The Rebirth [1]

*sigh*

"I'm tired."

I thought to myself as I sat slumped on my ragged, black, leather chair.

Some people say that money can buy happiness.I was one of those people.

It was the only way I could think of regaining my happiness after all.

Now, I just drown myself in manga and novels as a 30 year old man, constantly staring at my bright monitor screen in this dark, foul, trash-filled room.

I cannot even recall the last time I had spoken to someone.

It's no wonder that my health deteriorated over the years.

My eyes, fully devoid of the gleam it once had…

My scruffy, jet black hair which gleamed with grease and full of dandruff…

Hygiene was no longer something that I considered worthwhile.

With my exponential increase in weight, merely walking has become increasingly hard.

"I hate my life." 

I mumbled under my breath, loathing my life.

This all started the day I lost my parents, the day I lost everything.

I was only twelve years old when the tragic accident happened.

My parents died in a car accident while heading to an urgent meeting at their company.

Apparently, they had been speeding when their front tires popped and their car swerved straight off of the highway, instantly taking their lives.

I view it as the day I lost myself.

The day my life was turned into a hopeless hellhole. 

I was unable to fully comprehend what had happened but, despite being quite young, one thing I knew for sure: My life had been forever changed.

Soon after my parents died, my loving grandparents – who by that point were quite elderly – took me in under their tender care.

While my grandparents were certainly loving, I was never the same.

I could never smile again.

Being a single child, I felt alone. My grandparents were the only family I had left.

Searching for a way to regain myself, I stumbled upon a quote that ultimately ruined my life.

"Money can buy happiness."

Being a naïve twelve-year old kid dealing with trauma, I immediately believed it.

It acted as a crutch that I desperately held on to, making me believe I'd be able to regain my happiness with wealth.

Looking back at it now, it was probably a coping mechanism.

It was then that I decided to study extremely hard and do well in school, with the hope it'd enable me to acquire immense wealth.

Three years had passed, which I had spent fully devoted to studying.

I had no social life, but I thought that as long as I had my grandparents I would be fine.

Though this also came crashing down, as they died in late December of that year due to old age. 

My sadness and loneliness grew further.

After my grandparents died, I inherited the house they left me. I was able to support myself with the small fund they had left behind.

My greed for wealth grew further.

Soon after, I graduated high school with perfect scores and managed to get into the most prestigious college in my state.

College was no different to high school.

Immediately after graduating college, I started my own business and devoted every waking moment of my life to it, barely sleeping or eating. I had no time for it. Afterall, success felt within arms reach.

However, with each ounce of triumph came a moment of doubt that washed over me.

"Will this truly be my salvation?"

However, I refused to acknowledge my worries…

Eventually, I reached a stage where expenses no longer posed a problem.

At the age of twenty-two, I had gained financial freedom, my business was extremely successful. 

With my newfound wealth, I started indulging in materialistic desires: fancy cars, vacations, jewellery, etc.

Anything that one could think of buying, I bought.

But… I felt sadder than ever.

I felt angrier than ever. 

The hole in my heart had instead grown much bigger.

The reality of the matter dawned upon me.

I had worked all my life to become wealthy but at what cost?

I had no real human connection whatsoever. 

There was no longer anything worthwhile that wealth could offer me.

After losing what had kept me going for all these years, my mind had reached its breaking point.

I had no more purpose in life, causing me to succumb to depression.

I abandoned the business and everything that I tirelessly worked for over the course of my life.

I bought a small apartment, deciding to live the rest of my life in solitude.

I found solace in animanga, novels, and alcohol which I drowned myself in.

Novels in particular have become a new obsession for me. 

Specifically, an ongoing adventure-fantasy novel called [Hero's Fantasy], which I had been obsessing over for many years now.

Upon the release of a new chapter, I latch on to it as if it's my last crutch in life.

Reading it makes me forget about everything.

However, outside this, my day to day life is akin to hell.

The world seems bleak to me, completely devoid of any colour.

Each and every day, I try to come up with a reason to live. But I feel that I no longer have a place in the world.

*RINGG*

Suddenly, I could hear the alarm (which I had setup the night before) ringing loudly, catching me off-guard.

It indicated that it was time to head to sleep. 

Sleep is one of the few pleasures I have remaining.

After an intense struggle, I rose from my chair.

A sudden wave of dizziness crashed over me, an unrelenting force which made the world intensely swirl around me. My surroundings blurred, the situation only seemed to worsen with time. Overwhelming panic surged within me as I struggled to find my bearings, evoking a primal instinct that urged me to find solid ground.

My futile attempts at regaining balance only seemed to worsen the situation, ultimately came to fall over, with my head colliding with the floor.

*THUD*

A sickening thud sound echoed throughout the room.

Blood flowed from my head like a river, painting the floor with crimson blood.

With my body laying limp upon the floor painted in a pool of blood, I knew that my fate had been sealed.

I could no longer move or feel anything.

Darkness began to descend upon me and I was left with nothing but my thoughts.

As I felt my life slowly slip away, I thought to myself:

"I guess life does flash before your eyes as you die..."

But… I felt nothing.

If anything, I was happy that I was dying. I felt that there was no more hope left for me in this accursed world.

"I wonder what the ending of the novel is…"

…

I was finally free.