Chapter 26: The loathing feeling

Yeonjun woke up and saw Kai was sleeping peacefully beside him. He wasn't hugging him anymore and moved aside in his sleep. Yeonjun could hear his own heartbeat because of the dream he had a while ago. He was feeling very hot and breathing heavily.

What was that? Why did he dream of those? Was it his own will? Yeonjun couldn't believe himself. As Kai wasn't holding him, he slowly got up and left the bed. He could feel the lukewarm liquid coming out from his body and it got him wet. This time Yeonjun got angry with himself but what could he do? He was totally helpless. He went to the washroom to wash himself and get sanctified.

After washing his underwear he let it dry and came downstairs as he didn't want to look at the angel anymore. He was really disgusted with himself. Though it felt really nice, when he woke up and came to his senses it didn't feel good anymore. He was feeling pathetic, pessimistic, agony, insignificant and enraged. How can he be that disgusting! How can he be this low! He admits that he had romantic feelings for Hyuningkai but this time it went too far. He was trying his best to overcome it but why? Why it's happening every time with him? No matter how hard he was trying, he just couldn't throw the feelings away. The more he worked on it, the more he was attracted by his feelings. How much more? How much more he have to do to overcome it? He couldn't find an answer.

[At the bus station]

"Then, you should go since it's late." Soobin said to Beomgyu. He had so many loads in his hand and it seemed like they were heavy and he couldn't control them anymore.

"HEY! Let me help you! You can't go alone with so many loads!" Beomgyu insisted since he wanted to help Soobin and it wouldn't be kind of him if he left Soobin there alone.

"Eyyy! You don't need to~

I-I-I can h-handle i-it!" Soobin was forcing himself too much to make sure that he could bear the weight easily. But he failed as he was struggling and Beomgyu couldn't help but to snatched some from his hand.

"COME ON! GIVE ME SOME!" Beomgyu shouted while taking some loads from Soobin.

"Why didn't they give us a car or something! How rude of them!" Beomgyu kept complaining about those who returned them without any vehicles.

"They are always like this, don't worry. I won't take you there again." Now Soobin could breathe easily and walk in a normal way. Soon they reached their destination as the bus station wasn't far from the convenience store.

"Put them here! Now you can go and take some rest. You must be tired." Soobin was wary of Beomgyu's safety and he was trying his best to send him home as soon as possible.

"HEY! I know why you're doing this!" Beomgyu put down his goods and came closer to Soobin.

"What?" Soobin's hands were also empty and he was stretching his hand since they were hurting. But he was surprised by Beomgyu's action.

"You are trying to get rid of me, aren't you?" Beomgyu made a face like a detective and went closer to Soobin. He looked at Soobin's eyes and interrogated him.

"Eh?" Soobin couldn't understand his questions and he walked backwards since Beomgyu kept coming to him.

"You hate me, right? I kept following you and you don't like it, right? And now you're telling me to go home again and again. Do you think I'm a fool who can't catch what you're up to? Of course you want to send me away. Right?" Beomgyu tiptoed and tried to reach the tall boy.

"Hey! Stop imagining! Will you? There's nothing like that!" Soobin smiled as he had no idea what he should do and why Beomgyu was treating him like this.

"So what is it? Oh? Tell me! I can say it by reading your eyes, so don't make a fool of yourself and admit it." Beomgyu smirked while teasing the tall bunny. Soobin tried to look the other way but his eyes stuck on Beomgyu's lips all of a sudden. His heart started beating loudly as Beomgyu was so close to him.

"So what? What if I'm trying to avoid you? You are the one stuck with me all day!" Soobin tried to act cold but his eyes were giving the true answer so he couldn't cover himself up well.

"Ah! But you know me, no matter how much you try to avoid me, you can't. Because I'll always be there to make a nuisance." Beomgyu bit his own lips as if he was flirtatious.

"Whyyyy?" Soobin increased his voice.

"Because I like you." Beomgyu confessed though he was just teasing Soobin. But as soon as Soobin heard the answer from Beomgyu, he pushed Beomgyu away with all of his strength and made him leave the store. Seems like Beomgyu's joke was too much for Soobin this time and he was really angry at him because of the joke.

"Did he take it wrong?" Beomgyu was confused but disappointed at the same time. He didn't say anything wrong. He was just trying to show his true feelings. It's not that he was confessing, he just let the other party know that he liked him as his friend and wanted to trust him, lean on him. But why he got the wrong idea, Beomgyu couldn't understand. While thinking about these, he went home. As it was late at night, he was nearly sneaking inside because he thought everyone was sleeping inside. But he was startled when he saw Yeonjun sitting on the couch. His face was seen clearly from the kitchen light.

"Hyung! You scared me! Why are you sitting here like a dead body? Are you a zombie? Or something else?" Beomgyu was saying this loudly without taking a break. But he had to stop when he saw Yeonjun's pathetic face. He glared at Beomgyu for a second and then he went to his meditation again, opening his eyes wide and looking at the nothing.

"What happened, hyung?" Beomgyu became calm and went to Yeonjun. He sat down beside him and put his hand on Yeonjun's shoulder. Yeonjun was hesitating whether he should spill it out or not. But his pitiful face was making Beomgyu more curious.

"You can count on me, hyung! I'll try to help you if you need something. You know, we always stay beside each other. So, we should share our sorrows with each other. Maybe I can't help you, but it would help you to feel less burdensome if you share your thoughts with anyone. And I can say that you don't have anyone right now who can console you. But now, I'm here so feel free to talk with me, hm? I've always seen you laugh, talk and get angry but I've never seen you depressed like this. And if it's top secret then I'll keep it by myself and won't tell anyone, I promise." Beomgyu finished his word and looked at Yeonjun with his sweet glaze.

"Huh! You can keep secrets? I didn't know." Yeonjun smirked a little since he wasn't feeling like smiling.

"Yes, I'll try my best. Can you tell me now? I'm dying out of curiosity!" Beomgyu slapped his own forehead and said since Yeonjun was right but Beomgyu was done with the pitiful boy.

"I-I-I don't know what to do.... I-I C-Can't bear it anymore. I've tried my best and now I want to quit. What should I do, Beomgyu? What should I do?" suddenly he started crying and seeing him like this Beomgyu was astonished. But he was good at consoling people. So he cupped Yeonjun in his arms and let him lean on himself.

"It's okay, it's okay. We'll figure it out but can you explain a bit more? So that I can come up with a solution?" Beomgyu's soft voice was making him tell everything. So, Yeonjun explained everything to him with his broken voice. Hearing everything Beomgyu was too stunned to speak. He also didn't know how to solve the problem. He kept patting Yeonjun's back saying everything will be alright though he himself knew nothing would be alright.

"At this point, I don't want to live anymore. How can I forgive myself? I'm such an ominous guy." Yeonjun kept dropping his tears.

"It's okay, it's not your fault. You can't control your feelings. It's okay." Beomgyu kept consoling him while sighing since he was feeling pity on him but didn't know what to do next.