134340

I hug myself, trying to get warm as soon as possible, so as not to die of hypothermia. It's another normal day in Daegu, it's nine degrees, it's windy, but still the sky is clear and the sun lights up the whole city.

I am the kind of guy who has never left his city of birth, who has no intention of doing so and who hopes to live in it his whole life.

I rub my hands together and bring them to my mouth to blow on, trying to keep them warm. As usual, Seokhyun is late, and we must open the cafeteria in ten minutes; he is lucky to be the owner's son, otherwise he would have fired him long ago. I look around me, the street is almost deserted at this time, since the children must be opening their Christmas presents, and the parents happy that they have not been discovered another year, while celebrating having the day off.

Too bad I'm not a father. There was a time that I thought about it, I even wished it, I believed that I was going to be with him forever, that we would get married (although I hate that idea of joining someone through a stupid paper) and that we would have at least two children. But like everything in this life, ours was ephemeral. What was the best time of my life seems like was hell for him. And I still don't understand why. I gave him my best, I loved him too much, he was the first and only boy I truly fell in love with. I'd would like to have him in front of me to ask him why he did it, why he threw me out of his life just like that.

I sigh and force myself to distract myself with something else, and then my gaze is on a boy who runs down the street in front of me and crosses the road to where I am. His face is delicate, pale, although somewhat red from the friction of the wind against his cheeks, his hair is blond and he greets me with a simple smile that makes me want to smile back, but I don't.

"Hello, are you Yang Daehyun?" he asks me playing with his hands somewhat nervous, he is of average height and seems like the kind of boy who has never broken a plate.

"Himself, who asks?" I look at the boy, he doesn't seem to represent a threat to me, but you should never trust a stranger, no matter how much angel face he may have.

"I'm Choi Seungjun, Seokhyun sent me, since he cannot be there for the rest of the month, and he has asked me to please cover him" he keeps smiling as if his life depended on it. I curse inward, is it so difficult to warn me? I do not like improvisations and much more to have to interact with strangers. I'm not very social to say the least. The only people I talk to on a daily basis are my best friend Dongyul and Seokhyun, but apart from them, I don't talk to anyone other than my family. Meeting someone can lead to illusions, and after that come disappointments, and the truth is not among my plans to earn another broken heart.

"Okay, do you have the keys?" He looks at me first surprised by the tone with which I speak, and then scared.

"Oh shit, I knew I was forgetting something" I try not to say bad words, but it's almost impossible. I try to control my bad mood and not yell at the boy.

"You live far?" He opens her eyes even wider, and I see her lower lip tremble slightly. Shit, how can she be so sensitive?

"I can call my boyfriend, to bring them" he smiles at me and then swallows, his eyes show sadness and shame, thus looking even smaller and defenseless.

"You're taking too long" I let go, he nods ruefully, I can hear him sob, and I just roll my eyes. He takes out his mobile, out of the corner of his eye I can see that in the background of the block he has a photo with what must be his boyfriend, I can't know who he is because his back is turned, besides that in three seconds I will find out a little.

He dials a phone number, and the name "Wanwan♡" appears on the screen. I can faintly hear the sound that indicates is calling.

"Love" he whispers, but even so I keep listening "Were you sleeping?" he asks, biting his lower lip. "It's just.. I left Cafe's keys at home, do you think you can bring them to me?" He seems to be listening to the other boy's answer "Thank you, darling! You're the best. I love you"

While we wait for his boyfriend to arrive, I lean against Cafe's door, and look at my phone, I dedicate myself to reading Twitter, and the few messages I have. One of them is from Dongyul, who tells me that the other day he met a super handsome boy in the shop's queue, and that now he is in love. Yes, Dongyul is bisexual, and also a hopeless romantic, in the same week he can "fall in love" with four people. He always swears that this is the definitive and indicated one, but usually they are either straight / lesbian or have a partner, and I am sure that this time it is nothing different. I also read the message from Seokhyun that you just sent me.

Lee Seokhyun: Man, sorry, I forgot to let you know 06:58

Lee Seokhyun: A friend is going to cover me 06:58

Lee Seokhyun: His name is Seungjun 06:59

Lee Seokhyun: Take care of him, and don't be so like to him 06:59

Lee Seokhyun: Thank you 06:59

I'm about to answer him when a familiar smell fills my nostrils, at first I don't recognize it, until my heart constricts and I look up. There is. Right in front of me, the boy who mercilessly broke my heart. He still hasn't seen me, he's smiling at this Seunghyun and they kiss in greeting, and that makes my blood run cold. I am not even able to move, he has caught me so surprised that I am speechless. When they turn to me, our gazes meet I can see something in his eyes light up.

"Daehyun?" He asks surprised, he analyzes me from bottom to top and I can perceive in his eyes the typical "How much have you changed". And yes, in a year I have had enough time to become more antisocial, to start gaining some weight (making myself look like something closer to being healthy), I have grown my hair out, and have dyed it black. I've started wearing baggy sweatshirts, and sweatpants, since I don't particularly go anywhere. Ultimately, I am no longer that confident, determined, smiling boy he met. And it's partly his fault.

"Hello, Kwanhyo" I say back, I refuse to let him see me weak, or see that his presence affects me. Although he is clearly doing it.

"How are you?" He asks more out of courtesy than because he wants to know, I can tell by the fake smile he's giving me.

"I'm fine," I shrug. Even though I really want to tell you that my heart feels like it's going to explode right now, I'm not going to indulge him.

"Do you know each other?" Seungjun frowns at us both. I roll my eyes, isn't it obvious? As if I were able to guess people's names.

"He's my ex-boyfriend," I answer in the sharpest way I know, extending my hand in front of Taehyung to give me the key, at first he doesn't get it, but just one look is enough for him to understand what I want, it was always like that.

I can tell that once Seungjun processes what I said, his smile fades from his face, and he gives me a cold look the whole time after. I snort, and roll my eyes again, this boy lives emotions too intensely, and that bothers me. Perhaps because I was once like him, but now I am the most closed book you can find.

About twenty minutes (in which I have dedicated to explaining to Seungjun how the machines work and where everything is, and ignoring Kwanhyu's presence) after we open one of our most loyal customers arrives. Park Youngsoo, a 25-year-old law student, who is sometimes accompanied by his boyfriend, Park Bonhwa.

"Good morning, Soo" I greet him, he smiles at me, but does not say anything, like me, he is not a boy of many words. He sits at his usual table, takes a book out of his bag and opens it. I don't think I've ever seen him without one of them, he's always studying. I don't know how he does it, I refused to continue studying at seventeen, I preferred to earn money.

I serve him the same as every morning, and he nods kindly, sips the black coffee, unsweetened, and winces when he feels how hot it is.

"Park, I just did it, you should be careful" he looks up and smiles at me embarrassed "We're on vacation, where are you going so early?"

"I have my circulation test in a few hours, but I have to do several things before, so I have decided to get up early" he shrugs, and takes a sip of coffee again, but first he makes sure to blow.

"How is Bon?" I usually don't speak to him more than two words, and he seems as surprised as I am. I prefer this to Seungjun's hostile stares and Kwanhyo's desperate attempt to make our gazes meet.

"Good, I guess" he shrugs "He's coming this way, so you can ask him yourself, now, if it's not too much trouble..." With his eyes he indicates that he wants to continue studying, so I resign myself to going back behind the bar.

I start to wash the dishes (although they are immaculate) to keep my mind occupied. I allow myself to glance at Kwanhyo for a second, and I'm not surprised to find him looking at me, I can see how he begs me with his eyes that we should talk, but I decide to ignore him. I sigh and lean against the sink with my back to him.

I start playing a game of those dumb, but addictive ones on my mobile, I get frustrated every minute because I'm very bad playing this, but still I don't give up. When I want something, I get it, whatever it takes. I damn for the umpteenth time when they kill me.

"You are still so persistent..." I hear Kwanhyo laughing behind me, I jump "And as scary as ever" he gives me a big smile, and I can do absolutely nothing to stop my heart from racing. I look at him and glare at him, I hate being caught from behind, and he knows it perfectly, because it was his favorite hobby when we were dating.

"Idiot" I roll my eyes and tense my jaw so that the desire that I have to smile back is not noticed in the least. He was the only one who managed to make me smile without even trying, and it seems that nothing has changed. And that frustrates me too much. I frown "Do you want something?"

"A coffee" I nod, but just when I approach the machine to prepare it Seungjun gets in my way.

"I do it, he's my boyfriend" I frown again, and raised my hands like a white flag. I don't know how to get this guy. Not that I was looking forward to making coffee for the boy who broke my heart.

I watch every step of the blonde to make sure he hits the correct buttons, and does not tear any of the local machine, because otherwise Seokhyun will kill me. Once he has it ready (the boy is a fast learner) he grabs a box of milk, and before he is ready to pour it I stop him.

"Kwan is lactose intolerant" I say before realizing what I'm doing. I couldn't help it, for two years of relationship I was the one who made Kwanhyo's coffee every morning.

"I already knew" Seungjun says picking up another box of milk in which it says "Lactose Free" but clearly I can tell he's lying. I don't know how long they've been together, but I guess a boyfriend should know about the other's allergies just so he doesn't accidentally poison him.

Once you have it ready, add a tablespoon of sugar. Kwanhyo doesn't like sugar, he prefers saccharin, but I stop before the blonde likes me less than now.

"Thank you, darling," he says with a smile, but I can tell that he's thinking the same thing as me. I stop paying attention, it's none of my business. I force myself to believe this for the next two hours.

After a while, Youngsoo's boyfriend, Bon, arrives, who seems to be somewhat agitated, approaches the brunette and leaves a kiss on his lips. They have always seemed like a very curious couple to me, Youngsoo is a very calm and focused boy, Bon is a crazy boy, in a good way, a pure nerve that doesn't stop for a second. I walk over to him when I set the waffles in front of Sunhee, Seokhyun's girlfriend. Bon as soon as he sees me, he kisses my cheeks twice (and although I'm not much of that, I let him do it) and points to the bar.

"Boy, bring me a water or something, I've been running" He fan their face with one hand while looking at me expectantly, I can't help but laugh, but in a subtle way. Bon is so funny.

I go to the bar, fill him a glass with water and bring it to him.

"Can you tell me what's wrong with you?" The glass is drunk in a microsecond and he being dramatic leaves it on the table.

"Well, a guy kept harassing me, he asked me for my phone number, he wanted to have sex with me, and I had to run because if he didn't rape me right there" And then the unthinkable happens. Youngsoo stops looking at his book and looks at his boyfriend with wide eyes.

"That boy did, what!?" It may be as peaceful as it is, but I swear that seeing Youngsoo angry is the worst thing that could happen to you in your life.

"Nothing, Soonie, everything is fine now" he looks at the boy with love eyes. He nods, but I can still see the concern on his face, but he doesn't say anything, he just intertwines his hand with Bon's, and continues to study.

"You make schoolboys crazy" I say jokingly, and he smiles back at me. Then he points to the bar with his head.

"Isn't that Kwanhyo? Your ex?" I wince at the mere mention of his name, it burns as if a bonfire had been set on fire in my heart. I was hoping that by distracting him somehow he wouldn't see him, but it was too good to be real "Do you want me to hit him?"

He pretends to get up and roll up his jacket, but I shake my head, sigh and ask him what he is going to have for breakfast, although I already know, it is the only way I have to save time. I smile at him without any energy, sigh again and prepare to return. Seungjun, he's not behind the bar, or anywhere in sight so Kwanhyo takes the opportunity when I walk around him, and grabs my wrist.

"We need to talk" our eyes are facing, his blue (due to contact lenses) and my brown. His gaze begs me to please talk, and mine just looks at him with absolute coldness. I try to be as serious as I can, even though It's breaking me inside with every second his skin keeps touching mine.

"It's been a year, get over it" I let go of his grip and I turn around with my heart racing and an immense desire to cry.

I gulp and settle into my job, I start with French toast, the smell of food relaxes me, for several months it was my only refuge (that and Dong's arms). Breaking up with Kwan was the hardest thing I've been through in my entire life since my grandparents died. I would have liked to know what I did wrong, we were in love (at least me), we had each other, I lived in a constant fairy tale. Finally I ended up learning that fairy tales are not real, as is the love that Kwan claimed to have for me. When I finally found out, I stopped eating, I didn't get out of bed for days because my life no longer had meaning. Until Dong scolded me, with the help of Bon. I still remember the exact words of the oldest "You're the one you should love, above everything and everyone, never let yourself be trampled, you worth more than you think, and no one makes you think otherwise"

"Daehyun" I hear Kwanhyo's voice calling me, but I ignore him "Daehyun!" I feel a hand on the one I have on the handle of the pan, and another on my waist. Kwan moves my hand up making the toast turn over, I can see that it is as black as a brand "They have burned"

I damn as I turn away from Kwan, I can see Seungjun frowning at us and it seems that his hatred towards me has become unshakable. I snort and roll my eyes, this guy stresses me out. Jealousy does not get you anywhere, it is a lack of trust towards your partner. Although I faithfully trusted Kwanhyo, and look now.

"Thanks" I don't even look at him, I move the pan to one side, and go through his side as fast as I can. I run to the warehouse, enter it and when I close the door, everything around me collapses.

I drop to the ground, the sensations on the surface, the tears bathing my cheeks, and my heart breaking even more. What does Seungjun have that I don't? How come I'm not as good as him? My life is still meaningless without him, but yet he has already remade his, and that hurts as if thousands of needless are being thrust into my throat every second, and as if my heart is Prometheus' liver*.

I don't know how much time I spend there, sitting in a corner and hugging my legs like my life depends on it, I rest my head on them, and I hate myself for being so damn weak, I would like to rip my heart out so I never go back to feel nothing ever again.

Someone open the door and as soon as I see who it is I pick up a rag that I have on a shelf next to me and throw it in his face.

"Leave me alone, right now" I wipe my face because I refuse to let him see me cry for him, that would make me feel even more stupid and miserable.

"Yunyun, we need to talk" my heart sinks when I hear that nickname, He loved calling me that, and although I hated it, I always managed to get a smile, except today, because it hurts like hell.

"Having thought about it a year ago" I get up with all the intention of getting out of here, but I don't have time and before I realise, his hands are on my cheeks and his lips are kissing mine. By inertia I close my eyes to the contact, but as soon as I am able to react I smack him and separate myself from him.

"Can you tell what the hell you're doing?" I put my hand to my mouth, still hot from the intensity with which he was kissing me.

"Daehyun, I love you, I've always loved you and always will, I can't help it" that's like a bucket of cold water on my head, my pulse stops and I can't help crying.

"I hate you" I let go, but when his arms surround me I am not able to withdraw. I sink my head into his chest and cry like I haven't cried in months. He clings to me like he wants ours to merge into one.

"They forced me, I didn't want to" I don't understand what he's talking about, but I still don't separate myself from him. His arms were always my favorite place.

"What are you talking about?" I whisper against his shoulder, and although I'm still crying I'm somewhat calmer. I can't help it, it's like my body needs his touch to stay that way.

"My parents" rests his head on mine and presses me more against him. I know it may seem strange, we have not seen each other for more than a year, but everything seems to be the same. I will never stop loving him, I'm more than sure of that "They forced me to break up with you"

Wow. I never believed that Mrs. Lee hated me, she was always very sweet with me, I suppose because she did not know that I was secretly fucking her son.

"When I told them that I'm gay, they ... Well, they didn't take it very well, but after the days they ended up accepting it, I told them about you, obviously they already knew you, but I told them about the real you, the one I was and am crazy in love. They were not very happy with the idea that their son had hidden his relationship from them for two years. And of course, later they remembered that you are not from a rich family, and they didn't" his hand caresses my hair, and although it seems a gesture that would serve to calm me, this is actually calming him. He always said that the softness of my hair reassured him and gave him peace.

"What happened after?" Obviously I already know what he's going to say, because I have lived that story in the flesh, but I still want to hear.

"They told me that they accepted my condition, but that they would never let their son mix romantically with someone from your class, and that's where Seungjun comes in. You know we have been best friends since we were born, I still wonder why I never introduced you to him, but back to the topic. Our families are work partners and when they found out that he was also gay they decided to get we engaged"

"And you tell me this now?" I part with him with a broken heart. Our gazes meet and I can see how much pain is in his eyes.

"I could not tell you at that time, they scared me so bad that I was not able2 he takes me by the cheeks so that I continue to look him directly in the eyes "They threatened to denounce you for dating a minor, and you know that here in Korea homosexuality is not very well regarded. I did not want anything to happen to you because of me" leave a small kiss on my lips, and I am not going to complain "As long as I was a minor I could do absolutely nothing, so I obeyed, for a moment I thought I could forget you, and if I did you would hate me, you would forget me too. But I was wrong, I have spent the last year thinking about you every damn second, I tried to convince myself that I loved Seungjun, and believe me, I do, but not like that. Not the way that I love you. You are and always will be my world. No one can change that" Just when I'm going to answer him, he joins our lips again.

This time it is a kiss so desperate and needed that I let myself go, as if three hundred and eighty-four days have not passed since I last kissed him. We deepen the contact and our tongues caress in the sweetest way than they have ever done. The only lips I've ever tasted other than Kwan's are Dong's (yes, we were each other's first kiss), so I don't have much to compare with, but his mouth has always seemed like heaven itself. I tangle my fingers in his hair to bring him even closer if he fits me, I don't want him to ever end, but we need to breath.

"I'm sorry, Yunyun, I'm so sorry" I feel my tears running down my cheeks, wait, or are they his? I pull away a little bit and I can see his eyes, little red on his. Something in me softens "I left without giving you any explanation, and I will never forgive myself. They forced me to leave the country, to change my phone, I didn't even have time to memorize your number" leave another soft kiss on my lips and rest his forehead on mine "Since I turned eighteen I haven't stopped looking for you, I went to our apartment hoping to find you there, but it was obvious you wouldn't be there. When I heard that Seungjun had talked to a boy named Seokhyun and that he needed him to cover for him in his Cafe's, I joined points, and here I am. Trying to win back the love of my life"

All this takes me by surprise, I don't know how to take all this information. I have spent the last year crying for someone who I thought did not love me, I have had to go to the psychologist to get over someone who I thought had tired of me. I have stayed nights thinking about what I did wrong, what I did, because one day he loved me and the next Kwan would stop loving me. I never quite understood it, one day I was his world and the next his 134340*. I knew that something was wrong. And now that I know what really happened I don't know how to react, is he being honest? Is it a joke to laugh at me? I don't know what to believe, my head is in a complete mess, I open my mouth to say something, but the door opens first. I am surprised to see the blonde.

"I just..." he closes the door and looks at the ground "I'm sorry for having behaved like a complete idiot, it's just that ... I've been pretending to be Kwan's boyfriend for so long that sometimes I even confuse myself" He rests a hand on his shoulder of Kwan and he takes it intertwining his fingers "Everything he says is true, he loves you as he will never love me, and as I will never love him. Our parents must accept reality, we fall in love with whoever we fell in love with, it is a unique feeling, so pure and beautiful ... I think that no one should change that just because of stupid ideals"

"I don't know what to say ..." I look at Kwan, and he looks at me in a way so intense and so full of love that it overwhelms me. What should I say to the boy who broke my heart into a thousand pieces? Even if it wasn't his fault, that doesn't take away from everything I've been through in recent months.

"Say you love me, please" his eyes turn watery, and something in me lights up, the light that used to live in me, and that was extinguished when Kwan left me, resurfaces again as if it were a phoenix.

"Lee Kwanhyo, I've been in love with you since the first "Hello", and I will be until our last "Goodbye"" A smile settles on his face, and my heart that was 248º below zero thaws. Without even remembering that Seungjun is present I kiss him, I try to show him through it how much I love him and how much I have missed him.

"I think..." Seungjun says laughing, I can hear the door open and close, but I ignore it, I'm for Kwan right now, only for him always.

He wraps me in his arms, and we stay like this for I don't know how long, words are not necessary because through our lips we say everything. About half an hour later we left the warehouse and I can see that Seungjun is sitting with Soo and Bon, and I am surprised to see Dong's red hair. We walk up to them with clasped hands, and an inevitable smile on our faces.

"Daeh" Dong gets up and wraps me in his arms "Hyung, you had me worried, I thought he had kidnapped you in there. You have used a condom at least, right? I don't want to be an uncle so soon"

"You're an idiot" I roll my eyes and look at the others.

"Why didn't you tell me that my stalker was your friend?" Bon asks me with an accusatory look, I open my eyes in surprise. I know Dongyul falls in love with the first person that passes by, but I never believed that Bonhwa was his type. I look at my friend with a warning look.

"Oh, calm down, I'm over it" he smiles at me like a mischievous little boy and then he looks at Seungjun, and I can see something new in his gaze, admiration? I don't know, but I've never seen him look at someone with that intensity, and that Dong is the definition of intensity "He's the guy I told you about, the shop's one"

Now it makes all sense, I can see how Seungjun blushes, but he gives my friend a smile, and it is so intense that I wonder, is this the final one for my friend? I hope so, because he deserves the best in the world. I look at Kwanhyo, my boyfriend, it's weird to think of him as such again, but it's just a beautiful feeling.

"I love you," I say, and the smile he gives me is so sincere that it makes my heart skip a beat. And then his lips are in mine.

"I love you too, Yunyun" the boys boo us, and for the first time in months I start to laugh out loud.

And then I wake up.

I open my eyes, it is night, my back is sweaty, my heart is pounding against my chest. My breathing is heavy. I can feel my face wet from tears. I straighten up on the bed and wrap my arms around my legs trying not to go into an anxiety attack, then look at the man sleeping next to me. Tears settle in my eyes and I can't help sobbing through a lump in my throat. The man opens his eyes confused, and when he sees me in condition his face twitches. He hugs me immediately, I rest my head on his shoulder, and he kisses me.

"That dream again?" he asks me, and I can't deny it, so I nod, I've had it for a long time "Yunyun, I'm not going to leave you"

"Promise" he takes me by the chin and kisses my lips "We have been married for thirty years, and we have two wonderful daughters, one of them about to give us a grandson. I love you more than I loved you yesterday and less than I will love you tomorrow, every day by your side is the best thing in my life. There is no coherent reason why I should leave you"

"I love you too Kwan" he hugs me even tighter, and kisses my lips again. That day we made love, and we gave it to each other as if life depended on it.

My heart will always belong to him, and nothing can change that. Because a life without him by my side, it doesn't make any sense.