18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:

Harry was dreaming, he was sure of it, but it was one of the strangest dreams he had ever had. It was as though he was living a new life. He wondered whether he had died.

"You good-for-nothing son of a bitch!" the man yelled, swinging clumsily at him as he cowered against a wall. Harry made a break for it, nearly tripping over the first step in his haste, and only noticing that tears were streaming down his cheeks when he was caught in someone's arms. A sob tore from his throat, and a woman's voice said, "Shhh, Severus, hush," as she stroked his head. "It's best to stay out of his way when he drinks, child."

The scene blurred, and Harry found himself in a makeshift potions lab, the same woman's voice instructing him softly in the proper way to dice sweetroot...

Seeing a girl with red hair jump off a swing and float to the ground; "You're a witch!" he exclaimed breathlessly, and her hurt expression while her sister defended her; later talking to the girl properly, and explaining that he was a wizard and that they could lean magic together...

An overheard conversation; the woman with the soft voice trying to reassure the loud man from earlier that everything was already paid for; that Severus would only be home for summer and Christmas, and him saying cruelly, "Good riddance to the freak!"

Sitting on the Hogwarts Express with the red-haired girl – Lily; her speaking excitedly, saying that she was sure that she'd be in Gryffindor and that they'd definitely still be friends even if he's in Slytherin; two boys sticking their heads into the compartment, both looking at Harry like he was dirt. "Come with us," they said to Lily, "A Gryffindor shouldn't have to hang around with a slimy Slytherin!" Lily bristling and informing them that she was most definitely not abandoning her best friend to hang out with such jerks...

The Sorting, and meeting Lily's eyes across the wide hall, and fearing that he would lose his only friend...

After that, the years passed quickly, interspersed with humiliating pranks by four Gryffindors who had decided to target Harry as their main victim. They called themselves the Marauders, and Harry soon learned to give as good as he got, once or twice attacking before they could get him. For some reasons the fights were always his fault, for the teachers always favored the Gryffindors over the Slytherins...

Listening to Lucius, an older student, as he spoke of Lord Voldemort's goals, his voice so silky and persuasive...

Realizing one day that he loved Lily, and knowing that she would never be his; her asking him what he was hanging out with the junior Death Eaters for, and didn't he know what their beliefs were? Unable to tell her that they, at least, accepted him for what he was...

Potter always trying to chat up Lily, thinking he was so hot; her always turning him down with scorn, but he always doing everything he could to catch her attention...

Out by the lake after an exam, being attacked out of nowhere by the Marauders, humiliated in public while all the other students jeered and laughed. Calling Lily a Mudblood when she tried to intervene; he couldn't stand to be rescued by the girl he loved when he was so weak...

Standing in front of Gryffindor Tower, begging to speak to Lily, begging for her forgiveness and only getting cold disdain; knowing that he had lost his only true friend he threw himself into his studies, hanging out ever more with the junior Death Eaters. Having to see as Lily finally gave in and started dating Potter, ignoring him completely...

Coming home in the summer before his last year of Hogwarts to find his parents dead of a gas leak...

Being tricked by Black to go to the Shrieking Shack on a night of the full moon and nearly dying when he ran into a werewolf; being threatened by Dumbledore with an Obliviate unless he swore to keep it a secret while the Gryffindors got off with attempted murder with praise for Potter and a week of detentions for Black...

Joining Lord Voldemort's ranks straight out of Hogwarts and the Dark Mark opening the door to his potions Mastery; eventually being called to participate in his first revel and throwing up afterwards in the horror of being forced to kill a little girl with red hair...

Meeting Regulus Black for the first time as a fellow Death Eater and realizing that despite loving Lily he was attracted to men; sleeping with Regulus and wondering how he could love Lily so strongly when he couldn't imagine even wanting to sleep with a woman...

Ever more revels, though he was spared quite a few due to his potions work; he was the youngest Potions Master in over a century. Overhearing a job interview in the Hog's Head and running to his Master with the knowledge of part of a prophecy decrying the birth of a child to defeat the Dark Lord...

Hearing that Lily was pregnant with Potter's child and realizing with horror that her child was the child of prophecy; going to Dumbledore and confessing everything, pleading with him to keep Lily safe; swearing an oath to spy for the Light until the Dark Lord's downfall; accepting the post of Hogwarts Potions professor and leading the Dark Lord to believe that he was spying on Dumbledore for him...

That terrible Halloween night when he realized that it had all been in vain; Lily was dead, her son miraculously alive and the Dark Lord banished; Dumbledore telling him coldly that Voldemort was still alive and that he would continue to spy for the Light when he returned; swearing in tears to Lily's memory that he would protect her child with his life...

September of 1991; seeing Harry Potter for the first time and feeling a surge of hatred. He looked just like his father...

The first potions class, where he saw that the boy had Lily's eyes and realizing that his torture would be even greater than he had feared; to have the eyes he loved in James Potter's face hurt, and he lashed out at the boy, enjoying the look of hurt on the child's face...

Harry's school years, seen through another's eyes – keeping Potter from falling from his broom when Quirrell jinxed it; finding out that Quirrell had actually been possessed by the Dark Lord and was only stopped by Potter; feeling rage that Potter was getting all the thanks once again...

Potter's third year; trying to protect the students from a transformed werewolf even though he was scared to death; his glee when the Minister promised him the Order of Merlin for capturing Black – finally he would have his revenge... Finding Black gone and realizing that Potter must have been behind it; losing himself in rage for the boy who was a carbon copy of his father...

Returning to the Dark Lord's side after his rebirth and finding him more monster than human; suffering through a round of the Cruciatus even while assuring his Master that he had never strayed from the Dark and he was even still the loyal spy...

Being forced by Dumbledore to give Potter Occlumency lessons even though it was everything he could do to keep himself from killing the boy whenever they were alone together...

Yet another meeting of the Inner Circle, the promise of more rounds of the Cruciatus hanging in the air... And then the sudden appearance of a stranger, bursting out of nowhere to land on the stone floor of the throne room, everyone staring; the man acting like he was a member of the Inner Circle, then declaring himself to be Harry Potter... The man revealing that Bellatrix had killed him in the future, then killing Lucius...

Apparating to Hogwarts and not knowing how to act when the man suddenly broke down; putting his hands on the stranger's too-thin shoulders and feeling them shudder under the force of the man's sorrow; being told that Dumbledore had spells and potions on him and finally understanding how he could be homosexual and still love Lily...

Locking himself in his rooms, immediately ending all spells affecting him and brewing a potion to neutralize any other potions currently in his system, then going to Spinners End and utterly destroying the entire house in his rage, burning it down before returning to Hogwarts...

Seeing the strange Potter again the next morning and feeling slightly guilty for having forgotten about him when the man was clearly mourning all the people he had seen die; his surprise when the man laughed at his disparagement of Gryffindor values; watching the man as he deceived Dumbledore as skillfully as he had the Dark Lord...

Being called to Potter's rooms and finding a changed man wearing authority like a cloak; that same man offering to allow him to search his mind, then showing him his entire life, including future events...

Going to the Order meeting; seeing Potter break down in Lupin's arms and realizing that he was the only one who knew how to snap the man out of it; slapping the man across the face and being thanked for it; returning to Hogwarts alone to mull over all the things he had learned of Harry Potter-Black...

Seeing the younger Potter for his Occlumency on Tuesday evening; hearing that the Golden Trio had met with future Potter; the boy apologizing for the previous few years and Severus realizing that he not only knew in his head, but in his heart that it wasn't Potter's fault. Feeling tempted to apologize in turn but still too much of a Slytherin to say so outright; enjoying a constructive lesson with the younger Potter... Then the sudden appearance of the elder Potter, and finding out that the man was a Horcrux; feeling a strange ache at the thought of this extraordinary man sacrificing his life to bring down the Dark Lord; Potter telling him with glowing eyes that he loved him, and the warm press of his hand as he said he'd go see what the goblins might have...

Mentally berating himself for a fool even as he gathered together potions to give Potter, telling himself that he was being an idiot even as he added a vial of Nutrient potion and Dreamless Sleep, and relief when Potter accepted them with a thank you that would have been Slytherin if not for the soft tone it was delivered in... Discussing wishful dreams, and feeling surprise when Potter seemed to share them; surprising himself even more when he realized that he would actually enjoy Potter's presence...

Potter's house elf telling him that the Headmaster was injured and needed immediate attention; bypassing the golden potion that would stall a curse to instead take a green one to maximize the old man's pain... Then the celebratory toasts with Potter, both of them euphoric in the knowledge that the bastard who had ruined their lives would be dead soon; the horrified realization that he was attracted to an unattainable man...

Being fetched by Dobby once more, this time to attend to Potter; tending to the younger Potter as well before realizing sadly that the people who could truly understand the time traveler were few and far between... And then, the wish to share with this man as he had shared with him, a whispered 'Legilimens' establishing the bridge between his waking mind and Potter's sleeping one.

OoOoO

Harry awoke when he felt the strange dream draw to a close, and when he opened his eyes to meet the dark ones of Severus Snape he knew that it had been no dream. Looking at the shuttered look in the man's eyes he realized that the Potions Master was bracing himself for rejection, and Harry weakly moved his hand, smiling when it was clasped by Severus's cold hand and succumbing to sleep once more.