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Shits and Giggles

My dumbass set the wrong genre, So I reuploaded.

ChrisTian3421 · Action
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41 Chs

Martian Madness

(Katsuo POV)

Waking up to Tom's constant meowing, I groggily muttered, "Yeah, yeah, buddy, I know you're hungry." He gave me a look that clearly said, "Oh, do you now?" Sighing, I got up and prepared food for my almost-psychic cat.

"You really have a knack for waking me up at the worst times, you know that?" I said, scratching behind his ears as he devoured his meal. Tom's purrs were his only response.

After washing up, I stood in front of a full-length mirror. A man in his early twenties stared back at me, sporting a buzz cut that exuded a tough, no-nonsense vibe.

The clean, close-cropped hairstyle accentuated my facial features, giving me a bold and edgy look. Ruggedly handsome, I had piercing pale olive eyes, a strong jawline, and a scruffy beard.

"Looking good, Katsuo," I said to myself, flexing a bit. "Ruggedly handsome, aren't we?" I turned my head side to side, examining the beard. "Beard's coming in nicely too. Adds a certain... mature charm, don't you think, Tom?"

Tom looked up briefly from his bowl, probably wondering why I was talking to myself again.

"Okay, okay, enough with the narcissism," I chuckled, shaking my head. "But seriously, god damn, I'm hot." I stood up straight and noticed my height, now at 6'4". "Am I tall, or is everyone else just short?" I mused, smirking at the thought.

I grabbed my gear, checking my Adamantine Tachi and Threaded Cane. "Another day, another training," I said, strapping them on. "Ready to take on the world, Tom?"

Tom merely meowed in response, clearly not sharing my enthusiasm for danger and heroics. "Yeah, I know. You'd prefer I just stayed here and fed you all day. But hey, duty calls."

I gave Tom one last pat on the head. "Time to seize the day, buddy. Keep the fort down while I'm gone. And no, you can't come with me. Not this time."

With one last look in the mirror, I headed out. "Let's see what trouble we can stir up today."

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As I was lost in my training, daydreaming about Wonder Woman's thighs of all things, an alert blared through the room, yanking me back to reality.

"Team, we've got a Martian Madness Event, and it's gone global! Drop whatever you're doing and get to your posts," Batman's voice boomed over the intercom, urgency dripping from every word.

I scrambled to gear up, hastily donning my Crimson Armor and strapping on my trusty Adamantine Tachi. With a mischievous grin, I grabbed my Threaded Cane, ready for some alien-butt-kicking action.

"Looks like it's showtime, Tom!" I exclaimed, earning an indifferent stare from my feline companion. "Okay, fine, you stay here and guard the fort. I'll bring you back some alien tech to play with."

With a crackle of electricity, I zoomed off to my assigned area in China, where the extraterrestrial party was already in full swing.

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I found myself surrounded by chaos—Martian Walkers stomping around like they owned the place, Ray Gunners zipping through the air with their deadly lasers, and those pesky Brain Scramblers messing with everyone's heads.

But towering above them all was the Martian Saucer, looking like a UFO on steroids and blasting everything in sight with its alien firepower.

"Alright, boys and girls, time to crash this intergalactic party!" I declared, ready to unleash some electrifying mayhem.

With lightning crackling around me, I dove into the fray, dodging laser beams and slicing through alien tech like a hot knife through butter.

"Hey, Martian Saucer! Your momma's so ugly, even the Eye of Cthulhu looked away!" I taunted, hoping to distract the big bad boss while I figured out my next move.

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As the battle raged on, a thought crossed my mind: "I lack long range attacks, huh?" Sure, I had fireballs, stone spikes, and my Summoned Swords, which I could coat with fire and lightning. But those were more medium-range options. I dodged a laser streaking toward me. Laser, huh? Looks like another training montage is in my list.

For now, I opted for fire breathing—quite easy with my control over fire. Taking a deep breath, I unleashed a torrent of flames at the Martian Walkers, turning them into charred scrap metal.

With my Adamantine Tachi in hand, I used Judgment Cut, infusing it with both fire and lightning properties. The result was a clean, electrified slash that sliced the Martian Saucer in half.

With the Martian Saucer gone, the mobs stopped spawning. I cleaned up the remaining stragglers across China, zipping and zapping like a hyperactive lightning bolt.

Just as I was starting to feel a sense of accomplishment, a call came through my earpiece. "Great job, Katsuo, but Green Arrow needs backup. The Scutlix are giving him a hard time," Batman said.

I sighed. Surprisingly, I hadn't let the bloodlust get to me. "Is this character development?" I mused. Then, with a smirk, I zip zapped toward Star City. Guess there's no rest for the weary.

As I zoomed toward Green Arrow's location, I thought, "If this keeps up, I'll need a new pair of shoes and a therapist." But hey, at least it wouldn't be boring.

Short Chap

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