Tragic Luck

"I'm sorry…WHAT!?" I exclaimed, blinking in disbelief at what my mom had just laid on me.

"I-I'm still in disbelief myself," Dad chuckled, setting down the letter in his hand. "But it's all here, Mr. Carmichael was grandad's lawyer for decades. You're going to be rich, my boy. Hey, don't forget your parents though, eh?"

My name is Tino Lawson, and I'd just inherited 1 billion dollars. My parents had burst into my basement bedroom that afternoon, and just when I thought they were about to be on my case about being unemployed, they proceeded to drop the biggest surprise I'd experienced in my 18 years of living. It turns out that my great grandfather on my dad's side was some big old-money billionaire, and for whatever reason, he left me a fortune. I'd never met the guy, and even my parents were surprised that he knew of my existence, but the letter from his attorney was clear: I was to be heir to a solid $1,000,000,000. 

"O-of course, I'll make it so that we never have to worry about anything again," I smiled, getting up from my computer desk as I put a trembling hand to my head. "This changes everything. I was going to enjoy this gap year, but why even worry about school now? I could live off this money. No need to work! Don't worry guys, I'll make sure you're taken care of too."

"Uhh you should still go to school, Tino," Mom smirked, putting her hands to her hips. "I'll be damned if I let some money turn my son into one of those NEYTs."

"The term is 'NEET', Mom, and don't worry, this money is going to motivate me if anything," I assured her, slipping on my flip flops and throwing a pullover hoodie over my head. "Now if you two will excuse me, I've got to get my girlfriend back. I'll see you when I get home—and if possible, do me a favor and give that lawyer my direct deposit information."

Weeks prior, I had somehow managed to get myself a girlfriend. She was perfect—nerdy, cute, bubbly, and she had a nice body on her. I dropped the ball, however, because I was notoriously frugal for the entirety of our short relationship. I believe the final straw was when I took her on a date to the pet store. At the time, I likened it to a free zoo. 

That was in the past, however, because with a billion dollars on its way, I could tell her that she was about to join me in the highlife (should she take me back). Bidding my parents farewell, I climbed onto my bike and peddled away from the suburban home where I lived, my heart set alight at the immense opportunity that I'd been bestowed. Riding along, I daydreamed about what else I might do with that money. Naturally, I wanted to fill my bedroom with anime figures of half-naked women, but thankfully common sense prevailed, and I found myself longing for a humble seaside cabin.

"It'll be my love nest, my fortress of passion," I thought to myself, grinning at the possibility of hosting my girlfriend there (as soon as I won her back) and all the fun things we could do. 

As I rode on, my pride increased the more I fantasied about the high life. I wasn't exactly a moron when it came to academics, but some peers of mine at the time were far more successful and were on a trajectory towards high-paying jobs. Yet, even they struggled to live on their own in that economy, while I, an average at best student, was about to be far ahead of them by pure luck. Despite the underserved riches, I felt smug in the moment, almost chuckling to myself that the struggle in life for them had really just begun while I, a slacker by comparison, was walking into enough money to support myself for the rest of my life.

Riding out of my suburban street, I continued down the bike lane that ran beside the main road, humming as I could barely stop myself from peddling as fast as I could. Now perhaps it was fate punishing me for my lack of modesty regarding the situation, but I ended up being so focused on my luxurious day dreams that I failed to spot the runaway 18-wheeler behemoth bounding towards me from the opposite lane. The frantic driver's fruitless mashing of the break pedal eventually paid off, and the multi-ton vehicle began to screech to a stop. Too bad it didn't stop in time to avoid hitting me.

Feeling my lungs become compressed as the air was roughly squeezed from my body on impact, my world became a blur as I flew through the air and crashed into the pavement next to my now-crumpled metal heap of a bike. Paralyzed in pain, I blinked as I could see the truck still in motion. While the trailer itself was able to stop, the sudden breaking had caused the back load to tip over. It appeared as though the truck was towing a large tank containing some sort of liquid. I know this because that deep sloshing sound was the last thing that I was really able to hear.

"A-are you frigging kidding me!?" I coughed, spitting out blood as the tank tipped and spilled its thousands of gallons worth of liquid on top of me. I felt a horrendous burning sensation for a second, before my nervous system and most of my flesh was promptly melted away by an extremely-powerful acid.

Instead of looking forward to receiving a very liquid asset, I became very "liquid" myself.

Sorry, that was corny. But speaking of which…

Death was not the end for me. In fact, in retrospect, it was only the beginning. My 18 short years of living as Tino Lawson were a mere "blip" in time compared to the eons that I'd experience as a godly immortal, although it would be a long and difficult journey to reach said point. Until then, I would have to learn how to survive as an immobile angiosperm, a menial piece of maize. A living thing capable of nothing besides tasting great, yet being cursed with the sentience from my previous life. 

This is how I was reborn as corn.