Chapter 12 - Drinking

Year 7 Tuition has still been going on, I go every Tuesday and I know we're meant to be teaching pupils but we spend the majority of time laughing and chatting - it's more of a social club really.

Friday 18th December (2015)

Exam season is coming up once again, I don't understand why schools feel the need to do mock exams just before Christmas - as if it isn't cold enough and we're tired - they decide to put exams on us also, well I mean... what more harm could it do?

To try and not get behind, I decided to stay behind after school to get some revision done, because believe it or not, I find it impossible to even hear myself think when there's 29 other people in the room. But whilst I'm sat in Mr Travis' room, knowing that Mr Carter is next door, I once again find it extremely hard to concentrate - so I may as well ask him for help seeing as Mr Travis went home early.

I get up from my seat with what I'm about to say rehearsed in my head - the Year 7 tuition had been going really well and we'd really started to get our friendship back on track (meaning I obviously started to fancy him again... who am I kidding, I never stopped). Making my way over to his room, I look through the window and see him talking a drink from a small flask... what's he doing?

As I knock on the door, I see Mr Carter jump out of his skin. Dropping the flask on the floor before scrambling around and shoving it in his drawer and slamming it shut.

"What. What is it?... Sorry Taylor... Is everything okay?" He sighed before replying apologetically.

"Ermm yeah... I just wanted to ask you a question... Mr Travis has gone home so I thought i'd come... here?" I replied stuttering with anxiety.

"Yeah what's wrong?" He asked again. Getting impatient.

I walk over to his desk to show him what I'm stuck on, but before I reach him, I get a strong smell of whiskey. I look into his eyes as he watches me walk over to him and I see my reflection in his glassy eyes.

"Are you drinking, Sir?" I ask concerned.

"It's got nothing to do with you Taylor... I'm just your teacher and I'm helping you with a question." He replied blasé.

"I care about you Sir, is everything okay?" I ask again, maybe this time I'll get an answer.

"Like I said before, It's nothing I can't handle..." He replied with a short temper.

"Yeah clearly... you're drinking at work... listen is there anything I can do? you know like talk about it?" I continued.

"No." He put bluntly.

"Please let me do something... you're struggling here. I can see that." I pleaded. I hated seeing him like this. I was around the same time last year he went like this.

"Do you ever just feel like running away... get away from everything... just for a few days? But then you remember you have responsibilities that you can't leave... but the responsibilities are the things that are making you want to run away?" He said, clearly implying that's how he's feeling.

"Responsibilities like what?" I questioned, trying to get to the route of the problem.

"Everything Taylor... Luke, my Mrs, this place... It all gets too much sometimes, I need an outlet, a way out." He said grabbing his flask out his drawer again.

"Is there anything I could do?" I replied feeling helpless.

"I could think of a few things..." He said, his eyes burning right through me, staring right at me whilst taking a swig of his flask.

"Well... listen you know you can trust me... nobody's here and I won't say a word I swear." I replied in the hope that it's given him some comfort.

"Ahhh... listen Miss Taylor, you better get going, you can ask Mr Travis for help tomorrow... this conversation has already gone too far." He said, realising what he's done.

"Are you sure? I can stay for longer, I don't have to be home till 5." I said still trying to get through to him the way I did last year.

"I'd love you too Taylor... but that would make this situation ten times worse trust me..." He whispered with a look of guilt.

"How would it make it worse?" I imitated his whispering.

"I think you know full well..." He seductively replied before taking a swig of his drink, standing up, staring into my eyes and opening the door for me to leave.

"Okay Sir, but remember... It's me. Taylor, Joe's sister, Wise Tiger... You know me." I said trying one last time to let him know I'm there for him.

"It's getting dark Philippa, get yourself home before I say anything else." He whispered again, but this time it sounded more of a threat. What was he going to do if I didn't leave at that moment?

Without a second glance I made my way to the school gate. Going over and over again in my head what had just happened. What did he mean, 'before I say anything else?' and why was he drinking at school. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad about drinking, it's just slightly frowned upon when you're in a freaking classroom.

Reaching home, I rang Nancy straight away. I told her what happened and she was just as shocked, but as best friends do, she encouraged me to believe that my theory was true - he's not happy with his girlfriend. As we went through different scenarios in our head, it just made me fancy him even more, an unusual amount for fancying someone who's totally out of my league and a teacher at my school. I'd stopped telling my Mum about him, she thinks it's a silly crush that'll pass soon, don't get me wrong she doesn't mind the fact I fancy him, she just doesn't know the extent of which I do - which is why I have resorted to telling Billie and Nancy everything on my mind.