legends

It was weird being around so many wolves and humans from the tribe. On top of the ten shifters and their imprints there was also Billy, Quil and Sue here. The only imprints missing were Kim and Clay.

The elders had brought out hotdogs and s'mores enough to have fed a normal human army, but there were ten people here who weren't human – eleven including me, but I didn't really count as I couldn't eat – and those ten people could eat far more than normal humans.

Paul was especially a pig, glutting his way through ten hotdogs before finally slowing up, and even then – as the others joked about pinstripe jeans, talked about baseball and soccer, or pointed out the different shapes that could be seen in the rock formations that jutted out of the ocean – Paul casually managed to down another four.

It was finally heading towards dusk and most of the people were fully settling down around the fire, but Paul was watching Jake who was leaned back against my knees – the only hotdog he'd grabbed casually poked onto the end of a straightened out coat hanger. Jake seemed to be in a different hemisphere ever since we'd arrived and – having eaten as much as I had, which was to say nothing at all – I didn't have to guess where his head was.

"Are you gonna eat that hotdog?" Paul asked finally.

Rachel elbowed Paul in the gut but Jake handed the hotdog over to Paul without any sort of comment.

In spite of Jake's own disquiet it was almost too easy being with the Quileutes in such a setting and I could just about imagine staying as a protector with Jake and the others. The solid warmth resting against my knees though was an ever reminder of why I shouldn't. Jake may believe he knew what he was getting into, but wasn't my own torn out heart proof enough to myself that he couldn't possibly get it? If he did than he wouldn't be courting this type of disaster with me.

Emily, sitting beside Sam, pulled out a spiral-bound notebook and a pen just as Billy cleared his throat.

It seemed to be a sign for the others as they all sat up straighter, circling around the fire and settling down into a quiet stillness.

"The Quileutes have been a small people from the beginning," Billy said. "And we are a small people still, but we have never disappeared. This is because there has always been magic in our blood. It wasn't always the magic of shape-shifting – that came later. First, we were spirit warriors."

Billy's voice rang with an authority that I'd never before heard, his eyes distant focused on something I was sure I'd never be able to see.

"In the beginning, the tribe settled in this harbor and became skilled ship builders and fishermen, as well as harvesters and hunters. But the tribe was small, and the harbor was rich in fish. There were others who coveted our land, and we were too small to hold it. A larger tribe moved against us, and we took to our ships to escape them.

Kaheleha was not the first spirit warrior, but we do not remember much the stories that came before him. We do not remember who was the first to discover this power, or how it had been used before this crisis, though our history does tell us that there was a time before Kaheleha when both the women and the men could do these spirit journeys. Our limited knowledge of those legends suggest that the male spirit warriors were greedy and volatile and as such the females used the winds of our ancestors to strip the gifts from our men. The men still had a place of honor and were still warriors as the need arised, but only of the physical realm."

Billy was staring at Leah as he spoke, his words grave.

"Kaheleha was the first great Spirit Chief in our history. In this emergency, Kaheleha used the magic to defend our land.

"He and all his warriors left the ship – not their bodies, but their spirits. Their women watched over the bodies and the waves, and the men took their spirits back to our harbor.

"They could not physically touch the enemy tribe, but they had other ways. The stories tell us that they could blow fierce winds into their enemy's camps; they could make a great screaming in the wind that terrified their foes. The stories also tell us that the animals could see the spirit warriors and understand them; the animals would do their bidding.

"Kaheleha took his spirit army and wreaked havoc on the intruders. This invading tribe had packs of big, thick-furred dogs that they used to pull their sleds in the frozen north. The spirit warriors turned the dogs against their masters and then brought a mighty infestation of bats up from the cliff caverns. They used the screaming wind to aid the dogs in confusing the men. The dogs and bats won. The survivors scattered, calling our harbor a cursed place. The dogs ran wild when the spirit warriors released them. The Quileutes returned to their bodies and their wives, victorious.

"The other nearby tribes, the Hohs and the Makahs, made treaties with the Quileutes. They wanted nothing to do with our magic, though legends suggests that their tribes had magics of their own as well – magics of healers, soothsayers, even of spell-workers. We lived in peace with them. When an enemy came against us, the spirit warriors would drive them off.

"Generations passed. Then came the last great Spirit Chief, Taha Aki. He was known for his wisdom, and for being a man of peace. The people lived well and content in his care.

"But there was one man, , Utlapa who was not content."

Sam, Paul and a couple of the others let out a low hiss at the mention of his name. Billy ignored the interruption though, continuing on with the story.

"Utlapa was one of Chief Taha Aki's strongest spirit warriors – a powerful man, but a grasping man, too. He thought the people should use their magic to expand their lands, to enslave the Hohs and the Makahs and build an empire.

"Now, when the warriors were their spirit selves, they knew each other's thoughts and desires. Taha Aki saw what Utlapa dreamed, and was angry with Utlapa. Utlapa was commanded to leave the people, and never use his spirit self again. Utlapa was a strong man, but the chief's warriors outnumbered him. He had no choice but to leave. The furious outcast hid in the forest nearby, waiting for a chance to get revenge against the chief.

"Even in times of peace, the Spirit Chief was vigilant in protecting his people. Often, he would go to a sacred, secret place in the mountains. He would leave his body behind and sweep down through the forests and along the coast, making sure no threat approached.

"One day when Taha Aki left to perform this duty, Utlapa followed. At first, Utlapa simply planned to kill the chief, but this plan had its drawbacks. Surely the spirit warriors would seek to destroy him, and they could follow faster than he could escape. As he hid in the rocks and watched the chief prepare to leave his body, another plan occurred to him.

"Taha Aki left his body in the secret place and flew with the winds to keep watch over his people. Utlapa waited until he was sure the chief had traveled some distance with his spirit self.

"Taha Aki knew it the instant that Utlapa had joined him in the spirit world, and he also knew Utlapa's murderous plan. He raced back to his secret place, but even the winds weren't fast enough to save him. When he returned, his body was already gone. Utlapa's body lay abandoned, but Utlapa had not left Taha Aki with an escape – he had cut his own body's throat with Taha Aki's hands.

"Taha Aki followed his body down the mountain. He screamed at Utlapa, but Utlapa ignored him as if he were mere wind.

"Taha Aki watched with despair as Utlapa took his place as chief of the Quileutes. For a few weeks, Utlapa did nothing but make sure that everyone believed he was Taha Aki. Then the changes began – Utlapa's first edict was to forbid any warrior to enter the spirit world. He claimed that he'd had a vision of danger, but really he was afraid. He knew that Taha Aki would be waiting for the chance to tell his story. Utlapa was also afraid to enter the spirit world himself, knowing Taha Aki would quickly claim his body. So his dreams of conquest with a spirit warrior army were impossible, and he sought to content himself with ruling over the tribe. He became a burden – seeking privileges that Taha Aki had never requested, refusing to work alongside his warriors, taking on two additional lovers, though Taha Aki's wife lived on – something unheard of in the tribe. Taha Aki watched in helpless fury.

"Eventually, Taha Aki tried to kill his body to save the tribe from Utlapa's excesses. He brought a fierce wolf down from the mountains, but Utlapa hid behind his warriors. When the wolf killed a young man who was protecting the false chief, Taha Aki felt horrible grief. He ordered the wolf away.

"All the stories tell us that it was no easy thing to be a spirit warrior. It was more frightening than exhilarating to be freed from one's body. This is why they only used their magic in times of need. The chief's solitary journeys to keep watch were a burden and a sacrifice. Being bodiless was disorienting, uncomfortable, horrifying. Taha Aki had been away from his body for so long at this point that he was in agony. He felt he was doomed – never to cross over to the final land where his ancestors waited, stuck in this torturous nothingness forever.

"The great wolf followed Taha Aki's spirit as he twisted and writhed in agony through the woods. The wolf was very large for its kind, and beautiful. Taha Aki was suddenly jealous of the dumb animal. At least it had a body. At least it had a life. Even life as an animal would be better than this horrible empty consciousness.

"And then Taha Aki had the idea that changed us all. He asked the great wolf to make room for him, to share. The wolf complied. Taha Aki entered the wolf's body with relief and gratitude. It was not his human body, but it was better than the void of the spirit world.

"As one, the man and the wolf returned to the village on the harbor. The people ran in fear, shouting for the warriors to come. The warriors ran to meet the wolf with their spears. Utlapa, of course, stayed safely hidden.

"Taha Aki did not attack his warriors. He retreated slowly from them, speaking with his eyes and trying to yelp the songs of his people. The warriors began to realize that the wolf was no ordinary animal, that there was a spirit influencing it. One older warrior, a man name Yut, decided to disobey the false chief's order and try to communicate with the wolf.

"As soon as Yut crossed to the spirit world, Taha Aki left the wolf – the animal waited tamely for his return – to speak to him. Yut gathered the truth in an instant, and welcomed his true chief home.

"At this time, Utlapa came to see if the wolf had been defeated. When he saw Yut lying lifeless on the ground, surrounded by protective warriors, he realized what was happening. He drew his knife and raced forward to kill Yut before he could return to his body.

"'Traitor,' he screamed, and the warriors did not know what to do. The chief had forbidden spirit journeys, and it was the chief's decision how to punish those who disobeyed.

"Yut jumped back into his body, but Utlapa had his knife at his throat and a hand covering his mouth. Taha Aki's body was strong, and Yut was weak with age. Yut could not say even one word to warn the others before Utlapa silenced him forever.

"Taha Aki watched as Yut's spirit slipped away to the final lands that were barred to Taha Aki for all eternity. He felt a great rage, more powerful than anything he'd felt before. He entered the big wolf again, meaning to rip Utlapa's throat out. But, as he joined the wolf, the greatest magic happened.

"Taha Aki's anger was the anger of a human. The love he had for his people and the hatred he had for their oppressor were too vast for the wolf's body, too human. The wolf shuddered, and – before the eyes of the shocked warriors and Utlapa – transformed into a man.

"The new man did not look like Taha Aki's body. He was far more glorious. He was the flesh interpretation of Taha Aki's spirit. The warriors recognized him at once, though, for they had flown with Taha Aki's spirit.

"Utlapa tried to run, but Taha Aki had the strength of the wolf in his new body. He caught the thief and crushed the spirit from him before he could jump out of the stolen body.

"The people rejoiced when they understood what had happened. Taha Aki quickly set everything right, working again with his people and giving the young men back to their families. The only change he kept in place was the end of the spirit travels. He knew that it was too dangerous now that the idea of stealing a life was there. The spirit warriors were no more.

"From that point on, Taha Aki was more than either wolf or man. They called him Taha Aki the Great Wolf, or Taha Aki the Spirit man. He led the tribe for many, many years, for he did not age. When danger threatened, he would resume his wolf-self to fight or frighten the enemy. The people dwelt in peace. Taha Aki fathered many sons, and some of these found that, after they had reached the age of adulthood, they, too, could transform into wolves. The wolves were all different, because they were spirit wolves and reflected the man they were inside."

"So that's why Sam is all black," Quil muttered under his breath, grinning. "Black heart, black fur."

I was so involved in the story, it was a shock to come back to the present, to the circle around the dying fire. With another shock, I realized that the circle was made up of Taha Aki's great – to however many degrees – grandsons and one granddaughter, because somehow, the magic had returned to the women after all this time in the form of Leah.

The fire threw a volley of sparks into the sky, and they shivered and danced, making shapes that were almost decipherable.

"And your chocolate fur reflects what?" Sam whispered back to Quil. "How sweet you are?"

Billy ignored their jibes. "Some of the sons became warriors with Taha Aki, and they no longer aged. Others, who did not like the transformation, refused to join the pack of wolf-men. These began to age again, and the tribe discovered that the wolf-men could grow old like anyone else if they gave up their spirit wolves. Taha Aki had lived the span of three old men's lives. He had married a third wife after the deaths of the first two, and found in her his true spirit wife. Though he had loved the others, this was something else. He decided to give up his spirit wolf so that he would die when she did.

"That is how the magic came to us, but it is not the end of the story..."

He looked at Old Quil Ateara, who shifted in his chair, straightening his frail shoulders. Billy took a drink from a bottle of water and wiped his forehead. Emily's pen scribbled furiously in her notebook as it had for the entire length of the story as it was told.

"That was the story of the spirit warriors," Old Quil began in a reedy alto voice. "This is the story of the third wife's sacrifice.

"Many years after Taha Aki gave up his spirit wolf, when he was an old man, trouble began in the north, with the Makahs. Several young men of their tribe had disappeared, and they blamed it on the neighboring wolves, who they feared and mistrusted. The wolf-men could still read each other's thoughts while in their wolf forms, just like their ancestors had while in their spirit forms. They knew that none of their number was to blame. Taha Aki tried to pacify the Makah chief, but there was too much fear. Taha Aki did not want to have a war on his hands. He was no longer a warrior to lead his people. He charged his oldest wolf-son, Taha Wi, with finding the true culprit before hostilities began.

"Taha Wi led the five other wolves in his pack on a search through the mountains, looking for any evidence of the missing Makahs. They came across something they had never encountered before – a strange, sweet scent in the forest that burned their noses to the point of pain."

I'd spent enough time with Jake and the others to recognize, with a wry smile, that Quil was talking about a vampire, about my kind.

"They did not know what creature would leave such a scent, but they followed it," Old Quil continued. His quavering voice did not have the majesty of Billy's, but it had a strange, fierce edge of urgency about it.

"They found faint traces of human scent, and human blood, along the trail. They were sure this was the enemy they were searching for.

"The journey took them so far north that Taha Wi sent half the pack, the younger ones, back to the harbor to report to Taha Aki.

"Taha Wi and his two brothers did not return.

"The younger brothers searched for their elders, but found only silence. Taha Aki mourned for his sons. He wished to avenge his son's deaths, but he was old. He went to the Makah chief in his mourning clothes and told the chief everything that had happened. The Makah chief believed his grief, and tensions ended between the tribes.

"A year later, two Makah boys disappeared from their homes on the same night. The Makahs called on the Quileute wolves at once, who found the same sweet stink all through the Makah village. The wolves went on the hunt again.

"Only one came back. He was Yaha Uta, the oldest son of Taha Aki's third wife, and the youngest in the pack. He brought something with him that had never been seen in all the days of the Quileutes – a strange, cold, stony corpse that he carried in pieces. All who were of Taha Aki's blood, even those who had never been wolves, could smell the piercing smell of the dead creature. This was the enemy of the Makahs.

"Yaha Uta described what had happened: he and his brothers had found the creature, who looked like a woman but was hard as a granite rock, with the two Makah boys. One boy was already dead, white and bloodless on the ground. The other was in the creature's arms, her mouth at his throat. He may have been alive when they came upon the hideous scene, but the creature quickly snapped the boy's neck and tossed his lifeless body to the ground when they approached. Her white lips were covered in his blood, and her eyes glowed red.

"Yaha Uta described the fierce strength and speed of the creature. One of his brothers quickly became a victim when he underestimated that strength. The creature ripped him apart like a doll. Yaha Uta and his other brother were more wary. They worked together, coming at the creature from the sides, outmaneuvering it. They had to reach the very limits of their wolf strength and speed, something that had never been tested before. The creature was hard as stone and cold as ice. They found that only their teeth could damage it. They began to rip small pieces of the creature apart while it fought them.

"But the creature learned quickly, and soon was matching their maneuvers. It got its hands on Yaha Uta's brother. Yaha Uta found an opening on the creature's throat, and he lunged. His teeth tore the head off the creature, but the hands continued to mangle his brother.

"Yaha Uta ripped the creature into unrecognizable chunks, tearing pieces apart in a desperate attempt to save his brother. He was too late, but, in the end, the creature was destroyed.

"Or so they thought. Yaha Uta laid the reeking remains out to be examined by the elders. One severed hand lay beside a piece of the creature's granite arm. The two pieces touched when the elders poked them with sticks, and the hand reached out towards the arm piece, trying to reassemble itself.

"Horrified, the elders set fire to the remains. A great cloud of choking, vile smoke polluted the air. When there was nothing but ashes, they separated the ashes into many small bags and spread them far and wide – some in the ocean, some in the forest, some in the cliff caverns. Taha Aki wore one bag around his neck, so he would be warned if the creature ever tried to put herself together again."

Old Quil paused and looked at Billy. Billy pulled out a leather thong from around his neck. Hanging from the end was a small bag, blackened with age. A few people gasped. The instant Billy had pulled the item out, the scent from it wafted to me and – even after who knew how many centuries – I could smell the scent of a vampire mixed in with the smells of leather and smoke. Minus the leather of the pouch it was a smell I recognized all too well.

"They called it The Cold One, the Blood Drinker, and lived in fear that it was not alone. They only had one wolf protector left, young Yaha Uta.

"They did not have long to wait. The creature had a mate, another blood drinker, who came to the Quileutes seeking revenge.

"The stories say that the Cold Man was the most handsome thing human eyes had ever seen. He looked like the father spirit when he entered the village that morning; the sun was shining for once, and it glittered off his white skin and lit the golden hair that flowed halfway down his back. His face was magical in its beauty, his eyes black in his white face. Some fell to their knees to worship him.

"He asked something in a high, piercing voice, in a language no one had ever heard. The people were dumbfounded, not knowing how to answer him. There was none of Taha Aki's blood among the witnesses but one small boy. He clung to his mother and screamed that the smell was hurting his nose. One of the elders, on his way to council, heard the boy and realized what had come among them. He yelled for the people to run. He killed him first.

"There were twenty witnesses to the Cold Man's approach. Two survived, only because he grew distracted by the blood, and paused to sate his thirst. They ran to Taha Aki, who sat in counsel with the other elders, his sons, and his third wife.

"Yaha Uta transformed into his spirit wolf as soon as he heard the news. He went to destroy the blood drinker alone. Taha Aki, his third wife, his sons, and his elders followed behind him.

"At first they could not find the creature, only the evidence of his attack. Bodies lay broken, a few drained of blood, strewn across the road where he'd appeared. Then they heard the screams and hurried to the harbor.

"A handful of the Quileutes had run to the ships for refuge. He swam after them like a shark, and broke the bow of their boat with his incredible strength. When the ship sank, he caught those trying to swim away and broke them, too.

"He saw the great wolf on the shore, and he forgot the fleeing swimmers. He swam so fast he was a blur and came, dripping and glorious, to stand before Yaha Uta. He pointed at him with one white finger and asked another incomprehensible question. Yaha Uta waited.

"It was a close fight. He was not the warrior his mate had been. But Yaha Uta was alone – there was no one to distract his fury from him.

"When Yaha Uta lost, Taha Aki screamed in defiance. He limped forward and shifted into an ancient, white-muzzled wolf. The wolf was old, but this was Taha Aki the Spirit man, and his rage made him strong. The fight began again.

"Taha Aki's third wife had just seen her son die before her. Now her husband fought, and she had no hope that he could win. She'd heard every word the witnesses to the slaughter had told the council. She'd heard the story of Yaha Uta's first victory, and knew that his brother's diversion had saved him.

"The third wife grabbed a knife from the belt of one of the sons who stood beside her. They were all young boys, not yet men, and she knew they would die when their father failed.

"The third wife ran toward the Cold Man with the dagger raised high. The Cold Man smiled, barely distracted from his fight with the old wolf. He had no fear of the weak human woman or the knife that would not even scratch his skin, and he was about to deliver the death blow to Taha Aki.

"And then the third wife did something the Cold Man did not expect. She fell to her knees at the blood drinker's feet and plunged the knife into her own heart.

"Blood spurted through the third wife's fingers and splashed against the Cold Man. The blood drinker could not resist the lure of the fresh blood leaving the third wife's body. Instinctively, he turned to the dying woman, for one second entirely consumed by thirst.

"Taha Aki's teeth closed around his neck.

"That was not the end of the fight, but Taha Aki was not alone now. Watching their mother die, two young sons felt such rage that they sprang forth as their spirit wolves, though they were not yet men. With their father, they finished the creature.

"Taha Aki never rejoined the tribe. He never changed back to a man again. He lay for one day beside the body of the third wife, growling whenever anyone tried to touch her, and then he went into the forest and never returned.

"Trouble with the cold ones was rare from that time on. Taha Aki's sons guarded the tribe until their sons were old enough to take their places. There were never more than three wolves at a time. It was enough. Occasionally a blood drinker would come through these lands, but they were taken by surprise, not expecting the wolves. Sometimes a wolf would die, but never were they decimated again like that first time. They'd learned how to fight the cold ones, and they passed the knowledge on, wolf mind to wolf mind, spirit to spirit, father to son.

"Time passed, and the descendants of Taha Aki no longer became wolves when they reached adulthood. Only in a great while, if a cold one was near, would the wolves return. The cold ones always came in ones and twos, and the pack stayed small.

"A bigger coven came, and your own great-grandfathers prepared to fight them off. But the leader spoke to Ephraim Black as if he were a human, and promised not to harm the Quileutes. His strange yellow eyes gave some proof to his claim that they were not the same as other blood drinkers. The wolves were outnumbered; there was no need for the cold ones to offer a treaty when they could have won the fight. Ephraim accepted. They've stayed true to their end, though their presence does tend to draw in others.

"And their numbers have forced a larger pack than the tribe has ever seen," Old Quil said, and for one moment his black eyes, all but buried in the wrinkles of skin folded around them, seemed to rest on me. "Even larger than Taha Aki's time," he said, and then he sighed. "And so the sons of our tribe again carry the burden and share the sacrifice their fathers endured before them." Quil's eyes rested on Leah's then before he added solemnly, "And our daughters too, it seems."

There was a brief pause before Sue spoke.

"My husband, Harry, would normally tell this portion and it isn't always shared at the same time as the legends that were just shared, but all of us elders feel that it is essential that this portion is also told this evening. We have many legends of our history and our ancestors, and some of those legends are more quintessential than others. Throughout our legends though, one piece of our history has shown itself again and again, dating back to the time when men were spirit warriors along with women clear up through now – and that is the history of spirit mates, or imprints as we now call them. Our tribal warriors, be it in the days of spirit warriors or as the shape-shifters we are now, have always had the ability to find their true other half, or soulmate, if you will.

"Not all of our warriors are lucky enough to find their other half, but for those that have, it is a true blessing – and sometimes it can be a curse.

"Our legends teach us of times when these mates could not be together because of things outside of their control, either a parent refusing to allow the coupling or even their mate being in a rival tribe. In these instances our legends state that the bond can be painful – crippling even. It is not meant to be something that is ignored."

She looked at Brady as she spoke and then her eyes turned to me.

"These legends also tell of times when these bonds were cut short, because of things outside of our warriors' control. Things such as illness and accidents causing deaths, but for our warriors they could still feel the tie to the person that they'd lost – some of the legends suggest that the warriors were so overwrought that they themselves died, while others suggest that the one left behind lived on because they knew it was what their mate would want."

Sue looked away from me.

"There have only been two times in our legends where a warrior found a second spirit mate, and in both cases it was many years later and with ones that had the same eyes as their first mates. There have been those of our elders over the years who have suggested it was reincarnation but I will neither agree nor disagree on that point.

"In our warriors today we see more that have found their soulmates – their imprints – than ever before, and to have found them is a gift. It is something to be treasured and valued above all else."

Her eyes were back on Brady who suddenly got up and stormed off.

The spell of the fire, or the elders' voices, or whatever else had been keeping everyone transfixed broke after Brady got up. Some people got up and left while others started talking.

Quil wrapped his arms around his legs but didn't move from where he was sitting on the rocks a little ways away. Jake got up and started to walk over to his friend but stopped after a couple of steps, turning to look back at me.

He looked between Quil and me for a moment before shaking his head and stepping back over to me.

"Let's get out of here," he murmured.

…

We ended up back on the private beach, both of us walking side by side along the water.

"Is all of that why you believe I was meant to be your imprint?" I finally asked, regretting the decision almost immediately. Part of me didn't want to know, didn't want to see the writing on the giant wall I'd chosen to ignore for months, but I knew I needed to know – even if it did ruin everything.

Jake shrugged. "How do you want me to answer that?"

I scowled. "I want you to tell me the truth, Jake. I need to understand." I was certain we both knew I was lying about it being what I wanted.

"Beau, all I know is we have a chance here. I know this isn't what you've wanted, but the fact is that if he can move on in less than three months when I told him you'd be back by then..." Jake shook his head.

I pulled both of us to a stop and spun to stare at Jake. "What did you just say?" I didn't recognize my own voice, but I felt like Jake had just punched me in the chest.

He grimaced. "Beau... when you showed up I went to the Cullens and I told them you'd shown up. You know that. Well I wanted Edward to come get you that day, but he was insistent that you'd said you'd come back to him on your own. So –" Jake gave me a disparaging look "– I know you, Beau. And I knew you hadn't really taken that second chance with him yet that we once talked about. I told him you would be back and that it would probably be in less than three months."

I suddenly couldn't breath. It was as if every time I thought I'd had the last of my beliefs and hopes pulled out from under me, I managed to discover another one just when it was ripped away.

"I guess I overestimated him. But you're here and I'm here..." He shrugged.

I couldn't respond because I didn't know how to. I'd always known that love hurt, it was just one of those things I'd picked up on over the years of watching sketchy Hallmark movies with my mom as well as reading the romance books that left her crying and the science fiction books that freaked her out so much. But I'd never realized before what it felt like to feel every last vestige of hope and desire crack. I could almost feel my heart being shredded. That was how real the sensation was to me.

The water was over twenty feet to the west from me, but I might as well have been in it, because I was drowning – completely submerged. There was nothing left for me to pull myself up, no metaphorical foothold for me to use...

The only lifeline I had left was the small amount of humanity that I was able to hold onto by patrolling with the wolves.

I opened my mouth to tell him I'd stay but Jake suddenly stepped forward and kissed me before I even had a chance to react. In that instant I was so lost – so deep in the water – that I reached out towards the one thing that was being offered to me... It was the only excuse I had for kissing him back.

His hand tangled in my hair as I started to kiss him back, my lips moved with his for maybe two seconds before I took in a small breath with my nose.

I smelled the same stench I always did from him, but underneath it was a scent that the predatory part of my instincts recognized as weakness – standing toe to toe with me, only a couple of inches between his body and mine, his throat and my mouth had mere inches of separation. Suddenly Jake wasn't my friend, wasn't the person kissing me, wasn't someone that I trusted with my life. In that instant, I was a predator and he was simply my prey, nothing more. My mouth flooded with venom.

I shoved him back with both my hands, stepping backwards fast. I didn't dare take another breath, didn't even dare to look and see if I hurt him on accident.

"Beau?" he asked, and I heard as he stepped forward.

"Stay back," I hissed. There was nothing human in the way I sounded, I was simply a monster, the same monster I'd discovered I was three months ago.

"We're both fine. And you managed to kiss me back. We actually did it. We can make this work."

I shook my head stepping even farther away from him. "I almost killed you, Jake. Another second and I would have. We will never work. Staying with the pack will never work. I'm leaving."

"What? But we did fine. It's not like a vampire and a shifter is an exact science. We'll get better."

"NO!" I shouted the word, not caring if anyone was still on the cliff within hearing distance. "I'm leaving. I won't go to Alaska because I promised, but I am leaving. If you follow I will put you down like the dog you are. Do not test me. I promise it isn't a bluff." I could hear the malice in my words and I hated myself for it, but he had to believe I'd follow through – as it was the only thing that would save his life, I knew that much for certain.

The shock in his eyes was impossible to not see as I spun and fled away from Jake.

…

I headed south, not even stopping at the cabin to grab my backpack on my way out of town.

I hit Willapa Bay before I finally stopped briefly. I didn't know where I was going. It was the only thought that pulled me up short. I had no idea where I was running to.

I'd promised Jake I wouldn't go to Alaska, so I had no refuge. I supposed I could go back to Romania – I was pretty sure the two ancients would be happy to welcome me back – but I was heading in the wrong direction to be going there.

Then I remembered Alice's words to me from three and a half months ago.

"I know what you're going to ask. And I promise to try to not look for your future while you're gone. But I want you to know that I see you in Mexico in a year with this path that you're currently on."

I smiled to myself. It turned out Alice was going to be right about something. I chuckled to myself, though there was no humor in the laugh. Love was always supposed to be enough to conquer all... being a protector should have been enough... my own will should have been...

None of it had been though.

The only option I had left to embrace was the monster in me.

I squared my shoulders, preparing to take off again.

"Beau!" Edward's voice shouted.

I spun, fully expecting to find nothing – expecting it to be a figment of my imagination the way it always was when his voice called out to stop me, help me, or be there for me in any sort of way.

He stood no more than a hundred feet from me. I blinked, taking a step back.

"You aren't real." I barely mouthed the words, but it was true. It had to be. Edward had stopped fighting for me the day I'd become a vampire... and he no longer even loved me. He'd have no reason to come now. I was certain of that. I took another step back.

Edward slowly walked forward, putting his hands out in a placating gesture. "I know I'm a little late, Beau. But I'm here now. I want you to come home with me."

I shook my head. "I don't have a home."

"You do. With me." He stopped only a few feet in front of me. "I'm sorry, Beau. I'm a man of my time and back when I was human it was the man's job to keep pursuing the person we loved, to be faithful, to wait... It's no excuse, but I didn't realize that you're just as much of your time as I am of mine. I never even thought that what you really needed all along was just for me to follow."

I could hear the words, could even understand the meaning in the broad sense, but they didn't make sense with what I'd seen at his house, unless... "This is about you feeling guilty, isn't it?"

His eyes narrowed and I saw one of his hands twitch ever so slightly – giving me the distinct impression he felt like slapping me. "This isn't about guilt," he snapped. "I'm here for you. To bring you home. Where you belong."

I could feel a traitorous unfurling of hope somewhere in my chest, yearning to grab hold of what he was offering with both hands and damn anything else. But... "I saw you with her."

His brow furrowed in what appeared to be confusion. "Saw who?"

It wasn't the reaction I was expecting from him and it caused my next words to be uncertain. "I came to the house... last night, I guess I was... hoping to find you, to see if there was any chance there was still a chance for us. I was planning to apologize for how stubborn I'd been, to tell you everything, and to beg for a second chance... but I saw a woman in a green velvet jacket with curly red hair get out of a low to the ground black sports car that looked extremely foreign. I... saw you kiss her on both cheeks and her return the favor... It looked so private and intimate. I heard you tell her how glad you were that she could join you. I fled because I couldn't watch anything else, but I know what I saw." Well... I'd thought I'd known what I'd seen.

For a moment he frowned in consternation, muttering, "At least now I know why Alice's vision vanished." Then he smiled widely. "We really have the worst luck. You and I."

"What?" I was thoroughly confused.

"It's too bad you didn't arrive about five minutes after you apparently must have. Then you would have known why she was there. Her name is Maggie and she's one of our Irish friends. I called her here because I thought she could shed some light on us. I guess I should have actually thought ahead and warned you, but what could possibly be the odds of you happening to show up right then." He shook his head.

"What do you mean?" My confusion hadn't lessened any – except for the name that I recognized from the plane ride to get to Italy to save Edward.

"Maggie has a very special gift that allows her to know what's true what's not. I needed her gift. I'll be the first to admit that it truly doesn't say much for my intuition without my gift and without Alice's talents..." His words were very wry. "But I had to know if you'd be better off with Jacob, I had to know if you and I were meant to be, and I had to know if I should have been chasing you this whole time – as well as a few other things. She confirmed which parts were true and which parts weren't. And I'm sorry. I should have known what you were needing all along. It just didn't occur to me."

I took a single step forward before I stopped, refusing to give legs to my hope. "But the kiss?" It refused to leave my mind.

"I was saying hello, Beau. It's not an uncommon greeting in Europe."

It felt as if a pressing weight on my chest vanished and I almost took the last couple of steps to him, but then I thought about how I'd just kissed Jacob no more than two hours prior and I remembered the secrets I was keeping from him. I stepped backwards, shaking my head. "You two looked good together. She'd be better for you than me. I'm not –" I paused, swallowing as I looked down "– I can't be what you need."

"Even you don't believe that lie, Beau besides you know i don't like women," he said softly taking a step closer to me.

"I've done things, Edward... things that can only be described as monstrous."

"I know about Mele, Beau. I've known since your reaction in Denali. I didn't confront you at the time because I wanted you to come to me about it on your own. But I'm not going to let you run to Mexico just because you feel guilty, Beau. You were still a newborn at the time and you witnessed me being tortured and threatened. There's nothing wrong with what you did."

I shook my head though because there was more to it than just Mele. "There's more to it than that."

"Then tell me, Beau."

I looked up at him, my fear of what his reaction would be causing me to lash out with the words. "I turned someone and walked away."