Chapter Eighteen

"I hate all this travelling up and down," Kevin braved to comment as he hugged her close as they watched TV. Stephanie had given him a bit of a hard time when he'd first arrived, but they'd quickly let it go to enjoy the time they still had left together this weekend; they'd gone out for lunch and had a nice afternoon at the pier and beach before heading home for dinner.

"Yeah me too," she sighed, sinking closer against him. "Still, it'll all be over when you've moved over," she added now, making him freeze. Stephanie looked at him confused when he sat up and pulled back a bit.

"What do you mean, when I've moved over? When did we decide that?" Kevin asked, almost panicky. He didn't want to live in Brighton; that had never been part of his plans.

"I suppose we haven't really decided but what else are we going to do? I already have a job here, as well as an apartment. You don't," she answered carefully, not liking the look in his eyes.

"So therefore, I'm the one moving?" he asked a little petulantly.

She sat up as well to look at him, trying not to respond as if he were a child. "Well, as you don't have a job yet, it'll be easier for you to move away from Broadstairs," Stephanie said now.

"But I've been applying for jobs in that area. I don't want to move away from my friends," Kevin told her.

"So, you want me to move instead? Even though I already have commitments here?" she reacted now, looking shocked at the suggestion. She had a decent job, and this had been a newbuild flat when she'd moved in; she was, at this point in time, the better catch in their relationship.

"Okay, yeah you already have commitments here, but surely you might be able to put in a transfer," he started, but trailed off when he saw her angry look. "Fine, then don't. But surely, it's not fair to assume I'm the one to move without talking it over?" he said instead, starting to sound argumentative.

Stephanie looked at him for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to say and where he was coming from. "Maybe it's not fair. But I'm not sure why it's a problem that I want you to move here," she eventually said, taking hold of his hands. "I mean, don't you want us to be together?" she added now, intended as a guilt-trip with only one possible answer. And for a moment, she thought it had worked when he looked at her guiltily.

"No of course it's nice you want me to move in here with you," Kevin started to answer her, still holding her hands.

Stephanie froze when he didn't continue. "Why do I feel a 'but' coming on?" she asked, not sure she wanted to hear it.

He took a deep breath, not even sure what he was feeling or what he was about to say. "There's no…" he started but couldn't get himself to say it. He couldn't say there was no 'but', that there was nothing to worry about, even if he could put his feelings into words, which he couldn't.

"Kev?" she asked softly. He glanced up and noticed that her eyes had started tearing up. He reached up to brush them away, but she pulled away slightly. "You're not just saying 'no' to moving here, are you?" Stephanie asked him finally.

"I'm sorry Steph, I don't even know what I'm thinking right now…" Kevin shook his head. He certainly hadn't come to Brighton to break up with her and he never remembered consciously having any of those thoughts. But now she put it like that, perhaps he was breaking up with her. They'd been having more arguments and disagreements recently and, while they never lasted long, they were starting to wear him down.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I know you never meant to hurt me, but you have. I should've known better than to start something with you," she said, anticipating what he might say next, more muttering to herself than to him. And he had to admit she made a fair point. It was a big risk on her part more than his, considering how hung-up he'd still been on Heather when they first met, and to a certain extent when they got together even. Maybe even still was.

"I really am sorry," he said as he tried to take hold of her hand, still not sure how this had happened or that he was actually doing this.

"Don't…" Stephanie said harshly as she pulled her hand back. "I'm going to go to bed. You can stay on the sofa tonight, but I'd appreciate it if you could leave as early as possible," she told him now, and he had to choke back tears.

Grudgingly Stephanie gave Kevin a pillow and a duvet, so he wouldn't be cold before she locked herself up in her room. He sat back down on the sofa that only half an hour earlier they had been cuddling on together. Kevin sighed as he put his head in his hands. He couldn't believe that this had happened, and it hadn't even been anything that he'd consciously meant to do or been building up towards.

Kevin eventually fell asleep with the TV on in the background. And got woken up at 7.30 when the baby in the flat next door started crying. Groggily he took a quick shower and gathered all his stuff left over from previous visits. Stephanie had actually put the things that had been in her room in a bag outside of her door, so he wouldn't have to come in to get it. He supposed he couldn't blame her for not wanting to see him any more than strictly necessary.

By 8.30 he pulled her front door closed behind him and made his way to the train station. When he was finally on the train he put his phone on shuffle to listen to music, to try to keep his thoughts out. He was still finding it hard to believe that their relationship had actually come to an end.

There were plenty of songs on his iPhone that he'd hardly listened to so far, and it included the new Nickelback CD. As he tried to keep his thoughts out, the same song that had first reminded Heather of her feelings came on and eventually started filling his every thought.

'Well, I'm tired of pretending. But I'm terrified of it ending. I know if not for you, there's nothing I can do to ever let it end. And I know you feel the same way, coz you told me drunk on your birthday. As you pulled me near, whispered in my ear 'Don't ever let it end'.'

Kevin had to bite back a snort as he kept his eyes firmly shut. This song could've almost literally been written about him and Heather. He'd been the first to tell her he'd realised they felt more for each other, but she'd eventually been the one to make the first move. It took a long time though, as every small gesture she made he'd initially ignored.

'About those two young friends who should've fell in love. Later on, we'll cut through the park and she can hold my hand, coz she hates the dark. We can laugh as we both pretend, that we're not in love and that we're just good friends.'

She'd pretend she was cold as they walked home, or that she'd had a bit much to drink and needed his support. Kevin shook his head in a slight chuckle; she'd been pretty crafty about it. And even though he'd been the bigger person this time round, she'd played it more cleverly than he had, simply by acting normal and taking his rejection in her stride.

'The greatest times we ever had. It's crazy now just looking back, we can laugh. But you never know how life's gonna go. Guess we're the only ones who'll ever know about Sunday night, just staring out, sitting side by side in the full moon light. I pull her close just to hold her tight and the both of us, could tell it just felt right. She looked at me in the sweetest way, like she could tell what the hell I was about to say. It must've took a while, just to find the words, coz she cut me off and finally said it first.'

Kevin sighed, trying to keep back the tears; it'd so not be cool if he cried on the train. And this was just the first leg as well, he'd still have to swap in London before he could finally get the train home to Broadstairs.