CHAPTER 60: A THOUGHT; FLEETING

The conversation with Chuck's family keeps playing in my head even after we go back to Chucks room to sleep, and then wake up, having breakfast with Chucks family who are in a rush because they have to go to work after saying goodbye to me and making sure that I have everything I need and telling Chuck to just take the car back to my grandparents' place. They also make sure that every gift they gave me last night is packed neatly in one big suitcase for me to take back. They also leave some gifts for Marsha's family because Chuck and I will visit them for lunch today.

I laugh and bid them goodbye. Andrew left earlier because he needs to catch a plane to another city for work that day and so I tell Triana to give him my best to which she replies, "let me take a picture of you then I'll do it," to which I answer with an eye roll and the best pose I can muster whilst rolling my eyes.

On my part, I really want to avoid that conversation because I honestly don't know what to say. Especially the things regarding me and Chuck being together. I have never thought about that, clearly, and I don't think Chuck has either.

After the chaotic goodbyes with Chuck's family, Chuck and I drive to Marsha's house which isn't that far from Chuck's. It only takes us a few minutes.

Marsha's parents work mostly from home so it's always easy to find. They're either at their respective home-offices or by the pool lounging and working at the same time, or by the kitchen counter, chatting over a cup of whatever it is they feel like having or in the living room playing with their dogs. They have a lot of dogs.

Marsha's older brother, Ashton, and younger sister, Leslie, will also be joining us for lunch. Ashton works in the city center so it's not that far although the traffic is heavy.

Leslie is in the middle of summer vacation so she's home most of the time. She's 14 by the way. Just the perfect age for rebellion. Which, unlike Bianca, she skips entirely and goes straight to self-discovery. Which is awesome. She's really, really, scarily smart.

Marsha's family, especially her mother, Celine, loves to feed us and so the lunch is abundant and I'm fed until I'm almost bursting. She cooks a lot and most of the time the food she gives us is her own cooking and they always taste like perfection.

Marsha's family adores me and Chuck but they're less expressive and animated than Chuck's parents so the lunch is very somber. We talk mostly about our studies and our plans for the future and we also talk about Marsha and Kenneth and their plans for the wedding and the likes.

Marsha and Kenneth decided to have a summer wedding next year. And Triana will have her wedding in winter. Next year will be totally busy. I'm half sad and feeling guilty for knowing that I wouldn't be able to attend those weddings, but also a little bit glad because planning a wedding, from what I've heard and saw, is a total war.

"You're awfully silent," Chuck says as we laze around our designated room in Marsha's house after lunch.

Marsha's parents are back in their respective offices to work, Leslie is off somewhere with her friends doing whatever it is teenagers do during their summer vacation, and Ashton is already back to his own office to work. Chuck and I decided to nap here until the evening before we head out back to my grandparents' house for dinner and then go out to Ma Linda's to hang out with our friends.

Chuck and I will go back to uni the next day so today is the last day for us to play. I feel like I haven't had enough, though. I should have come home sooner. Dammit. Now that I'm here, I'm really reluctant to go back to uni. Especially because I have to deal with my reality that is Allen.

"I really don't wanna go back," I pout at Chuck who chuckles and snuggles me.

"Regretting now?" he grins and I pout even more. I feel really stupid now that I have faced a lot of things I neglect. "We'll go back on Winter anyway so don't pout," Chuck reminds me and well, I am reminded.

"Right," I grin at him like an idiot.

"C'mon. Let's sleep. We have a very long night tonight," Chuck grin as he tucks me in, further hogging. I smile at him before closing my eyes in content.

But of course I can't sleep. Sleep is a luxury for me these days.

In the end, I only lie there in Chuck's arms, staring at his handsome and rough face. He looks like a very, very rowdy boy even in his sleep. Still handsome, though. He's also very, very kind. He's friendly and very loyal to those he considers friends. He's smart but can't, for the love of everything holy, sit for half an hour to listen to lectures.

He's very attentive and patient. Well, with me, anyway.

He never dated. Well, not seriously, anyway. And since I found out he was gay, that kinda makes sense. When he was with all those girls all those times, maybe he was trying to figure it out? Was that why he went out on a date with a lot of people and ended up with no relationship at all?

Does anyone else know? Does Marsha know? Kenneth? Kyle?

Does he have a boyfriend? I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of guys ended up falling for him. I mean, look at him.

Aside from his personality, he got a nice body too. Like, really nice. He does sports so it is expected. But his muscles are different from Allen's. His are more prominent. Harder. His skin tanned from all the outdoor exercise. Healthy.

Thinking that, I can't help but trace my fingers on them fleetingly. I don't want to wake him up but I can't help myself. I never really pay attention to them, but they look really good. He looks really good.

Chuck is a decent person. Any guy will be very lucky to be with him. Not to mention Chuck's family. I know it shouldn't be a surprise anymore but in reality, there are still many families who ostracized their children for being gay.

I wasn't really surprised when Bellinda and Anthony so casually brought it up last night and in such a way too.

First, they have been treating me like their own son, so they have never put on pretense in front of me for whatever reason and whatever issue.

Also, our parents, all three sets of them, have always been open minded. As long as we don't kill anyone, ourselves too, for that matter, and take any kinds of drugs, they let us be.

We, well, me, especially, are so blessed.

I sigh and turn towards the clock on the wall. It's almost 4.30. Maybe I should wake Chuck up so we can go back earlier. I want to shower before dinner.

"Chuck…" I call out to him softly, patting his head like a dog. He does look like one sometimes. Heheheh.

"You done feeling me up?" Chuck's hoarse voice sounding from above me. He puts his chin on top of my head and hugs me tighter.

"I woke you?" I ask not so guiltily, chuckling.

"Uh huh," Chuck nods, sleepily stretching his body and by doing so, releases me. I get up quickly and throw a pillow at him.

"Let's wash up. Go," I nudge his stomach with my foot and, of course, he pulls it and that makes me stumble down to the carpet. Thankfully not face first. "Asshole," I grumble and stand up again before kicking his butt and he, too, falls to the carpeted floor.

"I'm up," Chuck says before I can land another kick anywhere else on his body. I grin and walk to the bathroom with him trailing behind me.

"Sure we don't have to go back to your place tomorrow before we leave?" I ask Chuck, making sure.

"We'll be back for winter break, Lee," Chuck, once again, reminding me of that.

"I know," I roll my eyes at him through the mirror as we brush our teeth.

"What are you worrying about now?" Chuck frowns and I lower my eyes immediately.

"Nothing," I lie, again, of course.

But the thing is, I don't even know anymore what I'm worrying about. Making a list would seem excessive, wouldn't it?

"You don't have to lie, Lee," Chuck puts down the towel after wiping his face dry. "That'll just hurt us more than you hiding things from us."

"I'm sorry," I'm feeling really bad having him have to spell it for me to remind me that they care more about me than my lies. "I am worrying. I'm just not sure what I'm really worrying about. Not anymore." My bitter laugh sounds even more appalling to me now.

Chuck moves behind me and turns my body around so we're face to face, "Can you tell me already what is up with you?' he asks almost pleadingly.

Oh, sweet Chuck. So worried about me. I really don't deserve him, do I?

I look up at him, a smile starts to tug at my lips as I circle my arms around his neck, bringing the two of us closer. I stare at him and he stares back. His face questioning. His body tense. Waiting. Expecting.

I hum and bring my face closer to his, planting a soft kiss on his cheek, "I really don't deserve you," I smile and slowly release myself from him. He's startled and he lets me go easily with a dumbfounded look on his face.

Something just flashed by me fleetingly. A nagging feeling. A voice in the back of my mind. But I can't make it out so I just ignore it as we go down to the kitchen to take the food Marsha's mother prepared for us to take back to uni.

But I have an inkling that that fleeting moment that was gone as fast as it came, is probably the answer to my problems. Or the thing that'll make it worse.

Either way. I'm open to anything right now.