Chapter 1

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The rebirth was, hmm, let's just say it wasn't very comfortable. Upon awakening, I found myself not in my mother's belly, but in the arms of an ireonin. Let's leave out the whole day of my birth, I'll just say that it hurt like hell!!!! After a few hours of sleep, I was brought to my ancestors. Minato, who also happens to be my father, was crying his eyes out. I don't understand why he's crying, but I've been born for a day and he's still crying. Kushina's not far behind him. Speaking of her, she's really good, I was looking at her when I was watching the anime, and now I'm going to say, "She's going to be in my harem!". Well, not this Kushina, of course, but from another world, because I'm not a fan of incest. I'm not a fan of incest, but I'm not a fan of incest, so if it's a parallel Kushina, Naruka, Minata, or whoever else is from my family and is female, I can have them, but not those! I'm not even talking about Minato. I'm kind of homophobic. No, I don't run away in fear if I see a homo, and I don't threaten him. I just don't socialise with such people, and if they do, then I can get in the way. So I'm neutral. Although, if I find myself in the world with the genre of "Yaoi" without remorse I will kill everyone on the right and left, because there and the most real hetero can degenerate into a typical homosexual. So there I can organise genocide of the population. But I just try to avoid them.

If I find another parallel world, I'll add Kushina to my harem. Now, meet your quiet first son. I'm already creepily curious as to what I look like, by the way.

- 私は日本語を知っていると思いますか? - Kushina Minato muttered in a completely incomprehensible language. And that honestly made me cringe. I first put it down to the child's poor hearing. By the way, I can barely hear or see in this child's body, and I'm not even talking about my sense of smell. But I hear really badly, almost as if I were communicating on an ancient telephone, while being in a packed train. And to see so in general a whole ordeal, because I damn hard to banal open my eyes, by the way I see all normal, and so lied to me my biology teacher, saying that children up to 2-4 months see everything upside down! Although, maybe it's a peculiarity of the physique of people of this world or something else. Eh, okay, whatever! The main thing is that my 5 basic senses are not working very well, I could barely even see Kushina, and Minato too. But what's the point? At first I thought I couldn't understand them because of my poor hearing, but now I realise that they were just speaking a different language, remotely similar to Japanese, but not Russian. Ah yes, I am Japanese myself, but I was born and raised in Russia, like my parents of that world. But in Japan lived my great-grandfather, who actually moved to Russia when it was still part of the USSR. He knew Japanese, but the laws of the time did not allow him to teach it to his children. I didn't go into it, but the point is that I never learnt Japanese, even though I had the opportunity. So I don't know what these people are talking about. Kushina took me in her arms first, and they tried to make me smile. Although those faces were not funny, but rather scary! But dick, not laughter, I don't even have the strength to give a toothless smile right now. Then they were talking about something among themselves, occasionally asking me questions, to which they pretended that I answered. And at some point, I heard: "Menma" from Minato. Kushina hesitated and backed up her husband in that second. Next, I realised from the intonation, which wasn't hard to understand, that they were asking if I liked the name. I, of course, kept silent, because besides that I could only cry and scream, and I don't want them to call me something else, thinking that I don't like this name. So it was decided to name me Menma Uzumaki. I didn't realise at the time why my last name wasn't Namikaze, but Uzumaki. But at that time I decided not to think about it, anyway I'll find out later, and now my guesses are useless.

After a while of talking, I decided to be fed. I'd better leave comments about my feelings at that moment. From then on I slept. That's how my days in the hospital with Kushina went by. Yes, calling her a mother is still a bit difficult for me. And it's not because her doppelganger is potentially part of my future harem, it's because of something else. I still have attachments to my past parents, and it's unlikely they'll ever go away, perhaps they'll just weaken over time. So I'll call them that for now, and eventually I'll adjust. Life in the hospital wasn't bad, except for a few things. Mostly, it's shit. Literally. Sure, I've been trying to defecate regularly so that Kushina notices it, but so far, not much success, because it's been a lot harder to control than I thought it would be. Barring that, things were more or less normal. Kushina was very happy and spent all her time, excluding medical procedures, on me. Mikoto Uchiha, the mother of one of the future protagonists, even came to visit us with her son, Itachi Uchiha. Mikoto, by the way, is also a potential suitor. Her I also want in my harem, just not this Mikoto in particular. Because she's already married and tied to her current family. And in general, I'd like to find a world where time is long before canon. After all, there are still other heroines like Mikoto that I'd like to see as a young girl. The same Tsunade Senju. I liked her better in general when she was younger. She was so kawaii~. As for Itachi, in my world, almost everyone who watched Naruto was a total fan! Although, I didn't understand some of his actions, and some of them I just didn't like. Especially his attitude towards Sasuke. To me, it was his actions that gave Sasuke such a mentally ill thirst for power. What did he have to do to make Sasuke's thirst for power not out of revenge, but out of a desire to protect his loved ones? But no, they're Uchiha and hate is important to them! As far as I'm concerned, there are other ways to develop Sharingan and not twist it like they did in canon. There's the Eternal Mangyoko. Itachi was spouting off about how he had to rip out his little brother's eyes. Well, what would it take for him to pluck them out, graft them on himself, and then give his old ones to his little brother? And that's the question all the fans were wondering! Although it's not confirmed, it was worth a try! If you're gonna die. That's exactly what I'm gonna try to do, by the way. But we'll think about that later.

Mikoto and Kushina were talking a lot, but I still couldn't understand what they were saying. Minato came by too. He was worried sick about me and Kushina! He kept pestering the doctors and Kushina. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I could tell. But he didn't stay long each time. Apparently, the hospital bills are not small, and he's always going on missions. He didn't seem to be the Hokage yet, because he wasn't wearing his trademark "Fourth" cape. So our hospital days passed, and soon after a month we were discharged. Surprisingly, we did not travel home with the help of the Thunder God, but simply, the three of us, on foot. Apparently, my parents decided to show me the village. Well, the village is really beautiful and unusual. The view of the most famous landmark, the Hokage Mountain. The statues are really cool looking, though I think the "First" one has been stripped of its coolness and pathos. His face in general seems the most ordinary. But "Second" and "Third" were not deprived. The view from this very mountain was also beautiful. Next we just walked around the village and throughout the walk my parents were pointing at everything, showing me and talking to me and amongst themselves too. They seemed very happy. Well, I can understand them. In a world like this, where war is possible at any minute and it seems to be going on right now, even moments like this are rare. Well, and I'm their first child, which they were very happy about. By the way, I didn't torment Kushina at night, screaming and crying for any reason, which she was very surprised and even worried about. Mikoto had probably told her all about how hard it was to take care of an infant. I tried to scream and cry only when I needed to change nappies, eat, or was uncomfortable lying down, but I was quiet and even tried to smile when she played with me. So Kushina thought that she was just a really good mother and Mikoto was just having a harder time taking care of the kids. After an afternoon of walking, we finally arrived home. The house was pretty big and seemed new to me. They must have bought a bigger house on purpose because there was an addition to their family.

Next I was shown to my room. It had lots of toys, a wardrobe and a small bed. All of this is expected, but toys like shurikens and kunai...? is that expected? Well, at least they're not all like that. There's also... frogs, yeah. Okay, the age difference between me and Naruto, as I recall, is 5 years. That means I'll be an orphan in five years. I wonder what Hiruzen will do to me. Although, there's still nothing I can do in response..... for now. After the room presentation, there was lunch, and then Minato played with me all day. Kushina fed me and I think she went to cook. That's how my first day at the Namikaze house went.

***

A YEAR later, I could understand the language and even speak it myself. Well, how can you not when you need it so badly? I also learnt to walk on all fours, and then to walk, although that's nothing to be proud of. By the way, I was finally able to open the status and switch on the mental command in the settings, because I couldn't call him because it was switched off. Well, it looked like this:

- Status!

Status:

Name: Menma Uzumaki

Level: 1

Race: Human

Profession: None

Title: None

HP: 200/200 Restore HP: 40 per hour.

Sp: 300/300 Sp Recovery: 80 per hour

HP: 100/100 HP recovery: 20 per hour

Characteristics:

Strength: 1

Speed: 1

Dexterity: 1

Control: 1

Endurance: 1

Perception: 4

Spirit: 100

Intelligence: 62

Character Points: 0

Affinity with the elements:

Fire: 0.5%

Water: 0.2%

Earth: 0.1%

Air: 0.4%

Lightning: 0.3%

Light: 0.2%

Darkness: 0.3%

Space: 0.8%

Time: 0.1%

Skills: "Royal. Ur. Max."

Techniques: None

Features: Player's Mind, Player's Body, Uzumaki, Reborn.

Anyway, it goes something like this. I now realise that I have mana besides chakra, but so far I can't feel either of them. Although I have more chakra than mana. And the health points aren't small either. It's probably due to my affinity with the Uzumaki clan. Characteristics are all low because of my childish body, except for spirit and intelligence. Affinity is also small, but for some reason my affinity for space is the highest. Could it be because of my father? Or because I like space travelling techniques myself? By the way, yes, I could already call my parents father and mother. I've grown a little attached to them over the year. But I still don't intend to interfere with canon until I'm strong enough, which means they'll still die when the Fox attacks. Maybe in a way that's a good thing. After they're dead, I'm going to do a lot of damage to Hiruzen, the elders, Danzo and Konoha itself. Don't be stupid and bully my future brother. But that's for later. So, what else is left? Oh, right! My looks! It's surprisingly beautiful! I'm almost like Naruto in the canon. But there are differences. Firstly, the colour of my eyes. If Naruto, and the rest of the family, had blue eyes the colour of the sky, mine are bright blue. And that made me very happy! I'm not even going to change them for some Sharingan!!!! Why? If I can graft the Uchiha genome and awaken my own eyes!!!! I'm already imagining changing my cold blue eyes in the dark to burning blood-red Sharingan eyes! Now that's epic!!! Secondly, my hair. It's like my mum's, red. And it's not red, it's really blood red! And it's as unruly as Naruto's and stands up like spikes, well at least it's not really spiky, but rather soft. Thirdly, the shape of the face. Whereas Naruto goes by his mother and has a rounded face, I have the same sharp features as my father. It's not as pronounced because I'm still young. But when I grow up, I'm sure I'll be a bishop. The best part of my appearance is that I also have three stripes on my cheeks. You don't think that's pretty? Everyone has their own opinion, I love it!!! I don't know why, I just love it! Ahem. Right, that's about it. I don't talk much yet. Just a couple of phrases, but other than that, it's just slurred words. I don't want to scare my parents, and I don't want anyone messing with my head. But they tried! My dad, the bastard, thought there was something wrong with me, since I don't disturb them at night and warn them when I have to go to the toilet. So he wanted to see what's going on in his son's head! I called Inoichi and asked him to check it out! It's a good thing I have such a good characteristic. The Gambler's Mind. That's what kept the brainiacs out of my head! After a few tries, Inoichi wanted to get serious about studying this anomaly. Yeah, he's supposed to be the best! But his father realised that it smelled like something bad and politely escorted him out. After that, for some reason, he dropped the matter. But after that I cried and screamed for a month when my mum gave me in his arms. But there's a huge upside to having someone try to get inside my head. I discovered my inner world!!! Now that was just beautiful!!! Although now I can't really get used to it because it's all kind of chaotic and I can't control it. I guess I'll have to pump up my intelligence. But I realised that you can see your memories in the inner world. I could only see bits and pieces, but that's something! What happens when I'm more intelligent? Will I be able to see into my memories? If you don't test it, you won't know! As for reading, I'm still learning. But it's hard to do it on my own. Sometimes Mum reads some books, but they're mostly stories... of the shinobi world! That's what really amazed me! A one year old reading a story! That's crazy!!! But it was good for me. In my previous life, I had a hard time with this subject, but in this one, it's kind of interesting. Plus, I'm getting a little more intelligence. Kushina, by the way, returned to missions after a year. Sometimes they fill in for each other to look after me, sometimes they leave clones or babysitters. And once they left me with Mikoto. What to say about their family. Fugaku always doesn't change his facial expression, namely the expression of a brick. Mikoto is a very good cook and does a good job cleaning around the house. She's like a perfectly trained maid. Hmm, Mikoto in a maid costume.... (an hour of fantasy later) ...oh, right! On second thought, ahem, so, she's a wonderful wife, in a word. Itachi, on the other hand. cute!!! No, I didn't expect that from him at all. In the anime, when he was shown as young as possible, he was serious with a grown-up look. But now he's cuter than ever! All in all, life is generally good for me. Kushina and Minato are trying their best to surround me with love. The only thing that bothers me is that Naruto won't get that kind of love from them. Why should I? I've already had my childhood, but he's not going to have a good one. Growing up in an orphanage and then going to the academy and living alone in a dorm.... No wonder his house was always a mess and that he didn't do well at the academy. He was probably not taught anything in the orphanage, but was given the bare minimum. And it must have been hard to live on his allowance money. That's why he chose convenience food. It's the cheapest and keeps for a long time. No way! In this world, I'll take care of him! We go to the academy when he's six, which means he'll be living in an orphanage until he's six. I'm not sure how he'll be treated there, but I hope he'll tolerate it. And considering our difference, I shouldn't be like everyone else by 12, but by 11 I should be graduating from the academy and becoming a shinobi to earn my own money. Itachi was able to graduate early from the academy and even become an ANBU, and so was Kakashi. But I'm a fall guy, and I have a system. By the time I'm 11, I'll have surpassed Jonin's level, and maybe Kage's. If I don't make it by then, I'll go into a dungeon and swing for a hundred years!!!! Oh yeah, about the dungeons. The system has that feature as well. Dungeons are scattered around the world and in each of them a different location. In one can be a dungeon-cave with goblins, or sewers with rats, or generally open space with predators like wolves. But the main advantage of dungeons is that time in the real world stops and does not go until the Player leaves it. And you can only get out by killing the boss. But after all, no one forbade to trap the boss, and train yourself. The dungeon boss will not starve to death anyway, so it is possible. You just need to find the key to the dungeon. They seem to be given out as a reward or can be found by accident. Another important thing is that if you go into any dungeon, the difficulty will be adjusted to suit you. I learnt about this from the System when I was looking at its functions. And one more imbo thing! I also have an Inventory. And it has no limits! The key is not to put things three times my size in there. And it doesn't hold any living things either. But the cool thing about it is that I can just think of a thing going into the inventory when I hold it, and back out that way as well. I mean, that can be used in combat! I'll bring my bare hand in and abruptly pull the kunai out of my inventory! And that's just the easiest way to use it! Even though I'm only a year old now, I can walk and even run, but I fall down, but that's just the fact! I guess it's because of the chakra and the world itself. Children seem to develop faster physically here. Although, that wasn't surprising either. I remember when Naruto was a kid up to the age of ten, he was already climbing and jumping trees like a real acrobat. I wonder when I'll be able to do that.

***

For the next few months it was business as usual. Minato and Kushina went on missions. I tried to feel chakra and mana and went into my inner world a lot. Played with Itachi a lot when I was at his place, and at home I tried to learn how to read better. Now I could at most read a fairy tale. But that's clearly more than before. By the way, World War III was already in full swing. I learnt that from my father. They started leaving me at home more often with the nanny or Itachi. I didn't mind, but they felt guilty for not spending enough time with me. Yeah, they'd go away for months at a time, and they'd stay home for no more than a week. I pretended that I was sad, but I understood, and I asked my father to start training me too. The first time he was very surprised, yes, a child, who will soon be two years old, asks him to train. He was reluctant at first, and Kushina threatened to bury him on one of the missions if he let me near a gun. So it was hard to convince him. But when I was two and a half, he agreed to train me. But it turns out he was only talking about body training. I was disappointed at first, but then I thanked him, because in this world it's normal for a 7 year old to be able to use chakra and master taijutsu like a professional athlete! And that's why the training was hard!!! But since I asked for it myself, Minato wouldn't let me quit. That's serious! This nice guy, who seemed so in the anime as well, trains like the strictest coach of championship wrestling. He and Kushina are complete opposites! Kushina is terribly aggressive on normal days, yet was terribly worried about me when my father was coaching, while Minato is the opposite! But I have to admit, he did give me his best, but he didn't overdo it. And he trained as well. I watched him train once. I didn't see anything. He's faster than Flash, honestly. All I saw was him coming back at the end all sweaty and exhausted. That's what it means to lead by example. Thanks to that, I was able to keep up with my training, even though it was all about strength and body speed. My stats, by the way, went up quickly because of it. Strength, endurance, agility, and speed are now around 10. And my spirit is pumping up too. And thanks to my meditations with diving into the inner world and searching for my own chakra and mana, perception, control and intelligence are pumping up. I think if I keep this up, I'll be able to feel my chakra by the time I'm three. And be able to manipulate something by the time I'm four. I can climb trees, not acrobatics, but not bad either. My mum said that because I have the Uzumaki gene, and the red hair will not lie, I'm developing physically much better and faster than the others. And it's true. I've seen my peers and I have a distinct advantage. By the way, Itachi is also developing fast, but I'm an order of magnitude ahead of him right now. I think Fugaku will start training him in 2-3 years.

***

When I was already three years old, my father introduced me to the team he got. Hatake Kakashi, Nohara Rin and Uchiha Obito. Rin was like a kitten and tried to strangle me in a hug. Obito, on the other hand, tried to cheer me up and play with me. What can I say, good guys. Kakashi's an arsehole, but he doesn't have to talk to me. And he was more serious when he was a kid. I didn't like the adult Kakashi anymore. He was a little too uncaring of Naruto and more helpful to Sasuke. Although no, he treated the whole team like that, he just taught Sasuke Chidori. As for Rin, she's a caring and sweet girl. I'm not surprised Obito had a crush on her at such a young age. As for Obito himself... he's a fool. That's all I have to say. How did this guy become one of the most dangerous antagonists? I guess Madara's got his work cut out for him. Rin and Obito played with me, while Kakashi just waited for Minato. Afterwards, they went on a mission. That's how I got to know them. And then, six months later, the war was over, Minato got the Hokage hat and Kakashi got the Sharingan and a nickname to go along with it. As is clear by now, the incident happened and Obito supposedly died. Rin stopped visiting our house, and my father devoted himself to the Hokage's work, sending a clone to train with me, who did everything monotonously. I guess it was easier for him to get over the loss. I didn't question him, of course, and I didn't bother him much. I didn't see Kakashi at all. He's probably gone to the ANBU or just spends all his time on missions.

***

Another six months later, there was an incident with Rin.

***

At the age of four, I had learnt to feel and control my chakra, as I said, but I was still having trouble with mana. I could use my chakra in the simplest way possible, to infuse my body or weapons with it. After that, getting my father to train me with kunai and shuriken was easy. Even my mother agreed and started training me in control herself. Next, I was trained in their style of taijutsu and my father's shurikenjutsu. Honestly, it was the shurikenjutsu that was very difficult. Father's style of using his kunai is an art form. The way he handles them looks very beautiful, and it's very difficult to master. But by the time I was four and a half years old, I was beginning to get the hang of it, and then I trained on my own, forcing that knowledge into my body. And then.

One evening when the whole family was at the table, Kushina asked me:

- Menma, don't you want a little brother or sister?" I was honestly taken aback by these words and remembered that it was almost time. Six months from now, it's the 10th of October!

- I want one! I really want one! You mean you're pregnant?! - I shrieked, surprising my parents. Oh, yeah. I didn't ask them where babies come from. So they freaked out that a baby knew what pregnancy was. And before they started asking me that, I added - Like Mikoto-san, you're going to have a big belly? She said she's having a baby soon, so are you too?

- Y-yes. - Kushina said with some realisation and relief.

- Isn't that great, Menma? You'll be able to play with your little brother or sister. And when it gets older, you'll be able to train together too!

- YES! - They seemed very happy that I accepted it so happily. But then I lowered my gaze sharply and gloomed. My parents immediately jumped in and started asking me what was wrong.

- Menma, what's wrong? Are you not happy? Don't you want a little sister or brother? - Kushina asked me hurriedly.

- Yes, Menma, you were excited to have one. What's wrong? Or did we do something to offend you? - Minato was puzzled too. Well, I just remembered what it means. Naruto will be born, and on the same day, everything will go downhill. They'll die, Naruto will be sealed with a fox. We'll be sent to orphanages, our house will be taken away and we'll be given a dormitory flat. Naruto will be hated by the whole village, and I'll miss them. But I can't tell them, and none of them will believe me. Oh, okay. Even if I tell them, they won't be able to stop it. Minato and Kushina did their best that day, but the result is obvious. Oh, and Naruto needs to become a Jinchuriki. The fate of the world literally depends on it, you could say. So let's put on a baby face and...- No, I just thought that if a little brother or sister was born, you'd stop focusing on me and love him more. - they looked at each other and laughed out loud.

- God, Menma, can you act like a child too?" asked Minato, trying to calm down.

- We won't stop loving you, we'll love you equally! And we will give you as much time as you need. - Said a calmed down Kushina and slapped Minato on the head to support her.

- Yeah, yeah, so don't worry, Menma. Everything will be just like it is now. No! Even better! - Minato supported his wife. They both hugged me and Minato continued. - Let's go for a walk tomorrow as a family, shall we? Like we used to?

- Is the esteemed Hokage allowed to be away from work?

- I'll take tomorrow off! I'll put the clone and old man Hiruzen to work! I haven't had fun with my family in a long time, what do you say, Menma?!

- Yeah!

- All right, now let's go to bed. It's been a long day. Get some rest, son.

- OK, good night, Dad, Mum!

- Good night, darling. - said Kushina and started clearing the table. I went to my room, thinking that even though these days would soon be over, I needed to enjoy the rest of them to the fullest!