13

Jayden's POV

I slowly wipe at the tears falling down my cheek with my good hand but it's no use. Every time I wipe a tear away another just takes it's place. Ethan has been gone for hours!

I knew it. Even someone like Ethan, who I found out is definitely not normal, can't love someone like me. Heck he can't even stand to kiss me!

I wish I was normal or even something like Ethan. He's a werewolf and my mom was a werewolf. Why can't I be like them? Oh that's right! the entire universe hates me!!!

There's no other explication. Why else would I be laying in a hospital bed in pain and have it rubbed in my face that the guy I have liked for a long time can't even stand to kiss me?

My fingers twitch as I have the desire to cut. My wrist is tingling where I last cut and it's just making me need the sweet pain more.

If I cut then I can stop the pain inside and out. The pain from the cut would be soo good that I will only be able to focus on it. That's it! there's nothing wrong with my legs. Only my stomach arm and throat are sore. If I can force myself to the bathroom there has to be a razor or at least something sharp.

I shift over toward the edge of the bed and grit my teeth tightly together as pain shoots through my torn stomach muscles. Finally after more pain filled tears slip free I am at the edge of my bed with my feet touching the floor.

I slowly shift my weight to my feet and stand up shakily. I grip the IV pole next to me and am grateful that it is on wheels. I slowly shuffle my way to the bathroom pausing every few steps to breath through the intense pain and ensure that I won't pass out.

I finally close the door behind me and lock it before slowly scanning the bathroom for a blade. There! On the counter beside the sink someone left a shaving razor. All I have to do now is pop the blade out.

I grab the razor and quickly pop the blade out thanks to years of practice. I carefully grip the blade as I slowly lower myself to the floor. My stomach was on fire from all the movement and I'm sure that some of the recently formed scabs had ripped back open. Oh well the less blood in my body the better right?

Maybe one day if I bleed enough I will be able to bleed out all the self hate and people might finally be able to love me.

I know that's not how it works but a freak can dream right?

I'm finally sitting on the floor with my back pressed against the shower door. A smile spreads across my face as I look happily at the blade in my hand. I grip the blade with my thumb and forefinger and bring it to my wrist. I pause as I realize that the doctor will see the fresh cut when he checks on my arm. And my left arm is too damaged to be able to cut my other wrist.

My stomach is too torn up to cut right so that leaves my thighs. I haven't cut my thighs in a long time but right now seems like the perfect time. I roll up the bottom of the hospital gown and I'm happy to see that I still have boxers on. I roll the bottom of the boxers up as well and stare at the faded white lines.

I finally decide that five cuts on each leg will be enough for now. I spread my legs so that I could cut on the inside of each thigh. These cuts will be easy to hide there. I bring the blade to the fatty part of my thigh and slowly apply pressure as I drag it across. Again and again I continue to repeat this action until I have all of my cuts then I just sit there watching the blood run down my thighs.

No wonder Ethan doesn't like me. My thighs are huge. I'm so fat and weak and ugly and worthless. My own father doesn't like me. If my own flesh and blood doesn't like me then why should anyone else?

I finally drift off to sleep while blood slowly drips out of my thighs and drys there.

~~~

Ethan's POV.

Damn. It's been hours since I dropped Jayden off at the hospital. I helped fight off the few rogues that were on our territory. Then my dad called me to his office because he has apparently found out what the rogues may want.

So now I'm sitting in his office waiting for him to get here and tell me what it is. My nerves are shot and all I want to do is go apologies to Jayden and finish the kiss. I can still see the hurt look in his eyes when I pulled away from him.

I am pulled out of my thoughts when my dad comes in and falls into his seat with a tired sigh.

"So what are they after?" I ask immediately.

"Well first you have to promise that you will stay here and let me finish talking."

"Ok I promise I'll hear you out" I say with a sigh. This can't be good.

"Ok so a long time ago it was predicted that a white wolf would be born into this pack. It was said that the father would be human and the mother would be a solid black wolf. The first born son of this black wolf would be destined to be the white wolf. The white wolf would grow to bring power and prosperity to the pack it belongs to." He pauses and I am beyond confused.

"Ok so what does this have to do with the rogues?" I ask stupidly. My dad sighs and shakes his head.

"Let me specify a little. Isabelle was a solid black wolf, Jake is human, Jayden is a firstborn son of a black wolf and human. Do you get it now?"

He asks sadly. My breath catches in my throat as I figure out what he means.

"So your saying that Jayden is a white wolf? But that has to be wrong! Jay doesn't even have a wolf! He's lucky that he can heal slightly faster than a human!" I rant trying to convince myself mostly.

"Look son we have no proof that he is or isn't and neither does the rogues. But the rogues believe he is the destined white wolf because of our packs power. We are the biggest and strongest pack in the U.S. and they want our power. They believe that if they get Jayden they will be stronger."

"But they can't take him! He's mine! We can't let them have him!" I shout.

"I know which is why we are going to keep wolves posted around his property once he goes back home." My dad reassures.

"Ok is that it? I really want to be with Jayden now." I say quietly.

"Almost. There is one more thing and it may be totally unrelated but we have been scenting vampires around where rogues have been."

"Damnit! When will this end?! Jayden is MINE and no one else can have him!" I slam my fists on the table while trying to wrap my mind around the situation. Rogues and now vampires are after my Jayden because they believe he is a destined white wolf when he actually has no wolf at all!

"Language!!! And we will make sure they don't touch him."my dad promised.

"O-ok I will just go visit him now if that's ok?" I asked carefully.

"That's fine. Oh and the doctors told me that his throat is healing wonderfully. They are going to try to get him to talk today but I know it will probably be hard to convince him to speak since he has been mute for years but maybe you will be able to help him talk. Plus his arm and stomach is healing quick so he can probably go home in a few days." My dad says and gives me a sad smile.

"Thanks dad."

I walk out of his office and toward Jayden's room. Maybe I can finally get him to talk! and I can't wait to finally kiss him.

I reach his room and slowly open his door. I peak in to see his bed empty and messy. The IV stand was gone as well. I have a terrible feeling in my gut as I glance around his room. I notice the light under the bathroom door and I should be relieved but for some reason the uncomfortable feeling got stronger.

I walk carefully toward the closed door and I can smell the faint scent of his blood. Why is he bleeding?! my heart begins to race as I get closer to the door and I knock on the door quickly.

"Jayden? Open the door Jay! Come on! If you don't open the door in going to have to force it open!" I shout. I wait a few minutes and when there's no response I back up a step before using all my force to kick the door open. My foot connects with to wood next to the handle and the door flies open and slams against the bathroom wall.

I walk in and notice Jayden immediately. He was slumped against the shower door with a razor in one hand and bloody on his thighs. My breath catches as tears prick my eyes. I grab a wash cloth and wet it down before crouching by Jayden and cleaning away the dried blood. Once it's cleaned up I notice that he has ten cuts on his legs.

I pick him up and carry him to his bed before laying him down and running for a nurse. She bandages his legs and changes his IV bag before leaving us alone.

"Jayden.... why? Why have you done this to yourself? Please stop hurting yourself. I want to protect you even if it's from yourself." I whisper and gently brush his fringe back with my fingertips. He seems so innocent while he's asleep. So peaceful. I wish he was like this all the time.

His eyes flutter open and he turns into my touch slightly.

'Do you mean that?' he signs with his good hand.

"Yes I do and you can talk now if you want to. I would live to hear your beautiful voice."

"T-thank you. For e-everything. And m-my v-voice is terrible." He whispers quietly. His voice is wonderful and soft but a little scratchy from misuse. It's a little high for a male voice yet at the same time it is deep enough to easily be recognized as a mans voice. I could listen to him talk forever.

"No your voice is wonderful. It's just right. I could never get tired of it."

"Yes you w-will. I-it's annoying. And you don't have to pretend to l-like m-me." He whispers slightly louder this time.

"But your wrong. It's not annoying and I do like you. Very much so. And I can show you how much I like you if you want me to." I reassure him.

He nods slightly as he stares into my eyes. I lean closer to him and smile slightly as his eyes change to that beautiful blue color I love. His eyes flutter shut as he begins to lean up slightly. I close the distance quickly scared that someone would interrupt us again. Our lips brush together slightly setting off sparks before I press my lips down on his firmly.

Our lips mold together and move in sync as sparks fly at the wonderful contact. I slip my hand behind his neck to support his head as my fingers tangle in his beautiful golden hair. I allow my free hand to rest gently on his hip as he wraps his good arm behind my neck. I lick his bottom lip and am amused when he lets out a small sound like a chuckle and press his lips together teasingly.

I smirk into the kiss as I give a gentle tug on his hair causing him to gasp silently. I quickly slip my tongue past his parted lips and take the opportunity to explore inside his mouth. He battles for dominance of the kiss but quickly gives up when he realizes that he can't beat me. We continue to kiss until he pulls back to take a deep breath. I move on to kissing and licking his neck as he gasps for breath.

I hear him moan when I kiss the sensitive skin under his ear. I continue sucking on his neck and feel his arm tighten around my neck pulling my chest down onto his. I suddenly hear him gasp in pain as I jump back from him. He lets go of my neck to clutch at his torn stomach.

Shit! I totally forgot about his hurt stomach. When he pulled me down I must have laid on his stomach.

"Shit! Are you ok? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to! I won't kiss you again I promise! You must hate me now! Damn you do hate me! Oh shit I better get a nurse! I'm a fucking idiot! A fucking idiot who-"

"Shut the fuck up and quit cussing! I'm ok I j-just forgot I w-was hurt. And I l-like kissing y-you." Jayden cuts me off his yell no louder than a normal tone of voice before it fades back into his soft whisper. I notice that when he tried raising his voice at me he didn't even stutter.

"Shit I'm sorry I'll stop cussing" I pause as I realize that I just cussed again. "Damn... I mean shi- fucking hell I will just shut up now!!" I say as I face palm and drop to sit in my seat by his bed before resting my elbows on my knees and burying my head in my hands.

"Haha it's o-ok hahaha I'm s-sorry I'll s-stop laughing at you haha..." Jayden says in between giggling. The sound was the best in the world and I can't help but look up at him with a sheepish smile on my face. He looked even more beautiful with his face flushed from laughter his eyes bright and his lips swollen. I see a mark on his neck from me and feel proud that I left my mark on him.

My smile falls as my eyes travel to the cover over his thighs. Why did he cut?

"Jayden. Why do you cut?" I ask quietly. His laughter ends and the smile fades quickly from his face as he looks at the wall. I can see tears building in his eyes.

"W-well I just h-had a hard t-time after my m-mom died and t-then I got bullied a-at school and I just k-kinda started c-cutting because it h-helps with the emotional p-pain." He says quietly and I have a feeling like he's not telling me something but I let it go seeing his tears.

"Please stop cutting. For me please stop. Promise me you won't do it again." I whisper.

"I c-can't promise that. It's n-not that easy to s-stop. I have already t-tried once and it g-got worse. But I pr-promise to try f-for you."

"Ok I will accept that for now but if you feel like cutting please just talk to me. You can call me anytime you need me. Even in the middle of the night. And if you are around me then you want to know how I'll help you?" he nods and I smirk at him before peppering his face with kisses while he giggled. I stop as he catches his breath and then I pick up his arm and flip it where I can see the scars.

I slowly kiss each scar I see before looking back at him.

"You are beautiful and perfect to me." I whisper before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. I pour all of my love into this kiss. It was just a simple kiss. No tongue or teeth. Just our lips pressed softly together as I try to take away his pain and replace it with love. I pull away and crawl into his bed staying outside the covers and gently cuddle him. I whisper in his ear about how strong and beautiful he is until he drifts off to sleep and not long after I join him happily.

~~~~~~~

Ok what do you think? If you want mpreg please let me know if I should just wait and put it I. The sequel or if I should go ahead and split this story soon.

Please VOTE & COMMENT!!!!