CHAPTER 52: FACING THE PAST

"Haaaaahhhhh," I stretch my body in satisfaction while inhaling the all too familiar air of my hometown. A mixture of salty water of the ocean and currently, the bustling train station. The sky is as blue as when I left it almost four years ago. The people are charming and friendly and they smile at me as I grin back at them, completely happy.

Never thought I'd be this happy stepping foot in my hometown again after what happened. But I do. Feel happy.

"Glad to be back, huh?" the teasing in Chuck's voice makes me pout but the smile soon returns, though, because I'm truly glad to be back and back with him nonetheless.

I sling my arm around his overly broad shoulders and grin, "Let's go, yours first?" I ask as I drag him along with me out of the station and look for a cab.

"Nah. I went back early during the break, remember? I can just stay at yours and go back for dinner or something," he shrugs so very nonchalantly.

Let me explain.

It's not that he doesn't miss home or he doesn't like it there. But our whole three families have known since long ago of our bery, overly close relationship and thus have treated each of our families just like their own.

We often stay at each other's home for days. Yes. Even at Marsha's place. We treat each others;s place as our own and our families treat us like their own. Our families trust the three of us completely and we have proven that we will never betray that trust. And so, each of us gained two new families when we decided to stay together for the rest of our lives, which is beautiful I bet you're jealous, right?

Heheheheh.

So it is decided that we'll go to my place to stay and get a cab. It'll take us around 45 minutes from the train station to my grandparents' house which is located not far from the best and most busy beach in the area.

My parents didn't live there, though, We used to live in the city and not the beach. It's about an hour away from my grandparents' house so we did visit often. Me and my siblings started living there when my parents died a few years back. Right after my high school graduation. So, a little over three years.

Which means, yes. I barely stayed there before I moved to the capital to study along with Marsha and Chuck. I feel slightly guilty now, considering that. But at least I do send them money every month and check up on them and call them every now and then…

"Don't worry," Chuck's arm finds its way around my shoulders and his soft voice soothing me.

"I'm not," I tell him and,

"Liar," he grins and I pout again, turning my face away from his.

"Fine. I'm worried," I admit.

"I'm here," he tells me and that's practically all I ever need to know right now as I give him my most grateful smile which he returns just as big.

"They asked about you whenever Sha and I went back home," Chuck starts, "they always seemed to worry about you but Sha and I always do a great job convincing them that you're okay. Your study is going great and you have a lot of friends even there.

"They appreciate everything you do for them but always tell us to tell you that you don't have to because you're family and it's their job to look after the younger ones. They are always happy. Your grandparents spend most of their time at the old pub on the beach, the one owned by Ma Linda? They stay there and chat with people and help out every once in a while during peak season.

"They grow vegetables now, too. And some flowers. Bianca's study is going well. She wants to enroll in the same high school as us but she'll be aiming for a scholarship to France for her uni. She's thinking of going into criminology, beats me why, though. She's too excited when talking about murder it creeps me out," Chuck even shudders as he says that and I can;t help but chuckle.

"Ari and Aro are little shits," Chuck continues, "They're lovely little shits. But still shits. Happy lovely little shits," he concludes.

All this while listening to Chuck telling me about my family, I realized that I have missed out on a lot of things by not being there with them all these years, especially after what happened. After what I've done to them.

"I'm a horrible person, aren't I?" I can't help but feel sad and Chuck can't help but feel bad for me. His arm tightened around me and he lifts my face and turn it so I'm looking at his foolishly grinning face. Handsome, but foolish nonetheless.

"I'm telling you all this not to make you sad, but to remind you, that life goes on. Even for those hurting the most, life goes on. WE're alive so we must go on. You running awayb like this, will never help anyone's pain. It will never heal you, Lee," his voice, soft yet stern, always manages to give me strength.

"You've avoided everything, avoided your own family, for three years alread. You have a lot to say, so do they. Apologies and whatnot, you have to say it to be able to move forward. Sha and I, and the rest of the boys, have done our part in those, it's your turn now, Lee," he tells me, hugging me so tightly it almost suffocates me. But that's what I need. A Chuck's hug.

I hug him back and bury my face in his chest, nodding. Just a small nod, but he pats my back and sighs in relief.

"Will you stay with me?" I look up to him and my worry probably so apparent his grin is gone and is replaced by a soft smile.

"You know I will," his voice turns just as soft as his smile as he gently caresses my face and kenad my forehead to chase away my frown, "always," he adds and I smile so big.

I'm so grateful yet still slightly scared of what I'm about to face. Of what i have to face.

I take a deep breath and get out of the cab. We stop in front of my grandparents' house.

Just like I remembered it.

A small house. Just one floor. The waist-high stone walls have chaps all over and the color has changed from white to grayish brown. There are no fences so I just stand there on the entrance of the pathway that will lead me home.

Three years is long enough for me to wallow in self-pity and guilt.

Three years.

I have to do this.

I owe them this.