Chapter 5

I woke up in the hospital, I looked around and panicked. I started screaming and yelling. Jackson fell to my side and gently rubbed my forehead "Addison?" I pushed his hand away "Don't touch me!" The doctor came in and gave me some calming medicine. After that, I didn't talk. Not to Jackson, not to the police or doctor, not even my mom. I was silent, I was given sleeping pills because I couldn't sleep with the flashbacks and nightmares.

I allowed nobody to touch me, I was terrified. I refused food and medication. I felt absolutely nothing. For weeks it was like this. He didn't just destroy me physically but mentally, and emotionally. I felt disgusted, I hated myself. I questioned everything I ever did. The one time I open up to someone's who wasn't Jackson or our families and this happened. After months of therapy and surgeries, I finally started opening up. I started trusting again. Michael was locked up for attempted murder, assault, domestic violence, and plenty of other charges. Jackson was let off of charges, they said it was self-defense.

The police finally got their statements from me. Jackson never left, he dropped out of school to be here for me. I had a dislocated plate in my back, he nearly broke my jaw and my vision was blurred but I was told I was lucky. I wouldn't suffer long-term or be paralyzed. I stayed another month and I was released on terms I would continue my therapy and continue physical therapy. Jackson had gotten his own apartment so I stayed with him. My mom's house was a trigger and I couldn't go there. Jackson took care of me; he helped me eat, bathe and take my medicine not that I couldn't do it myself but the depression made it impossible. I was scared to be alone. For months, I've struggled to take care of myself; I dealt with PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

Nothing like fighting with your own head right? On top of fearing everything and being triggered by sudden movements. The tears I've cried could fill Niagara Falls. Bruises and cuts may disappear but that scarring on the heart stays forever. It's felt every day. You look in your reflection and question who you are or what you did wrong. Everyone says you did nothing wrong but what could've been different? Why didn't I see these signs? We were taught this in school but why is it so different? Is love really that stupid? I may never know.

I feel like death, my smile has faded and any joy left has disappeared. I'm a survivor everybody says but truly am I? Am I when I feel empty and weak? When I feel like I'm slowly dying inside? Feeling the need to break down completely and stay broken. The echoes of voices telling me to die. You aren't loved. You're weak. You're broken. Can't I just be Addison? The girl who survived and overcame this? Strong. Powerful. Brave. Can't we all? Can't all of the survivors stand up and say enough? Why are we shut out? Why should we suffer? We are not silenced, we are not weak. We are us. We are loved! Fighters! We are survivors who stood up and said enough.

I laid with Jackson "I want to start an organization for victims of domestic abuse." He smiled "If anyone can do it, it's you Addison." For the first time in months, I smiled. I moved closer to him "Thank you." He hugged me "I love you Addison." I felt safe at home for once. My home was Jackson. He was my angel. I glanced at him and leaned in; I kissed his lip and leaned back "I love you." He smiled "We don't need to rush into anything." I smiled again "Thank you." He lies holding me while rubbing the back of my head.

A couple of months passed, and I tried doing online school; I started working with an advocate and support group for domestic violence and abuse. I learned that the storm doesn't last forever and some days may be harder than others. Jackson and I started figuring out our feelings; we haven't decided to date quite yet. He wanted me to be okay before we tried to. I hardly ever left his side, my mom and dad worked a lot less. My mom blamed herself for what happened but none of us could've known Michael was that mentally unstable.

I sat on the chair doing my school work when Jackson came into the room "Almost done?" I looked up at him "I can finish later, I'm ahead anyways." He kneeled to my side "Are you up for an adventure?" I rested my head on my hand "Depends where this adventure is." He pushed my hair back behind my ear "Well wouldn't be an adventure if you knew." I jumped up "Don't have to ask me twice." He chased me into the room, I stopped and turned to him "Is it fancy or casual?" He bit his lip holding his smile back "I'll give you that hint. Casual. Dress comfortably."

I went to the closet and pulled down joggers and a t-shirt "Good enough?" He nodded "Hurry up Addie Bear." I looked up "You guys haven't called me that in.." He laughed "Since you were 6." I threw on my clothes and sat on the bed. He sat next to me "I'm sorry." I looked at him "No. I just remembered that time when we would walk, collect rocks then build miniature forts for ants but ended up squishing them instead." He laughed "You cried." I smiled "We should go."

We both jumped up and ran to the door; he ran in front of me and opened the door of his car for me. He ran around to his side and we left; it felt like we were driving forever. We pulled up to a ranch, and he got out and opened my door. I looked around and saw a bunch of horses "Where are we?" He grabbed my hand "Come on." We walked up to the stables where the lady greeted us. She led us to the horses, I looked at Jackson "Are we riding horses?" He nodded "Yep. It'll be fun."

He climbed onto him like he had done it before and moved back "Want to ride with me?" I had no idea how to ride a horse so I said yes. He pulled me up in front of him, he wrapped his arms around me holding the reigns. We started walking, I gripped his thighs but let go when I calmed down. He led us into the woods; I started petting the horse's mane and head. I smiled "This is so cool." Jackson took us to the nearby stream, he jumped off, and I panicked "What are you doing?" He laughed "Relax he won't move." He helped me down, it scared me getting down but I relaxed when my feet touched the mud.

He hung the reigns on the branch and joined me at the edge of the stream. He picked up a rock and skipped it; he leaned down and grabbed another one "Your turn." I tossed it and it plopped into the water. I laughed "It's been a while, I suck." We tossed them until the sunset then we rode back. After that, we hung out at the lake near our houses like old times.

We sat on the trunk of his Camaro "Today was fun. Thank you." He looked at me "It was good seeing you smile again." We sat and talked all night until the sun rose the next day.