A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS

With the plan set, we began our preparation. Ange, Jenny, and ten others went to the forest cabin to gather all the food, water, whatever little fuel was left, and weapons from the basement. Jace took his salvaging team to look for fuel for the cars because it's going to be a long journey and we'll need as much gasoline as possible. Another team scattered around the area, searching for anything useful or more zombies, but considering the zombie wave, I doubt there are any more left in the area.

Now, let's come to our dear Jeremy.

"See, I told you. There, you have the map. Now cut me loose. Free me!" That bastard shook his body even in his half-dead condition. After losing fingers, nails, and metal nails into his fingers, he is still full of energy. To be honest, his stupidity alone makes me pity him. What's wrong with you? Don't you understand your situation? He is full of bruises, half of his face is swollen and both eyes are swollen.

I glanced at Tyger, giving her a nod. She came forward and began punching him in the stomach, and I sat down with a sigh. Why am I wasting time on a bastard like him? His brain must have stopped functioning in his ass, and now he just moves mechanically like a machine without any intelligence. Should I just put a bullet into his head?

I took out my handgun and placed it on his temple, but just as I was about to pull the trigger, his muffled voice came.

"Noooo!! Please, don't! I beg you, please!!"

"Thanks for giving us the map. As a reward, I'll free you, just as you wanted," I pulled the trigger without hesitation and the loud bang rang throughout the room. The bullet passed through his head, splashing his brain behind.

Bang!!

..

[Cabin]

I went to the cabin later that noon after they cleared out everything. It feels so empty now. I looked around. The beds and furniture were all there, just like how we left them. Haaa... To think we are going to leave this safe place in search of another one. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing here. I could've just given the map to Tyger and parted our ways there.

But...

I walked into the bathroom, took off my clothes, and stood under the shower. Ah!

The ice-cold water sent a shiver down my spine, making me curse for not having hot water. Damn, how can you feel cold in this weather! I just watched as the water flowed and splashed on the floor before gushing down the drain. I killed so many people in a single day without even blinking and I'm going to kill many more in the future, the near and the distant ones.

I don't feel anything, just cold and... I don't know...

Is there really a future? Can a place exist, out there, that I can call safe, where I can live normally?

Suddenly, my knees gave up, and I sat under the shower. It's so hard to breathe. Why can't I catch my breath?

My chest was hurting like crazy, but I could only focus on my trembling fingers. What happened? Am I going insane? I rubbed my fingers. My heart felt strange. The faces of all those dead people appeared before me, one by one. All the mutilated bodies and those eyeballs staring at me... those terrified eyes of those people...

Jeremy's crying face as I tortured him mercilessly...

Blood...

Too much blood...

I grabbed my mouth, choking my voice, trying to push it down into my stomach. Then I raised my head, letting the cold water splash on my face, cleaning my face off the tears. I was gasping for breath. I was acting all tough and all, calling it an effect of Hawkeye's power that got fused to my body and soul. But only I know the reality...

It has got nothing to do with the fusion or whatever shit... I'm scared. I'm too afraid... I had to kill to survive and save my family. I had to make the hard call and to think I let them kill people too... I wonder how they are holding up... They didn't even say a word about it. Are they scared to talk to me? Did I become an emotionless, unfeeling monster to them? What if this happens again and again? Will I get used to it and finally turn into a monster?

I can feel something churning in my stomach.

Awwwkkkkkk!!

I hurled out everything in my stomach into the drain. The bitter taste didn't last long thanks to the flow of water washing it down. But the burning sensation in my throat didn't go anywhere.

A monster? Yes...

I've become one, just like the undead, a killing monster.

....

[3rd Person POV] [A few minutes earlier]

Ange noticed Karl's shaking arms as he began to rub his palms together and walked outside after telling them that he'd spent some time alone in his forest cabin to clear his mind, but she knew what that young boy was going through. She also went through the same thing when she first started fighting for her survival and killed human beings for the first time in her life.

Killing one or two for survival is a common thing that she'd learned the hard way, but the feeling you get when you slay a dozen or more humans can only be understood by those who experienced it, and Karl's one of them.

Ange glanced at Tyger.

"Go after him. We've put too much pressure on him," Tyger gave her a nod, and then Ange followed Karl to the cabin. She kept an eye out and followed his movements. She peeked through the little window and saw Karl curled up on the floor, naked and trembling as cold water rained upon his body.

Ange could not bear to watch the teenager suffer like this anymore, and soon walked inside the cabin and entered the bathroom. She quietly took off her clothes and approached Karl.

She sat beside him under the shower and just grabbed his palm to which he immediately opened his tearful, red-stained eyes. But seeing it was her, Karl shut his eyes. He turned his head aside, unable to look straight, afraid to look her in the eyes and hide his dirty face. The stench of blood was still lingering around his nose. Every breath felt so hard to take but he held onto her hand tightly.

"You must be laughing inside now, right? The guy who killed so many without even blinking is now lying on the floor crying... So weak... Sorry, you had to see such a pathetic side of me,"

"I'm not laughing. Everyone has the right to be afraid, especially a young man like you. Don't be so hard on yourself. This kind of feeling doesn't affect only the weak. Even a cold-hearted person like Tyger lost all her friends and loved ones in the massacre and yet there was not a single drop of tear, not in front of others, but behind closed doors, it's another matter," Ange massaged his palm gently.

"I feel so disgusted right now... Their faces won't leave my mind," Karl said as he sat up and pressed his forehead on his knees, hugging himself.

Ange wrapped her arms around him, pressing her naked body on his back, "Don't mind about the faces. Think about this. Every single life you have saved would've thanked you. Every one of them. Now, look into my eyes,"

Ange held his jaw and moved his face towards her and slowly locked lips with his. They continued kissing passionately and with enough time, Karl found his second breath, literally and figuratively.

They walked out of the bathroom while still hanging onto each other and the kiss. A thin mist hung in the air and the evening sun shining through the fogged window added more warmth and calm to the already warm ambiance. Karl pushed her down on the bed, still wet from the shower, and looked into that older woman's eyes.

"Forget everything for a moment. Think only about me,"

Karl felt something new welling up in his heart and instead of the coldness, it gave warmth. Then, as he entwined with her, his gaze was a mixture of lust, want and other emotions that were a cross between fear, despair, and longing buried deep inside, while the two released all the pent-up desires inside the room.

"Smell my body, taste my body, look only at me... I'll help you forget every bad thing that's in your mind," Ange wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, as they began to kiss aggressively with their naked bodies intertwined on the bed and her legs were wrapped around him. Her entire body was moist and there was no longer any sense of being cold that lingered on her.

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