LOCATION - ROUGH ROAD .2

|Location: City Ruins|

-LUKAS-

When things finally calmed down after that heated exchange, I was forced to keep my mouth shut for the remainder of the journey. For the time being, it might be best if I divert my attention from Kate and Yui and keep a distance from them. I'll probably never be able to forget what happened back then. I could only whisper to myself, reminding myself how trivial I was.

"Pathetic Lukas, you're so pathetic."

We arrived at the city ruin.

In an attempt to wake up her 'bestie', as she likes to call Yui, Kate, who is sitting next to me, gently shakes Yui. "Psst, Yui. Wake up, we're here."

I could only watch them as I bit my lips. Forcing myself not to glimpse at how they treat each other, I could only sigh while listening to the two.

I was reminded of that day and of her by how close the two of them appeared to be. If only I hadn't hesitated at that moment, I could have reached out and grabbed her hand in time, and if she hadn't stopped me,

*Brother! *

A long-forgotten memory that has plagued me daily since that accident suddenly came back to me.

In that memory, I could see my sister reaching out to me as the underground ruins started to collapse, and each time I tried to save her—the only member of my family—I always failed.

Just thinking about it makes me extremely frustrated; the guilt I feel can occasionally turn into anger, leading me to place blame both on myself and other people.

I shook my head and made an effort to concentrate on what I needed to do, telling Lukas, "Focus Lukas, I need to focus on the job right now."

Being an ordinary person, Yui's body could hardly handle the harsh environment, but she still tried to persevere; this was just one of her many qualities, which is why she has survived in this line of work up to this point and is also why my sister and her were close. Kate gently roused Yui from her deep sleep.

"Hey Yui, we're here"

I didn't try to feel this bad, but when it comes to her, she used to look up to her; she always admired people with strong personalities. 'Sigh' Just thinking about it, my heart always twists itself.

To my surprise, Kate is still rousing Yui when I manage to bring my wandering thoughts back to the present. I caught a glimpse of the two of them, but I didn't want to look because I knew it would make me angry because of what had happened that day. I couldn't help feeling this way.

I had no choice but to push my guilt toward Yui. She didn't deserve to be abandoned in that way; consider me petty or even a scumbag if you must, but Yui is to blame for it.

I might have been able to stop it from happening if she hadn't done it.

I can't help but feel enraged as I watch Kate help Yui while she is still in a deep sleep. Judging by the relaxed manner in which she is sitting and the way that Kate is supporting Yui's head while she sleeps, as well as by the way that her back is resting against the soft chair in the car, I can see that Yui is comfortable being helped by Kate.

She also could have been like that.

The slight possibility that existed if Yui hadn't done that back then makes it seem unfair for Yui to enjoy it while "she" cannot. Just thinking of it makes my blood boil.

"We don't have all day to get to our next stop, so wake up already," I yelled abruptly. Yui appeared surprised and looked at me remorsefully, which only made me feel worse than I already do. I could only pour everything out on her, whether it was guilt or the fact that I felt like a coward.

"Stop giving me that look; move already!"

Kate butted in right away and pushed me aside, saying, "Hey, it seems my slap earlier didn't even move you, why can't you just leave Yui alone Lukas."

My body wanted to run away when she looked at me, but I managed to maintain my composure. As she continued to glare at me, I genuinely wanted to care less about her and already wanted to resent her for being so close to Yui. However, whenever Kate looked at me with those eyes, I felt as though something inside of me was stirring up and clashing with all of my emotions.

I quickly dismissed the thought to regain my ridge self. I glared at Kate, and she responded by shrugging. I was surprised by what she did because I hadn't anticipated it. I felt foolish waiting for her response because she seemed to have it all together and thought I wasn't worth the time.

After that, I reached for the door handle and immediately rushed out. Kate and Yui followed soon after. I left those two without looking back.

"Why did I do that? That only felt stupid," I said under my breath as I left the vehicle.

There is a large city in front of us. As I stood on a raised ledge, I could make out the green vegetation that covered the buildings from a distance. As the smell of grass and rain swept past me, I couldn't help but wonder why the weather was different despite the city being close to a scorching hot desert.

I suddenly felt jealous and thought, "Ha, that was so lame, if only I could separate my emotions from me, then I wouldn't be in this mess."

I tried to focus on the scenery instead of how I felt, but it was only a hopeless thing for the current me to do. "A desert sitting beside a rainforest, this could be a good title."

After years of sightseeing, I had grown accustomed to these situations. A deserted city from bygone eras is nothing more than the past, but the past I experienced is the last thing I can't help but cling to.

And no matter how hard I try to ignore it, it still holds some beauty, but why can't I hardly appreciate this, if only? And no matter what I want to think, I can't stop thinking about the possibilities.

I wish I could enjoy scenery like this with her.

All I can do now is live a life full of regret.

My body starts to relax as I feel the cold seep into me from the damp rock I'm sitting on while watching the sky slowly change. However, as the day cycle unfolds around me, I only feel more out of control with my life.

Whether or not this is a feeling of loneliness is something I ponder, but I shrug it off when I see that our leader Roland has finished what he was doing. Gods aren't the only thing dangerous out here, though; there are also the renegade nomads known as "The scavengers," so he got out of the car after securing its location and hiding it.

I hear his footsteps getting louder and closer, and I immediately notice his large frame getting even larger. Before I know it, he is firmly in place and facing me in the front. I can see how this will end.

Roland said, "Lukas, come here; I have something to tell you.

I recognized Roland's intentions as he passed me and motioned for me to leave because he only wanted to discuss what had happened with Yui earlier. Judging from his deep tone and the commanding voice he has, I'm in for an earful of scolding.

Despite that, he is a respectable man. The person I admire and follow.

He's the type of person who always respects privacy.

Roland looked me in the eyes as we entered an abandoned ruined building after having separated ourselves sufficiently.

Since my actions might have had an effect on the team, it immediately made clear to me everything he wanted to say. Even though I couldn't help but nod in agreement, I still feel the need to defend myself.

I abruptly cut him off as if I had just burst. "Lukas, you know-"

"I KNOW!! I know! So, stop looking at me like that, but can you stop me? If she didn't do it back then I could have-, anyway it's her fault" I distance myself from Roland,

You can call me a child for having a temper tantrum, but I could have saved her and grabbed her hand if only...

I was suddenly reminded of the incident from last month, and once more I experienced a rush of anger and guilt that filled my heart. I almost started crying, but I restrained myself because I couldn't possibly express how pitiful I feel right now.

I accidentally channeled some of my fire ability into my hand when I punched the wall next to me out of anger. Because my gloves serve as a conduit for my fire ability, a light flame appeared on the wall where the punch had been made.

"AH!! DAMN IT!!"

"I can't tell you to stop agonizing about what happened, but I hope you understand, our line of work always put our lives on the line, what happens a month ago is an accident and if Yui didn't pull you back, you could also have lost your life"

I repeatedly punched the wall, screaming at the top of my lungs, "It's the better choice anyway, SHE DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE!"

"For Rain's sake, I hope you can get a hold of yourself, you're," he paused for a second, "you're not the only one who is affected by her death. How long will you act like a child, if she did survive instead of you, what then? Do you want her to be in your place right now? Roland left those words for me, hitting me square in the face. I already knew for the longest, but I couldn't just accept the truth; I kept on denying it, placing the blame on someone, and I stooped too low. At least live your life; for Rain's sake, I hope you can get a hold of yourself.

Striking the nail directly on the head, being the pathetic person I am. I fell to my knees.

thinking that she is dead.

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