Fade with Time (Pt.2)

"Now that we are wed, what shall I call you?"

Jimin looked up at the sound of his bride's voice. From across his private chambers, she stood awkwardly. Dressed in loose robes that revealed her womanly shape, Jimin drank in her appearance. In the dim light, his eyes roamed down her slender profile. Her long, ebony hair reached down to her waist; her bosom made visible by the translucent material. Jimin felt a rush of warmth flood down his torso. He had never seen a woman's body before, and it mesmerised him. Tentatively, the empress drew closer, the sweet scent of roses trailing behind. But as she climbed onto the bed, Jimin caught sight of her face and the enchantment wore off. His heart sank at the realisation. She was not her.

Oblivious to his disappointment, the empress continued with her seduction, "It would be strange if I were to call you 'Your Majesty' even when we are alone." Her eyes were trained on his lips as she spoke. She reached to touch him but Jimin caught her hand and gently pushed it away.

"You can call me whatever you wish, Your Highness." His hands travelled down her shoulders as he reached for the thin robe that had slipped. Just when the empress thought he would proceed to undress her, Jimin did the opposite. He gently pulled the material back into place, his fingertips like fire against her skin. "You should get some rest," he spoke haltingly, "It has been a long day." Without another word, Jimin rolled over to his side.

Stung by his rejection, the empress tugged the robe tighter around her. It had been several weeks since her arrival and still the emperor regarded her coldly. Am I not good enough for him? The empress thought. What must I do to win his affections? But as she pondered over how to thaw his icy exterior, she was suddenly reminded of what she had overheard not long ago. She spoke bitterly, "Then shall I call you 'my prisoner'?"

Jimin flinched.

"Or perhaps 'my hostage' would sound better?"

Sensing the vehemence in her tone, Jimin turned to face her. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because that is what you are, is it not?" The empress briskly looked away. "You feel suffocated in the palace because of me. If I had not entered your life you would not be here, lying miserably, wedded to a woman you do not care for."

There was silence.

Jimin searched for the right words to comfort her but found none. "You overheard, then." His voice was small, almost ashamed.

Not daring to meet his eye, the empress nodded.

"What I said that day," Jimin murmured, "I did not mean all of it."

"Then which ones did you mean?" The empress struggled to contain the hurt in her voice. "Even now I still do not understand why you agreed to this union when you never wanted it." Her voice wavered, "You could have turned it down. If you had, you would still be happy right now."

"And live with knowing I abandoned you? Never."

The empress locked eyes with Jimin, startled by his denouncement. "Abandon me? What do you…?"

"Did you think I would not corroborate your story?" Jimin sat up, his expression earnest. "Long before you arrived, I received intelligence that a princess of Huaxia had ran away and was spotted near our borders. When you came to the palace posing as my fiancée, I knew that those reports must have been about Your Highness." He smiled grimly. "I did not realise the situation in Huaxia was so dire. For a princess like yourself to risk disownment for this act of bravery and for the sake of your people…" He looked away, pained. "How could I live with myself if I refused?"

For a while, the empress stared at Jimin in disbelief. "You knew? Why did you not tell me?"

"I wanted to see if you would tell me first," Jimin replied with a small smile. "But even if you did not, I had already decided." He glanced at a vase of camellias behind her. "As emperor, it is my duty to put the interests of my kingdom first. You needed my help and this kingdom needed an empress." He met eyes with her again. "Our union would benefit us both. It was the most rational decision."

The empress looked away. She had decided long ago that regardless of how the emperor of Saim treated her, fulfilling her duty would always come first. Her happiness did not matter. But what she did not account for was what kind of man the emperor would be. Had he been a selfish man, the empress would feel no guilt for deceiving him. His feelings, like her own, were unimportant. However, as fate would have it, Jimin was anything but selfish. She realised that underneath his cold exterior was a heart of gold. And learning of his sacrifice made her feel guilty for condemning him to a life that he did not deserve.

"I am sorry."

Jimin peered at his bride's mournful expression. Misunderstanding her apology, he answered, "You need not be. Had I been in your position, I would have done the same."

The empress reached for his palm and kissed it. Jimin was taken aback. "Our union may have been born from convenience, but someday, I hope to earn your trust and your love." She suddenly leaned in, their lips almost touching. Her eyes flickered to his lips. "I vow to be a good wife to you, Your Majesty."

Jimin swallowed. The delicate undertones of roses wafted to his nose, its sweet aroma intoxicating. Lost in her bewitching stare, Jimin slowly fell on his back as the empress climbed on top of him. But just as their lips were about to meet, Jimin stopped her. "We- we do not have to do this."

"But I want to. It is our wedding night." She reached for his hand and boldly placed it on her breast. Jimin blushed. "I must bleed tonight, Your Majesty. Please do not dishonour me by leaving me untouched."

Jimin shifted uncomfortably. "I- I cannot—"

"Then pretend I am her."

Jimin froze.

"I know your heart belongs to someone else. She must be incredible to have won your affection." The empress smiled forcibly as she begrudgingly confessed, "I envy her.��� Jimin's breath was caught in his throat when she grinded herself against him, the heat of her exposed skin mingling with his. "Just for tonight, can I be your beloved?"

Jimin stared at the woman before him and reached out to stroke her cheek. His expression softened when he saw Gyuri staring back.

"Your Majesty—?" Before the empress could finish her utterance, Jimin lunged forward and captured her lips with his. He pulled her close, his hands wrapping around her frame as if afraid she would disappear.

"My beloved," Jimin murmured as he embraced the empress. His lips stroked hers, each kiss as hungry as the last. "I missed you."

And so, the night wore on.

Jimin peered at his sleeping bride, her expression peaceful. He groaned inwardly when he recalled how his mind was filled with thoughts of another woman while making love to his wife.

"I am such a fool," he mumbled to himself. Careful not to wake her, he climbed out of bed. He brought the vase of camellias with him as he sauntered to the veranda.

In the cool dead of night, he murmured, "I wonder what you are doing now." He plucked the petals off the remaining healthy camellias and allowed them to be carried away by the wind. Jimin watched them fly, half-hoping his thoughts would reach her.

Like every night since they last saw each other, Jimin would repeat this ritual while speaking to the moon. "Do you think of me as often as I think of you?" he asked, knowing that there would be no answer. "I got married today," he continued. "She is a brave woman, beautiful and cultured." He played with the last camellia and sighed. "But she is not you." He smiled sadly at the wilting flower. "Forgive me Gyuri, but for her sake, I must forget you. I cannot let what happened tonight happen again." Jimin released the camellia and watched as the wind carried it away. With a heavy heart, he wished his love for Gyuri to fade with time. He had to move on.

However, despite his plea, his love for her remained strong even as the seasons rolled by. Because like his father, Jimin could only ever love one woman.

And sadly, that woman was not his wife.