates and the rules that followed – no one, and I mean no one beside my father, can tell me what to do.

So I did what I thought would be best, I kicked the shit out of my math teacher, and obviously got expelled – which was my plan all along. My father laughed it off, and didn't think there was an issue – like father like son, I guess. But my mother and Sofia was disappointed, and I still remember the look on my mother's face, the day the principal called her.

Sofia on the other hand, didn't say a word. She called Ricky, who drove me back to my apartment. She sat in the car with me, but didn't say a word. I remember, that she was knitting a sweater for her dog, and I thought it was odd.

When we arrived to my apartment, she went for the fridge, and took out two bottles of beer. She seated herself on one of my barstools, and asked me to do the same. She handed me the beer, and with a determined look on her face, she said:

''Hurting someone's feelings is as easy as throwing a rock in the ocean, but do you know how deep that rock goes?''

I sat for a while, and tried to think about her question. I was unsure what she meant – I didn't hurt anyone's feelings, I just punched a teacher?

''You see, mio amato, that teacher had a life, just like you. But now she's scarred for life, because you would rather go home and play videogames, rather than learning. And learning, my dear boy, is the key to everything. You can easily take over your fathers business one day, you two are so much alike, but you will never know how to separate right from wrong, if you aren't smart!''

- I remember that she smacked the side of my head, as she said 'smart'. ''School makes you smart, whether you like it or not. Now, I'm not your mother, your boss or even family, but I do care for you. Please, get an education, and then decide what path you want.''

She was like an Italian fairy-godmother, but with anger-issues instead of wings.

I got an education, thanks to her, god bless her soul. I even went to college, just to try and see what life as a normal American feels like. And I knew that she was right, I am forever thankful for the conversation we had, in my kitchen, ten years ago. But she didn't prepare me for this. I am so close to taking over my families empire, it's everything I've ever wanted. I've worked so hard, for this day.

And now it suddenly doesn't feel right. I promised myself, when I started working for my father, at age sixteen, that I would do anything – and I mean a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g! – to live up to my father's expectations, so I could become the don one day. And now, I'm only a few steps away from that dream to come true.

My younger self would have mocked me for even considering giving up the throne, for a woman. I would have told myself to man up, and to remember what my future would look like, if I chose love over power.

And damn, power tastes so fucking good. With power, you can get everything you want – cars, the best kind of women and money that would make Bill Gates look poor. And I didn't want that weakness in my life, I had no use for that.

As I got back to my apartment, after saying goodbye to Adrena, I told Simona to make me some coffee. I needed the caffeine, and a cigarette.

''Mr. Mancini, it was a nice girl you brought over! Not like the last one, she was a handful.'' Simona said, as she started the espresso maker.

''Yes, she is, I mean was, nice. But you won't see her again,'' I said, as I lit a cigarette.

''Mio! No smoking inside, it'll stain the walls! I've told you a million times!'' she shouted, as she waved a cloth in the air.

– ''Sorry my love, I'll put it out,'' I replied, as I took a last drag, and threw it in the sink. She rolled her eyes at me. I liked Simona, she's different from the other maids I've had.

She's a bit older, and maybe a little 'worn out', but she treats me well, and doesn't interfere with my work – but she does tell me, if she thinks I'm being an asshole, which I actually like, almost no one else has the nerve to do so.

''You need to start thinking about your life, Mr. Mancini. Don't you want a wife someday? I see all these women coming in and out of this place, and I never see them again. They always look angry, they don't look like healthy women, and they all look the same. This girl, she was polite! You now, she didn't even want me to make her breakfast – and she wasn't deadly skinny, she looked healthy and like a stable girl. Why would you let her go?''

If Simona only knew, how bad I wanted Adrena to stay. I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I have done, but I had to do it. She's just a girl, nothing else.

''Because she was boring, Simona. Stop being so old fashioned, I don't need a wife, I have you!'' I said, as I blew her a kiss. She blushed and shook her head.

''You are crazy, Mr. Mancini. I'm sure you'll find a good wife someday, I'll pray for you.''

She handed me the espresso, and walked out of the kitchen. I went to the living room, and seated in one of the armchairs. ''Puccini: La Boheme'' was playing from my record player in the background. I should be celebrating - with my friends, and maybe a few ladies. But I was In no mood for such a thing, not only is my uncle dead, but I also betrayed a girl, who in no way deserved what's coming for her.

I got lost in my own conscience, but was brought back to reality sonly after, because of my phone that was vibrating in my pocket.

It was my mother, Elena.

As I got up and walked towards the bar, I answered: ''Ciao mamma, how are you?''

I could hear her heavy breathing through the phone, she sounded like she was crying. ''Lorenzo… my son, what have you done?''

Her voice cracked, and it broke my heart. My mother is the most important woman in my life, next to my grandmother Lucia. If anyone was to ever touch a single hair on their heads, I would skin them alive and burn their skinless corpses, until it would turn into nothing but ashes.

''What do you mean, mamma? Why are you crying?''

''The girl, Lorenzo! The girl! Have I taught you nothing? I am disgusted by you!'' she shouted, while I could hear her sobbing.

I knew she was right, I couldn't argue with that. But she had no fucking idea what's at stake, she doesn't know how the business works.

''Mamma, don't cry. I did what I had to do, I know you don't understand, but please, don't be like this.''

She didn't say anything for a while, and neither did I. I pressed the phone up against my ear. I could still hear her crying.

''Mamma.. please don't cry.''

A couple of seconds went by, before she answered. ''I don't cry for you, Lorenzo, I cry for the girl. You and your father doesn't deserve the love I give you, you don't deserve good women. I have nothing more to say, goodbye Lorenzo.''

She hung up.

The silence felt so loud, and yet I could still hear traffic outside.

The only thing more painful, than feeding Adrena to the beasts, was to hear my mother's cry. The only one who could comfort her, was either me or my father. I walked towards the bar, and poured myself a glass of whiskey. I bottomed the drink, and called him.

''Yes Lorenzo?'' he sounded stressed.

''Ciao, Pedro. Have you talked with mamma? She knows.''

He sighed and said: ''I know - I told her. And please don't disturb me, I am mourning. What's done is done, just let it go. Goodbye,''

He hung up.

There was only one last person to call – the man who killed Igor.

''How bad is it?'' Vance said, as I called him.

''Pretty fucking bad. You shouldn't have killed Igor, now I'm fucked.''

The jerkoff apologized, but it made no difference. He was not in any way affected by this, even though he was the one with blood on his hands.

I told him about what happened last night, about Dante and lastly, about Adrena.

''Shit, that's fucked up. Did you really give her to the russies, just like that?'' Vance asked, in a shocking voice.

''Shut the fuck up, what was I supposed to do? My father would cut me off, if I didn't. And I don't see you complaining about the benefits you get from me, do I?''

He cleared his throat. ''I guess not. But it isn't right, Lorenzo. I'm on your mother's side on this one.''

I got angry, he clearly didn't understand a thing. ''Then what do you suggest I do, you son of a bitch? Are you that stupid? Don't you understand that it's my only option?'' I shouted.

He didn't seem affected by my yelling – Vance is one of the only people in this world, who doesn't give a shit.

''I think you're the one who's stupid, Lorenzo. I've known you for what, twenty years? And this is the first time throughout our friendship, where I seriously doubt your character. I know you're a coldhearted bastard, but this is unforgivable. You have to save her Lorenzo, it's the only right thing to do.''

I hung up, out of pure anger. My hands were shaking, and I was in no control of my temper. The glass with whiskey in my hand broke, as I tightened the grip around it. I knew that Vance was right, I fucking knew it. But he doesn't understand the consequences, no one does.

I can't save her, It'll cost me my business. And maybe my life, if the russies catch me. What am I supposed to do?

I can't do anything. And if, IF I tried to, how am I supposed to proceed with it? There's no way I'm going to Millburn, the whole town is filled with those disgusting rats. No fucking way.

I got a headache, and decided to go to bed. I'll feel much better tomorrow, after a couple of Xanax and a long rest.

I headed for my bedroom, and took of my clothes. I glanced at myself in the mirror, and searched for something – something that would ease my mind. But there was nothing. I stared blank into the mirror, and was met by a man who was nothing but a coward.

''Hurting someone's feelings is as easy as throwing a rock in the ocean, but do you know how deep that rock goes?'' Sofia's words lingered in my head.

I couldn't help but laugh, as I was suddenly certain.

I had to save Adrena.