Struggling Like A Drunk Demon

Then he immediately stops making the motions and gives me a deadpan look. "You really think you can master the intricacies of being the main character in just a few minutes?" 

I stare at him in shock. Does he want us to die? Because that's exactly what's going to happen if he doesn't coopera- 

My thoughts are cut off when a horrifying screech pierces my brain, and I find myself being jerked up by massive talons rapped around my arms. Half a second later, there's a downward jerk when Sebastian's weight makes itself known via the invisible tether we have connecting us. 

I glance up and take in the sight of several pairs of dirty, disheveled wings attached to the rotting body of a giant badger. 

It takes all my impressive willpower to stop myself from screaming for the entire two seconds that I manage to remain silent as I gape up at the monster. And then I scream. I scream much louder than the ear splitting screech that I heard earlier that I'm just now realizing couldn't have been made by the monstrosity that is carrying me. 

I look around wildly and am horrified when I see a gaggle of vultures crowding around the former main character. I scream some more. I can't stop it. It just tears out of me.

"Seeque!" Somehow, Sebastian's voice sounds louder than my scream. It calms me down, and I shut my mouth and begin to think. "Are you-ow! stop that, you- are you OK?"

"A giant, multi-winged badger is carrying me somewhere!" I scream back, despite my attempt to yell it in a calm manner. 

"Ow! OK! Listen to me! Are you listening?" 

"You better not be about to confess your love!" 

"My what? No! I'm trying to tell you that I have enough power to save us from a fall!"

"What!? You mean-"

"You really thought I was-STOP IT- going to let us both die!? No!" 

"Ugggghhh! You're so-"

"Yeah! I know! Now c'mon, Main Character and save us!" 

I take a deep breath. OK. He said he's got enough power to save us from a fall, so I need to make this disgusting, rotting thing drop us. But I don't have any power left, so I need to use my brain. 

I turn to look at the talon digging into my shoulder to see if I can bite it, and immediately discard the idea when I see how rotten and FILLED WITH WORMS!? it is.

I can't help myself. I start screaming again as I start struggling like a drunk demon to be freed. 

Suddenly...

There's a ripping sound and we're falling. "Sebaaastiaaaaaaan!" 

I open my eyes to find myself on top of Sebastian, with his face in a place it very well should not be. I shove myself up off of him and kick him. He's too busy staring at the sky and trying to catch his breath to even acknowledge my blow. At a closer look I see that he's covered in scratches and peck wounds from the vultures and suddenly feel bad. "I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kicked you. I know it was an accident. I just..."

"Oh, no I deserved that."

I look at him with suspicion. 

"I totally made sure your chest area hit my face. I did want to get sat on, and your chest was the next softest part, so-" He's saying it with a weird tone of voice, so I can't tell if he's being sarcastic. Not that it matters. He got a beating either way.

"Have you ever considered getting into MMA?" We're traveling through this jungle we landed in, now. The terrain likes to change far to drastically for my taste. 

"Why did you misspell 'ma'?" I nod in thanks when he holds a branch back for me to walk by without having to duck, then stare in shock at his laughing face when he lets go of the branch and it swats me. "You've never been in a romantic relationship." I say with certainty and a dollop of pity after slapping him. 

"Oh, is that what you think we're in?" 

I slap him again. "No, I'm just saying that I just figured that out." He has another one of those amused expressions that annoys me so much. It's made slightly better by the pained grimace and the swelling on his cheek, though. 

"Believe it or not... you're right. I was always too busy working at McDonald's to worry about women."

"What's that?" 

He feigns shock. "You've never heard of... are you crazy? It's only the name of the biggest... most important castle in the world back where I'm from. It's where the world leaders and everything live. I was a chef there, actually. The best in the world." 

"Oh really? Then a chef for the rulers of the world should know how to cook a meal from jungle plants, right? That's great, because I was just getting hungry." 

"That... yes. I just need some oysters and, uh, some clams and calamari, and we'll be all set. Do they have any of those around here?"

"Here? No. This is the Kingdom of Jim. We're as far inland as you can get."

"When did you figure out where we were?"

"When the sun began to set, the sky turned pink instead of the normal black. Or did you not notice when you were lying on your back staring at the sky earlier?" 

"I was a bit distracted by your bo-" I slap him. 

"Hey! Don't damage our food!" I hear a torrent of giggles and feel some of my power race back through my veins. I whip around to see a group of... talking hyenas staring at us. 

Oh no. These guys are famous for-

Why does she have to slap me so much? It was a funny, innocent joke!

...waitaminnit.

Hey! I'm the main character again! As soon as I got that power boost I used it without even having time to think about it. And now everything is back as it should be. Well this is a relief.

I turn around with a grin that suddenly fails when I see the creatures that gave me the power boost. 

Crap. "Side Character. Tell me they can be reasoned with. Please. I'm begging you." I hate dogs. I'm terrified of them. And these hyenas are massive.

Seeque glances at me with a disdainful look. "You idiot."