Going Under

Things were definitely not ‘normal’.

Simon stopped leaving the house. At first, Zeke didn’t notice because Simon was always home when he got back. And even though he looked a little frazzled, he seemed like his normal self.

Then two days after Simon’s freak out, Zeke found out.

“How’s Simon?” Alex asked when he came to Carter’s for lunch.

“Isn’t he your assistant?” Zeke asked, smiling.

“Not anymore.” Alex said, frowning. “He quit on Monday. Wait, you didn’t know?”

Zeke shook his head. “Quit? Simon quit? No, I didn’t know.”

Alex sighed. “He said he had a few things to take care of and I didn’t want to ask.”

“It’s that damn ex-boyfriend of his.” Zeke sighed. “Simon’s convinced his ex-boyfriend is going to get him.”

He couldn’t believe that Simon had kept this from him. He’d quit?

This was more than just a passing thing. Simon had been so excited about getting the job. Zeke didn’t know what to feel…

He wanted to be upset that Simon had lied, but there was a bigger problem than his bruised ego.

“I have to go home for a bit.” Zeke said as he stood up and taking off his apron. “I’ll call you.”

*

The house was quiet when Zeke let himself into the house. At first, he thought there was no one at home. The TV was off and the house was so silent that Zeke was sure he would hear a pin drop.

“Simon?”

Nothing.

It didn’t even look like Simon was at home.

The door to Simon’s room was opened and Zeke walked towards the room to find Simon sprawled on the bed, fast asleep.

Zeke sighed in relief. At least he was OK…

Then he noticed the bottle tucked between the pillows. Where did he get…?

He walked softly towards the bed and pulled out the bottle and arched an eyebrow. Oh the good stuff.

A high pitched scream nearly caused Zeke to jump out of his skin. Simon jerked upwards and stared at him with wide eyes. “Z-Zeke?”

Zeke and one hand on his chest. “Jesus.” He said on a laugh. “Sorry for scaring you.”

“Wha-Why are you home early?” Simon asked. Zeke noticed the slight slur in his voice.

“Alex said to say hi.” Zeke said and waved the bottle. “You know if you wanted to drink, you know I could have mixed something for you?”

Simon flushed.

“Come on, let’s get some air.” Zeke said. Simon shook his head.

“No, I-I c-can’t.” Simon said, shaking his head, then fall back on the bed. “I’m not fine.”

“You’re not fine.” Zeke agreed firmly. “At least, come out of the room. You can’t stay indoors alone. What if he comes in when I’m not home?”

Simon sighed, his shoulders slumped. “I’m fine.”

“OK. If you say so” Zeke said. “But I’m not. So come with me. Please.”

Simon eyed him suspiciously. “What’s wrong with you?”

“My friend doesn’t want my help.” Zeke said, sighing dramatically. “It hurts, man.”

Simon rolled his eyes. “Fine. Stop trying to guilt trip me. You’re almost as bad as my mom.”

Zeke chuckled. “Tell me about her. Your mom. It’s only fair, you met mine, I don’t know anything about yours.”

Simon froze. Then he smiled a little. “Yeah, OK.”

“Or if you’d rather not…”

“No, it’s fine.” Simon said in a small voice. “I’m just…I’m a bit woozy.”

“Tell me you ate at least.” Zeke said.

“OK, I ate.” Simon said, getting off the bed gingerly.

Zeke shook his head. “I’ll make you something to eat.”

He didn’t know what to do about Simon. He needed help on how to deal with someone like Simon; someone who was going through a lot of issues.

He took out his phone and dialed a number.

“Hey Mom…”

***

Simon grimaced as he made his way to the kitchen where Zeke was making him lunch or whatever. He heard Zeke talking and paused. Was someone else in the house?

He felt dizzy and all he wanted to do was sleep. But since the day he saw Steven, his peace was shattered. He hardly slept at night and he managed short bursts of sleep during the day that made him more tired than rested.

“…I’ll tell him you said hi.” Zeke was saying. “No, Mom…stop that. Never say that again. I swear Lucas is a bad influence on you. Gross...”

He was on the phone with his mom. Simon smiled. Zeke’s mom was well, scary, but she was really nice to him when they met. But that was probably because he was in such a pathetic mess when they met.

“Oh, hey.” Zeke said, when he saw Simon standing at the kitchen door. “Come in. Mom says hi.”

Simon made his way slowly into the kitchen. “Oh OK. That’s nice of her.”

“Yeah.” Zeke snorted. “Nice. She lives to make my life miserable.”

Simon laughed. “What? I’m sure that’s not true.”

“You didn’t hear what she said.” Zeke muttered as he placed a plate in front of Simon. “Eat up.”

Simon stared at the food and sighed. He wasn’t hungry but you just didn’t tell Zeke Carter that. Simon picked up a fork and ate slowly.

“This is good.” Simon said as he ate.

“Of course it is.” Zeke said with a smug smirk and a look of concern. “I made it.”

Simon rolled his eyes. “Who taught you to cook?” he asked.

Zeke smiled tightly. “My dad…that’s the only thing I can say he did right.”

“What do you mean?” Simon asked.

“Well, my dad was…to put it delicately, abusive.” Zeke said lightly, but Simon could see the slight tension in his shoulders. “I went to live with Anna and Robert, Zion & Bella’s dad, when I was 13.”

“You’re adopted?”

“Yeah.” Zeke said, shrugging. “What about you? Who taught you to play the guitar?”

Simon smiled. “I taught myself. My dad taught me to play the piano but I didn’t like it much, I preferred the keyboard.”

Simon chuckled at the expression of shocked disgust on Zeke’s face. “What?”

“How can you hate the piano?” Zeke asked with faux annoyance. “Dude, I thought you were cool.”

“What?” Simon grinned. “Pianos aren’t cool…”

“Oh it’s on.” Zeke said in mock offence. “I think Alex has a piano at his and Zion’s place. Eat up and I’ll play something for you.”

“Y-You play?” Simon said. “Wow, OK. Maybe pianos are cool. But guitars are cooler.”

“Nerd.” Zeke snorted.

Simon rolled his eyes. “Drama queen.” He muttered, but he smiled to take away the sting.

“Hey, I’m not…” Zeke started then stopped. “OK, maybe a little.” He winked at Simon.

Simon felt better as he ate albeit a little tired but he felt a little less drunk.

“Thanks.” He murmured. “For…lunch. I feel much better.”

Zeke smiled broadly. “Hey, what are friends for?” he ruffled Simon’s hair. “I got you, OK?”

Simon nodded but avoided looking at Zeke.

***

Zeke watched as Simon finished his meal and push the plate away. “Thanks for lunch. You can go back to work now.”

“Nah.” Zeke said, shaking his head. “I’m staying. What do you want to do? We’ll do anything you want.”

Simon seemed to be lost in thought. For a moment, Zeke thought he wouldn’t say anything. Then he smiled a little. “I’d like to watch you play. The piano.” He said finally, his smile turning shy.

Zeke grinned. “OK. Let’s go.” He looked at the time. “We can get there before Zion gets back from work.”

Simon seemed to perk up a little as they left the house to Alex and Zion’s loft. Zeke let himself in and Simon followed timidly behind him.

“I have never been in here.” Simon whispered. “Are we supposed to be here when Alex isn’t home?”

“Probably not.” Zeke said, pulling him further inside. He led Simon into one of the guest rooms where Alex stored the black baby grand piano and he grinned when he saw it

“Hello gorgeous.” Zeke murmured as he uncovered the piano. “Did you miss me?”

Simon giggled. “You are a dork.”

“Hey.” Zeke protested without any heat, sitting down and patting the space next to him. Simon sat next to him and waited.

Zeke felt the familiar tingles in his fingers as he placed them on the keys. “Any requests?”

Simon thought a little. “Surprise me…” he whispered.

Zeke nodded and thought a little. “OK. You’d like this one…”

He started to play one of his favorite classical pieces.

“Oh, I know this one.” Simon whispered. Then; “You’re good.”

“I know.” Zeke said shooting Simon a wink as he played.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been playing but he could feel Simon relax against him. Suddenly; Simon stiffened and clutched at his arm. “Someone’s out there.”

Zeke smiled. “Relax…it’s probably just Zion…”

“But you said…”

“Zeke, what the hell…oh, hey Simon.” Zion stood in the doorway. “I see Zeke is making you an accomplice. Just so you know, breaking and entering is a crime and by law I am required to arrest you two.”

“No, he said…”

“He said pianos were uncool.” Zeke said, cutting Simon off.

Zion laughed, “Someone had to say it.”

Zeke scowled at his brother. “Traitor.” He muttered and grinned when Simon laughed.

“Pianos are not that uncool.” Simon said shyly. “I kinda like them now.”

Zeke stuck his tongue out at his brother, who rolled his eyes and walked away muttering something about smartass brothers.

“What do you want to do now?” Zeke asked. “I’m at your disposal.”

“C-Can you shoot a gun?” Simon asked haltingly. “I would have asked Zion, but the guy scares me.”

Zeke frowned. “Well, I don’t like guns much, but I can teach you a few ways to dismember a man using a spoon.”

“There’s more than one way?” Simon asked as they stood up and covered up the piano.

“Babe, anything can be a weapon.” Zeke said. “Even a boring old spoon.”

*

Simon and the blond looked cosy.

Teeth gritted as pale grey eyes followed the two boys. The blond threw his arm around Simon’s shoulder and said something to make him laugh.

Simon was going to pay for making a fool of him like this. After everything he had done for him, the stupid, spineless fool left him high and dry. And he had the audacity to involve the Chief. Now he was on the run.

The smart thing to have done was to leave town immediately, but he was not one to leave without tying up loose ends.

And Simon Holtz was one hell of a loose end.

He growled when he saw Simon grip the blond’s arm and smile at him. He remembered when Simon used to smile at him like that. It had been a long time since he saw Simon smile like that at him.

Whatever.

Simon had betrayed him and Daddy always said that traitors had to pay for their sins.

Simon was going to pay.

He ducked behind a pillar as Simon turned back as if he felt the heat of his gaze on him.

He would get Simon back and then he’s make that blond pretty boy pay for getting involved in his relationship with Simon.

By the time he got his hands on Simon, the loser would wish he had killed him.

*

“Thanks.” Simon said on a yawn. “I needed to get out of my head for a while.”

Zeke nodded, his mind working fast. “I need to suggest something. Promise me you’d think about it.”

Simon looked apprehensive as he nodded. “OK…”

“I think you should talk to someone.” Zeke said. “You are clearly struggling with a lot and you don’t have to talk to me. But you do need to talk to someone.. And I’m worried about you.”

He saw Simon lips press tightly together and clench his jaw. “OK.”

That was easy.

“Really?” Zeke asked. “You’ll see someone? Talk to someone about what’s going on?”

“Yeah.” Simon muttered; his expression closed off.

Zeke sighed. “Simon…”

“I’m tired, Zeke.” Simon said; his voice dull. “Thanks again. For today. I needed it.”

Zeke watched helplessly as Simon walked away from him. He sighed and resisted the urge to hit something.

He wasn’t going to force Simon into anything, but it was so frustrating when he shut him out. He knew he was a little messed up but all Zeke wanted was to help him.

Now, if only Simon let him help.

Well, mom did say it was going to get worse before it got better.

*

Zeke stared at the ceiling in confusion wondering what had woken him up. He blinked sleepily and sat up slowly as he heard the TV.

Simon was probably awake.

Zeke got out of bed and walked slowly, sleepily to the living room. The TV was on, but Simon was not there. He heard a sound coming from the kitchen. As he made his way towards the kitchen, he heard stifled whimpers and water running.

Simon was standing with his back to the doorway and Zeke could make out some of the words he was whimpering. “Shit, shit, shit…”

“Simon?” he called out softly and saw his back tense. “Are you OK?”

Simon didn’t respond immediately. He started to move his hands frantically. Zeke made his way towards Simon. “What’s wrong?” he asked. His eyes widened at the sight of Simon’s bloody hand and one of his paring knives. “Jesus, Simon…what happened?”

“I-I’m sorry.” Simon whispered. Zeke looked at his face. He looked so scared, so hopeless and guilty. “I-I d-didn’t mean t-to.”

“Didn’t mean to what?” Zeke asked gently. He noticed Simon hide his arm behind him. “Simon, what did you do?”

He grasped Simon’s arm and pulled so he could look at it. Simon let his hand go limp as he looked away. Zeke shakily pushed at the wet sleeve up and sucked in a breath. “What the hell, Simon?”

There were three smooth gashes on the inside of Simon’s wrist. One was still bleeding heavily and the other two were still pink and raw. “Why?”

“I-I’m s-sorry.” Simon said desperately. “I co-couldn’t find-find a razor and-and…”

Zeke pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.

“And my knife was just handy, right?” Zeke asked harshly. He held Simon’s arm and pulled him into his room. “Sit.” He said and went into the bathroom. “Don’t you dare...” He added when he saw Simon shoot a panicked glance at the door.

He grabbed the first aid box from his bathroom and came back to find Simon gingerly sitting on the bed, his arm clutched to his chest, his blood staining his shirt.

He sat next to Simon and gently pulled his arm towards him. “OK, I don’t know what I’m doing…it’s been a while since high school, but we need to do something to your hand before we go to the hospital.”

“I don’t…”

“Save it.” Zeke snapped. He stared at Simon’s arm and his heart beat painfully in his chest as he tried to remember something…anything about basic first aid.

“I’m an idiot.” He muttered as he gave up and wrapped Simon’s wrist tightly in gauze and stood up. He had to do something or he was going to explode. He could feel his arms trembling. And his heart was racing.

It was just like…

No.

He wasn’t going to think about that now. He wouldn’t think about…

“He let out a growl as he reached for his phone. He had to call Diane. He couldn’t do this. It was too much.

“Zeke, I’m sorry.” Simon said in a small voice.

“You’ll probably need stiches.” Zeke said, not ready to deal with Simon right now. “And they’ll want to keep you…”

“Please Zeke, no hospitals.” Simon begged. “They’ll think I’m crazy. Please…”

Zeke pinched the bridge of his nose. “What should I do then? Tell me…you just…” he realized that his legs had started shaking. “What if…fuck!”

Simon flinched and Zeke turned away, not wanting to scare Simon any more than he already was.

Maybe he wasn’t equipped for this…Yeah, Mom had said it wasn’t going to be easy but Simon had just tried to…

“What were you thinking?” Zeke asked, his voice cracking; not looking at Simon. His eyes burned and he felt helpless. “Were you just-just going t-to let me find your-your body?”

“N-No.” Simon whispered. “I c-couldn’t do that to-to you but…I didn’t mean to cut that deep. I-I’m sorry.”

“Damn it, Simon.” Zeke said, turning to face Simon. “I-You need help. You can’t do this…You can’t do this to me…””

“I know.” Simon said brokenly. “I know and I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” Zeke said tiredly. He swore when he saw the bandage around Simon’s wrist darkening. “Your wrist…Di’s not going to like me waking her up in the middle of the fucking night.”

“D-Don’t call her.” Simon said. “I’m fine. I-I promise.”

“No you’re not.” Zeke snapped. “Stop saying that.” He walked towards Simon and reached behind him to get his phone. Simon jerked backwards in fear and Zeke lost it. “What?! What is wrong now?! Do you think I’m going to hurt you? I’m not a fucking monster!””

“I’m sorry!” Simon said loudly, hugging his waist and looking down. “I’m sorry!”

“Stop apologizing!” Zeke yelled. “Just stop it! Why would you even do something like this?! I thought…”

“Stop, please.” Simon said; his voice breaking. “I-I know I fucked up…I-I was so-so scared and t-tired and I just wanted it to stop. Jon’s going to find me and I can’t go back. If he finds me, he’s…you-you don’t know what-what he’s ca-capable of.”

“I told you!” Zeke shouted. “I fucking told you I-I’d protect you. You-You have me, you have my brother…what’s wrong with…I can’t…I can’t do this!” Zeke said and walked out of his room.

He couldn’t do this.

It was scary.

It was her all over again.

He didn’t want to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t woken up. What if Simon had succeeded?

“Damn it!” he growled as he dialed Diane’s number.

“Someone better be dying, Carter.” Diane growled as she picked up. Zeke’s voice caught in his throat.

“Y-You gotta come over.” He said shakily.

“What’s wrong?” Diane asked, her tone worried. “What happened?”

“It’s Simon.” Zeke said pressing his fingers into his eyes. “Just-Just come…I-I dunno what to do anymore. I-I can’t…” his voice cracked and a sob caught in his throat.

“Shit.” Diane swore. “I’ll be there in five.”

When she hung up, Zeke sank to the floor and breathed hard. He didn’t know what else to do. If Simon died, he was going to lose his…

“Z-Zeke?” he heard Simon say behind him. He sighed and stood up, collecting himself before he turned around. Simon stood, no, leaned against his door. He was sweating and looked a little green. “I’m-I’m sorry b-but I don’t feel so good.” He talked as if his lips wouldn’t work.

Zeke caught him as his knees buckled. “Simon! Shit!” He lowered him gently to the ground, Simon’s head on his lap. “Hey, hey…stay with me, OK? I didn’t mean to be mad. I’m…I’m just scared. Simon, I’m…shit…”

The bandage was soaked through.

“I’m sorry, Z-Zeke.” He murmured. “Don’t l-let m-me…I don’t w-want t-to die. I’m sor…”

“You’re not going to die.” Zeke said as he stroked his hair. “Di’s on her way. I’m s-sorry. I-I shouldn’t have yelled. You scared the shit out of me, that’s all. I’m not going to give up on you…I- I made a promise and I-I…damn it, Simon…”

Simon’s breathing was shallow and his eyes were glassy. “I-I didn’t mean to-to cut so-so deep. I didn’t think I-I did…and it hurt. It hurts. It really, really hurts…”

Zeke saw the blood dripping off Simon’s fingers and staining his shirt. There was so much blood. “Just shut up…Diane’s going to be here soon. Hang in there.”

He was freaking out.

He was just so fucking useless. He couldn’t even do anything right…

Just like the last time.

“I’m sorry…”