Chapter 21: Stronger Than Pain

I stared at my feet, fighting the tears from falling.

The pains from the hot slap I received from Kimberly almost sent me to another world.

My lips were trembling, hands shivering and striving to hold on to each other, my legs automatically shifting from one foot to the other.

My head was swelling and my eyes burning from the unshed tears.

The type of pain and torture I have received in this place made me cry more. I would have run away but that will be useless because we are talking about the wolves here.

All I wanted to do was claw at my ears, beg it to stop hearing the sounds they were making, gouge out my eyes so I wouldn't have to witness the wickedness displayed in front of me.

That was my culture, "never to see or look at people who are caught up in some kind of sentiment unless married".

" And being a good ambassador of my tribe, I won't dear to break that tradition".

I just hate it. I have never seen such a thing before.

My ears felt like it was being baptised with the most unholy sounds in existence, my tongue could almost taste my bile.

The pain wasn't just gnawing at my consciousness, it was chewing up my mental stability and emotional strength.

I was losing it, almost passing out from my grief.

I see his desire and enjoyment. He was enjoying what she was doing to him; kissing, touching, using her tongues to wonders on him

I shouldn't care because I never wanted to care.

Only if I could rip their head off and gorge out their silly hearts" I scoffed.

" What's wrong with me, how could I stand under the same roof with these monsters that took my Joy,"

" No! It can't be, " I cursed myself.

"I need to do something or else I will die here in perpetual slavery".

This was not the life I wanted, although I was the cause.

I can't keep watching this… I mumbled mentally… I'm going to pass out if I continue, I can't do this.

" You are going to stand firm, don't let them pull you down, remember who you are… Her voice reflected mine, filled with pain, bitterness. She was me after all.

I raised my head and looked at them one more time, he was on top of her now, moving and moaning.

My hand flew to my mouth, holding in the sob. My lips were bleeding from how much I bit it, my tongue tasting like bile and blood.

Tired of everything, I rest on the door, eyes closing as darkness slowly called out to me.

" Snap out of it Vanessa! Remember who you are!

Her shout did wake me up but didn't stop the pain. Holding my chest, I could see from the corner of my eyes that he glanced at me.

Oh, how easy it would be to kill him, spit on his face but then, Giselle and the others, I couldn't let them get involved in this.

Finally! They finished, they were done. They got out of the tub in their towels, kissing as he carried her out of the bathroom. I stood at the door, refusing to leave.

He threw me out of his way, the throw sending me to the sink. I bashed my head against it, tumbling to the floor and hitting my head again.

I felt him shift with worry and panic but he fought the urge to come to me.

' Don't die on my floor, go out and die,' was his wicked uttering.

" And clean up your blood off my expensive property.' He left me there to bleed to death.

That did it, I remained on the floor, letting all the tears I was holding go.

I cried my eyes out, kept my voice down but still cried. My head was bleeding, it didn't matter because he didn't care. I washed it off, cleaned the blood and walked out of the bathroom, heading straight to the door, ignoring what they were doing on the bed.

'And where do you think you are going?' Kimberly asked.

'Let her go,' the devil said coldly.

I didn't wait to hear anything, I walked out of the room. I found my way out, ignoring the surprised look of everyone I came across. I had blood soaking my tank top and shorts, I was already dizzy from losing so much blood.

Of course, they knew their alpha did it, only he had the right to hurt me after giving the orders not to.

'Good gracious!' Freya, one of the nice she-wolf exclaimed.

''Did Alpha do this to you?!''

I nodded positively.

''Mommy Renée isn't home, I'll take you to Taylor,' she rushed to me and ran me to the pack doctor. I had become a frequent patient.

''What happened to her?!'' Taylor exclaimed in shock.

''She's losing blood! Where's Mercy!'',

''Alpha did it,' Freya said hatefully.

''After doing so much to get her to eat and gain blood, he is doing this…''

''Enough Freya! Remember who you are talking about with such tone.'' Taylor snapped.

Taylor cleaned the wound up, put me on a drip and sedated me. He couldn't get me any pint of blood, my blood type wasn't something you would see in blood banks or amongst people.

My blood was rare. I had to eat to regain my strength.

I woke up early at 4a4 am feeling like the world was collapsing on me. I was hungry, tired, broken, shattered, flustered, miserable; it felt like I was dead.

I removed the drip from my body and stood up wobbly, swaying dizzily.

My legs started moving, I just wanted to move, just wanted to die.

I kept walking, just walking until I found myself at my new oasis. I collapsed at the bank of the river, keeping my hand in the water as I stared at the sky with emptiness.

This feeling, it's destroying you Vanessa remember who you are.

Who are you, Vanessa? Who are you?

I gathered all my strength and forced myself to sit.

I had forgotten the training mother gave me because of a man; don't think, don't feel, don't let it show and they won't know. I inhaled and crossed my legs, breathing lightly.

I closed my eyes and meditated, shutting out everything and all emotions I had developed since I came here. Even if I was mated to him, I won't let him see me fall anymore.

~

~

~

I stood at the table set in the garden for Kale and Kimberly.

I stood like a real servant, not caring about what they were doing.

He seemed to forget that I was the same walking corpse he brought from her island.

I was back to the walking corpse. He had been trying rubbish for three days but I wasn't paying attention.

He insisted I came back to work when I returned from the oasis, disregarding Taylor's warning about my health. Though it was still breaking me, I didn't let my emotions flow when I was with him.

All he got from me was emptiness and it was frustrating him. Instead of watching them share a bed, I thought back to my mother, our time together and how much I hate Kale for killing her. If there was any emotion he felt at all, it was nothing other than distress,' he snapped. I rolled my eyes to him, an apathetic expression on my face. ''Pour more wine for me,' I bowed.

Respecting his order, I walked closer and picked up the bottle of wine. I was pretty much aware of his annoyed stare. I diligently poured more wine for him, dropped the bottle and stepped back.

''Goddammit!' He cursed and glared at me.

''Get out!' I bowed like a toy, turned and walked out on him. I walked straight to find Carina, I needed to hug someone.

I found her seated at a pond, looking down at her reflection sadly.

''Carina,' I sobbed. She raised her head and looked over her shoulder.

'' I came here to get a hug but guess you need that more than me,' I said chucklingly, holding back my tears. I sat beside her, folding my legs to my left.

''What's wrong?'

'The gamma, I found out something today, the reason he always loves being around me.'

''What is it?''

'I remind him of his dead mate, I'm like the rope holding him together". Carina said.

I never knew his mate, never knew he had one. According to what I overheard him telling Andre, the beta, he said he had just found her and she was reluctant to accept the bond. His mate was a rogue female, she was scared. The next thing he heard, she was killed.'

''By my people?'

'If it was by yours, you wouldn't be breathing by now,' she chuckled dryly.

''By another pack. Her rogue group attacked a pack, she died in the midst of it.'

''Oh, so why isn't he dead?'

''He only met her once and hadn't loved her yet. They didn't even make any physical contact, barely talked to each other so the bond was barely there. He survived it, especially when he met me almost instantly.

He pushed his emotions to me.' Carina said sadly.

" What did you expect?' I scoffed.

''That he'll love you as you love him,' I sneered.

''All these wolves are wicked and need to die,' I said through gritted teeth.

''Let me not generalise it, just the mates.'

'How do you mean?''

" You were supposed to know'' I said bitterly. Her eyes widened.

''Don't you feel pity for me!

"Don't make me feel pathetic!' I shouted.

''I hate him and everything he is doing to me, all he is doing. It's killing me, breaking me spiritually, emotionally and…and…and…

" everythincally!' She chuckled.

''It's not funny!' I screamed, tears threatening to spill.

''I don't know what is going on, I don't know what to do,' I cried into my palms.

'You wanna know what you'll do? You are going to stand up, get out there and be strong ok. Just try to forget about everything.

I looked at her confusedly.

''really?'

'' Yes, we were once passing through what you are experiencing.' She huffed angrily.

"All the pains, humiliation, starvation and embarrassment was so hunting that you wouldn't want to remember".

" Just don't worry, Miracles still happen. Maybe one day you will f find a better place ".

''Carina…'

'No Vanessa, you are beautiful, gorgeous, Strong and determined. only if you put yourself together and make use of your Strength.

" Now I know how Jeremy feel about me, I will use it to my advantage to get my freedom, use what I have to get what I want." She said.

Have I told you that I'm pregnant?' Carina blurted.

I gasped.

'Well I am, and I'm going to use that to move from the slave quarters.

You,' she held my shoulders and shook me.

''You are going to find someone someday who likes you. " She whispered.

" You just have to gird your loins and buckle your belt "

'What do I do? How do I do that?' She smirked and wiggled her brows.

'You came to the right person"….