TBBM LVIII. Preppy

"I mean if we fall," I kept mumbling things as different scenarios played in my head as I pondered about the unfortunate event that the bridge tumbled over and threw us deep in the waters beneath us. "There's a surge in the river. Also... also, we can plummet and hit a rock and break our bones or die and then---"

"Hurry," he commanded, unbothered. He seemed to be taking all my cautions lightly. "What exactly are you trying to point out now? You always go yapping around, not speaking directly---"

"Hang on. Don't rush me. I'm really nervous," I tightened my grip of his arms as they tucked near my stomach. "No... See that wind? It's starting to blow hard now. What if it got all foggy while we crossed---"

"Quit the hysterics, Hicks," he laughed. "Look, the seniors did---"

"Is there a bear out here?"

That moment, Red's hands dropped from its tight hold of me and the next thing I saw was him, slumped on the ground, face almost tearing apart, red in perfect humour. His legs were carelessly spread, not minding the dirt. He tried so bad to dry his tears but as he laughed and laughed, he only got his face dirtier by each minute. The bass in his voice was resonating. He looked extremely delighted. I was just really babbling things as I was scared but he took it to another level of entertainment.

I watched him lose his self-control and his chest vibrated in pure joy. I wondered what I did for him to find what I said interesting or entertaining. I got too used to being hated and ignored or laughed at. He was laughing at me now, but it felt warm---inviting.

I went down near him, ridding his face of the soil using the hanky he lent me earlier. He was gasping for air. He looked like a child.

"What's too funny?" I wiped the dirt off his cheeks. "Look at you. Are you a toddler?"

"You're really..." he started to calm down a bit. He put his hand on my head and messed with my hair. "You're one of a kind, Magat. Please always stay next to me."

"Huh?"

"I'll feed you to the bears if you leave me."

+++

We reached the end of the bridge but I was only able to really appreciate the view halfway through it. I was so scared in the beginning that I refused to look around even when Red was telling me so. When I got comfortable, I stretched my hands out sideways, tapping on the ropeworks, feeling the wind as it wound the bridge indefinitely at different directions.

At a point of introspection, I realised I wouldn't have done this if it wasn't for Red. I normally was very cautious, very careful---sometimes, too much, that I even missed out in life.

It was beautiful. I was comfortable. I had trust in Red.

Soon as we were out, Red and I went through a narrow passage that almost looked like a cave---it was a rock formation that the water traversed so it could join the river below. Similarly, people used it as a pass through.

Red cleared the way for us but he also made sure that I wasn't falling too far behind him. The rocks projected from every which way causing me to trip off and get stuck helplessly. My clothes had gone wet in the cold water. I didn't want to get in here initially, but he kept telling me that bears lurked around so I followed him despite myself. He seemed to be having so much fun watching me. It almost surprised me each time for I thought I'd just annoy him. Every instance I caught him chuckling or smiling my way, I felt like I wanted to remember it; I felt like I was doing something good enough.

Red. I prayed that we could keep it like that.

When we reached the other side of the cave, we were greeted with a hundred man-made steps that bordered a small waterfall---at the topmost was a viewing deck with a huge cauldron in which people threw coins and uttered their wishes. There, we found the seniors snapping photos and having fun while waiting for those who took the mainstream path.

"It's beautiful," I awed at the fire trees lining up the place.

"It is," Red said, his face looked so much at peace. "Now, there aren't any bears."

Only then, I realised that it was probably dumb to expect grizzlies in our tropical rain forests---especially in places which people frequented.

I clung to his arm and hid my face behind him. His laughter chimed peacefully in my ears. He took my hand and we inched the steps. I could see the other students looking at us. But somehow, I learned to ignore them. Right next to Red, I felt as though my heart wasn't all bruised and wounded. I felt okay.

We stopped at one side where there weren't very many people. It was perfect serenity, hearing the birds playfully chirping in the background. He washed his face in the running water while I did my arms and legs, too. I got allot of scratches but I regretted none of it. I was happy.

"Dear Saint," I whispered as I enjoyed the water.

"You pray allot," he sat on the step right above me.

"Kind of," I looked away.

"You remind me of my caregiver when I was young," he reminisced. "When I got myself in trouble at school, he always prayed. He always looked like he was gonna have a bloody cardiac arrest each time."

"Preppy?"

His face turned blank as he turned to me.

"H-how did you know about Preppy?"

"Your parents told me," I looked down at my feet. "Nina and Seb did, too. Then, at the hospital when you were burning with fever, you---"

"You shouldn't have seen that. It's embarrassing," he rested his elbows on his legs.

"Nope. Not embarrassing---"

"You're not gonna tease me?"

"That's when I encountered the real you," I folded my legs together and looked sideways. "You act all tough and mean and inconsiderate but you're actually very caring and soft and warm. I don't know if it's a guy thing to always play hard and unbreakable but you don't have to play strong all the time when you're with me."

"Why?"

"Uhm... Because I'm your slave---"

"Right. Right," he cracked up, nodding his head.

"You miss him?"

He paused and looked at me. He went one step down and sat next to me, as we both faced the horizon.

"Preppy---he was the only one there for me as I was growing up. My parents were frequently away on business. But Preppy devoted himself to me, treated me like I was his own son. He nursed my wounds when I got into fights. He talked my instructors when I needed a parent at school. He loved me as his own family. I remembered getting upset when he would be on the phone talking to his family or his lover in the province. But now, I realised, he probably just missed them. He stayed and took care of me until I was eighteen. When I started liking Steph, and she refused me, I got drunk and said mean things to him. I was young and inconsiderate. But one night, he left. He just left. Without a word. Without anything, he just left. I was obsessively mad at him. He was the only one I trusted fully at home. In the end, I lost them both."

We stayed quiet for long. The wind was cold but the sky was clear. It was good to hear Red reflect on himself.

"Ma'am Jing always said, 'Sometimes people are taken away from us because they've already fulfilled their purpose'... Just think of it like that."

Red looked at me like he completely understood what I said. His face beamed placidly. I felt his stare light on my skin. He kept at it, but he didn't say a thing. Strangely, I thought that was nice.

I smiled at him on that calming day: it was just me and Red and Earth in peace.