Chapter twelve

"honey, can we go to the mall tomorrow? You see, I don't have enough clothes, please hon?"

She's about to enter the living room, she came from the kitchen —stole some drinks for her as he patient is resting in her own room.

She gritted her teeth. Emotionless face as she walks, but deep inside her, she wanted to scream, she wanted to shout, she wanted to explode. It hurts..

It hurts to see the love of your life being with another woman. It's painful to see that the lap she used ti straddle is now seated by another woman.

It hurts, and it's killing her.

She walks, pass by and just straight face entering her room. She shut her eyes the moment she closed the door.

'God.. I'm dying!'

Cooed and tears fell down, she dried it fast and drink her juice. She went to the madam 's room and sit on the long sofa and just staring blankly on the floor.

Samuel just stared at her—he didn't even smiled at her a while ago. Just fucking looking at her.

Someone opened the door, and it's the fiancee. She lookup at her and smiled—sweetly but her eyes is so cold.

"Can you get me juice? Fresh orange as usual, and make it fast, I'm thirsty.. You know, Samuel is so fuckin' good in kissing —I mean, lapping the hell out of me! "she said then sit on the single sofa.

'Lapping, my ass!' she hissed on her inner mind. What is she trying to tell her really?

She stood up and get out. She went straight to the kitchen, she didn't walk by the living room, she used the other way to enter the kitchen.

She doesn't want to be near to him—Samuel. She doesn't want to show him that she's hurting as hell. She wanted to stay in good shape. She wanted to show him that's she's just fine.

After she finished the juice, she went back to the room, she froze on the door when she saw Samuel sitting on the spot she was sitting a while ago.

But she composed herself, she walk through them and put the tray in the center table in a very gentle way.

She look at Samuel, smiled with a composure.

"You're here sir?, you want something? Juice? Coffee?" she said in a cold voice.

He just glared at her,

She stared at him, looking in his eyes as she is clenching her jaw.

He is so serious. He looks miserable.

He shook his head while still looking in her eyes. She nodded and walk away, she gave the fiancee a shrugging shoulder as she look at her —annoyed.

'I want to strangle you to death' she cooed and walk.

But before she can leave the room, she turned around and Samuel is still looking at her, she mumbled ' stay calm self, be still my heart' as she gave him a deadpan him.

"Sir ?, just wanna let you know that I'm —" Tina —Samuel's fiancee—cut her off.

"Can you please just go?, don't you have manners? We're talking here, aren't we?" her brows —that's already so high and screaming ' bitchy' look— raised up.

She smiled lopsided and nodded, she went out from her patient's room and sighed.

'All is well' she's hoping.

She's shocked on the noise on the living room, there's a lot of different voices. She choose the other way to go through the kitchen. But before that, she heard Mona—who came from the madam's room after she left, that the madam wanted to go out.

She turned around and went to the room, the love birds is not there anymore.

'great' she cooed.

" Mika, can you please help me go out? The night is still young and my grandchildren are there, I want to stay with them a little bit" says the madam.

She nodded and help her out. One by one, her grandchildren came and help the madam till she sit comfortably.

She left, straight face, not even give a single glance to those people who have been there in the living room. She's not that rude— but who the hell she cares?

Tomorrow will be her last day here.. And them—those people — will not be part of her life anymore.

She doesn't want to, she doesn't want to show her eyes on them—the emotions of hurting. She maybe can hide emotions of her face but her eyes couldn't. She maybe can glare coldly but if the person who can read emotions can look deeply, that person can surely see it.

'God— it hurts.. I'm hurting, too much'

She went to the kitchen, Mona is handing a guitar and about to enter their room when she calls her attention.

"Mona, who's that guitar for? Can I please borrow it?"

She always plays guitar every time she's sad. Not to mention her beautiful voice as well. She always sing whenever their—her friends and her—having a get-together.

Love can make you sick. But instead of crying, why not singing? Yeah? She's that genius, right? 'Oh, well, I am' she justified her self on her inner mind.

"You can play guitar big sis?" Mona ask, amusement is written in her face.

"Yeph , I used to play guitar when I was 10. My grandfather taught me" she smiled, nodded too.

Every time she plays, her heart feels the same feeling to those times as she and her grandpa—Gabriel— playing guitar together. Singing together.

'I miss you grandpa, how I wish I can sing with you again' cooed, she starts singing.

Singing her heart out.. Singing the pain inside her that's trying to torn her apart.

'Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'll be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you'

—Will she give up now?. Or should she wait? Wait till he wants to talk to her. Talk of waht really their label.. What are they really? Black? Red? — even just 31 percent of it, she will gladly take care of the 69.

'And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl'

—hell yeah.. She feels so small at herself. Where was the woman doesn't want to love go? She subdued herself to her man, without even knowing what's their status. She opened her heart knowing that she was not sure if that love will be reciprocate or not. But still, she pursue.

'Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye'

Hell yeah! It's over. Goodbye my love —that's her now. Even if there's little willingness to fight for him, it's not going to happen. It's not allowed. It's one sided love, in the first place .

How can she fight for him?  She doesn't have the right to do it. Tear fall in her cheeks. 'the fuck! It hurts' —it hurts that she wanted to blow up.. She wanted to cry her heart out!

'Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

And anywhere, I would have followed you

Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you..'

—Her voice cracked. She look down, she lean her forehead on the guitar and cried in silence. But she sob—she couldn't hold it.. Her heart did it, her heart wanted to let out, maybe just to Reduce some pain— because hell, it's so heavy inside!

she's pitying her self on what she's going through now... If only, if only —there's a lot of 'if only' s' in her mind, but that if only doesn't give just a simple help on her.

First love. First heartbreak. Fuck it!

"You okay big sis?" Mona ask, and carefully caressing her hair.

She nodded and dried her tears but didn't lift her head up.

"Drink water? Juice? Or wine?" Mona cracks a small laughter, maybe trying to ease her pain.

"Do you have wine—put a drop of poison, thank you!" she said, her voice is trembling as she tried to laugh.

"How many drops? You want 10 drops— that's enough to kill you with no hurt feelings" Mona said, in serious voice.

"Will you cry if I die?" she wants to play with her—its good, so good that she's here, trying to get her out from pain.

"Nope.. I will be happy, it's good because I'm thinking on having a business — selling coffins. You will be the first costumer then.. Don't worry, I'll give you big discount" she giggled. "With a free coffee and biscuits" she added.

"How much? Is there a gold plated one?"

"Gold is not good, the will dig you—not you but the coffin"

She giggled when Mona burst out on laughter.

'ahh.. Nice to laugh..'

"I'll take bronze then" she said, still leaning on the guitar. She doesn't want to show Mona how miserable she is. Even if she doesn't know what's goin on, she's smart.

"Just wood—it's better.. Don't be to picky big sis, it's not good, you will not enter God's place if you're that picky!"

"Oh. Kill me then"