Loss

Everyone was feeling miserable after the death of Matthew, we kept him locked up in the bathroom, nobody had the strength to put him out of whatever misery he was in. I do wonder what zombies see. Are they conscious but with no control of their body? Or do they run on instincts? Maybe one day we will figure it out. Anyways, Shawn seems to be too depressed to think straight, so we are letting him take a few days to recuperate. Today me and Lilly were going out to find radios that we could use to communicate. It would be wise to have them after yesterday. Hayden said he was going to take off today to train, whatever that means.

Me and Lilly were heading to the local Walliemart to find the radios, the reason we haven't gone here yet was because we thought it would be very dangerous, there are definitely going to be zombies. We got to the Walliemart and looked inside, the right main entrance was destroyed with a car rammed into it. The second door was found, but after looking inside, we decided not to go that route, there were many zombies inside from what we saw. So we decided to look for a side entrance.

We found the entrance we were looking for on the right side of the building. However, it was boarded up from the outside, as if someone wanted to keep the zombies, or humans in there. It's a bit weird if you ask me.

I used my crowbar that I found back in Texas and popped the nails out of the boards as quietly as possible, we entered the building and saw that we were in the garden area of Walliemart, we headed to the aisle the radios were, when we made it there I took a second to see what all the radios could do, some had better range than others, while some had better functions, I settled on some that had a decently high range and had a flashlight feature on them. We grabbed about 7 of these ones and got some ones with a higher range, about double these flashlight ones. Whenever Lilly and I started to head back to the side entrance, we stopped near the candy aisle. I haven't eaten candy in so long, I just couldn't resist, I took a ninety degree turn and headed to the gummy bears.

That's when I heard something fall behind me, I turned around and saw that Lilly accidentally dropped one of the radios, for a second I heard only a buzzing noise in my ears. Then all over the store we heard screaming, and growling. We start sprinting as fast as we can, avoiding the zombies pouring in from the aisles to the side of us. I told myself not to look behind, but I was already turning around when I thought that. I saw dozens of zombies chasing us, pushing over eachother to reach us. We made it to our exit, I slammed the door open, which wasn't a good idea, I made it through, but I forced the door open so hard, it hit the wall, and bounced off of it, making the door start to close. Lilly watched in horror as she realized she was going to die. She tossed the radios that she was carrying to me right before it closed. I grabbed them and tried to reach for the door to open it more so she could make it, then I saw it, a big zombie with grey skin, around seven feet tall, it had red eyes, and no hair. It was built like a professional bodybuilder, I knew what it was immediately, a hunter. I froze and couldn't move, I was horrified at what I was seeing.

Then the door closed. And I was by myself. Lilly wasn't next to me, then I heard the screaming, a lot of screaming. I hear both her screams, and the zombies screams. I hear her screaming get drowned out with flesh ripping and zombie groans. I didn't know what to do, I just killed my friend. It was my fault she died. I punched the door so hard my fists started breathing, it was another stupid idea, not for the bleeding, but because imprints started appearing on the metal door. Fist imprints. I knew it was the hunter. I picked up the radios and ran, running away from what I just did, and running away from death. I ran all the way back home crying, and cursing this world, cursing myself. I get there, and as I walked through the front door by myself. Everyone knew something was wrong. "Where's Lilly?" Shawn asked. From my look alone they knew. "WHERE IS MY ANGEL," Lilly's Mom asked me, grabbing my shoulders as hard as a sucker punch to the gut, "WHERE IS SHE!"

I tell them what happened. How I could have saved her, but I did the opposite, I killed her. Lilly's Dad threw me against the wall, threatening to kill me, he slapped me in the face, "WHY DID YOU KILL HER!" He was about to slap me again. But Shawn's Mom stepped in the way, "It's not his fault this happened, I know you're going through a lot right now, but we all are, no matter what happens, we can't turn against each other. No matter what, even if you'd rather die."

This seemed to make since to Joe, even as mad as he was, he put his fist down, but he still spit in my face. I slumped my way to the bedroom after giving Shawn the radios for him to distribute them. I sit in the corner of the bedroom with guilt, I really could've saved her, but I'm to much of a fucking coward. I wrote in my Journal,"It's been a few days since the outbreak and I have lost two friends already. Lilly and Matthew. Lilly's parents want me dead because I couldn't do anything to save their daughter because I was frozen in fear. I now live with that guilt. I hope one day I can do something to make it up to them, even though I know that's impossible. Causing somebody to lose a part of their family that they raised for years is a terrible pain that you can't fix. I will work on myself, become somebody who doesn't get their friends killed, somebody who does the opposite, and saves not only his friends, but other people as well."

After a few hours of recollecting myself, I regained my composure, and walked back into the living room. I told Shawn about the Walliemart and that if we get prepared we could make it our new base, just would have to kill maybe a hundred zombies. But the outcome would be worth it. We would have food and entertainment. But also so Lilly's sacrifice wouldn't be in vain. It would be a great base to set up camp. Shawn, Hayden, and Shawn's mom agreed, but Lilly's family didn't like the idea that they might have to see Lillys torn apart body. For now though, I was going to sleep, I needed to clear my mind of what happened today.

Shawn woke me up the next morning, asking me if I knew where Lilly's parents went. Apparently they just left. And I guess I didn't tell anybody where they were going. I have the feeling they are not coming back. It's understandable though, after what I did. They need time alone.

From our bathroom, the one not occupied by Matthew, I hear Hayden say "Shit," I walk in there and see Hayden messing with the faucet. "The water finally shut off."

This is not good, I go to tell Shawn what happened, but right before I did, I hear him say, "Shit," I didn't know he cussed. "I guess the water finally shut off. Luckily we stored a bunch of water just in case."

Right after that I hear a smack, and I look over and see Shawn getting whacked with a wooden spoon by his mother. "I told you no cussing!" He kept apologizing, but kept getting whacked. I scrunch up my face, and walk away while praying for his safety. I go back to the bedroom and see Landon teaching Hayden how to tie his shoes, apparently Hayden never learned. Idiot.

I was still tired, so I decided to go back to sleep, thinking about how I will get better, to protect myself, and my friends. I'll need to better myself, mentally, and physically. So no one else will die.