Chapter 2: Tellings Of The Accident

James

December 10th, 2012,

In two days, I see her again.

I can't seem to understand my feelings about this fact. I dread knocking on the door, yet I can't wait.

My conflicted feelings have been the source of my anxiety for days, yet I can't wait for the closeness. To be close to Robin and her know it. The only way to stop the pain of separation is closeness. To be close to one's mate.

I had been taking trips to see Robin since about two years ago. No one knew. It was the only way to be relieved of pain. To sit near her and watch.

The catch twenty-two was having to watch her be happy. I wouldn't have wanted her sad, but watching my mate look content without me there hurt.

I heard her laugh, but it wasn't from my jokes. I saw her smile, but she wasn't looking at me. I saw her sad, but I couldn't console her. It was utter torture and made a different pain show up in my chest. It made me feel a lot more hollow than I already did.

I couldn't complain, though. I chose to leave without contact. These selfish thoughts aren't ones I can share.

My writing is interrupted by a knock at my door. Sighing, I get up to go see who's needing me at this time of night.

"My bad for botherin ya, my boy," Alpha Derek said. "But I gotta know what time yer gonna wanna leave by." His accent was thick and southern, making it difficult to understand him the first time we met. Since I've spent seven months in his territory though, I could understand every word.

"Probably around seven-thirty. California is quite far from Georgia, and I want to get there as early as possible," I explained. Getting to Robin was my main objective.

"Alright then, I'll leave ya to it, Bud." Derek yawns, leaving for bed.

I sit down again to continue with my writing.

My actions of leaving caused this result, so how could I be upset that she was happy with her life. The selfish thoughts I have can only be shared with me through my writing. Soon though, I won't have these thoughts because it'll be me that's making her smile and laugh. That's what keeps me going.

The thought of her.

I sigh as I gently close my journal and go to pack the final things needed for my early departure tomorrow. It was a simple but long trip. One with farmlands and small towns because of the way we were going.

I couldn't help the small smile that stuck to my face while packing my things.

Soon enough, it was morning, and as I packed my things in the trunk, I looked back to see Derek smiling with his arms crossed. He has always been fatherly towards me from the lack of having sons. Alpha Derek was blessed with two daughters, ages three and twelve, so in a way, I substituted as a son during my stay.

"Well, my boy, I guess it's time ya get on the road, ain't it?" He spoke proudly. I knew he was glad I was finally returning to my mate.

"Yeah, it's time I go," I sighed. Throughout all of the excitement of going home, I couldn't shake the feeling that I would miss this family. My own family was loving, caring, solid, but I still felt at home amongst Alpha Derek with his wife and daughters.

One of which, however, was hurling herself down the stairs sobbing.

"No, you no leave," Mina, the three-year-old, cried. "You stay here."

"Mina, honey," Derek tried, but she was having none of it.

"No, he stay here," she screamed, throwing herself on the ground. I could see Lily peeking out from the doorway in tears, breaking my heart. I had grown attached to these girls, thinking of them as my sisters.

I lifted Mina, gently holding her up so she could wrap her arms around my neck as I walked. Next, I walked back to Lily, who tried to hide behind the door.

"Lils, I know for a fact that you're behind the door," I spoke, trying to sound as calm as possible.

Lily was a shy kid who was often accidentally overshadowed by her sister's boisterous personality. No one meant to overlook Lily, and her parents love her just as much as they do Mina.

Mina just had the energy of a Tasmanian devil and took up a lot of their parents' time.

"You know I'm coming back. I need to see my mate, okay?" I said. "I will not be gone forever. I'll be back to spend some time at Christmas here."

"Bring presents?" Mina asked.

"Yeah, Taz, you're getting presents. You as well, Lily," I said. "I promise I'll be back. Here, we'll even pinky swear, and you know how I feel about pinky swears." I laugh.

Mina starts cheering that they're unbreakable, while Lily quietly loops her pinky with mine.

"You promise you won't forget us?" she asked. "Me?"

These kids were killing my heart over here.

"I promise."

My promise seemed to calm them enough for their mom to replace me in their hug. With that, I said my last goodbyes, gave hugs, and slipped in the car.

"Where to?" The taxi driver asked.

"Solvang California, please, sir."

"What's in Solvang?" He asked.

"Home," I replied.

I then felt the car start to move. I couldn't stop my bouncing leg as he continued to drive. A million thoughts were running through my head.

Where would she be when I got there?

Will she be excited to see me?

What if she's angry?

What if she hates me?

No. Robin could never hate me. We were soulmates. I left for her, even if it was hard, even if she couldn't see that.

My thoughts became too much, so I decided to sleep, yet my brain couldn't stop running.

James?

I kept spinning in circles, trying to find who was speaking.

James?

I knew that voice. The voice had changed, but in a way, it was still the same. Her voice was just older.

You left me. I woke up, and you were gone.

"I left for you, Bird," I tried, but my voice was gone. I was stuck, and my voice muted. Panic started to rise in my chest and throat, and then I saw her.

She looked different than I remember. She looked eighteen.

You left James, and I had to continue without you. You would have saved us both so much pain if you had stayed.

I couldn't speak to get her to stay as she turned away from me.

Time and time again, I tried to yell for her.

Nothing.

She just continued walking away then she was gone.

I awoke in a panic, eating air. I could see the driver, Damien, looking at me in the rearview.

"you good?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Just a dream."

"Dreams will getcha, that's for sure," He said. He spoke as if he understood immensely, and the look he kept giving confirmed my suspicions.

"You get dreams?" I asked. "Ones that scare you?"

He looked at me once again, only nodding.

"How do you get over them?" I asked.

He sighed and answered after a couple of seconds. "Some you get over, some you don't. I simply remind myself that they're dreams," He said. "You can't change the outcome of your dreams, but you can change the outcome of real life."

I nodded my head, thinking. He was right. I couldn't keep Robin from leaving in my dream, but I could if she tried when I saw her next.

Should Robin want to leave, I would let her. I only need her to hear my explanation first.

Damien and I shared small conversations until we reached the twelve-hour mark.

The trip from Georgia to California is roughly thirty-six hours, so we split the driving into twelve-hour shifts. My only goal is to get to Robin, and If I have to drive for twelve hours while Damien sleeps, I will do so.

While driving, my thoughts became full of excitement. My mind consisted of Robin. I wanted to hug her, kiss her, mark her. I shook myself out of my thoughts. I couldn't mark Robin. I shook myself out of my thoughts. I couldn't mark Robin. We'd have to get to know each other. We've both changed over the years. My hope of her being the same is unrealistic.

I started thinking of all the ways she might have changed.

Would she still be as funny or clever? Would she still love to read?

I hope she still loves reading, or else the books I brought are useless. Robin always loved classic books, but the books she read were old and torn. Her copies of the Iliad and the Odyssey were the most broken, yet her favorites.

The copies I bought her are beautiful, with gold swirls and beautiful calligraphy. My only hope is that she loves it.

I didn't notice that we passed my twelve-hour mark until Damien shook my shoulder.

"You ready for me to take over? Get some food?" He asked.

"Yea, that sounds good."

We stopped at an Arby's, stretched our legs, went to the bathroom, and got food. Once done, we headed back to the car, and Damien started driving.

We're on the home stretch now. Twenty-four hours in, twelve hours left. Almost there.

The excitement was building, but so were my nerves. My eyes were constantly dropping, and within minutes after we left, I was dead to the world.

I didn't dream.

I felt someone shaking me awake, and I groggily sit up, looking around.

"Sorry I had to wake ya, but we're about ten minutes from Solvang," Damien said. "Ya sure, ya wouldn't want to go to Ojai first?" He asked.

"They're meeting me in Solvang tomorrow, so it shouldn't be an issue." My only wish was to be with Robin. I've visited my parents many times, and Robin was now my only priority.

I started seeing places I recognized. The Hat, a diner Robin and I frequented, passed me on the right. We went there after the first time we met.

The high school she goes to passes on the left.

We were getting closer, and my heart was beating out of my chest. My mind was yelling the mantra, almost there, over and over again. Suddenly we were passing houses which meant the packhouse was near.

As I thought that, we pulled in through a gate.

The packhouse gate.

We were here.

I sat there for longer than was necessary. Damien was watching me, curious about what I was doing.

Then Lucas and Emma emerged from their home with smiles. Well, Emma was smiling. Lucas' smile was there, but it didn't reach his eyes. He was angry I left.

I quickly got out, bowing my head to show respect. Emma always loved me, so she smacked my head then hugged me the way only moms can. It made me miss my mom in Ojai.

"Don't bow your head at me, honey," She said. "You are a part of this family, and family doesn't bow."

I nodded my head with a small smile, then looked towards Lucas. He looked kinder than when he walked out.

"I'm pissed at you, but you're still a second son to me, so c'mere moron," He said. He was then showing his smile. Lucas was like my father, they don't smile often, but their kids would never know it. They smile at their kids every day because they're just happy to have them around.

I remembered that I needed to thank Damien and say my goodbyes. He rolled his eyes with a smirk and put me in a headlock, and ruffled my hair laughing. He left after, but he made sure to tell me, "Don't forget, you can't change dreams, but you can change your life."

Lucas, Emma, and I started walking towards the house, and my nerves were on fire. The second I passed through the doorway, I bolted up the stairs.

I burst through her door, looking around frantically.

"Birdie," I yelled.

"Honey, she's not here," Emma said. She must have followed me up here, but I didn't hear her come up.

"Where is she?" I asked my question intensely.

"She's with Callie at Callie's grandma's house. Lucas and I needed to talk to you," She said. Emma was always calm with a soft aura around her. She was the literal depiction of a fairytale mom.

I followed her down to the living room, sitting on the couch.

"Now, we need you not to freak out," Emma said. "But something happened with Robin."

I felt my eyes widen and quickly said, "The hell you mean something happened."

Lucas responded loudly, "Sit."

I reluctantly sat back down, huffing.

"Now, you were saying, Love," Lucas said to his wife.

"Son, after Robin turned sixteen, there was an accident," She explained.

I felt my heart stop.

"During a run, a storm came up quicker than we expected," She didn't seem upset but calm.

"A tree got struck by lightning and fell onto Robin," She paused for a second before continuing. "This accident caused Robin to lose her wolf."

They both looked at me like they were waiting for a reaction. Seeing that I was staring off into space but nodding, Lucas took over.

"Robin is an exceptionally rare case," He said. "But because she was in wolf form when the tree fell, it killed her wolf."

I sat there silently for a minute, trying to understand.

"Robin is human?" I asked, needing to clarify.

Emma looked hesitant to respond, "Yes, Robin is human."

I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my mate was human. Robin was human. My mate was a human.

"I know this is hard to understand and accept," Lucas said. "Especially with your pack's view on humans."

Emma took over for her mate, "What we're trying to say and explain is that because of Robin becoming human, our pack dynamic has changed tremendously."

I nodded my head, following along, even though my brain felt as if it would explode.

"Our pack involves humans more than traditional packs do," Lucas explained. "You'll hear us yell for each other more because we rarely use mindlink. We still do pack runs of the full moon, but we have pack walks, in human form, where we all walk our usual path to the beach."

"You involve the humans?" I asked. This whole ordeal was foreign to me. My pack never did this. Humans were just there.

"Yes, we do," Emma said. "We also have a doorbell for the front door that you have to ring before coming in."

"Why," I asked.

'So Robin can know that there's someone in the house," Lucas answers. "She can't smell us."

I was shocked. I never thought Robin couldn't use our scents to identify us.

Just as I was about to ask more questions, I smelt her.

Emma and Lucas must have as well because they shared a look then looked at me.

"Be calm, James," Lucas said. "She'll be confused, and you're about to hear Callie growling."

As soon as he says that, I hear Callie start growling, and then I hear the voice I've dreamt about for so long.

"Callie, I swear to god if you don't stop growling at me," Robin yells, but he can tell she's joking. "You know I can't growl back, asshole."

"There's someone in there," Callie yells.

"Yes, as this is the packhouse, I would assume there are people in the living room," Robin responds. "It's the living room."

I see Lucas smile, and Emma facepalms herself while laughing.

"Well, at least Callie's good at her job, I guess," Lucas laughs.

"No, Bird, I swear there's someone in there," Callie whines.

"Do you smell mom and dad?" Robin asks.

"Well, yea?"

"Then it's fine, dumbass," Robin laughs.

"I don't trust this, but fine," Callie sighs.

Then I hear them start walking towards the door that leads to the living room, and my heart gets caught in my throat.

Callie's growling as soon as she sees me.

"Callie, I swear to god," Robin yells from in the kitchen. "Stop growling at pack members."

Callie stands there, quietly growling, staring at me.

"Callie, It's okay," Lucas says.

Suddenly the door opens again, and all our heads snap in that direction.

Robin.

Our eyes meet.

My heart completely stops.

"Screw you, Jackass," Robin screams, then she's gone.

And I'm just sitting there, stunned.