Why The Fuck Does This Happen To Me

( A/N Did you know Gilgamesh once punched through a dimension )

''Is that fucking Cath Palug what in the hell are they doing heer!?'' after I said that it looked directly at me ''Nope fuck that i'm not dealing with this bullshit right now Edict of Binding now i'm going to be fucking leaving bye''

I say before using the fake command seals or now kind of real command seals as a back door to teleport to where Prelati was ''Hey prelati I.... why in the fuck do you not have a dick!?'' they look at me and say

''Simple I accidentally killed myself a little while ago and then I came back as a woman'' I look at them with a deadpan and ask ''How the fuck did you even kill yourself in15 minutes you know what nevermind come here'' I say that before grabbing them and I hold them before biting into their neck

''Oh kincky I like it your making me wet harder daddy wait why don't you just throw me onto the ground and ravage me taking my innocence~'' as they say that I start cursing in my head

'I swear to fucking god if I was not sure that we were most likely in a singularity I would have killed them by now oh if anyone is wondering how I know this is a singularity it's because Cath Palug is in Fou form right now

( A/N do you think my mc has suffered enough because I don't think he has) also what fucking innocence there is nothing innocent about you you fucking-' before I could finish that thought I could feel that I was at around 40% now so I stopped taking their mana

''First off never say that to me again second off how the fuck did you die within 15 minutes of me leaving third off did I not tell you to put on clothes...'' after I said that they looked at me and said ''Well you see daddy~'' I punched them on the head and say ''Don't call me that ever'' they nod and say

''Anyway daddy as I was saying I accidentally made little Abby mad and she summoned a cosmic abomination to kill me and when she did she also destroyed my only pair of clothes anyway are you going to ravage me or what i'm raving to get some in this new body if you know what I mean~''

''You know what here are some clothes i'm going to deal with the cosmic abomination in the form of a little girl'' as I say that I just teleport down stairs and look at the angry little cosmic horror and say

''You know whenever a child gets angry you can just give them an Ipad right?'' as I say that their master looks at me and asks

''The fuck is an Ipad?'' I look at them with pity and say ''Observe'' as I create a Ipad that will play spongebob on it and give it to Abigail and she just starts mindlessly watching it ''See it was that easy to deal with them''

After I do that he looks at me and asks me ''The fuck is that it seems to futuristic to be from the old era'' I look at him and say

''Sigh I guess you might not know this but the throne of heroes is outside of time and space so heros of the past can be summoned to whenever time as long as the grail exist and for the technology Gaia finally got pissed enuf to send the types on are asses so I come from a fucked future...''

( A/N This actually could happen because let's be honest if Gaia was willing to let the Crimson Moon come which might I add is the weakest then what stops them from getting the other types)

''But let's not focus on that I have some urgent news there is a nearly 100% chance that we will be erased from existence in about a week if we don't win soon''

After I say that he looks at me all shocked and he says ''The fuck do you mean we will cease to exist in a week you have to be lying right!?''

I look at him and say ''No i'm not but there is something else we have to do well or rather a group of people that probably think that this is a singularity let me give you a short explanation on what a singularity is an unobservable region that does not exist within Chaldea's recorded history. It's as if a hole has opened up within the timeline, a hole that is separate from the regular temporal axis''

After I explain that they ask ''So why don't we just kill them so we don't just not exist it will be easy with your skills and we have Abigail won't she be enough''

''Yes she might have been but this to them would be a super fucked timeline to the point that it's existence itself if probably setting off a shit ton of alarms''

After I say that he looks at me strangely and he asks me ''By the way where did your accent go you know the old timey one'' I look at him and say ''It is to blend in with other heroic spirits and also I might be a little bit of a Chuunibyou but we are not going to talk about that what we need to talk about is how we can avoid being erased and tell them about are situation''

After I say that Prelati suddenly appears behind me and says ''I vote me and my servant go take a look and If you don't agree with me i'll have him bust out his noble phantasm and eradicate you all but not like I have to do that right?'' as they say that with a smile I once again remember how scary they could be at times

After that without hesitation the other master agrees not wanting to be on the receiving end of a in the right circumstances Planet Buster Noble Phantasm Prelati smiles and says ''Well now that that is all settled let's go meet the Chaldea's or whatever you called them'' as they say that I could not help but sigh and think

'Why past me why the fuck do you hate me so much why and where is god when you need him fuck by this time they probably already got op ass servants like Space istar who's true form at minimum is universal or her temple whatever the fuck you call it''

( A/N that is all for today folks oh also here is another fact Wonder Woman's weakness is being tied by her own rope by a man and that was a good weakness but sadly it was retconned)