Who?

You're probably wondering who I am. If I knew I would tell you, all I know is that I am stuck in a black container swaying back and forth. Now, I'm no genie in a bottle, I'm more of a corpse in a coffin. Sorry, off topic. As I was saying, it's pretty obvious from the swaying and people yelling "STARBOARD!!!!" and shit like that, that I'm on a fucking boat. You're probably wondering why I'm not screaming for help, that's a simple answer. I FUCKING CAN'T. These dumbasses can't hear me because it sounds like there is a fucking hurricane going on outside. Of all the ways to die, I go out buried alive on a fucking boat. Can you even call it buried alive if I'm not buried? I'm going to call this death, The Death of.... I just realized I still don't know my name. How the actual fuck do I forget my name but I'm able to speak English and can understand what other people are saying?!

"Yo, author, you mind telling me what my name is???" I yell at the sky. Oh yeah, the author is like God, he's there but he doesn't give a shit. Welp, time to go back to yelling. Wait, how come I don't hear anything anymore? I put my ear to the box and start to listen. There's nothing, no sound, I don't even hear people anymore, or wind, let alone the rain that was slamming against my box.

'Hello, author here, the asterisks show that it is me speaking, anyway, our protagonist... protagonist? Is he even considered that? Our waste of space here just fell off the boat and is currently stranded in the middle of the ocean inside of a box, and if you're wondering why he can breathe in a box, it's because it's a "magical" box. A box so special, nah I'm just fucking with you, the ship just docked and he got unloaded and is just sitting inside our warehouse. He would know this if he paid attention for once in his life, when will this waste of space learn. Spoiler alert, jk there are none, don't get your hopes up with me, I'm like God remember? I'm here but I don't care, I feel insulted by that but he's right. Anyway back to your waste of space.

After God knows how long, I heard noise again, it sounded like a drill oddly enough, like a high-powered drill drilling through woo... HOLY SHIT. Before I could finish my thought, wood shavings started spraying in my face. After 3 minutes of feeling like Kim Kardashian on a Friday night, the shavings stopped spraying into my face. After a few more seconds of waiting in the dark, I finally saw light. The lid of the box got ripped off and instead of seeing a huge muscular dude names Jamal, I saw a beautiful woman with massive tits...

"Are you gonna lay in that box all day, or are you going to come say hi to your family?" The girl says to me with a smile that shows off her perfectly aligned white teeth.

"Who?" I say as the chapter "ironically" ends