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System of Misfortunes

Welcome to the world of absolute, merciless, mind-boggling, unimaginable, but sometimes funny ABSURD, where reality turns into madness and logic becomes an illusion! Crazy system, which is probably aware of everything that is happening and tries to slip you some debuff or useless ability is there? Yup. Rulers who are mentally comparable to the inhabitants of a mental hospital and heroes who look more like criminals are there? Yup. Once here, don't try to understand this world, it has its own crazy rules and atmosphere, better get ready to fight for SURVIVAL, because even harmless looking cakes may turn out to be mimics who are hungry for human flesh! Your flesh! Get ready for an incredible adventure in a world where every step becomes a challenge, and where you are not always welcome. I hope you're ready to face and overcome absurdity to survive in this crazy reality, because we are about to start!

Yakub_Taran · Fantaisie
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21 Chs

Beasts and forest

As it turned out, Uncle Jack also had a shoulder bag like mine. He kept bottles of alcohol in it. There were vodka, whiskey, beer and cognac.

When we went to the woods to gather some weird-looking herb, he drank this sh*t every now and then. He reeked of alcohol a kilometer away, and I kept 3 or more meters away from him, because it was impossible to be near him.

When we entered the forest, I looked at the papers related to the mission again.

So, these plants usually grow under trees, it's easy to notice them if you pay attention.

Together with Uncle Jack, we searched for these plants under every tree.

...

Unfortunately, we didn't find anything.

"Uncle, it feels like we've been stuck in this forest for hours and it's going to get dark soon, do you have any idea where to find these herbs?" I asked Uncle Jack, picking at the ground by another oak tree.

"There is a rumor among people that an anthropomorphic bear lives deep in the forest, which collects various alchemical ingredients in its lair and sells them for a bargain price to adventurers," Uncle Jack said, holding a sword in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other, from which he drank from time to time.

Yeah, I've already had one unpleasant experience with these furries today, I've had enough. It is better to return to the city and continue the search tomorrow.

At least that's what I wanted to do, until the straight walking animals appeared on the horizon – a fox and a wolf.

I gulped, looking up from searching for plants in the dirt.

"Let's go," I said to Uncle Jack, to which he immediately nodded.

I tried not to take my eyes off the uninvited guests, but I still had to look behind me once to make sure that the escape route was safe.

In fact, it turned out there were animals there, too. All kinds of animals, from the same foxes and wolves to f*cking bears and kangaroos. We were surrounded.

"Oh f*ck," I swore, gripping the iron bat tighter in my hands. "Uncle, get ready, we're surrounded."

The man simply nodded, gulped down the entire bottle of vodka, threw it aside with a quick movement and took in his hand the shield that was fixed on his back. His face was very red from all these actions.

"Furry! Attack!" one of the beasts shouted.

Come on, is that really what you call yourself?

Of course, I didn't voice this dumb question and instead hit the fox that attacked me in the face with a bat.

[You killed an innocent soul!]

Blood splatters and broken teeth flew from the dead fox in different directions. His face turned to mush, and his fur turned red with blood. Why 'his'? Because the genitals of these animals are not covered by anything and I can see everything perfectly.

At one point, Uncle Jack yelled loudly, almost deafening me and the attackers.

[Your ally uses the Fearful Provocation ability. Enemies are frightened, but no less bloodthirsty.

Enemies receive the following effects: fear, provoked.

Fear – they are scared.

Description: Reduces intelligence by -2, strength and endurance by -5, dexterity by -7.

You are not afraid of your ally, this effect does not work on you.

Provoked – they are out for your blood at all costs.

Description: Increases dexterity, strength and endurance by +5, but reduces intelligence by -1. Makes the ally 'Uncle Jack Daniels' a priority target for attack.

Your intelligence score is too high, you realize that the one who used this ability is your ally.

Overall stats changes: intelligence -3, dexterity -2, opponents are more likely to attack an ally 'Uncle Jack Daniels'.]

I took a quick glance at the pop-up notification before clutching the bat in my hands again and hitting the wolf, who was still reeling from the shock.

[You killed an innocent soul!

The number of your kills has reached 5!

Your Murderer trait has evolved, you have gained a new active ability!

Murderous Feast – kill them all, show no mercy.

Description: gives a temporary buff of +10 to strength and dexterity, for each enemy killed, the bonus increases by +5. The maximum bonus is +35 units to strength and dexterity.

After exiting a battle or forcibly canceling an ability, the bonus is also canceled and your strength and dexterity scores drop by 50% for the next 10 hours.

Consumption: -1 intelligence every minute, recovery occurs every hour after exiting a battle or after forcibly canceling an ability by +1 intelligence.

Recharge time: 24 hours.

Attention! If the intelligence characteristic drops to 4 units, then you will go insane. Recovery will be impossible!]

I took a quick look at the changes and it's just wow! Finally, something useful!

The Murderous Feast... I said it in my mind and really felt like I became faster and stronger, my movements became less constrained, and the bat felt lighter in my hands.

Uncle Jack was holding back the anthropomorphic grizzly with a rather bulky shield. In general, bears of this size should be very strong, but this particular one fought the drunken man as an equal. How many strength points does Uncle Jack have?

At the same time, he fought off another bear with his sword, but it was smaller than the previous one.

Smaller animals, such as kangaroos, wolves and foxes, tried to get around my partner from behind, but I was already waiting for them.

[You killed an innocent soul! The effect of the Murderous Feast bonus has improved to +15 points in strength and dexterity.]

The wolf that crept up to Uncle Jack immediately got hit on the top of the head with an iron bat, which literally burst his head, and his eyeballs flew out of their sockets.

He was followed by kangaroo, who had already pulled out a sharp-looking one-handed sword from his pouch.

Using my dexterity bonus, I quickly ran up to him and swung the bat I was holding with both hands, but he blocked my hit with a one-handed sword.

His other hand was free and he tried to punch me in the belly with it.

I managed to dodge away from the opponent, but he immediately struck me with a sword, which I was forced to block with a bat. He didn't even give me a second of respite.

Then he lifted his tail and whipped me on the knee, which caused my leg to bend and I fell to the ground.

I was already preparing to block the next attack, but Uncle Jack, behind whom everything was happening, began to back away very quickly, pushing the kangaroo away from me.

In the end, Uncle Jack was knocked down by a grizzly and the two of them fell to the ground, or rather, on a kangaroo. I heard a distinct crunch and a scream, which was quickly cut short by the roar of the bear and the furious screams of the man.

Another bear, which was slightly smaller than the first one, was cut into two parts and was already lying dead on the ground, the other animals, namely another kangaroo, two wolves and three foxes, were still on their feet. More precisely, on their paws.

[The Murderous Feast continues! Your intelligence has already decreased by -2 units!]

Despite the decrease in intelligence, I realized that I couldn't cope with such a crowd alone and I would need Uncle Jack's help.

That's why I ran towards the bear, but I was chased by wolves and foxes.

When I got to the growling beast that was trying to kill Uncle Jack, I struck with all my might at the place where his liver was located.

The beast roared heart-rendingly, and with my dexterity I managed to make a second blow, which caused the enemy to fall being in a state of shock from pain.

Uncle Jack, who was holding back the bearish onslaught with a shield, used a sword and pierced the thick skin of the animal, and then threw it off with one sharp movement.

By this time, one fox and one wolf had reached me.

I managed to hit the fox with a bat, sending him to the afterlife.

[You killed an innocent soul!]

But the wolf was faster than me. When I tried to hit him with the bat, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard, while his other paw slashed at my stomach.

F*ck, it hurts!

"That's enough," said the kangaroo, who was standing at a distance from us, taking a staff out of his pouch.

He pointed it in the direction of Uncle Jack, who stood up, after which two fairly large ice bolts burst out of the staff. One hit the right leg and the other hit the left.

"Argh!" he shouted in pain, falling to the ground.

At that moment, another kangaroo quickly jumped out from under him, which Uncle Jack and the bear pinned down under their weight. He looked rumpled.

"You're going to pay for everything, you stupid humans," the wolf growled, taking my bat away and throwing it on the ground.

I clutched my stomach and felt the warm liquid. It's my blood. I don't know why, but I didn't feel anything about it. It wasn't even... surprising? I don't know how to put it into words, but it was like I didn't care.

Apathy! That's right, I felt apathy. But that wasn't the important thing right now...

"Take them to the boss, I'll take care of the wounded ones," said the kangaroo with the staff.

Wait. Wounded ones? Like, in the plural? But everyone except the grizzly is dead. I killed a lot of them, Uncle Jack killed the second bear, what is he talking about? Necromancy?

[Your active ability Insightful has evolved! You get +1 to intelligence.]

...

Well, that was to be expected.

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