I Don't Know What To Write For A Title

My name is Joshua Chipper and I have always and as far as I can remember had an obsession with medieval armory and weapons, and I have always enjoyed their aesthetic. Over the years I have bought various replicas of medieval weapons, not actual antiques but replicas that can still be used as weapons, I don't want old rusty weapons I want the feeling and aesthetic that medieval weaponry brings, and also because I can't afford antiques. Anyways one day I won the lottery, not the grand prize but around 40k as soon as I realized I won, I thought to myself,

I can buy an authentic set of medieval armor with this amount of money

I didn't think about paying off student loans as I was a scholarship student nor did I think about next week's rent, I simply thought of medieval armor. After I received the money I immediately started the search for a medieval suit of armor that would fit me, I eventually found a suit of high-quality authentic armor for about 30k. I immediately bought it. After about a week It was shipped to my home, It was the most beautiful thing I had seen, It was truly magnificent. I hurriedly put it on, I then proceeded to do Jojo poses in front of the mirror. I looked like a dumbass but I still don't regret it. As, my roommate and friend who had just woken up, and gone to the bathroom saw me, he looked at me and said,

'I have known you since middle school and still don't understand why you do this kind of shit'

"Wade screw-off"

'Are you gonna wear that to class?'

"Yes"

'Why'

"Why not"

'Screw-off I gotta wash up'

As I walked out of the bathroom I say,

"I'm going to class"

'STAY RIGHT THERE, we are going to class together, I have to witness this.'

"Witness what?"

'Just wait right there!'

As I was waiting I then thought to myself,

What did Wade mean by 'I have to witness this.' There are so many possibilities, does he want to see me embarrass myself, or does want to see me interact with others, knowing him he probably no definitely does not want to see me interact with others. So, he probably wants to see me embarrassed, what would I do that would embarrass me? Wait, can even fit on the chair with the suit of armor, no no that can't be it, I'm a fairly slender person and this armor can fit on the chair. Does he want me to slip, I don't think I'll slip considering the fact that medieval suits are made while considering mobility. So what does he want to witness?

Wade eventually came out of the bathroom and got dressed, I looked at him with confusion, he could not see my face as it was covered with the helmet, Then a thought came across my mind,

Wait does he want me to overheat in the suit, well, jokes on him I put multiple bags of ice in here, and the ice is going to melt but I'm confident the water won't spill. the water is still going to be cool and should keep me cool all day,

Wade and I went to class and throughout the day until we got home, I stayed vigilant so I wouldn't embarrass myself. When we got home Wade had an annoyed look on his face. I then took the suit off and took out the bags of water and emptied it in the sink, I then threw the bags into the trash and sat down on the couch, then I simply asked,

"Can you tell me exactly what you wanted to witness?"

'I wanted to see you be a dumbass and embarrass yourself but you were prepared'

"Knew it"

Then Wade got ready for his job and left. My job started early in the morning, So left to sleep. I reheated some takeout and went to sleep, while in bed I pulled out my phone, and then I saw a news article saying, That there was a large increase in food poisoning and that the F.D.A was investigating it.

The next day I saw another article saying that the F.D.A was warning not to eat chocolate as the chocolate was causing the rise in food poisoning. I became curious and searched online if this was true or not. Apparently, it was not a lie and it wasn't just chocolate but coffee that was mainly being imported from South America.

The day after that I was woken up by screaming when I looked out of the window I saw a person being eaten alive by another person. I immediately woke up Wade, and made him look out the window, he was just as shocked as I was,

When I turned on the news to know what was happening the news told us to stay at home and not to go out and to throw out all chocolate and coffee from our homes, why because both items were made using various beans and seeds mainly from south America which had been infected with a mutated strand of the cordyceps fungus. The chocolate and coffee created by said seeds and beans had been infecting various people with the fungus.

In simple terms, the news was telling us the fungus that was being transported from coffee and chocolate was creating zombies no wait their still alive so infected would be the correct term.