#4 Hiding Behind Shadows...

Abir!

"Should I leave? How can I escape! God..Just leave quietly Mishti..Oh no! He has seen you! Good Lord, why doesn't this earth just breaks and I'll just hide. Why God! Can't he just ignore me? Why is he walking towards me! Just stop there you stupid human. No no...! Fuck." Mishti felt like something inside her is going to blast... but...! Oh no, this silly heart is racing so fast that it might blast anytime soon.

Abir Rajvansh. Mishti's ex-boyfriend whom she always best avoided is now standing in front of her, looking directly at her and.. and... smiling.

"So finally you're to face him, that too alone, that too in this place." Mishti Murmured.

This day couldn't get any worse than this. Mishti is standing in front of Abir Rajvansh, all alone, in the lakeside.

"Everything is ruined. Everything. I don't know hwat went into my head! I should have left this place silently, but look at me, here I am, standing like a statue! Very good, now I've to talk. Or am I actually interested in talking with him! What am I doing, Oh God! Well played, well played." Mishti was murmuring. This was to happen someday. But right now, she wasn't prepared for it.

"What are you muttering Mishti? I'm here in front of you, at least look at me!" Abir said to Mishti. He would never understand why this girl behaves this way in front of him? After all it's been 7 years, and of course, they both have moved on. Even it doesn't even matter to neither of them anymore.

Or at least he tries to behave so. And probably she does the same too!

Stop thinking nonsense Abir, he tried to shrug off his thoughts and started calculating all the possible words he should exchange with her now. Only he knows how eager he was to see her, at least. Every time they met after their break up, he tried to make Mishti as comfortable as she was with him before. Yet none of his efforts were fruitful. But today, he has the chance and Mishti is in front of him. Mishti would behave so odd as if someone has forced her to come to that place; especially with Abir, she would never be her usual self. Okay she might feel something awkward with her ex, but even now? When it's been so so long?

Maybe Abir would never find any meaning of Mishti's weird behavior in front of him. And even if he finds, he doesn't know how to mend things between them. It's late already.

Abir looked at her, the innocence is still there in her face. But her eyes... he couldn't read her eyes! Are Abir and Mishti so distant from each other now?

"Come let's sit there, or are we supposed to stand the whole day?" Abir broke the awkward silence. Mishti gave a nervous smile and walked towards the bench.

"Go Mishti go, go and die for sometime!" Mishti almost slapped herself which gone unnoticed by Abir.

No one spoke for a while - An awkward silence, and Mishti hated it, especially with Abir. Silences speak volumes, you just have to listen to it. But this silence was screaming, screaming so loud that Mishti couldn't bear it anymore.

"I never thought I'll find you in this place someday!" She broke the silence. Abir was staring at the lake.

"Abir?" Mishti called again.

"Oh yeah, were you saying something?" Abir said in a manner as if he got caught while stealing.

"I said that I never imagined I'll meet you here." Mishti repeated herself.

"I can ask the same to you Mishti. What are you doing here?" Abir spoke looking directly into her eyes, holding her hand.

Mishti was stunned. She is someone who is clear of her stand. But today... No, Mishti can't look into his eyes.

She pulled her hand immediately and looked away. Abir was confused but he realized Mishti's hesitance. "What happened to you Abir! After seven years she's finally sitting next to you, she didn't run away. Don't get overexcited and ruin things again!" Abir looked away as he slightly hit the bench.

"I've never left this place Abir. You were away from Rajkot, not me. This place is mine as much it is yours. But I didn't ask why you are here, Abir, because somewhere we both know our reasons. I just said that I didn't expect you here." Mishti said trying to show her irritation.

"Angry Bird..", Abir chuckled. Even after so many years Mishti was same. She never liked anyone questioning her back.

"Yes that was a lame question. I'm sorry." Abir said.

Mishti looked at Abir, he was smiling and Mishti felt awkward. This was not even something new. Even after so many years, just one look at Abir and Mishti almost feels like collapsing. But she couldn't take off her eyes. 7 years... It's been 7 years when she sat so close to him last time. It doesn't give butterflies in her stomach anymore, but a kind of overwhelming feeling as if she will break down right away.

"I often come here. Whenever I need to make a decision or I start something new, I come here. Even when I need to leave something behind..." Mishti paused. She felt a choking in her throat.

"So what's the new journey you're going to start today?" Abir asked.

Mishti was staring at the lake. What's new? Anurag it was. But...

Whenever Mishti thinks of Anurag, it brings a smile to her face. But today.. She couldn't smile. In fact, she was feeling guilty about something which she couldn't understand. What is it? Why couldn't she feel happy?

Mishti chose to remain silent.

"How are you Mishti? Maybe it's been more than 7 years since we sat together like this and I haven't even asked about your whereabouts. How are you doing? And how's your mom and Kuhu?" Abir spoke almost in a breath.

Mishti looked at him. How happy and comfortable he looks! And this annoyed her. There are moments in life when melancholy settles on you like a sudden change in weather, The kind of sadness that is like a presence of an ache where you can't pinpoint exactly where it hurts. You just know it does.

Abir is always a trigger for Mishti that makes her vulnerable. Like a drug that makes her so weak that she can't even talk sense. That is why she has been running away from him for 7 years. No, she doesn't love him. But he is the only one who can break Mishti's strength into thousands of pieces with a mere look. Everything has changed for Mishti, except the memories of this chapter of her life that she'd never want to recall. Because whenever she does, it pierces right through the middle of her heart.

It was a mere break up for Abir, and for Mishti, it damaged her soul... she was saved somehow, but at the cost of her old self.

Can't Abir feel it? Is he not affected even a bit? How can he be in so ease when she's trembling!

Mishti couldn't take it anymore. She always knew if she stays around Abir for more than five minutes she would loose her calm and right now she was on the verge of collapsing. "I need to go. I'm sorry Abir, but I should make a move now. Will see you later." Mishti immediately took her bag and stood up.

"We.. We will talk someday, Abir..not.. not now...Sorry.. I'm sorry.."

As Mishti started walking, Abir noticed Mishti was shaking horribly, unable to take even a step. And now Abir couldn't keep calm. "Enough, Mishti!" He shouted.

"It's been 7 years. 7 fucking years, do you hear it? Everything is changed Mishti, even I'm changed for God's sake. But you? You're still there. Why Mishti, why? Why do you behave as if I was the one to broke up with you. You know it very well that it was you who decided to get out of that relationship."

No matter how much Abir tries to put on a facade, deep down every corner of his body and soul is affected, by Mishti's ignorance, her unease and by her. Mishti doesn't even have any idea how he spent his time reminiscing about her, recalling her smile again and again. Probably it's not the same for Mishti, but why can't she understand that he needs her.. at least to talk!

"Wait wait wait. Do you really think that I broke up with you for my sake, for my own reasons? Is it so Mishti Kashyap?" Abir could feel the blood rush inside him. He didn't know why but he needed answers after seven years. He understands well that his presence is uncomfortable for Mishti, but the condition she is in right now, is beyond his understanding.

Taking a deep breath, he let that teardrop escape from his eye. Why did Mishti chose to break the most beautiful fairy tale of theirs that way? Why can't Mishti look at him properly? Is this where they ended up in? Can't she just show him where did he go wrong and let him make amends?

Why can't she just hug him and tell him that she's there for her?

"What the hell I've done to you Mishti? For Heaven's sake just explain this to me once. You've texted me many times saying you'd want to talk to me someday. So here I am today. Come and talk to me. Look at me Mishti. Look at me. Today I'm telling you, we should talk. We need to talk." Abir became restless.

Mishti couldn't take it anymore. Their talk.. Yes it was long overdue. And she knew it was to happen someday. But right now, she wasn't even able to utter a single word.

After their break up, Mishti told Abir many times that they should talk someday. Yes, Mishti had so many things to clear, so many things to explain yet she never got that one chance. And today, after seven long years, she was asked to speak, she was asked to revisit those wounds that damaged her like cancer. She may have moved on now, but the scar will forever be there.

Mishti looked at her shadow... As if it was reminding her of herself.

All along she has been running away from the storm and when it was all so calm, finally destiny played it's charm. Mishti closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It's time to face the hurricane.

Mishti turned to Abir and looked straight into his eyes.

"What do you want to ask me Abir?"