How to say you're sorry

There's never really a great way to say you're sorry, but there are plenty of

terrible ways.

One of the worst ways is the non-apology apology, which sounds like an

apology but doesn't really accept any blame. For example, "We're sorry if this

upset you." Or "I'm sorry that you don't feel we lived up to your expectations."

Whatever.

A good apology accepts responsibility. It has no conditional if phrase attached.

It shows people that the buck stops with you. And then it provides real details

about what happened and what you're doing to prevent it from happening again.

And it seeks a way to make things right.

Here's another bad one: "We apologize for any inconvenience this may have

caused." Oh, please. Let's break down why that's bad:

"We apologize ..." If you spilled coffee on someone while riding the subway,

would you say, "I apologize"? No, you'd say, "I'm so, so sorry!" Well, if your

service is critical to your customers, an interruption to that service is like spilling

hot coffee all over them. So use the appropriate tone and language to show that

you understand the severity of what happened. Also, the person in charge should

take personal responsibility. An "I" apology is a lot stronger than a "we"

apology.

"... any inconvenience ..." If customers depend on your service and can't get

to it, it's not merely an inconvenience. It's a crisis. An inconvenience is a long

line at the grocery store. This ain't that.

"... this may have caused" The "may" here implies there might not be

anything wrong at all. That's a classic non-apology apology move. It slights the

very real problem(s) that customers are experiencing. If this didn't affect them,

you don't really need to say anything. If it did affect them, then there's no need

for "may" here. Stop wavering.

So what's the perfect way to say you're sorry? There's no magic bullet. Any

stock answer will sound generic and hollow. You're going to have to take it on a

case-by-case basis.

The number-one principle to keep in mind when you apologize: How would

you feel about the apology if you were on the other end? If someone said those

words to you, would you believe them?

Keep in mind that you can't apologize your way out of being an ass. Even the

best apology won't rescue you if you haven't earned people's trust. Everything

you do before things go wrong matters far more than the actual words you use to

apologize. If you've built rapport with customers, they'll cut you some slack and

trust you when you say you're sorry.