Tayla Story - 010

When I woke up that morning, I felt terrible. I'd barely slept, and when I did, I couldn't fall into a deep slumber at all. I couldn't stop my mind from running up and down the walls. What did I just do?

Something horrible. I get that. I know that what I'm doing is wrong, but I couldn't bear it if Alexander saw Kayla, and decided to leave with her. I would have him back, only for him to be stolen away again.

I know this is disgusting of me, but I just can't let it end up that way. I can't.

I'm nervous getting ready for school in the morning. If Kayla had been downstairs when I came out for breakfast, I might've lost all composure, but she wasn't. She didn't come out the whole time I was in the kitchen. I guess she was waiting for me to leave. Well, I can't blame her for that. I was more than a little hostile towards her, yesterday.

While I'm eating, I finally get a reply from Alexander. It makes me jump, enough for mum to notice and ask if I'm okay. After reassuring her, and making sure neither her nor dad are close enough to see what's on my phone, I read Alexander's reply.

He simply says 'ok'.

Well, that's a relief. In fact, I sigh substantially enough that my mum has to ask if I'm okay, again.

So, Alexander definitely isn't going to come straight here now. That's been sorted out. I can relax a little. Or at least, I should be able to, but for whatever reason, I remain completely tensed up.

Unable to relax.

I just feel so heavy. So, so, heavy.

"You can't be serious."

"Huh?"

"Tayla, what… what the hell are you doing?"

Huh?

"I could never imagine you doing something like this no matter what. I feel sorry for Alexander."

"You… feel sorry for him?"

Once again, I met with Elis before classes started. She'd heard that I headed home early yesterday, and asked to meet up, so she could check on me. And so, I told her everything that had happened since I last saw her.

"Of course, I feel sorry for him. What did you expect from me, Tayla? To paint you as the victim here?"

"I just thought… you'd be on my side."

"I am. But you aren't yourself at the moment. The girl that I know is kind, caring, and trusting. Especially when it comes to Alexander. I know that there's some things that you wouldn't even tell me, but you would tell him. I know that you'd lie to me if you thought it was the right thing to do, but I don't think you would when it comes to Alexander."

"Isn't that what I'm doing now?"

"No. What you're doing now is certainly not the right thing. It's selfish and arrogant if you think so."

…

In my head, I feel horrified. And sick. This isn't what I thought Elis' reaction would be. I thought she would be on my side no matter what, but she isn't. Why now? Why now that I need her most, does she decide to not be on my side?

"Do you remember," Elis continued, "…when Caro stayed with Alexander for a while at the start of the year? The two of you let her stay there at least for a little while before you told anyone. And when you did, you told me, not our parents. Because you knew that's what was best for Caro, not anyone else. Because Caro was the victim in that situation.

Who do you think the victim is in this situation? It's not Kayla, but it isn't you either, Tayla. It's Alexander. Even though he might not be aware of what's happening, he's the one who's going to suffer the most no matter how this turns out. He's always the one saving people, or so you tell me, but this time maybe you have to be the one to save him, Tayla. And you can't do that if you're lying to him. Whatever happens, you have to do what's right for him. You can't be so selfish.

You say you love him, so love him. Don't hurt him.

You say you trust him, so trust him. Let him see Kayla.

You of all people know that I'm not his biggest fan. In fact, I used to hate him. I had to forgive him after everything with Caro, so I only dislike him now, but the point is I'm saying all this despite that. I know he cares about you just as much as you care about him. He'll forgive everything, you just have to trust him."

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Woah.

That was a lot to take in.

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Sorry, this might take a minute.

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Okay.

I think I'm okay now.

Maybe Elis is right. I get the feeling, somehow, that what she's saying is the right thing at least. But… I don't want to think about how that might end. If Alexander chooses Kayla.

That's exactly the kind of thinking that Elis is berating me for, however. For putting myself ahead of him. She's right. That's not how a relationship is supposed to work. Me and Alexander should be equals, shouldn't we? Even if that means he ends up choosing to leave me. It just wouldn't be right to not tell him. I would be betraying our entire relationship, our history together. And I call him the most important person in my life? How could I do that to the most important person in my life?

I couldn't.

When I think of it this way, there's no way that Elis is wrong. She's right. I've made Alexander the victim, but I'm still acting like I'm the one who's being wronged. I know Alexander would never do this to me. How could I look him in the eye after all this?

"So… you think I should tell him?"

"Yes!" Elis said, very insistently, "go! It would be the biggest mistake of your life if you don't. Go, right now. And see him."

"But I can't miss a second day of school in a row."

"What? Who cares about that? This is much more important."

"He'll be sleeping anyway…"

"Go wake him up, then. Didn't he want to see you as soon as possible as well?"

"I guess…"

"Go, then! I'll lose it, if you're still here in five minutes!"