The Heart

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This time Yeona was dancing with Yeol again. In the smog, she could smell him. The touch of his tight biceps familiar to her hands. His shoulder sturdy against her head. The hand at her back was still there. And they moved, and they moved to the music. The warmth of his breath bounced off the roof of her head when she tilted her head back.

Yeol who had cradled her for amounts of years was not there. The familiar face of Sian who had kissed her farewell last night smiled lovingly down at her.

Jolting up from sleep Yeona sat up in bed with heart racing, ramming hard against her ribs. Shock and surprise sprouted deep through her. Breathing hard she sought the dark for the familiarity of her apartment. A hand patted around the bed until she felt the crochet blanket beside her. Snatching it within her grip she held it to her breast to remind herself her devotion to Yeol.

Olly who had been curled up on the floor whimpered and tried to climb up on the bed as if sensing something was wrong. Yeona had let him sleep in her room because Mina complained about the dog trying to climb on her in the middle of the night. Leaning over she pulled the dog up and let him sit on her lap before deciding it wasn't the place he wanted to sleep. Crawling aside he curled up beside her with his head on her thigh.

Clamping her eyes shut, Yeona clutched onto the crochet blanket. Last night she had watched appalled as Sian drove away. Throughout the ride home she imagined him sitting beside her grinning the silly way he did. Always such a smiley face.

It bothered her.

He shouldn't have kissed her. He shouldn't have!

Her heart had raced maddeningly. She had been flushed and flustered. She was puzzled and confused but she had liked it. And she kind of hated that.

They weren't even friends. They were nothing. What right did he have to kiss her?

Yeona was frustrated but she had also liked it only because she hadn't anticipated it. What was wrong with her?

Settling back under the covers she turned and curled up against Olly. If Yeol was there, he'd wrap his arms around her. She wanted his physical reassurance, but she wasn't getting it. Not from him.

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"I like him," were the first words Mina spoke at the kitchen table that morning.

The knife currently in Yeona's hand moved adjacently missing the round tomato slicing her finger open. She yelped and immediately snatched the nearby towel to stop the bleeding. Honestly, she felt a little out of it that morning. It had been hard falling back asleep last night. She kept thinking about Sian, his voice, his constant smiles that haunted her, and the dream. The kiss kept repeating itself even though it couldn't be considered a real kiss. Still, it ran around her mind like a dog chasing its tail.

"Do you think I can get his number?" Mina wondered oblivious to the pain from her stinging finger.

"I don't know his number," Yeona said, eyes looking through her cabinets for where she'd stashed band-aid.

"What?" she asked with disbelief. "How can you not?"

She didn't freaking remember where she'd last put her band-aids. A hot pot of heat swelled up within her chest. All she thought about was how tired she was, that she didn't want to go to work because that meant running into Sian, whom she couldn't stop thinking about but wanted with all her might to stop thinking about. And here was Mina searching for her new boyfriend, and her finger was bleeding, stinging like hell and she still had breakfast to finish and a dog to feed, makeup to put on, clothes to dress in.

"I just don't," Yeona almost grumbled. "If you're interested, go ask him yourself. I'm busy right now, so stop talking to me."

"You don't have to be so mean," Mina mumbled. Loudly sliding her chair back, she walked away. Heaving a sigh Yeona slouched against the counter and pushed the cutting board aside. God, she didn't want to deal with this.

When Yeona arrived at work she had her head lowered while walking through the halls. She didn't want to be turning every which way looking for Sian. She needed to keep her head straight, because she wouldn't do it. Yet already she could feel herself sliding toward that edge. Near the verge of looking up at every footstep in hopes that it was him. Since he'd kissed her all she could think about was him.

Yeona couldn't do this. She couldn't deal with it. Not Sian. Not when she still loved Yeol.

The elevator was empty when she walked in and pressed for the ground floor. She needed coffee. She couldn't concentrate a thing on the papers filling up her desk. Sian this, Sian that. She was going to be sick.

Date, he'd said. Yeona denied the date but it had been a date to him. And he had ended it by kissing her.

Yeona wanted to wham her head against the wall but all of a sudden, she got this feeling, this flashback about being in the elevator with him. She recalled her drunken night. Although it was still foggy, she knew instinctively that she'd been a fool and he had helped her home. But who wasn't a fool when they were drunk she excused. What had happened then? Had he carried her? Or had she walked zig-zaggedly with him as support? Her disastrous behavior must have turned him off. Maybe that was why Sian acted so lightly around her like a joke.

She groaned again. Why was she still thinking about things that linked back to him?

The lift opened and she started toward the coffee bar. The moment she received her cup she thought about the coffee Sian had gotten her last night. Tightly pressing her lips together, she trudged back toward the elevator. She was getting real impatient with herself.

As Yeona waited for the lift to arrive she felt her eyes dart toward the cafeteria yards away, a room hidden behind a support beam. It was a little early for lunch but still lunchtime regardless. Then she spotted them. Sian and Mina. Her throat tightened and she turned away so that they disappeared behind the corner. She was uncomfortable. Her heart wasn't racing. It was sinking into the pits of her stomach ever so slowly.

The elevator dinged and she hurried in.

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Today he was going to go to lunch with his co-workers. That was the plan till his phone rang. It was the receptionist. "There's someone looking for you."

He didn't know who that someone was. He had told his parents often enough that he didn't need them visiting him. Curious, he left his desk and headed to the first floor. Indeed, it wasn't his parents. He recognized red haired Park Mina waiting for him. Standing in the center of the lobby looking around, eyeing the open balcony of the second floor looking bored and lost. Out of the crowd of identical articles, she was easy to see. Ripped jeans and crop top said she did not belong here.

"What are you doing here?" Sian asked approaching her.

The young girl's face brightened upon seeing him. "Sian!"

"Why are you looking for me?" he wondered. "Yeona's in her office."

"Oh, I'm not looking for her," Mina shook her head. "Are you free? Can we eat something? I'm starving today."

He ended up buying lunch for two.

"I guess the food's not so bad," Mina commented after a few bites. "I'm sorry if I bothered you. You didn't have any plans for lunch, did you?"

"It's all right," Sian assured. "Should you be here?"

"Why? What about it?"

"You don't have to go to class or anything?"

First, she looked troubled then lost in thought. Then she shrugged. "I don't really know right now."

"I'm sorry for asking."

"No, no," she chirped up. "I have my own interests, I do. I like singing and dancing, you know. It's just my family doesn't think I'll make anything big out of it. Plus," her voice quieted and her eyes lowered, "with everything happening I'm not sure anymore what's right."

Sian watched curiously but chose not to probe any further. Her privacy was not his business. Changing subject, he asked her about what kind of genre of dancing she liked and what music interested her. Mina was like a vending machine. If he gave her something, she'd spill everything to him. They traded numbers and she promised to text him the location of a flash mob she was going to participate in later in the evening. And he had just in mind the very perfect person to take with him.

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Yeona managed to avoid running into Sian for the rest of the day. She had particularly feared running into him in the parking lot after her shift ended, but he was nowhere to be seen. She was both relieved and disappointed – feelings that irked her very deeply. On the way home, she intentionally played a favorite CD of Yeol's.

Mina was not in when she got in. Olly ran up to her barking wildly.

"Why hello, how was your day?" Yeona reached down to rub his head adoringly because if not for him there would be no one for her. The pug trotted after her hopping excitedly because her presence meant a walk for him. Tongue lolling out the side of his mouth he danced back and forth happily.

"Ok, ok," Yeona said when Olly let out an impatient bark that said she was being too slow. The dog happily let her put on his choke free leash and led her toward the door immediately. When she didn't follow right away, he scurried back to her with two more barks that sounded like he was scolding her.

A minute later they were out and under the scorching sun. It was humid but nonetheless a very bright afternoon. There could be thousands of things to do after work but all Yeona planned was to head back home and relax. She wanted to think of nothing more than a peaceful evening. That planning ahead was all for naught when she saw Sian standing around the corner waving with a water bottle in hand. Her brows nearly twisted together and she looked away hoping that he hadn't noticed she seen him. If she could just walk pass…

"Hey," he greeted when she neared. Shifting to walk along with her he went on, "Thought I'd get some exercise today, too. I just remembered that you walked your dog around here." Offering his hand, he asked, "Can I walk him?"

Olly could no more mind than the person who'd just joined him. Prancing along on his tiny paws all the dog saw was the road ahead and the energy that needed to be run off. Yeona reluctantly handed Sian the leash and got his bottle of water in return.

"Thirsty?" he wondered.

"No," Yeona uttered staring at the bottle.

"How long does he walk?"

"Three or four blocks and then we circle back."

"Any plans for later?"

"He doesn't have plans," Yeona replied without thinking then wished she hadn't spoken. "I mean, we don't – I don't."

She looked up to find Sian peering at her amused. She flushed, embarrassed. A second later she realized she should have said she had plans. Sian here only meant he had something in mind and Yeona did not want to join along. Being flustered around him was not fun. It was aggravating her far too much. This pull lulling her forward like a leash around her neck was playing on her nerves. Whether it was because Sian was just like Yeol or not, she was so done with this.

Too bad Sian spoke before she could. "Let's go somewhere after this."

"I was thinking about staying in with my dog." Yeona hoped that was good enough excuse.

"We could bring him."

"I don't want him to dirty your car."

"I don't mind."

Yeona about asked him to stop it but Olly suddenly barked as if giving his approval. He glanced back at her panting joyfully.

Just like that she found herself in Sian's car with the pug on her lap, stretching out the open window with his ears flapping in the wind. This felt all too normal for her which was insanely weird but Yeona wasn't quite sure what to say about it. They were not friends. She wasn't even close to Sian nor did she know anything about him. But he felt just like Yeol and it was enough to set her heart racing.

To keep eyes off Sian she focused on Olly, rubbing him under the chin and making sure he did not somehow fly out of the car. Her heart leapt when Sian reached over to rub Olly's back. For a second, it felt as if they'd always been family. Yeona felt heartsick, warm, and happy. Feelings she did not want anyone to know about. Minutes into the ride she stole a glance at Sian focused on the road, appearing reliable and strong behind the wheel. It struck her a moment later that she shouldn't be feeling this way, but the truth was…she was feeling everything for him.

What was wrong with her?

When they reached downtown Sian left his car down the road. They entered the plaza and without even asking Sian took the leash from her, walking ahead. As Yeona followed she stared at the hand swaying at his side. The magnetic lull overpowering her made her want to hold it.

Up ahead there was a crowd forming. From the center music boomed loudly. Excitement clouded Sian's face and he turned back with a full smile, eyes landing on her. He said something she could not hear because everything in her head was his face, his grin, the happiness, and his hand touching her. Her skipped beats and pounded even louder. Pulling her forward Sian squeezed them toward the front where Yeona saw Mina dancing away with her crew. The loud music masking the loudness of her pulsing blood. Even when Mina's bright eyes landed their way and Yeona knew she was looking at Sian, Yeona still felt her heart sweating, crying, and drowning in what she hadn't felt for a long time. Because Sian's hand was still around her arm and he stood so close to her.

Olly tugged on his leash as if he wanted to join the dance but Sian picked him up and held the dog gently in his arms. Yeona's heart sunk threefold with affection.

She hated herself.

That night she didn't sleep. Sitting at the edge of her bed she listened to Olly snore behind her. Emptiness clawed at her from inside. Maybe it was because she hadn't had anyone around for years that right now, she yearned for a presence beside her – the desperation egging her on to do what she didn't want. That someone she knew would hold and assure her it was all right. Just someone to be with her.

The fact that she was so lonely dawned on her. She wanted to spill her heart out but to whom? Yeol had been all she trusted, but in one cruel night he had been taken away. How could she rely on his parents, his sister?

Her memory spilled back to Sian, but it just wasn't right. He was no one. He wasn't even Yeol. So why?

In the dark, she turned to see the pictures sitting on her night table. Yeol's picture was always closest to the bed just because setting it in that position felt like he was with her. Reaching for it she stroked his face with longing. If only God hadn't been so cruel. If only Yeol hadn't been taken so early she wouldn't have to grow old alone.

Pained, Yeona hugged the picture.

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"Good morning," Sian cheerily greeted when Yeona stepped out of her car the next morning. Stepping away from where he'd been leaning against his car, he walked toward her holding out a cup of coffee. "I bought an extra this morning. Don't worry, I handed free ones to everyone else I saw, so if you think I'm treating you special I'm not."

"Then…thanks."

"You sound a little cold. At least offer to buy me one next time," Sian said following her in. Yeona pressed for the elevator and waited. She looked tired. "You didn't sleep well?"

Yeona stared at the white doors then turned to look at him asking brashly, "Do you like me?"

Flabbergasted, he stared. "W…what?"

"The last I remember; friends don't harass each other." Yeona coldly stated. "If someone wants to be left alone, you leave them alone."

The elevator dinged open and Yeona swiftly stepped in, immediately pounding the button for her floor. Sian watched confused but she refused to meet his eyes. Once the doors closed, he stood there wondering why she seemed angry. According to his memory, their evening had ended on a good note. He sent her home, she had thanked him, and even Olly gave him a lick.

He would have gone to Yeona's office to find her, but then they were at work and he still needed to complete his tasks. He'd find her at lunch or after work. His plans were roused away when a client offered him a meal. Sian thought about yesterday again and was confident he hadn't overstepped any unsaid boundaries to trigger Yeona's wrath. No matter how much he thought about it he couldn't come up with an answer.

It didn't seem like he had to go find Yeona at all. When he walked out after work she was sitting on the trunk of her car. Noticing him she slid down and waited for him to approach.

"Are you ok?" he wondered.

"Can we talk for a moment?"

"Where do you want to go?"

"Let's talk in your car," Yeona suggested before walking away.

She didn't look upbeat. What kinds of things were on her mind today?

Pressing the remote to unlock his vehicle he listened to her get in before joining her behind the wheel. There were still plenty of cars around then, but around this time in the afternoon a lot of married persons would have left. Over-timers would be cooped up at their desks for a few hours more. In that time, the leftover workers wouldn't be leaving through the doors any time soon, so they had more time by themselves than anywhere. And he supposed she wanted a fast escape since they were in his car.

Today, Yeona was back to quiet and cold again. Had he made no progress with her so far?

At first, Yeona just sat quietly. He expected her to apologize for this morning's outburst. She looked the honest person he thought her to be, so when she said nothing, he wasn't sure how to react.

He noticed Yeona squeeze the bag on her lap before saying, "I like you."