Grandfather (part 1)

Little Prince Vajradandaka did not feel the ground below his feet. Was he standing in air? He did not feel any breeze. Was he in water? He did not feel buoyancy. He only knew that there was no ground beneath his feet. And he only knew he surely was in this mystical space on account of vision perspective. For example, on his side was an adult. He couldn't see him properly because Vajradandaka was facing forward, but the peripheral vision clearly proved he was there. Of course, he couldn't turn either to see who he was because this wasn't just a mystical experience, it was also a memory. Another strange thing was, in this experience, Vajradandaka was not a little child. He was in all likelihood an adult as well. Depending on the height perspective, this was what he could see. He wasn't much shorter than the adult at his side, but he got the feeling that he wasn't fully grown just yet. There was sort of youthfulness that he could feel which made the experience ever more exuberant and lifelike.

It feels like it's happening now, but that was only a feeling. From the number of times the little prince experienced this same mystical experience, he could infer this was perhaps a memory that happened a long long time ago. But also…something that is still happening. It feels like the scene has began at that frame from the mystical experience, jumped to his life as Prince Vajradandaka and when all his experiences on Earth are finished, that original frame would unfreeze and life would continue on from the same point! Which in turn means that while this was a memory, it was also still happening in the background and it probably would only end after his own life was long finished. The truth of the nature of this mystical experience was widely entwined with the summation of his own life and death. This is what makes it scary for him every time he remembers this.

This was precisely his very first memory, which he formed at less than three years of age. Only after remembering this did he feel self-awareness and experience his robust, fifteen-year old brother throwing him up in the air and catching him playfully.

The adult who was at his side waved casually in the dark void. Two scenes were seen in front, playing side by side. There were two babies. Holding the babies were two tall, strong men. The details of their faces and dressing were vague, but both figures made Vajradandaka's heart throb a little. They were important.

Both men were simultaneously laughing, their large chests booming with the robust sounding of their laughter. They each threw the baby in their hands up into their air. One baby was laughing, enjoying the sudden weightlessness. The other baby was startled for a moment. By the second time it was lifted up and thrown, it started bawling.

It was as though watching a different world. Vajradandaka was quiet beside the man. By this part of the memory, he usually recognizes he wasn't Vajradandaka at all. The observer shares the same soul as him, but it wasn't him. The one who was standing beside that mystical adult, who was he?

The adult asks him, "Which baby do you want to be? The laughing one or the crying one?" His voice was unlike a voice. The tone was unlike a tone. It was as though, he has spoken, yet no sound was made.

Strange, in the void, there was no sound. It was then that Vajradandaka observes thin hair like tendrils extending from the nape and shoulder blades of that strange adult and reaching him. These tendrils were translucent and ethereal, in the void where there was no ground beneath the feet, these tendrils softly spread out without gravity, creating many patterns in the endless darkness. Seemingly emitting or perhaps absorbing radiation, they created a soft halo around the adult. It isn't up to then in the memory that Vajradandaka observes that these tendrils exist around him too. And they reach out from him to interact with the other person's own more well defined strands. And these 'interactions' were the source of words. Indeed, in the void, everything is silent…

A strange silence comes over the observer as he watches the two babies. An important consideration. But he still answers without hesitation, "The crying one."

The adult is surprised. But he only smiles in amusement, asking, "Why?"

"He has more self-awareness," the observer answers.

"Hmm…" the adult pauses in silence. Then he says slowly, with words without sound, "In choosing fates, this was your first test. And you failed."

The observer, who was not yet a complete adult is startled. He implores with a gaze towards the adult to enlighten him. It occurs to Vajradandaka that it was very important to that observer to choose the right fate. It was as though the fate of the entire universe depends on his one choice. Vajradandaka could feel the observer's heart clenching painfully in fear of failing.

More so, the observer even reaches out to his own consciousness at this moment. As if recognising Vajradandaka as his other self, as if knowing he's watching…He jolts the little prince's nerves as if the prince was the one responsible for this choice.

Indeed, have I chosen this life of mine? Vajradandaka wonders every time he 'remembers', or shall we say, 'interacts' with this memory.