Clown

Here we go…

I took a deep breath and opened the magazine.

I did it with a swift move as if I was tearing off a medical plaster.

The next second, I froze. Then, a bitter sense of disappointment engulfed me.

Because nothing has changed.

The first page was as blank as ever.

I tried looking at other pages. All of them were the same.

For the entire following minute, I was just staring into the void. Then, I suddenly felt tired. I haven't slept for a day. My hope was the only thing keeping me on my feet. Now it has vanished, and so did all my remaining strength. Even the wind blowing in my face could not keep me awake anymore. Its silent whisper was nursing me into a dream.

"...Whatever."

I laid down on the concrete roof. It was a bit cold early in the morning, so I placed the magazine under the back of my head.

I had been lying like that for some time when suddenly, I heard a voice ring by my ear:

'Hey, hey, I may be a 2D character, but that doesn't mean that you use me as a pillow.'

I stood up, anxiously searching for the talking person.

There was no one on the roof.

I clicked my tongue. I knew what had been the source of this voice. I just... could not believe that it was possible.

'I'm here, I'me here…'

The voice was coming from the magazine... Carefully, I turned it to the front page. At first glance, it was looking the same. I wasn't relaxing, however. I was ready for any sudden development.

Suddenly, the clown dressed as a basketball player came to life. IT adjusted its cap and smiled at me. This thing had neither eyes nor face. He only had a wide white mouth with big red lips.

'Oh, thank you very pretty much! Almost died there, ya know? Not that it was actually possible. I am flat, after all! Glory to the 2D world!'

I was speechless. I could only stare at that... thing.

'Well-well. Keep your calm, boy. Being nervous is bad for your health. The main character is ought to be healthy. Oh, by the way, do you know what else the main character should do, in case he encounters some supernatural stuff? He will ask questions, of course! What is your first question? Make it a fastball!'

It took me some time to calm down. Then, carefully, I tried to take a closer look at that Thing. The clown was smiling and rhythmically clapping his bat against the page of the magazine.

I gulped and asked:

"What are you?"

Suddenly, the smile of the clown turned upside down. The corners of his lips were pointing downwards now. I felt cold inside of me. It lasted only for a second or so, though.

'Not a 'what'', and once again he was smiling. 'But who! My name is Yuji, nice to make you an acquaintance… As for my profession…'

His smile became brighter.

'I am a simple mascot. Part-time a guide. Oh, and of course, I am but a humble slave of The Magazine, just like you are for the entire foreseeable future.'

"The magazine?"

'Yes. THE MAGAZINE. This one,' he said and pointed his bat at the title of the magazine above his head.

He read it aloud:

'Shonen Booom! Does it ring any bells? The editor really had no shame making such a blunt copy!'

"Editor?"

'Editor. Not gonna say anything about that guy. You'll get to know him if you'll ever be able to get to the last page… I mean, if you'll be able to survive until that moment, he-he-he… It's not so simple, boy!'

I see.

Well, with all the funny jokes this thing insists on inserting in every sentence, it's quite a bother to keep asking him one question after another. So, I decided to ask him only one thing…

'Can you just tell me what the hell is going on?'

'Oh… Finally, you think like you should, boy. And here I was desperate for you to already ask me for a full lengthy exposition…'

The clown placed the bat on his shoulder and started swaying from right to left.

'Well… From where we should begin… The beginning is very important, you know? It is to hook the reader. So… Have you ever read That king of magazines? With manga, about heroes? Once upon a time, there was one such magazine…

It was quite shitty, and because of that, it was closed just after several issues. However, then 'something' happened. Something unique. Something unimaginable. Oh, what exactly it was? Maybe some strange and powerful cosmic entity was among the avid readers of that magazine? Or maybe the big old G himself took a pity at this poor little thing. Whatever it was… The magazine is anything but normal now. It's alive, it's a mad, crazy spirit, and you just happened to pick it up… Haven't anime taught you that picking up strange books is the definition of bad practice?

Because of that, now you are the Main character. What does it mean? Well, turn it on the first page, carefully, and you will see...'

The clown finished his speech. I, meanwhile, was still trying to comprehend all the information he gave me. Then, trying to be as careful as possible, I really did open the magazine on the first page.

And for the first time, there was something besides whiteness on it.

I saw nine blank lines.

'See the first line? We will have our first 'title' here. The first story of yours. You are the main character, you know? The main character of the magazine and of all the stories inside of it. Got it?'

'Yeah… I guess.'

'Not good. The main character is supposed to be an idiot'.

'…'

'Whatever. You'll get there. As you can see, the world around you is not like it was before. Now it's our setting, and that means…'