Chapter 27 : Bloodless War

From the overly dramatic Xin Jian's point of view :

One of my principles is to never hate anyone.

In truth, this is quite ironic, because I hated my parents.

I didn't have a sad past or anything, only hypersensitivity make me grow into a depressed kid. But the saddest thing in my life was that I hated my parents.

Indeed, who would like spending all of their childhood with people they don't like ?

Their never physically abused me or anything, but even if I try not to, I just hate them.

Of course, please remember that the next things I will tell you will certainly be told in an overly dramatic manner and be completely biased towards me, let's not fool ourselves, that's the same with nearly everyone's memories. (And if you don't recognize it, it it proves that I am right since it means that you are too biased towards yourself to accept it).

I recall that time, my mother forced me to do bicycle with her. I hate sport but since I am an obedient kid, I just complained a few times and came without making a fuss.

In the descent, since it was too narrow, I ran into a pole and fell.

My mother continued going on a ahead while I silently checked if I was hurt. I had a bruise on the knee. Sorry, we have to buy a new jean.

I looked my mother's leaving back and checked if the bicycle was broken, my head empty, like a machine. I did not know the way and did not have my phone on me. If my mother went to far, I would be lost.

It took me at least a minute to arrange everything but my mother was like a kid, very stubborn, and was already mad that I was so slow, so she never turned back.

So I tried to catch up and apologized that I fell when she reproached me to be so far behind.

I didn't say anything but I've always had the habit to complain in my head. So I tried my best to restrain my thoughts and focused on memorizing the way.

Oh, I hate you. I hate you so much.

I remember another time, we were in the car and my mom asked where we wanted to eat.

« It's as you want. » I said.

She insisted that we choose.

« Then, KFC. »

My sister chose the same.

Soon after, my mom was mad because she didn't want to eat KFC but still brought us there, even though we told her that we didn't want to go there anymore.

Sorry to have made a choice, mother.

Others often told me that I am too indecisive, but if making a choice has such consequences, then I don't want to do it.

My mother didn't insult me or anything, oh no, but she always found the words that were the most hurtful to me. When she was angry, she just needed to say truths in a reproachful tone to make me cry. That's why I avoided her, each time I made her mad would leave me a psychological blow. But that's my fault, I was too sensitive…

That time, I had to listen to her threats, oh they seemed insignificant, but these insignificant things were the things I didn't want to happen the most. What could I do if the thing that scared me the most was to go to my psychiatrist because her eyes seemed scary ? I know you will laugh, but fears are often ridiculous, and returning back there made me stress each time I recalled that I had to go back there in September, I even had to make up bullshit so that I wouldn't have to see my psychiatrist every week anymore.

She didn't stop talking, but I had to listen ! She was constantly giving me chores to do when for when I would arrive home, so I had to remember it while hearing all of her threats in the middle.

I was crying, but crying can only be ignored or annoy people, so I tried to hold back, but I couldn't…

I also began to understand that, at these times, the best was to keeping silent instead of refuting things. Just accept it, you can't change it.

And all the while, I was complaining in my head, again and again and again. When I get lost in my thoughts like that, I can't pull myself out of it. In the end, I could only repeat to myself :

Oh, I hate you. I hate you so much.

I also remember that time, my father took the yoghurt that I had put on the table and was planning to eat as a snack, and threw it next to my head.

So it's father's turn to be mad these days…

I was scared, because my father had never been mad for no reason before, he was usually only angry to my sister because I was a wise and obedient kid, I had to be that way for the sake of my mental health… I was so scared, but I shouldn't cry, so I held my tears that always fall too easily, because that could only annoy him more. Hypersensitivity to hell, you only bring me problems.

I learned early on that tears were not a weapon but a bother, so it always irritates me when my sister cries when she can't have what she wants. I guess that's why I am cold-hearted at these times, like my parents. I can't cry because I am not allowed to cry, but I can't stop crying…

Oh I hate you, I hate you so much…

I know that it is not a reason to hate people. My parents are just like little kids, throwing tantrums and abusing their authority, but they are not fit to be parents.

That's just how they are, I know… and I've tried to not hate them, I've tried ! But I just can't.

Oh I hate you, I hate you so much.

But how much it hurts me to hate you !

You know, hating someone can hurt more than being hated.

You hate them without reason, even though you don't want to. Avoiding them and bearing with them everyday, I only felt myself feeling worse and worse day by day, and a few years before I was still trying to have the attention of such people… such indifferent people who obviously favor my sister over me and make me do what I dislike even more each time I say that I don't like something…

Oh I hate you, I hate you so much.

Each time they apologize, saying that they love me, thinking that everything will be forgiven, even though their words wounded me so much, they just seem more hypocritical to my eyes. If this is really love, then love is disgusting.

My parents never really did anything wrong, except for being who they are, I just hate them for no reason. If they were less immature, different persons, would I have been happier ?

But hating someone is so annoying that I don't want to hate anyone else ever again, so I will not hate anyone, whatever happens to me.

It's not like someone can hurt me more than I was in the past. Even if a friend were to betray me, then I wouldn't be angry, because I would have allowed them to do so by choosing them as a friend. I would just want to know why. Of course, for that, I need to have a friend…

And I did not say that I will love everyone in the world, I can also dislike people, but I don't want to hate them.

Another one of my principles is to never, ever ! hurt someone with my words.

Because I was hurt by words so much that I don't want to make anyone ever experience the same thing.

Sometimes, just being told that you are self-centered by a complete stranger can mark you, because you did not know it and you realize that it is the truth, so you're hurt because you think that you are really horrible.

And I don't care if you self-centered, selfish, arrogant, narcissistic or something, I just want a friend open-minded enough to listen to me. No, I just want a friend… I don't even care anymore if I am left on the side watching them talk to others all day long, I just want a friend…

I had friends. Friends who would ignore me until it made me cry when I realized that friendship wasn't supposed to be like this. Friends that I watched talk and play all day long, but not to me because I was left alone on the side.

Then I went to high school and I didn't have friends anymore.

When you parents repeat to you everyday that you are "timid", "introverted" and that you "don't smile", of course it will lower your self-esteem. Of course you will really become like that !

I don't like it when people misunderstand how I am because I can't help but become that way.

Since I was "timid", "introverted" and "didn't smile", I didn't have the courage to make friends and soon got used to be alone.

I got so used to it that a simple conversation with a stranger in the morning would make me happy and I wasn't able, no, wasn't willing to make efforts to maintain a friendship anymore.

When you are used to loneliness, you can't help but want to get out of it but at the same time being with people now makes you so uncomfortable. And this contradicting state could only make me suffer more.

In truth, I wasn't alone. In high school, I could still come across my friends from before in the bus and I clung to them as hard as I could because they were all I had left (so I was annoying).

See ? I had an ordinary life. Not a specially hard one with traumatizing experiences, I was just hypersensitive.

I often say that I have a bad memory, but it is strangely good enough to remember all these things. I wish that my memory was even worse so that I could forget my past feelings completely.

I would like to remain Xin Jian "without a past", so I act as if I forgot everything while I wait to forget it for real.

Sometimes, having a bad memory is a good excuse. If you say that you forgot your problems, then the problem is gone, even if you do remember it. If you forget you anger and sadness, everything will be perfectly fine, so let me act as if I didn't have a past, because I "forgot it", okay ?

But let's not dwell on this, you didn't come to hear me complain, right ?

Let's begin the third volume !

Sitting at the end of the long mottled table, I shook my head and looked at The Fool.

Mr. Fool spoke up.

« Now, you should have messed up the timeline enough. Want do you want to do ? »

I looked at Him with an inquiring gaze.

He explained :

« You can't change the fact that Klein needs to become The Fool, but at least he will be able to advance faster. A lot of things now are different from before and you even took control of the Aurora Order. So, now that you "messed up the timeline" as you wanted, what is your goal ? »

I lowered my head and began to make circles on the table with my finger.

« Hmm… You're right. »

I sighed and answered Him.

« You know, before the Great Fog of Backlund happened, I thought it was nothing and I didn't need to stop it since it would happen anyway… I still changed some details here and there just in case that change that incident, but it didn't. It was the same.

I know that stopping it would have been useless. After all, the royal family would have found a way to create another incident… But when I saw all these deaths, I thought : "Is there really no way ? Was it really impossible to prevent it ?".

I don't want to be helpless in front of such a disaster once again… and I don't want to do nothing just because it is "impossible" anyway.

So I made a decision. I know what my next goal is.

If I can't stop it, I will make it happen my way.

I will create a bloodless war ! »

Mr. Fool was silent for a long time and finally opened His mouth.

« You want to make a war with zero casualties ? »

I nodded.

« Yes. Since the war has to happen, it will happen, but who said that a war needs to shed blood ? A war is horror, despair and loss caused by the fear of death. There was never a need for people to die. »

Mr. Fool asked :

« But how are you going to make people feel despair if there are no deaths ? Your words are contradictory. »

I shook my head.

« Doesn't the population just need to "believe" that people die ? False rumors are enough. (We would just need some psychologists to make sure that people don't commit suicide…). »

Mr. Fool was thoughtful.

« Fine. I admit that it could be possible. But how are you going to spread these rumors ? To create a war, you still need two armies to fight each other, how will you make sure that nobody dies ? »

I tilted my head.

« That's simple. If I can control the two sides, don't I just need to make them subdue each other ? After that, they only need to say that their opponent died and hide them until the end of the war. »

Mr. Fool's lips twitched.

"Simple ? How is it simple ? Are you really going for world domination ?"

Mr. Fool, I can hear your thoughts, just talk out loud.

…But that's actually a good idea. Let's dominate the world !

Ahem, so, to make my bloodless war, I need to control all of the troops.

Let's just continue with my conquest of secret organizations as I was doing then I'll make them a part Loen and Feyssak's side… and convince the king (and the gods) to reduce the casualties because it won't affect their plans…

I'll wait for Amanises to accommodate the Death Uniqueness to talk to Her about it, and for Will to be born to ask Him to lend a hand with the Life School of Thought. (Because Will is still not available to speak now since He is not born… Seriously, didn't you speak with Klein when you were only a fœtus ?! Do you have something against me ?)

I can also also talk about it to Lilith, Her Church should have official Beyonders too, even if it's not in Loen…

For now, the most important is to replace all of the king's troops.

…And I'll leave it for another day. Now that I've chosen my new life goal, I can watch Klein…

I began to watch Klein through his crimson star.

If you are curious whether Klein created an identity different from the previous rounds, the answer is no. Gehrman Sparrow was still born in January 1350 of the Fifth Epoch.

It's becoming really unoriginal…

Seriously, Klein, you went through so much things, how can you choose exactly the same name as the previous rounds ?! And at the same date too !

I shook my head.

Klein is hopeless.

(Mr. Fool : What ? What are you saying ? You conclusion doesn't make sense.)

The only difference between him and the other rounds is his sequence and his past now…

—————— I am the dividing line~

Do you remember the time where I went to the Evernight Church and proposed to be Audrey's teacher then ended up with one more task to do ?

Well, I'm with Crestet Cesimir now…

Hello Arianna.

*wave, wave*

Ahem. So, I am with Crestet Cesimir now and he introduced me to Mr. Hall.

Of course, we didn't tell him that I was an angel.

It is not like I have the countenance of one anyway, even if we told him, he surely wouldn't have believed it… You know, like these guys who look at you with a doubtful gaze while saying "Okay, okay…" and thinking "No, it's impossible".

So, let's go back to the main topic. Mr. Hall accepted the proposition (be honored, Mr. Hall), and set a date for the first class when I would meet Miss Audrey.

I nearly feel that, if I went more often to the Church (like, very often), I could have made Crestet Cesimir make a relieved face because I would annoy them less from on… Unfortunately, that didn't happen so it will only remain a dream of mine. Too bad…

My conclusion from all this is that I should go more often to the Church to annoy people, or else I will regret it. I should enjoy the time I have left to live here (two years before the next round) !

Okay, it sounds like I am about to die or something. (Maybe I am…)

I'm joking (I'm not about to die). But I should really come more often to annoy the members of the Church. One day, they'll all know my name in Backlund's cathedral and they will think "Oh, no…" every time I come though the door.

…Or the window. Who said I could only come through the door, huh ? I have to be more open-minded.

Wait, are there even windows there ? Hmm… That's a serious question…

So, I was saying… Let's talk about the day of the appointment that Crestet Cesimir and Mr. Hall, when I finally met Audrey !

Don't ask how I went there, I left one hour earlier and still arrived late, at least I arrived there !

I will make a bad impression… Snif.

I knocked on the door.

Mr. Fool, psychological hints please. (For the Hall family.)

(Mr. Fool : If you even set a sign (and remembered it) to give psychological hints to others, doesn't it mean that you do it too often ? Manipulating one's mind is bad.

Xin Jian : Nice, you're the one who gives them the psychological hints anyway, does that mean you're a bad person ?

Mr. Fool : …

Xin Jian : Just do it.)

That sealed artifact from the Spectator pathway sure comes in handy.

A servant opened the door.

« Hello~. I am the person sent by the Evernight Church to teach Miss Audrey about mysticism. Sorry for being late ! »

The servant had apparently heard that I would arrive and let me enter.

Mr. Hall welcomed me.

« Nice to see you again. » I tried to appear as polite as possible, I'm not sure if it worked…

(But psychological hints are always available anyway so let's not care.)

Then he led me to the beautiful Audrey who, as a Spectator, observed me.

(No pressure, no pressure…)

I bowed like the nobles usually do (tried) and introduced myself.

« Hello~. My name is Xin Jian, I came from the Evernight Church to teach you mysticism. Nice to meet you. »

I am also Amanises's angel, the Fool's angel, anyone's angel depending on the situation, the owner of the Aurora Order and we participate in the same secret gathering every week. May the goddess bless you.

Oh, and I would like to be from the Hunter pathway but I publicly used an ability from the Sleepless pathway recently, I can use Beyonder abilities from the Seer pathway, the Thief pathway and the Apprentice pathway, but in truth I am just the Error Uniqueness. It's so complicated… I also like using a fake evil god at the level of a Great Old One as my servant.

(Mr. Fool : If you know it, why are you doing it ?

Xin Jian : I never said that it was wrong.)

I'm so glad Audrey cannot read thoughts (yet).

Audrey bowed too.

« Hello, my name is Audrey Hall. »

Audrey, even without Lie you are so pretty.

(Mr. Fool : But your judgment is always biased. You said that Amanises was a lot more beautiful than a high Sequence Demoness, which is impossi-

Xin Jian : Shut up.

Mr. Fool : How were you even able to maintain a good image at the Tarot Club until now ?

Xin Jian : The secret is to have no image (but illusions…).)

« From now on, I will be your teacher, do you want to begin class now ? »

Come here, dear disciple, you are my second one. (Third if you count Leonard but he acted more like a teacher than me…)

Audrey agreed and we sat down.

I recalled something.

« Ah, which day do you want to have class from now on ? »

That's how we agreed to have class every Tuesday.

« Teacher, why did the Evernight Church suddenly send someone to be my teacher ? »

You are quite direct today.

I made a vague movement.

« Politics… »

Of course, I am not included in these politics, I was just swept up in this. (It is not me who proposed to be your teacher, not at all.)

« Then why did you agree ? » She smiled.

I made a thumbs up.

« Of course, it's because you're totally my style. (How could I refuse to be the teacher of pretty Audrey ?). »

Audrey was stunned.

Susie : She was honest just now.

Now that I had just messed up her image of me, we began the lesson.

She changed the subject.

« Teacher, are you a Beyonder ? From which pathway ? »

I affirmed :

« I am from the Hunter pathway. »

Audrey was curious.

« Really ? Could you show me an ability ? »

Even if I think that pyromania is very fun, no.

Tch, I really have to steal Medici's Beyonder abilities one of these days…

« Uh, fireballs can cause a lot of damage, this is not a good idea… »

But I have some conspiracy theories to tell you if you want.

*Pretending to be from the Hunter pathway is hard.jpg*