I Know I Shouldn't Let Her Give Up On Her Child

Tsubaki was so quiet once they reached home. Ren didn't press her to voice out her thoughts. He silently pulled her toward the porch overlooking the lawn and made her sat there while he went to the kitchen and brought out two cups of tea. The air was still hot but the night wind made it bearable.

When Ren returned to the porch, he stopped behind Tsubaki. She was staring far off a distance, as if she wasn't connected with reality. Her head tilted upward, her eyes landed on the carpet of stars sparkling under the summer night sky. Her lips parted slightly, letting the gentle breeze kissed her lips as her legs dangled from the porch floor.

Ren placed the drinks on the floor. He took a seat beside Tsubaki. She was still holding the tote bag containing the diaries and postcards. Ren reached out a hand, he brought her head to his shoulder. Tsubaki hummed softly as she listened to his heartbeats.

The husband and wife sat in silence. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew past them. Tsubaki shuddered, she moved to nestle comfortably on his chest.

"Darling?" Her voice was so quiet in the night air.

"En?" Ren rubbed her head, his dark eyes looking at her face.

"Could you accompany me reading Mom's diaries tonight?" Tsubaki looked up to meet his eyes, a layer of mist blurred her vision.

Ren smiled softly, he gave a slight nod. "Once you're sleepy, we'll be going to bed and continue tomorrow. Is that alright?"

Tsubaki smiled back. "Okay."

Tsubaki lowered her head, her eyes went to the tote bag on her lap. She was a bit hesitant when she wanted to bring out all the diaries but after a moment of thinking, she placed all of them on the floor. The postcards would have to wait first.

After looking around for a few times, Tsubaki chose the oldest diary. Her Mom had noted which one was the first, second, third and so on. When her fingers touched the cover, she could feel a thin layer of dust on the surface. Tsubaki flipped to the first page, the papers had turned yellowish over time.

[XX April

Two days after I brought her home. There's nothing much I could say but, when I remembered her words, I know I shouldn't let her give up on her child.]

Tsubaki narrowed her eyes. The 'her' in the second sentence was supposed to be her biological mother, right? Tsubaki pursed her lips, she continued reading the diary.

[XX May

It has been three weeks. At first, I thought I'd be conflicted when seeing her and reminded of my lost baby but over time my heart is captured by her smiles.

Tsubaki, Mom might never be your real mother but Mom would do my best to raise you up. Mom doesn't want her to regret her decision of letting you go to me.]

[XX August

Tsubaki has learned how to scoot but she still couldn't crawl properly. Haruo loves it whenever she tries to make us smiles back at her. She's such a little angel.]

[XX November

Autumn has long gone. Our little princess could finally sit up without us supporting her. Whenever I see her doing new things, I wonder if you'd remember her too. Won't you come to see her?]

[XX January

Tsubaki was so happy when we brought her to her first shrine visit for the New Year. The floral baby kimono we bought for her fit her well, she's so adorable in it. Haruo spent his days off by her side, trying to get her to say Daddy. Both of them are so cute, I'm glad we have her.]

[XX January

When I thought she wouldn't contact me, I was surprised when I got her postcard a few days later. She didn't write any details, there was just a wish for her daughter to have a blessed New Year. I wish she would come and see Tsubaki soon. As much as I love Tsubaki, I don't want her to be detached from her own daughter.]

Tsubaki's head spun around, she looked at the stack of postcards sitting at her side. Her hands reached out for them, she frantically searching for the first postcard her Mom received.

"Sweetheart?"

"This is it!" Tsubaki showed a postcard with an illustration of a shrine to Ren. She flipped to the back, reading what was written on it.

[Dear Mrs. Hanada,

I know I've been so late but I wish you a Happy New Year. I hope besides you, she would get a blessed year ahead of her.]

There was no signature but Tsubaki recognized the handwriting.

This was...

"It's Nakamura Sumire's handwriting, right?" Even at a glance, Ren too had familiarized himself with it.

"Yeah..."

Their suspicion was right. Nakamura Sumire was Tsubaki's biological mother, while Fujioka Masami's identity hadn't been disclosed.

Tsubaki continued reading the diary. There was no longer a mention of Nakamura Sumire in the first one. She opened the second diary.

As Tsubaki read the diaries, she noticed that her Mom would write down whenever Nakamura Sumire sent a postcard to their home.

[XX April

It was Tsubaki's second birthday. We spent a fulfilling celebration for her. I couldn't believe that two whole years had passed since the day I met this little angel. She has started speaking and it's so cute!

She sent a postcard for her birthday. This time it's from a different postmark. I wish I know where she lives so I could bring Tsubaki to visit her.]

[XX October

I was so shocked when I received yet another postcard from her. I think it has already been a few years since the last one? I'm glad because this postcard means she's still alive but why did she only send it now? It is because Tsubaki has already entered kindergarten?

I hope nothing bad happens to you.]

[XX February

The second month of the new year. Tsubaki loves going to school and I hope she could learn whatever she wants. Another postcard came after months went by.

I was worried. Even though we rarely met, she's still Tsubaki's real mother. Is she in danger?]

[XX September

Tsubaki is excited whenever we talk about her new baby brother. This little one is still small in my tummy but Tsubaki couldn't wait to see him. Haruo is overjoyed too. He said he didn't expect us to have another child.

Tsubaki is still our first child. Nothing could change that. We love her dearly.]

[XX December

It was a cold morning when a new postcard arrived. It brought along a sense of helplessness. She said she was suddenly reminded of the man she loved and the daughter she could never have. I feel sorry for her. I remembered her face the first time she opened up to me in the hospital.

To have her man died and have to let go of her daughter due to security issues, if I were in her shoes, I didn't know how would I react.]

After reading the last sentence, Tsubaki's shoulders jolted up while her eyes widened in shock. She slowly turned her head, her eyes filled with fear as she looked at her husband.

"Ren..."

Ren nodded in low spirit. He too had read the part where her Mom wrote about her real father for the first time.

Her real father... has already died?