20. Warmth

Castiel chews absently on the seaweed Sam had found. He said the kitchen staff used it to make something called ‘sushi’ and that it is the only thing they had – that wasn’t from Lilith’s private stock – that Castiel could eat after being sick. Sam, Jess and Dean are gathered near the computers, sitting on the chairs there. It wasn’t an active attempt to exclude Castiel, but it was Jess who had Dean sit while Sam gave Castiel the seaweed.

He watches from Dean’s bed as Jess places a bandage on Dean’s shoulder over the bite mark he left on him. Castiel frowns and hides his displeasure as it gets covered up. Despite how the bite was accidental and how he hates that he hurt Dean and made him bleed, he is a little happy to have left a more permanent mark.

There are no delusions in Castiel’s mind that he will get to stay with Dean longer than either the trip to Lilith’s home or longer than it takes them to get him free. He only has Dean for this short time and then Dean will be with someone else. But now that someone else will see Castiel’s mark and know that Dean once belonged to him for this short while.

Jess pats the square white bandage she stuck to Dean’s skin and he winces. Sam is sitting opposite from Dean. His arms are crossed tightly over his chest and his lips are pressed into a thin line. Castiel hasn’t made the kin-connection with him again just yet.  Sam knows what he and Dean did and he isn’t happy about it.

When the knocking had started, Dean untangled himself from Castiel and struggled into a pair of pants while Sam banged on the door. He’d shouted at Sam several times to ‘hold his frikken horses’. When Castiel asked, Dean had to show him with memories what horses were and explain that he was telling Sam to wait. Castiel doesn’t understand what horses have to do with waiting, but it didn’t stop Sam from continuing to knock.

As he was opening the door, Castiel informed Dean that he had not put on a shirt. That was a fact that Sam didn’t hesitate to point out, explicitly drawing attention to the hickies dotting Dean’s chest and the lightly bleeding  bite mark on his shoulder. At the mention of blood, Jess had pushed past Sam to get a small white box out from underneath the ledge and demanded that Dean sit down so she could clean and bandage the mark.

Castiel had stayed on the bed and accepted his food, and a quick explanation that was translated by Dean, from Sam. Then he watched quietly while Sam started lecturing Dean about how he should have better control. He’d gone on for several minutes about how sick Castiel had been and that Dean should not have put him through such strenuous activities.

Dean still hasn’t said anything in return, though he translated everything for Castiel to understand, and Sam has long since stopped lecturing him. Castiel is curious as to why Dean hasn’t said anything and he keeps brushing it along the edges of Dean’s mind, waiting for an explanation. Dean keeps telling him to wait.

(But why are we waiting? Sam seems to be under the impression that we did more than those touches and you should correct him so he isn’t angry with you.)

(That’s exactly why I’m not saying anything. Let him be a grump and get all that out of his system.) Amusement filters through the link and Dean glances at him, one eyebrow raised.

“I can’t believe you two.” Sam leans forward suddenly. “After how badly Lilith hurt Cas with that damn demobilizer, upsetting his bio rhythms and making him sick like that –” He turns his disapproving glare to Castiel. “– you still went and made the kin-connection with Dean against Lilith’s orders.”

“How’s she gonna know?” Dean shrugs the shoulder that doesn’t have the bandage on it. He turns his chair and opens the white container of food on the ledge. “We ripped out the cameras and microphones last week, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, but –”

“But, what? You telling me she’s had the time to put more in here since your last sweep?”

“No, but –”

Dean takes a bite of a triangle shaped piece of bread. “Are you going to tell her?”

“Of course not!”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Jess sighs and sits on the counter. “The problem is that you’re both fairly obvious when you’re linked.”

Castiel sits up a little straighter while reaching for the last strip of the dried seaweed. (How? Is that something we can fix?)

Dean repeats the question and Jess scrunches her nose, looking to Sam for help. “It’s hard to explain. You’re both more relaxed. Dean, you hold yourself differently. It’s kind of the same for Castiel, only he looks… I don’t know if ‘happier’ is the right word for it, but he only looks like that when it’s you. He’s relaxed while he has the kin-connection with other people, like Sam or me. But he’s different with you.”

Satisfaction curls along the edges of their link, stemming from Dean’s mind. He doesn’t show it outwardly, but Dean is pleased with what Jess just said. Castiel understands the sentiment and he lets his own pleasure slide over Dean’s thoughts. He gets a soft pulse of contentment in reply.

Sam is nodding in agreement with Jess. “We can’t say for sure that Lilith knows the signs, since she’s spent way less time with both of you than we have. But Dean, do you really want to take the chance? Lilith could ban you permanently from spending any kind of time here with Castiel, or she could torture him with the demobilizer again.”

Dean tenses and the kin-connection surges with his anger. “No, she sure as fuck isn’t going to do that to him again. We’ll just break the link whenever she’s around. That sound okay to you, Cas?”

Castiel finishes the last of his seaweed and nods. “Yes.”

“Just be careful. Lilith is a hair trigger and we still don’t know why she ungrounded you. Hell, she only stuck you in here in the first place because Cas only really listened to you to start with. Now that she’s got a ‘yes’ button with him, she doesn’t really need you anymore.”

It’s truth and Castiel doesn’t like hearing it. He frowns at Sam and his unhappiness mingles with Dean’s upset. The kin-connection turns sour with their combined emotions and Castiel dislikes the feel of it. It’s not how he likes feeling Dean’s mind.

Sam runs both his hands through his hair and narrows his eyes at Dean’s chest. “As long as you put on a shirt, you’ll be fine when Lilith shows up. But you didn’t leave anything else on Cas, did you?” He turns to peer across the room at Castiel.

“Give me some credit, Sam. I’m not going to do anything that’ll get Cas hurt again.” Dean speaks between mouthfuls of brown cubes and yellow-white mush. “And for the record, what we did this morning wasn’t even all that strenuous. Cas didn’t even fall asleep afterward.”

Jess’s cheeks go red and she stifles a giggle. “Don’t go into details, please.”

He gives her a grin, one cheek bulging with food. “All I’m saying is, you didn’t see me walking funny when you came in, did you?”

Castiel shields part of his thoughts and he watches, slightly awed at how Dean’s thoughts are so full of anger and resentment towards Lilith, but he doesn’t show any of it. His emotions are slowly giving way to amusement, but there is still the roiling upset underneath the newer, brighter emotions. And Dean hides it all behind a quirked smile and jokes.

Jess giggles more and shoves at Dean’s shoulder in mock upset. Sam groans and rubs a hand over his face. “Could you not?”

“Good touch.” Castiel announces, making an attempt to brighten Dean’s emotions with praise.

He ruffles his fans and rearranges himself on the bed. Castiel props himself up on his elbows and curls his tail forward so his end-fans are level with his shoulders. His fingers trace the adipose edge where the fans are spread over the bedding.

Jess giggles more and Dean sends waves of pride through the kin-connection. The pride eats away at the mess of anger still staining the kin-connection and Castiel is pleased with his success. He tilts his head and fixes a sly smile to his lips, one that sends Jess into another fit of giggles and makes Dean beam brightly at him.

Sam only makes an exasperated noise and hangs his head in defeat. “I give up.”

Dean grins and pats him on the head. “Don’t worry, Sammy. I wouldn’t have done anything with Cas if I didn’t think he was healthy enough. But he was really pushy and insistent about it and I totally understand why. We gotta take our time together where we can since Lilith is such a fuckin’ bitch – sorry, Jess. Ladies present. I should watch my language.”

“Her bitch-i-tude is the size of the Chrysler Building.” Jess nods solemnly and Castiel snorts at the translation and the images Dean gives him.

“You’re both ridiculous.” Sam sighs as he sits back, but he’s grinning at them. “You should put a shirt on before Lilith comes in and sees you like that. You might strike her blind.”

“Bite your tongue, heathen.” Dean shoves another few forkfuls of the yellow-white mush in his mouth before standing and getting his shirts from the pile on the floor. “My body is a temple and Lilith should mourn the fact that she hasn’t gotten the chance to worship it.”

Castiel hisses and his fans flare unhappily at the thought. He’d rather endure hours of the pain the pendant gives him than allow Lilith to touch Dean in any way similar to how Castiel had. Dean pulls his shirts on and reaching over almost absently to push his fingers through Castiel’s hair. He placates him with promises that he would sooner dismember himself than sleep with Lilith. Castiel frowns up at him and Dean raises his hands in surrender.

(I’m not going to actually cut off pieces of myself to avoid sleeping with Lilith. It’s just a figure of speech, I promise.) Dean leans down and kisses Castiel’s forehead. (I want to talk with Sammy and Jess a bit about plans to get you out of here. Since you’ve been outta the water for a few days now, d’you want me to put you back in the tank so you can swim for a bit?)

Castiel’s adipose fans ripple with his indecision. He misses swimming, but he wants to stay outside the tank so he can be with Dean. If he is in small-sea when Lilith returns, she might make them close the bars and lock him in again.

(She’s going to order us to put you back in there anyways whenever she shows up.) Dean sits on the edge of the bed between the end of Castiel’s tail and his shoulder. He gestures at Sam and Jess to wait a moment. (It’s not like she’s repealed her order about not letting you out. An exception was made because you were so sick and the tank needed to be cleaned.)

He murmurs nonsense sounds and turns on his side, curling around Dean and resting his cheek on his thigh. Dean laughs and traces his fingers over the spines of Castiel’s side-fan. (If you really don’t like it, I can always pick the lock and we can kiss over the wall. It’ll be too risky to take you out or climb in myself without leaving water all over the place. And it’ll be super suspicious if it takes me ten minutes to answer the door when someone knocks because I’m trying to get you back into the tank.)

Castiel grumbles again and twitches his tail up over Dean’s other leg. (You’re going to listen but not listen to her orders.)

(Bingo. As far as Lilith will know, we’re doing exactly what she says because we don’t want her to electrocute you again.) Dean’s grin is bordering on mischievous and he tweaks Castiel’s cheek. Castiel absently swats his hand away. (Who knows, if we’re on our best behavior she might even give her permission to let you out of the tank again. Besides, you’ll have to come out when we clean it in a week anyway. But if we’re lucky, you won’t be here that long.)

(Lucky how?) Castiel’s fans flex and he pushes himself up again, looking between Sam and Dean. (Do you have another plan?)

(That’s what I want to talk to Sam about. But Cas, the less you know about it the better.)

Castiel frowns and flares his fans. He doesn’t like being left out. (Why?)

(If Lilith demands that you make the kin-connection with her and that you don’t block her out like you did before, she might be able to see in your head what we’re planning on doing. Or she might sense that we’re up to something and torture it out of you, or just hurt you to make us tell her.) Dean curls his fingers around the end of Castiel’s tail and brushes his thumb over his scales. He stares down at his lap instead of looking at Castiel. (Even if it means keeping you out of the loop, I’m gonna do it to keep you safe. That’s the only reason. You know that, right?)

Castiel leans his forehead against Dean’s shoulder. (I know it. But it doesn’t mean that I like it.)

He laughs and Castiel feels the press of Dean’s cheek to the top of his head. “Yeah, I know. It suc– Dammit! Put the cameras away!”

“But you guys are being so cute!” Jess giggles again and when Castiel looks up, both her and Sam are holding their phones.

Sam is grinning. “It’s rare to see you so touchy-feely, Dean. We need to document it for future generations.”

“Screw you, Sammy. Cas likes physical contact.”

Castiel looks at Dean in surprise, unease starting to knot behind his sternum. His tail flexes, ready to uncurl. (Do you – Am I – Do I – Are you uncomfortable with –)

(God, no!) Dean smothers Castiel’s anxious and incomplete thoughts. (Cas, if I didn’t like It then I’d tell you so.)

(But Sam just said –)

Dean puts his arm around Castiel’s shoulder and squeezes. (Sam isn’t exactly privy to how I am in private. You and me, like this – I like it. And I don’t really care if Sam sees it right now because we don’t exactly get a whole bunch of private time so we have to make do with the time that we do have. Besides, you like it, right? It calms you to be like this?)

Castiel nods and leans into Dean’s side. (It’s comforting and you are very warm.)

(Jesus, Sam was right. You are kinda like a lizard. I’m your own personal heat lamp, huh?)

He frowns at the images Dean provides and that only makes Dean laugh. Sam has lowered his phone. His eyebrows pinch together the longer he stares at the screen of his phone and then he starts tapping at the buttons on it. Jess is still taking pictures and Castiel watches her curiously for a moment.

“See picture, please.” Castiel uncurls just enough to sit up properly without leaving the circle of Dean’s arm, and he holds his hand out to Jess. “Want see, please.”

“Aw, no. Cas, you don’t want to see those.” Embarrassment flickers over Dean’s mind and he reaches over to pull Castiel’s hand down.

Jess slides off the ledge and happily drops next to him on the bed. The screen on her phone is much smaller than the flat ones sitting on the ledge for the computer. Castiel watches as several images change over the screen while Jess pushes at buttons. They move too quickly for him to see what they are, but they stop soon enough.

Dean keeps making unhappy, grumbling noises, but he still leans heavily against Castiel’s shoulder so he can see Jess’s phone too. Warmth starts to vibrate through Castiel’s chest, swirling loosely behind his ribs. He likes being the one who is wrapped around Dean, but it’s a nice alternative to have Dean leaning into him.

The pictures give Castiel and entirely different view into how he and Dean interact. They are an outsider’s perspective and something still very foreign to him. He knows what Dean looks like when they sit like this because he can see it with his own eyes. But he doesn’t know how he looks and it is still somewhat unsettling to see his own expressions or the way his hair is unkempt, sticking in all directions after a few days of sleeping on a pillow.

One picture comes up on the screen and Castiel covers Jess’s hand with his own to stop her from going to the next. She lets him take the phone and Castiel squints at the tiny image of Dean with his head tilted against Castiel’s. His eyes are closed and it almost looks like he’s sleeping, but Castiel knows he isn’t because Dean wasn’t sleeping then.

(I like this one.)

Dean takes the phone and confusion tumbles along the edges of the kin-connection. (Why?)

(Your face.)

(What about my face?)

(You look… peaceful. Despite how we were not speaking about anything good then.) Castiel shrugs, unsure of how to explain himself. (I just like it.)

Dean shakes his head and hands the phone back to Jess. (Whatever floats your boat, Cas. I think my favourites are the videos I took earlier.) He grins and presses a kiss to the base of Castiel’s side-fan, his tongue darting out in a quick, teasing slide that neither Jess nor Sam see. (Maybe later I can show you them, huh?)

Castiel shivers and nods, heat curling in his veins. He can practically feel how wide Dean’s grin is and he has to turn away to keep from seeing it. If he looks at Dean now, he’s not entirely certain he’ll be able to keep himself from pressing against him and tasting him again.

He would have no qualms to do this in front of his own family, and he’s not entirely sure of the exact line he shouldn’t cross in front of Sam and Jess, but he knows what he doesn’t want anyone else to see. Castiel is selfish. He wants to keep Dean’s hooded green eyes and short, gasping breaths for himself. He doesn’t want to share the flush of his cheeks or the pleased sounds Dean makes when he uses what few tricks he has learned that he knows Dean likes when he kisses him.

Jess still has her phone open and Castiel purposefully leans away from Dean so he can look at them again. There’s a teasing edge of disappointment that tickles the back of his mind and Castiel shakes it off. He responds by curling his tail tightly around Dean’s waist and squeezing.

“Dean.” Sam says suddenly, his voice oddly flat but still sounding urgent. “You should see this.” All of them look to him and Sam wiggles his phone in their direction.

Dean sighs and pats Castiel’s tail where it rests over his belly. “You’re going to have to let me up, Cas.”

(Are you going to put me in small-sea?)

(Only if you want me to. It’s not like Lilith told us to put you back the moment you were better or anything.) Dean looks between Castiel and the waters of small-sea. (And don’t think you can lie to me. I know you’re just itching to get back to swimming again. It’s in your blood, Cas.)

(That’s another figure of speech isn’t it?)

Dean grins and pats his tail again. (Sure is.)

Castiel unwinds from around Dean and he stretches his tail across the bed, leaning heavily against Jess’s shoulder for a moment. She grins at him and stands when Dean bends to pick him up. He carries Castiel with an arm under the fold of his tail and one around his back. Castel wraps his arms around Dean’s shoulders to keep himself steady and lift as much of his weight off of Dean’s broken left arm.

(You don’t have to do that, y’know. It doesn’t even hurt that bad. It just aches some times.) Dean goes around small-sea quickly and Jess follows him. She makes sure Dean doesn’t fall over when he steps up onto the platform.

Castiel lets go of Dean’s shoulders to grip the edge of the glass-wall. He pulls himself up while Dean lifts and pushes, and he tumbles over into the water without pinching his adipose fins. The first breath of water that fills his throat and rushes through his gills fells wonderful and Castiel breathes deep, ignoring the tingling ache that always accompanies his lungs filling.

Dean waves at him as Castiel floats on his back, his adipose fins rippling lightly to keep him from sinking any further. Castiel waves back and he lets the kin-connection between them slip into a gentle silence. He knows Dean is going to block him out from his conversation  with Sam, but it doesn’t mean that he needs to sever their link entirely. It’s too much of a comfort for either of them to give it up so soon after getting it back.

He rolls backward, curling toward the floor. His desire to simply lay on the bottom of small-sea and watch the others while the is great. Dean, Sam and Jess are gathered around Sam and his phone. But his muscles are twitching, aching to swim. Castiel can’t even remember the last time he stretched properly and practiced the warrior forms that are supposed to keep him limber. It’s been several days at the very least.

Castiel swims many laps around small-sea before he takes up a position at the center of small-sea. He angles himself toward the front glass-wall so that most of the stretch-forms will still allow him to see Dean and the others while they talk. He can hear the start-stop rumble of their voices muffled by the glass and water, but Dean isn’t translating them and he isn’t even sharing his emotions – though that might be a good thing, considering the dark and unhappy expression on his face.

Even though he knows Dean won’t share anything with him, Castiel still pushes through the kin-connection and drags his touch along the walls around Dean’s mind. He probes the walls with his confusion and soothing thoughts, trying to ease the storm that could be building on the other side.

As he bends into the first position, Castiel catches the slight loosening of the line of Dean’s shoulders. The walls give way to allow his appreciation of Castiel’s efforts to slide through. Dean still doesn’t share anything about the conversation, but he keeps that crack in the wall open. While Castiel moves through the different poses, feeling the burn of his muscles as they’re stretched to their limits, Dean often draws on him for some form of comfort.

Whenever he does that, it keeps feeding that warmth pulsing through Castiel’s chest. It heats him from the inside in an entirely different way from how he was burning when Dean touched him. He likes it. It reminds him of what it feels like to be with his family, but it doesn’t inspire the painful longing that thinking of his kin usually does.

Castiel misses his home and his nest-siblings. There is still a sharp longing digging under his skin. Sometimes he catches himself wanting to open the kin-connection as wide as it will go and simply call for any fin-kin who might be able to hear him and get word back to his colony. It hurts, not knowing how they’re doing or how the war is going.

During the war, things change day by day. One morning a friend might be there, the next they might not. Castiel had been so lucky and he hadn’t lost any of his siblings before he left. But if he gets back home only to discover that one or more of them fell during the war – and if they fell because they were distracted with his disappearance – he won’t be able to forgive himself.

His heart aches whenever he thinks about how they must feel not knowing what happened to him. And Anna, she had been so close, only a few leagues away. And he had the kin-connection with Uriel at the time. Uriel would have felt Castiel’s sudden jolt of fear when he recognized the dart-gun as a weapon. He would have felt the moment the dart-poison took Castiel from consciousness and snapping their link closed.

Uriel might have shared those memories with Castiel’s nest-siblings. If he had, Castiel wouldn’t be surprised if they thought him dead. If Uriel didn’t, if they still hold out hope that he’s alive, how painful must that hope be? The songs of legend, the songs about the metal-hands from the floating-reefs, tell that no fin-kin has ever returned after being taken by two-tails. It’s no surprise if humans from times gone by thought that fin-kin were monsters and killed them on sight.

Castiel unfolds from his current position and stretches out flat across the floor, letting his muscles rest. He stifles a yawn, but he refuses to nap since he spent the last  few days sleeping. He stares up at the bars above and he wonders if he would have preferred that. Would he rather be like the fin-kin of human history? Would he prefer being dead than an imprisoned pet?

Surprise and horror flare sharply at the edge of his mind and Castiel turns his head. Dean is looking at him with wide, scared eyes. Castiel stares back. There had been no need to hide his thoughts while Dean was supposed to be listening to whatever he is discussing with Sam and Jess. If he had wanted them to remain private, he would have ensured that they were. But he hadn’t expected Dean to actually be paying attention.

(Don’t think like that, Cas.) Dean lets parts of the walls fall and Castiel is surprised by the fear that washes through the opening, flooding into the kin-connection.

Castiel lets Dean’s emotions roll through him and oddly enough, Dean’s worry and fear only feeds into the warmth that heats his bones. It grows, filling his limbs. He doesn’t fully understand this new kind of heat, but he knows it’s caused by Dean and it feels good. No, he thinks, he definitely prefers this to death. When he shares that feeling and pushes the warmth into the kin-connection, the link falls into a stunned silence.

Dean’s ears go red and it spreads to his face quickly, making his freckles stand out. Castiel sits up, his confusion flickering over the warmth. He doesn’t get an answer. Dean just stares at him for a few moments before dropping his eyes back to Sam and his phone. Castiel continues to push his confusion against the edges of Dean’s mind, searching for an answer.

The flush spreads down the back of his neck. It’s just a simple flick of his tail, a slithering motion that sends him across the floor to the glass wall. Castiel presses his hands to the glass like he presses his confusion through the kin-connection. He watches Dean closely, hoping for a hint of why he’s blushing. Dean’s reaction leaves Castiel thinking that he must know what the warmth is and he’s not telling him.

Castiel has an idea, just a small hint, of what that warmth might be. He thinks he might have named it once. If he names it again, and if he’s wrong… If Dean tell him that it’s not what he thinks it is… It scares him. He doesn’t want that to happen. He likes this feeling. It makes him happy.

He catches the brief flicker of Dean’s eyes, slipping from Sam back to small-sea – back to Castiel – before he looks down again. It’s just a quick glance, but it almost seems shy. There is still nothing but that unnatural silence in the kin-connection. There are cracks in the walls around Dean’s mind, but nothing is coming through and it is unnerving.

He is about to withdraw, to turn away and swim frustrated circles around small-sea, but something flickers softly along the bare edges of the kin-connection. It’s muted and almost not even there. Castiel reaches for it, seizing the feeling and dragging it into the center of his mind where he can study it properly.

Castiel can feel Dean’s slight resistance and a flare of his panic, but Castiel calms his agitation with the warmth fluttering softly in his chest. He floods the kin-connection with that while he examines the little feeling that is little more than a wisp of sand through his fingers. It is warm too. Though it is tiny, it pulses with the almost-named heat that tickles over Castiel’s ribs.

Shocked, Castiel lets the feeling go as soon as he realizes what he is holding. It dissipates in the rush of his own feelings and Dean ducks his head, hiding it in the motion of leaning closer to Sam and squinting at the screen of his phone. Castiel’s fans flare wide with his surprise, the webbing stretched taught between the spines. His adipose fins ripple wildly and Castiel’s skin and scales feel tingly.

(Dean.) Castiel pulls sharply at the kin-connection to get his attention.

Dean’s only acknowledgement is the slight tilt of his head.

(I want to kiss you.) He presses his hands to the glass-wall again, his tail twitching back and forth over the smooth floor of small-sea. (Right now.)

The corner of Dean’s mouth twitches, a barely-there smile that has Castiel lifting from the floor to float. His adipose fins roll in little waves to keep him in place. He wants to kiss Dean and wrap around him, hold him close and never let him go. The same warmth that fills him is in Dean too and Castiel is thrilled. He doesn’t just want to kiss Dean, he needs to.

But Dean shakes his head, just a small side-to-side motion that sets Castiel’s teeth on edge. He growls and pushes away from the wall, swimming in tight circles that barely take him halfway across small-sea. He knows Dean isn’t lying, that the small bit of that warm-feeling he let leak into the kin-connection is genuine. It makes Castiel happy to know Dean feels it too and the need to kiss him is itching under his skin.

He could try to climb out of small-sea himself. Dean would come to stop him, worried that he might be hurt by the fall to the platform. Castiel could kiss him then. But the action might only irritate Dean and it’s possible that he wouldn’t want to kiss Castiel because of it.

Castiel doesn’t know what to do. This warmth is filling him and he needs to let it out somehow. It’s demanding that he hold Dean to him and kiss him soft and slow, to get Dean to show him how to express this feeling properly. But Dean isn’t in small-sea and he is refusing to go to the platform.

The realization hits him suddenly. Castiel is thinking like a human. But he is not human. If he can’t kiss Dean right now, then he needs to let this feeling out a different way before he explodes. And he should do it the way a fin-kin would. Resolutely, Castiel returns to the front glass-wall and curls his tail under him. He presses his hands to the glass again and he pulls insistently at the kin-connection until Dean looks up.

The moment Castiel has Dean’s eyes on him, he parts his lips and sings. He sings the bonding-song without looking away. He sings it knowing that this time Dean understands at least part of the feelings behind the spiraling notes. Castiel doesn’t care that Sam and Jess have both stopped talking and are staring too. He doesn’t care that they keep looking from him to Dean. What matters is that Dean hasn’t looked away and he’s not telling Castiel to stop.

The bonding-song is complicated. It starts off as something one sings alone to the fin-kin they desire as a bond-mate. It’s a proposal that should be voiced quietly so only the recipient will hear it. If accepted, the recipient adds their voice when the tones of the song shift. The two voices become one in a harmony of joy. Their voices should grow louder, announcing to the colony that a pair wishes to become bond-mates.

Castiel disregards all the rules for the bonding-song. He sings it not knowing exactly how he wants Dean. Part of him wants to keep Dean, to stay with him always as his bond-mate. But another part of him is terrified at the very idea of wanting Dean like that. He isn’t even sure how he could fall so fast, and for someone so very different. But that doesn’t stop the warmth from burning through his throat and infusing every note with its heat.

He sings the song fully understanding that Dean doesn’t know how to sing the answer. And Castiel is aware that Dean might not even feel the same. Dean has the same warmth, but it might not fill him to bursting like it does for Castiel. He knows this, and he understands and he doesn’t care. Castiel sings the song like it’s meant to be, right to the last warbling note.

Dean’s throat moves, the mark Castiel left twitching with his swallow. Nobody does anything for several seconds until Jess reaches over Sam’s head and pushes at Dean’s shoulder. At the same time, Sam pushes at Dean’s hip and they send him stumbling to the side. He doesn’t even look at them. When he rights himself, Dean heads straight for the platform and Castiel meets him there.

He barely even waits for Castiel to rub the back of his hand over his mouth to wipe away the water after clearing his lungs. He reaches over the glass-wall and pulls Castiel forward with a hand over the back of his neck. Castiel hates the glass-wall for being between them. It’s cool and hard, pressed all down his front and his tail keeps brushing against the glass while it twitches to keep him at the right height to be able to get his arms over the edge. Castiel fits his hands to the curve of Dean’s jaw and presses soft kisses to his lips.

“This is insane.” Dean murmurs against his mouth, tilting his head to change the angle of the kisses. “This is fucking insane.”

Castiel hums in agreement, sliding his hands over Dean’s neck to wrap his arms around his shoulder and pull him closer to the glass-wall. Dean is right. This is insane and that terrified part of Castiel is trying hard to claw its way to the forefront of his thoughts. But Castiel doesn’t let it. Because here, trapped in a small-sea in a room on a boat that keeps putting league after league between him and his home, Castiel has found happiness.

It’s Dean who stops the kissing. He leans his forehead against Castiel’s and his breathing is uneven. Hot bursts of air keep breaking against Castiel’s mouth. He licks his lips and tastes Dean on them.

(We’re crazy. You know that right?) A feeble amusement crawls along the edges of the thought.

It makes Castiel laugh anyway, but Dean’s smile is weak and nervous. Castiel firmly kisses it away. He ignores the little voices in the back of his mind that try to remind him that he can’t stay with Dean, the ones that say he’ll have to say goodbye one day. It’s true, and it will hurt when that time comes. But he can worry about that when it happens. Right now he can have Dean like this and he can be happy.

Dean makes a few more attempts at jokes, even as his fingers tighten over the back of Castiel’s neck as if to keep him from pulling away. His thoughts are nervous and wary despite being underlined with the strained warmth Castiel from him before. He thinks he knows why Dean is like that even though Dean is kissing him back firmly, almost a little desperately.

Castiel cups Dean’s face so he doesn’t look away. He floods the kin-connection with every bit of the warmth that fills him. It washes over everything, sweeping over the emotions that mar the edges of Dean’s mind. Dean closes his eyes and Castiel puts their foreheads together again.

(I don’t know if I can do this, Cas.) Dean’s thoughts feel broken, wounded. (I want to, fuck yes, I do.) That small heat pulses with that thought. (But I – There’s so much shit in my head that I hide from you. I can be just as bad as Lilith and I – I don’t know if I can be what you want me to be.)

The hard edge of the cast digs into the side of Castiel’s arm where Dean is holding him tightly. Castiel shushes him, stroking his thumb over his cheek. (I’m not asking anything beyond what you’re willing to give, Dean. What you’ve shared with me today is more than I thought I would ever get and I am happy.)

It’s several long moments before Dean answers. Castiel doesn’t know what Sam or Jess are doing. He’s not even entirely sure if they’re still here. Everything is focused on Dean now. Even though Castiel is happy with just this, Dean is still wary of the feelings they’re both putting into the kin-connection. Castiel still thinks he knows why, but he doesn’t want to say it if Dean won’t. He’s content to just wait.

He doesn’t wait long.

Dean’s mind-voice is small. It sounds like a child and it pulses with shame. (You’re still going to leave.)

It’s exactly what he thought Dean would say. Castiel almost smiles. They have the same fear and Castiel brushes his thoughts over it gently, caressing Dean’s fear with the warmth he insistently shares.

(Only because I have to. This isn’t my world and I can’t stay here.) He ghosts his hands over Dean’s ears  and along his neck, pushing up into his hair. He presses a soft kiss to the corner of Dean’s mouth and enjoys how Dean’s fingers tighten over where they hold him. (It won’t be because of you and it’s not right now.)

A small, wounded sound whispers between them and Dean kisses Castiel hard. His fingers are almost bruising and Castiel feels momentarily overwhelmed by the desperation spiking through the kin-connection. There is a storm of thoughts and emotions, too jumbled to make sense. But they’re permeated with wisps of warmth.

The kisses die down again until they’re nothing but gentle presses. Even that fades eventually and Dean leans into the glass-wall more to press his face to the crook of Castiel’s neck. Castiel hangs from Dean’s shoulders, his adipose-fins rolling softly to keep him from sinking. He has no idea how long they stay like that. It can’t be comfortable for Dean, but the doesn’t let go of Castiel anymore than Castiel is letting go of him.

The storm of Dean’s mind eventually abates. Castiel is sure that those doubts and fears are still crawling in the parts of Dean’s mind he has blocked from him. But the warmth is less strained. It’s still dampened and kept to the bare minimum. Castiel is sure that Dean feels more than these little eddies that he allows to spread out through the kin-connection.

Minutes, maybe hours, pass before someone clears their throat. Dean tenses under Castiel’s arms and presses his face harder against his shoulder. “Five more minutes.”

Sam steps up onto the platform, standing behind Dean. “That number is texting again.”

Dean sighs, a warm slide of hot air that curls around Castiel’s gills, and reluctantly pulls away. “You still have no idea who it is?”

“Jess thinks it might be Ash.” Sam’s cheeks are pink and he keeps looking everywhere but at Castiel and Dean.

Castiel isn’t ready to let go of Dean just yet. When Dean tries to turn away, Castiel pushes an idea into the kin-connection. It’s just a small image, but it makes Dean hesitate. One of his eyebrow twitches up and then he nods, and turns within the space of Castiel’s arms. It’s a combined effort of Dean holding and pulling Castiel’s arms, and Castiel thumping his tail in the water to push up high enough.

The edge of the glass-wall presses hard into his chest but Castiel ignores it. He’s half leaning over the wall, his arms still loose around Dean’s shoulders. But now Castiel can rest his chin on Dean’s shoulder properly and he can see what they do with the phone. Dean stands close enough to the wall that it is just a hard line across Castiel’s chest between them. He stops translating the conversation with Sam and a few barriers get raised in the kin-connection.

Castiel can barely see, let alone read, the little words on the screen of Sam’s phone. He can pick out words he knows when they speak, but he’s not sure what they mean with all the other words that he doesn’t know.

“So it’s Ash with an unknown number, talking about how Ash keeps trying to send us communications?” Dean looks up from the phone briefly. He holds it in his good hand, his left is resting over Castiel’s arms.

“I didn’t say she was right.”

Jess walks up sharply to the edge of the platform and slaps Sam in the arm. “It was just a suggestion!”

Dean laughs lightly and shrugs. It jostles Castiel slightly. “If he can text us, why doesn’t he just tell us what the communications are about?”

Sam rubs his arm and pouts at Jess. “Go to the next message.”

He pushes a button and the little lines of words change position. Dean reads them and then curses. “Well, shit.”

“It’s kind of what I expected. We were told outright that the satellite was only for communication between the boat and home and let our phones work.” Sam steps down from the platform and sits on the edge of the bed. “Ash is good, but even he can’t hack a closed system like the boat’s. I guess Lilith isn’t sharing anything from the onboard database with the home labs.”

Jess sits down next to him and flops onto her back. “The database is filled with information about Castiel and Lilith is crazy obsessed with making sure no one finds out about him. The only reports Alistair sends back are about the reef samples we took and the fish we caught before –” She gestures vaguely toward small-sea and Castiel.

The phone in Dean’s hands beeps a few times and Dean taps at the buttons. “Our mystery texter just called me a dumbass.”

“Well now we know it’s someone who knows you.” Sam smirks, leaning back on his hands. “Our problem is still with ship security though. Ash can’t get into it to turn off the hall cameras, so we’re back to square one with it just being us.”

Another beep. “They said we better not blow up an engine again. They’re getting tired of hearing Bobby complain about having to fix the engine alone when I’m the one who built the bomb and put it in there.”

“Mystery Texter keeps giving you hints. Now we know it’s someone on the boat and someone Bobby must see regularly.” Sam looks down at Jess. “Any new suggestions?”

She shrugs. “Bobby fixes up things all over the ship, it could be anyone.”

“Well it’s someone who knows about Ash. Someone with access to the communication boards. Someone who’s been getting our messages from him and knows what they meant because there’s no way in hell Ash would send something as blatant as ‘Sorry, bro. Can’t hack the cameras to get your mermaid out’.” Dean keeps flipping through the messages as he speaks and Castiel is slowly getting bored. It’s nice to listen to their voices, but they’re lulling him into a kind of sleepy calm. “Ash would code the hell out of anything he sends us.”

“So it’s someone smart then.” Jess speaks to the ceiling, her voice musing. “That’s still about half the crew.”

Castiel stifles a yawn and Dean’s thumb starts moving back and forth over his arm. (You sleepy Cas?)

(No.)

(Liar.) Dean turns his head and his cheek brushes Castiel’s. (You were pretty sick, so your body probably still needs sleep to help recover fully. It’s just a little bit after noon right now. You could nap and I’ll wake you for an early supper?)

(I don’t want to sleep.) Castiel replies, adamant.

The phone beeps again and Dean tosses it to Sam. (Whether you want to or not isn’t really up to you. Either you get comfortable and take a nap, or you’ll wake up later having just dropped off randomly and you’ll be sore from whatever position you land in.) He puts both his hands on Castiel’s arms. (If you want, I could put you back in my bed? If Lilith shows up, we’ll just tell her you were feeling a little off and we didn’t want to take any chances.)

Castiel twists to look over his shoulder. Dean’s bed is a bending image seen through the water. Would the bed smell like Dean again though he was only laying in it for a little while this morning? He doesn’t want to sleep in it if it doesn’t smell like Dean. But he’s been out of the water for so many days, and being in his natural habitat might speed his recovery – though he feels fine.

It’s with more than a little sulk that Castiel loosens his arms and sinks slowly back into small-sea. (I’ll stay in here.)

Dean laughs and his thoughts turn teasing. (I’ll change the sheets and sleep naked tonight, that’ll make them smell like me.)

Castiel’s fans flare and he frowns up at Dean, already having slid down to where the water is brushing his gills. Dean grins down at him. (Something wrong, Cas?)

(Wear your sleep-clothes.)

Dean lifts one eyebrow. (But it’ll take longer for –)

(Wear. Your. Sleep-clothes.) Castiel presses insistently, his fingers digging into the back of Dean’s neck where he still holds on to him. (If I am awake all night or I wake up during the night and you are not wearing your sleep-clothes while there is a glass-wall between us…) He leaves the threat open ended because he honestly doesn’t know what he would do.

Dean leans over the glass-wall and presses a quick kiss to Castiel’s mouth. (We’ll see.)

He runs his fingers through Castiel’s hair once before shoving him under the water with a grin. Castiel rolls away, ensuring that he splashes enough water over the edge to soak Dean’s shirt. The surprised shout muffled through the water is his answer and he sends pulse after pulse of smug satisfaction into the kin-connection.

Castiel crosses small-sea to the back corner by Dean’s bed. He curls on his side and tucks the end of his tail under his head, folding his adipose fins into a pillow. Castiel positions himself so that he can still see Dean, Sam and Jess as they talk by the platform. Dean sits on the edge of the platform, his back to Castiel.

The warmth still sings through the kin-connection. It takes several moments for Castiel to realize that the parts of the heat that belong to Dean are stronger now. He’s almost asleep when he notices that there are words swimming under what Dean is letting into their link. Surprise makes his fans flex when he understands it’s not just the warm feelings that are singing in the kin-connection.

(Dean, are you –)

(I don’t sing lullabies for just anyone, Cas. Go to sleep.)

The lyrics are foreign and Dean translates them loosely, but there is more sentiment in them than just any song. He makes a note to ask Dean about it when he wakes up, because this is a song that means something to Dean and he is sharing it with Castiel.

He closes his eyes and sinks back into the soothing words of a song he doesn’t know but takes comfort in.