Grey

In and out. Eva tried to make herself relax, but the moment her body had begun the descent into unconsciousness, the instant the battle began to calm, the second she found herself just a breath from reaching her goal of sleep…

Eva jolted upright, focusing on the sensation.

There was a tingle of… something she felt a few feet behind her.

His room.

Had he awoken?

The quick brush of feeling was gone before she could identify it, before she even knew just what was there, but deep down, her paranoia rumbled.

Eva continued her hopeless attempts at sleep.

No matter how haunted her mind was, no matter how hard it was to wake up everyday and part away the curtains.

Sleep was a temporary excuse.

A safe place.

A haven.

All for a few hours.

Not that it mattered or helped in any way.

Her responsibilities grounded her firmly.

She couldn't run away.

Nothing worked.

This wasn't restlessness or panic, a tiny, subconscious voice whispered. It's guilt.

Guilt in the matters of her parents.

'I couldn't save them...'

Guilty of not noticing her sister change over the years.

'I was blind...'

Regret for not being better.

And just like the Moon she so dearly loved, she had a dark side that nobody recognized.

Eva was too afraid.

Scared that he might've seen it.

Terrified that she would be left alone when she already was.

And just like all the times when she looked around and saw that she was alone, this time was no exception.

Maybe she kept herself busy because of the horror and nightmares her heart and mind held. Logic fighting against dreams. Wishes drowning in chaos.

Eva knew guilt. It was an old friend that joined her from time to time, especially when she visited her parents in her dreams. She refused to feel it right now. It carried responsibility, as well as the acknowledgment, that she had been wrong about some things…

It made her want to travel back to a bathtub.

And perhaps everything will be just the way it was meant to be when she departed.

'Maybe I'm the problem...'

The one who was causing the scales of nature to tilt and fall backward.

Imbalanced.

Flawed.

Grey.

The world had ended for her many times.

She had seen it from every angle possible.

The only thing her mind was capable of doing right now was repeat questions again and again until they stopped making sense.

Why? How? Who? When? Where?

And then back again.

She remembered reading a book back when she was in Gleana. It had been a gift from her dead father which she had treasured to her soul until it had gotten lost.

Lost just like she was.

But it hadn't stopped her from memorizing each and every quote the book offered her. The one that replayed in her blurred memory was something that had never made much sense.

'One day reality will be better than your dreams.'

But her dreams had forever haunted her.

Reality only reminded her of her mistakes on replay.

Again and again.

What was the difference, she asked herself and received only silence in response.

Eternal quiet.

A repetitive cycle.

Realizing that she wasn't special,

Struggling into existence,

And then slowly fading away.

The worst part: Hope.

And sadly, he resembled hope for her.

How could she fear something when it hadn't even happened?

She had lost them...

People who weren't even hers, to begin with.

And as darkness loomed over the empty corridor, she faded away from everyone's eyes just like the Moon did as the Sun arose.

Eva let her aching head fall into the chamber her knees had created for her.

Why him?

She knew deep down that she couldn't be selfish.

All the times she had sacrificed when Vanessa- Diana had wanted something.

Moments when she had been left alone in her own house, wondering where home was.

Minutes when she had smiled and spoken that she was fine.

Seconds when they had replied that it was great, not realizing that it was a lie.

He was just a few feet away yet she felt the distance was equal to an ocean.

She missed him...

Missed everything.

Yet she chuckled out when her hand touched her cheek and felt that it was dry.

Had her tears abandoned her too?

She smiled as she closed her eyes and let the voices in her head drive her crazy.

And even though they all would be okay without her...

He would be fine in her absence,

She was half-dead inside.

When she looked into his bewitching dark orbs she got reminded of a dark starry night with the Moon shining in the farthest corner.

'I'm sorry...'

'I can't show you a ruined part of myself.'

Eva laughed as a tear finally managed to make its way down her cheek making it wet once again.

'Being haunted by your mistakes is a fate far worse than death.'

Whoever had written that book must've been just as lonely...

She rubbed her skin dry with her sleeve and breathed out.

'I can't stand myself being so weak.

But I guess this is retribution.

Just one last question...

Dear heart,

Why him?'

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Notice:-

I'll be scheduling a mass release of 5 chapters on Sunday, GMT +8 time zone. It would encourage me beyond limits if you all supported the book through power stones and commenting so I can receive your feedback and improve myself ^^

~Happy Winter Everybody >.<